Weight Loss Support - I thought I'd like myself more
02-09-2011, 11:47 AM
I started this weight loss journey December 31st 2009 as a person with zero self esteem. My husband is a great guy but has no tact at all and seemed to always point out how big I had become, and my 2 kids were starting to notice that other kids moms were smaller. I stuck with this "lifestyle change" and have lost 70 pounds, everyone including my hubby has commented on how much better, healthier, happier I look and now my sons friends are saying I'm the hot mom. I should feel great, right? But when I am alone getting ready for a shower or any other reason I might be nude my self esteem plummets, all this skin that had been held up nice and firm by 70 pounds of fat now hangs wrinkled all over certain parts of my body. Don't even get me started on my
"girls" they're still big but I keep thinking that I'm 39 now and they're sagging so how bad will they be when I get older. I had this fantasy of being a knockout in a swimsuit (1 piece not 2) but it just seems that it will never happen. Right now it's winter I can put on my sweater and jeans and to the outside world I look like a strong confident woman, but summers right around the corner I would like to lose another 30+ pounds but now i'm having second thoughts. We have the money in savings for surgery to remove the loose skin but I can't really justify it. I don't know where I'm going with this post if I want advice, opinions, or sympathy I just don't have anyone to talk to about this.
02-09-2011, 12:27 PM
I feel you. You should check out the Maintainers Forum. There's one with body image issues. I visit that frequently. I'm 29 with 134 lbs lost and I have enough loose skin to create my own bear skin rug! But unfortunately, surgery isn't an option for me. It's too expensive. A lot of people have said that weight lifting helps with muscle toning. Have you tried that? I'm about to, but I just had a baby so it's been a challenge. My "girls" are just as bad as yours i'm sure. BUT...despite it all, I'm happier today than I was at 250. At least I can cover the loose skin, I was never able to cover the fat.
02-09-2011, 12:38 PM
You know what- having loose skin is better than fat.
And why isn't it justifiable? Aren't you worth it?You are only 39- you have MANY MANY years left on this earth- why NOT get the surgery when you get to goal? You definitely will have earned it!
I told my hubby I plan on getting surgery for my loose skin (I don't have much but I'm still losing weight) and my "girls" as well once I'm done with weight loss (I may possibly wait till I have my kids to deal with my "girls") because I'm not one to buy a lot of things for myself and this is something important to me! :)
Also weight exercises and toning exercises DO help- I have noticed a difference when I do toning exercises- skin takes a while to shrink so even when you get to goal they say it can take up to a year to get that skin to shrink- BUT if you start focusing on muscles I think you'll see a big difference in your skin.
ALSO- LOTION LOTION LOTION- no not that expensive stuff- some lotion with vitamin E and just rubbing it in daily after your shower is great. The lotion not only hydrates your skin but the massaging also promotes skin elasticity :)
02-09-2011, 12:59 PM
I know what you mean, I knew I'd have a lot of loose skin as I'd lost a lot of weight before, but it is still disappointing. In some ways it bothers me more then being fat, because now I feel like I'm hiding a terrible secret.
I'm definitely getting my loose skin removed, but the decision is easier for me as health care pays here when you lose over 30% of your bodyweight. The girls will be self pay, but even though they are real swingers, I'm not in much of a hurry with them. A good bra fixes a lot, not the tightest supportive underwear can make my belly flap stop smiling.
(I have to admit I'm terrified of getting the surgery and then gaining the weight back)
02-09-2011, 01:15 PM
I was just talking about this yesterday and I don't know what I'll do. I know if it's important to me, we'll make it happen with the budget, but I've also told myself I'm not making ANY decisions until I'm sure I really have made this a life change. So, I'll wait two years, maybe three after maintaining before making any decisions on any loose skin issues.
But, is the root the loose skin? or where else is this low self esteem coming from? What if you fix the loose skin and still feel bad about yourself? Another procedure? Another? maybe some counseling is in order? You might even be suffering from dysthymia (constant low grade depression).
02-09-2011, 01:19 PM
Part of the problem is that we (people in general) tend to romanticize about things we want - ie "the grass is greener" theory. Yes, weight loss is fantastic, but many people are under the assumption it can solve self-esteem problems. It can help - but it's no solution. The bittersweet realization of maintenance.
02-09-2011, 01:34 PM
Ok, this is tough love talking and more for me than for you - GET OVER IT!!!
I'm 31 w/ 1 child and have lost 130 lbs and have wonderful self esteem now, but the second those clothes come off I want to die! I weight train, I run, I lotion til the cows come home, but the saggy skin and stretch marks are still there and I can't afford surgery either so they're going to be there for a long time.
I have to get over it and what is helping that if the saggy skin wasn't there to be critical of, then it'd be something else. If you can find me one woman in America, that doesn't have 1 issue with some part of her body I'll pay you a million bucks. If we aren't being critical of one thing, then it's another.
Seriously, please let's all just get over it, be grateful for our health and so PROUD that we are taking control of our weight and live our lives!
02-09-2011, 01:54 PM
I'd get to goal and maintain and work on self acceptance. I was super jiggly about 20lbs ago, now I am pretty toned. I don't think we will know till we get to the end. I'd vamp up my toning and strength trainng routine. Why don't you shift your focus from being the "hot mom" to "strong mom". I'm a big mama bear, and I love to think about the *** I'd kick if someone messed with me or my cub!!! Ha ha!!!
02-09-2011, 02:00 PM
Well, I'm another who wonders why you can't justify the surgery - that's your low self esteem talking, you ARE worth it if you want to get it! You've worked hard and if you want to get surgery, go for it! Do something for yourself. I know it's a lot of money but it's the rest of your life.
02-09-2011, 03:09 PM
It takes at least one year after you reach your goal weight for your skin to tighten up so don't despair yet! One thing I always wondered about having skin removed is what happens if you gain weight....does you skin get really thin? Just curious about that. I lost 200 pounds and didn't have surgery. I was fortunate (?) to have my extra stomach skin removed when I had an intestinal blockage surgery. Surgeon said he thought I'd like the extra service. I did! That was 35 years ago.
02-09-2011, 05:16 PM
Thanks everyone for your feedback. To those who question why I can't justify the surgery, I guess because this issue isn't life threatening it's just vanity.
QuilterinVA- that's cool that the doctor gave you that "extra service" and congrats on your amazing weight loss.
Fattymcfatty- I really never had the goal of being "hot mom" I just mentioned that to show the physical change. I am very much a "momma bear" although my political leaning make me really hate that term.:D
Ncuneo- thanks for the tough love it's better than no love at all.
Sacha- you're right about the "grass is greener" thing. I think I honestly believed I was gonna be Victorias Secret sexy. Oh well.
Beerab- I'm bad about not using lotion even in the winter when my skin gets dry. I'll be sure to grab some tonight though, thanks for the idea.
Guamvixen- I'll check out the maintainers forum I never really thought of myself as a maintainer. And by the way you look amazing.