Weight Loss Support - Not doing this anymore!!!




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Niecy
02-08-2011, 12:29 PM
I'm sorry, this is just a weightloss journey vent of sorts, but I am really at my wits end!

I am glad that my own weightloss is spurring others to be interested in losing, but I'm really sick of the whole "how did you, what did you" questions and I when I begin to share what I'm doing, I get the brush off! And I am not offering this unless asked, btw. This has happened 6 times already! And there is always an excuse type comeback; when I give what I think is solid advice on how I overcame some of the same hurdles, yet another excuse.

How many of you are dealing/have dealt with this? How should I answer when people ask? I'm one of those people who just can't be mean but frankly, I am getting really tired of it. But then I think, what if this is the one person who really needs this and genuinely wants some help/encouragement? Are some people just fishing for a magic cure for fat? Because that is what it ends up feeling like, like they are not in reality and want me to say I stumbled across a miracle. When they hear lower calories, increase activity they retreat.


Katydid77
02-08-2011, 12:37 PM
When I've been in that situation in the past, I'll just reply "Good ol' diet and exercise" Something very basic and concise.

If they show continued interest, then I'll share a bit more. Most people KNOW how to lose weight, they are just reacting in the only way they know how to your success. They are impressed and wanting to comment on it.

That keeps you from that feeling of answering a question and being frustrated because your audience isn't paying attention. If they REALLY want to know, they'll continue to dig a little until you tell them, it's human nature.

Niecy
02-08-2011, 12:53 PM
I agree with you in that most people already know what they need to do.

I guess what makes me the most frustrated is that I then see these people go off on weird fad diets and pills and injections even and they are not stupid people by any means; so why would they ask for detailed info and then do everything that goes against healthy weightloss? KWIM? One specific person asked back on 2009, I shared what they wanted to know and this person is STILL complaining about being overweight, never even attemtping to apply themselves. Like I said, these people aren't stupid, so it just doesn't make sense.


beerab
02-08-2011, 12:54 PM
I wouldn't launch into details right away. I agree with Katy "hard work with good diet and lots of exercise..." If they immediately launch into excuses or change the subject then you didn't waste time.

I get that also now and then and most of the time people just politely nod and then make excuses and I have to say well when you are ready you know what to do.

People want a quick fix- they want you to say "I ate chocolate cookies all day and sat on my *** and BAM- the weight just CAME OFF!" I'd just ignore them if they complain lol.

Katydid77
02-08-2011, 01:03 PM
I agree with you in that most people already know what they need to do.

I guess what makes me the most frustrated is that I then see these people go off on weird fad diets and pills and injections even and they are not stupid people by any means; so why would they ask for detailed info and then do everything that goes against healthy weightloss? KWIM? One specific person asked back on 2009, I shared what they wanted to know and this person is STILL complaining about being overweight, never even attemtping to apply themselves. Like I said, these people aren't stupid, so it just doesn't make sense.


Yes, I do know what you mean. One thing to remember, being heavy is usually more a symptom of a person's personality than it is anything else.

We all know that when we are at our heaviest, we are typically at our most unhealthy state emotionally. I have said so many times in the past that if I spent half the time in the gym as I spend thinking about hitting the gym, I could be a fitness model by now!

People that are in an unhealthy mindset want to talk about losing weight, because that gives them an out for not actually doing. They have a 'plan' to start Monday, try this new supplement, see a new doctor, investigate a new option, etc.

Don't let it frustrate you, let's just be thankful that we are all coming out of that mindset and actually doing something about it. It's a vicious circle when you spend your days lying to yourself about your own intentions. And an empty feeling. I always just walk away feeling a bit sad for them. :(

Niecy
02-08-2011, 01:05 PM
People want a quick fix- they want you to say "I ate chocolate cookies all day and sat on my *** and BAM- the weight just CAME OFF!"

Exactly!!! LOL So you've been there! Sometimes I even direct them to this site and tell them how much info they could learn on their own and you know, find what works for them. I know I have learned so much by coming here, I was at a supposed WL site before this one but there seemed to be more bodybuilder types than anything lurking on the forums and they just weren't very nice. And in terms of sympathy/empathy, there was none.

I like the whole "when you're ready, you know what to do" statement. Put the ball back in their court so to speak instead of counting on me to mention chocolate cookies! LOL

Beach Patrol
02-08-2011, 01:11 PM
At our friends' superbowl party last Sunday, one person asked me "have you lost weight" & I said "Yes, not enough to get all Biggest Loser about it, just 10 pounds" and she said "How did you do it?" And I said, "put less in this hole (pointed to my mouth) than came out this hole" (pointed to my butt).

Not too classy, but got the point across!! :D

beerab
02-08-2011, 01:19 PM
LOL BP!

Yeah I've had a friend come to me over and over. Everytime we talk it's like "how much have you lost now?" and I tell her and then she just makes more excuses. Last time she said "I just DON'T know what to do!" And I looked at her and was like yeah you do, you just don't want to do it.... we are friends and have been for years and she was like yeah you are right...

She still has yet to change btw.

cherrypie
02-08-2011, 01:26 PM
I'm sure a lot of us were once those annoying people who KNEW how to lose weight yet were still unhappy and fat :lol:

heck, I may still be one of those people.

Niecy
02-08-2011, 01:57 PM
LOL Beach Patrol! That is one way to put it!

CherryPie, oh how I hope I wasn't! haha I do see other people (minus this site of course) in real life who do seem to be very guarded toward others with what they divulge about their weightloss and this may be why. And too, you're doing something that is healthy and working and other people have all sorts of unconventional advice to toss in so that is another aspect of just keeping it a little bit of a mystery. Mostly, I will just say thanks, I'll check into that and leave it alone.

I'm not as upset per se about the fact that they have to get to their own level of frustration to do something about it as I am that somehow what I am sharing just isn't easy enough.

DisgruntledOne
02-08-2011, 02:15 PM
Let me preface this with I have been losing and gaining and losing and gaining ALL my life. I am annoyed with the whole thing but continue to plug away and try. Don't get me wrong I do like to help others in many ways but this is not one of them!!!!
So I always say "Alot of hard work" and I leave it at that. If they persist which is a sign they want to know what will work for them I tell them "ya know everybody is different so if I were you I would get on the internet and explore what you feel will work for you". then I am done.
Yes this is hard work but not just hard in the physical/ planning kinda way. I have done alot and I mean alot of research on different "diets" what I feel I can and can't do. To take all that work I have done and jsut give it to someone and have them blow it off. I say a big H*LL NO to that.
and now my little rant it over....

beerab
02-08-2011, 02:24 PM
lol disgrunted one.

You know that's funny cuz when I say things like "I cut out a lot of carbs" I get "oh that's not good for you..."

I usually follow that with "Are you a doctor? NO? So then how do you know it's not good for me? Because I can tell you right now all my numbers are perfect and I'm 40 pounds lighter, so how is eating more vegetables and less bread and pasta bad for me?"

Tryllianne
02-08-2011, 02:38 PM
When I was really overweight, I'd say to myself, "I'd do ANYTHING to be thin." But then I had to admit that what really I meant was, "I'd be willing to take a free magic pill that will make me lose all my weight overnight without any effort or diet or exercise." Losing weight is hard work, and no one wants to hear that. I had to hit rock bottom, which for me was a photo of the back of me someone took at last year's Superbowl party when I had back boobs that matched my front boobs...and I never even knew that backfat was there. I don't bother giving people diet advice anymore. If they ask for it, I just ask if they've hit rock bottom yet.

LiannaKole
02-08-2011, 03:01 PM
I stay general about the details unless they really want more information. Most times they really don't want to know.

I had a friend who was blown away by my weight loss (we live hours apart and only see each other a couple times a year). She confided that she too was trying to lose weight, and was exercising an hour a day. I told her that was great. But then she told me she was doing exercise she hated, but refused to try any other kind, and she didn't want to eat differently.

I didn't tell her she was setting herself up for failure because she honestly didn't want to know. She didn't want to know the details of my plan, either, even though she "asked" for them. I can tell when people do this because they don't so much ask as talk at me about it. Like,"Wow, you lost so much weight! What did you do? You exercised more, didn't you? You know, I've been trying to lose weight, and I've been doing..." And so on.

I don't mean to be negative about it, but that is the way it goes 99% of the time.

synger
02-08-2011, 03:05 PM
lol disgrunted one.

You know that's funny cuz when I say things like "I cut out a lot of carbs" I get "oh that's not good for you..."

I usually follow that with "Are you a doctor? NO? So then how do you know it's not good for me? Because I can tell you right now all my numbers are perfect and I'm 40 pounds lighter, so how is eating more vegetables and less bread and pasta bad for me?"

I like that... I could just say "I'm eating more vegetables and less sugar and starch"

But mostly I just smile, shake my head and say "Oh, it's been a LOT of work..." and try to change the subject.

Sea
02-08-2011, 05:03 PM
I can tell when people do this because they don't so much ask as talk at me about it. Like,"Wow, you lost so much weight! What did you do?

My dr. did me just like this, then kept talking. Later she had the nerve to ask, "And you didn't get hungry?"

And people wonder why the phrase of "skinny b****".

kaplods
02-08-2011, 07:03 PM
I love to talk about diet and exercise, and I've had some amazing conversations on the topic, even with perfect strangers. Of course, I love to talk about absolutely everything, on absolutely any subject, to absolutely any body.

Maybe because I'm so interested in the topic, I've found a way to make it interesting to others, but I rarely get the stereotypical response that so many people experience. Far more of my experience has been positive than negative (but I've also been told that I'm a natural teacher). I always hated boring lessons in school, and adored interesting teachers. I've always loved sharing information, and always have looked at teaching as a two-way street. Teaching in community college, I learned as much from my students as I hoped they learned from me,


I've seen people "shut down" when I ask them how they're accomplishing the weight loss success I've seen in them. Some act as if it's a national secret, and they'll be executed for treason if they let slip any vital information.

Other's will give true, but uselessly vague answers. "Eat fewer calories than I burn," well duh. Everyone knows that is the way all weight loss is accomplished, but that doesn't mean it's pointless to discuss how one accomplished eating less and moving more.

If I ask more specific questions, I get better answers.


When someone asks me how I've lost weight, I spend as much asking about their experiences as telling them about my own. I've learned a lot of great tips and tricks that way, because even if someone seems to have experienced far less success than I have, I know they may have something to teach me.

Also, some people do not know how to ask for what they really want to know. And other people don't know how to explain how they made it work ("I just did it" isn't extremely descriptive). Yes, I think some people are hoping for easy answers, but many are just hoping to hear answers that they haven't tried and failed at a thousand times themselves.

They don't necessarily want to know what you're doing, they want to know how you've been able to do it. Most people don't attempt and succeed at weight loss once. They succeed after months, years, or even decades of failure. People want to know what made this time different.

I've been dieting more unsuccessfully than not, since I was 5 years old. Dieting, in my experience only made me fatter. I had to work insanely hard to lose weight, to the point that the only way I could lose weight was to put absolutely everything else in my life on hold. No socializing, no career or education advancement, no hobbies.... The minute I was distracted, I'd find myself absent-mindedly putting food in my mouth.

Everyone has always told me that I had to work harder to succeed, and needed to "want it more," but all I did was slam harder and harder into the brick wall. It was like learning to fly by jumping off a cliff and being told all I had to do was try and desire harder.

For me, I had to learn to work smarter, not harder. And for me that had to be accomplished by seeing weight loss as less important, not more. I had to stop wanting it so badly that I was willing to jump of cliffs to do it.


There are thousands of little things I've learned that have made "this time" different.


People tell me, I must have more motivation "this time."

Nope. If anything I have less patience for weight loss than at any other time in my life. I'm not willing to sacrifice everything to lose weight anymore. Weight loss is just a minor part of the Colleen puzzle. I won't give up anything important to lose weight. Just won't do it. I had to learn to juggle instead (it's meant slower weight loss, and I'm ok with that).



People say I must be working harder at weight loss than ever before.

Nope. Don't have the energy or drive for that kind of effort anymore. I used to be willing to be miserable to lose weight. I'd eat absolutely nothing or close to it, and would white-knuckle it through the horrible mental and physical hunger. I'd exercise intensely for hours (now an hour of intense exercise would probably kill me, or I'd at least wish for death).



So what is different, this time. I'm not entirely sure, but there are a lot of things, and even to describe the ones I know about would take hours. Most people don't want to listen for hours, but a lot of people do like to hear a lot of small, easy to accomplish tips that they can incorporate into their own lives, so that's what I give them.

I say "It's complicated, but it's a lot of little things put together."

My "in a nutshell" version of my weight loss is "I learned to diet backwards."

That perks people's interest, and most people say "what do you mean diet backwards?"

And then I describe what my dieting was like before (the typical cycle, everyone follows) and some of my "Aha" moments.


And mostly people have been amazingly interested and receptive. But I think it's because I'm open to learning from them, not deciding that they're ignorant, and I have to teach them. When someone says "I've tried that and it didn't work for me..." I don't assume they're not interested in working hard and looking for an easy way out. I remember feeling that way myself, and try to remember what made the difference "this time."

I find when you agree with people, they listen to you longer. And so saying "Yes, I felt that way too, but here's what I did to change my feelings....


I have a weight loss binder, full of all sorts of tips and tricks. Helpful articles. Weight loss and exercise reward charts. Before and after pictures. Recipes...

And I also have a daily journal for writing down all my food and exercise (even what time I did them, and how I felt).

Bringing out the binder and journal to everyone who says "how did you do it?" would be silly, especially since some people only are being polite as when they ask "how are you" and don't want to hear your medical history...

but by paying attention and listening, and being willing to learn as well as teach, you get a better understanding of what people really want to know. Are they just being polite or do they really want to know, and if so, how much do they want to know, and how can you share it without being boring (if you ask someone how their kids are doing in school, you probably don't want them to bring out all of their graded homework, craft projects and report cards).


I am not saying you're obligated to discuss your success at all. If you don't want to talk about any subject, then don't. Give whatever answer closes the subject fastest. But if you really like teaching, or discussing a sujbest then you've got to learn how to do it. It's a skill like any other that responds to practice.

Lori Bell
02-08-2011, 07:35 PM
I've been asked the famous "how did you do it?" question many, many times, almost to the point of comical. And the responses have been equally as funny.

Like most of you, my biggest pet peeve are the people who ask and as I start to explain, (and I mean, at the beginning...like first words out of my mouth) either, walk away, start talking to someone else or just kind of drift off into another subject. In these cases I just stop talking mid sentence. It's funny when they don't even realize I have...and so I have often times laughed out loud. They still don't get it.

BUT, actually the questions are way better than the assumptions. Most people assume that I have had weight loss surgery. But that's whole 'nother story. :D

Niecy
02-08-2011, 11:48 PM
Don't get me wrong, I have had some really good experiences when asked, SOME, lol. I had one friend recently who just had a baby, has about the same amount to lose that I started off with and I think that just made her feel better. To hear her tell it at first, you would think she had 1,000 lbs to lose but when I told her where I began, it seemed to help.

A couple of people even flat out said I just can't do that right now or hey, I'm trying something else first. I admit, I was tempted to explore Alli or whatever it is called because HEY Y'ALL, Wynonna Judd was their spokesperson, hahaha. And then I came to and realized that was probably not a good idea. I think the person who inspired me most was actually Valerie Bertinelli. I began researching the whole Jenny Craig/Weight Watchers and then my mom told me it's basically the same thing as counting calories. Which brought me here and one person posted something about a calorie calculator and I was on the road to weight loss immediately. My head was in the right place and everything just took off from there. I didn't spend months "planning" or "preparing" to start, I just did it. On a Saturday! lol

I wish my friends somehow knew by starting today, in one month, 6 months, one year down the line they will be so glad they did! As someone else said, it really does make me sad that they just won't take control over something they have essentially complete control over. I do understand their unhappiness because I was once there. But I refused to wallow in it forever.

Bac0s
02-09-2011, 08:53 AM
Yep, I hate when people say they "can't" do it in regards to move more, eat less. I bite my tongue, but what I want to reply with is that "you CAN, what you mean is that you WON'T." And really, if you won't but in the work, you're not going to change anything, ya know?

XLMuffnTop
02-09-2011, 01:36 PM
I am just a very private person about everything so talking about weight loss will be difficult for me except for a select few people (DH and my mother).

When I was at the doctor a week and a half ago, the nurse commented on my loss and I just stated "Yes, I've lost a bit." Then she asked the dreaded "How did you do it?"vI left it at what I feel was in between vague and specifics: "I cut out refined starches and sugars."

That seemed to work for now, I just don't know what will happen when it becomes so visible people at work start commenting. I've been in denial so long about being fat; I feel like if I begin talking about losing weight I will finally have to accept the fact that yes, I really was/am fat.

The inner workings of brains and denial are very strange indeed.

4star
02-09-2011, 01:48 PM
I guess if they are making excuses for not doing it you should just reply with "Don't worry. When you're ready for a change, you'll do it".