I don't get them so bad that I am unable to function. But I have been getting them lately and it is very unnerving. I always got them while pregnate, so I blamed hormones. Occasionally I would get them turning left against traffic. But lately it is about family, cars, morgage loans, housing issues, bills or no bills, money or no money... UGH!
It started last night after I got home from Reno. The loan guy called and needed a copy of my bank account with X amount in it. Well, I have spent a tidbit of it. Paid back family ect. Xmas shopping. A drop in the bucket. Thankfully I also deposited some $ in the account, so the bank balence said the right amount. Then he called and asked why the auto deposit of x amount ea month. Well, I had been paying my credit cards thru consumer credit, so I could get out of debt. (I of course start worrying, because I read in the money section of the paper that if you use these orgs, no loans will be giving to you esp home loans). Then he wants copies of my cc statements. Well, they are lower that they say but we will over pay and wait for the differences. I try to go online and get my bank statement and the printer breaks. Not my printer mind you. The detergent bottle breaks. It froze the brittle plastic. The tenants aren't out of the house. They ask if they can rent my step moms house. The one that her friends are in. But they are there till after the first. I want in my house before the first. My car window won't roll down in back. I have to go to the dealer in Reno to fix. I went to the po box and there is a bill I shouldn't have to pay in there i wrote to them 4 times stating it is an error, But it was sent to the collection agency. I am too tired to fight it and I may just go sent them the stupid 80$$$.
Anyways...nothing is that big of a deal but I feel like I am be buried alive in stuff I have no control over. I feel like I have the shakes and no shakes are here. Does anyone understand? And how in the world do I feel like I am in control again??? I suppose being month 4 in someone elses house is getting to me. I wish all the paperwork was done and my life wasn't being run by someone else!!!! I wish I could have more of a carefree attitude. If I had a car today I would go to the park or something... But won't be able to go anywhere for 3 more hours and then it is off to the insurance co, the school to pick up the cookie dough order, the dmv, the bank, post office and then home to make dinner. I hate waiting. I am always waiting for someone else. UGGHHH! Thanks for listening. I feel a little better. If I smoked, I am sure I would be out of cigarrettes today! :?: ~flower
12-04-2002, 05:42 PM
Sorry you are so stressed out hun! Make some tea, put on some nice music , sit in a hot tub and relax. Take lots of nice deep, from the middle of your gut breaths. My heart beats so fast, I can feel it in my throat sometimes. I feel real tense and lose my breath. I hope these things will help. If you like classical music try that, quiets me.
12-04-2002, 06:24 PM
Flower, I get them, too. Not as often as I used to. It used to be TERRIBLE!! Now I've got a handle on them. Don't let yourself feel that they can take control of you. I have an artist friend who gets them during a show, and now she EXPECTS to get them, and so of course she does.
Like Virginia said, take deep breaths and practice some relaxing techniques. YOU are in control of yourself. You don't have to feel that way. You control your feelings, not anyone else, nor any situations. You've got a lot on your plate, but you're a strong woman.
Also, I'll say to myself, "Okay, ellis... is this the end of the world? Is the world going to collapse around you if you don't get this bill paid on time? If you're late for an appointment? ... whatever"
Hang in there, hon... :grouphug:
12-04-2002, 06:26 PM
Big :grouphug: flower! Phew that is a lot of stuff all at once and I don't blame you for feeling panicky! I had a panic attack last Saturday when I was about to write a test. I almost got up and gave the test booklet back and said "I can't do this, I have to leave!". Then I pepped talked myself by telling myself that the worst that could happen is that I fail the test and have to rewrite it in a couple of months.
Que Sera, Sera as the saying goes...I am sure everything will work itself out you just have to accept what is happening and work on the things you can change. I would fight that bill-$80.00 is a lot of money and why should you pay it twice? Send a photocopy of your proof of payment with a business-like and to the point letter saying that you had paid and are tired of receiving these letters and that have made an error and that they need to check their records. I have had to do it before myself.
Hope things get better for you!
12-04-2002, 06:36 PM
Yes Flower, I can relate. 4 kids, 1 income. Bills and ever-shifting payments.
12-04-2002, 06:45 PM
Yeah, a little "illegal" shifting between bank accounts.
12-04-2002, 07:32 PM
Thank you. The 80$ bill came from a pager I had 3 years ago. I bought it, paid for 1 year contract. At the end of the year, I wrote a letter to the store saying I did not want to renew my lease. Well, did not know they sold the contract. A year and 1/2 later they came asking for the money for the last 15 months. I didn't realize they never turned it off. I had no batteries in it, it was in a drawer. You would think I would have had heard from them in 15 monthes to bill me. I was at the same house and phone. I would have called them earlier if I knew they didn't turn it off. I wrote them 4 letters to the address they sent me in case of dispute. Never a reply. The phone number was in Eastern time and I could never get a person. No toll free number to call from work. Now, 6 monthes after the initial contact, I get a bill from a bill collector. UGH!
My dad just got a 6000$ 4 wheeler for Christmas. I have no desire to ride it. My children are going to just be so hyper wanting to go ride it in a few minutes. Why couldn't he have gotton something safer and quieter. Not my ideal way to chill out.
Well, I am going to go brush my hair, grab my purse and run my errands. That will be more fun that listening to the 4 wheeler. ~flower
12-05-2002, 02:14 PM
Flower. I know. I have an anxiety disorder myself...lots of therapy, hypnosis, and medication have helped me become almost completely symptom free.
Try The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmond J. Bourne
and if it gets too difficult get help...don't go it alone...see a therapist...and make sure it is someone that you feel really comfortable with and respected by!
Feel better soon honey
12-05-2002, 02:39 PM
I understand anxiety as lately I have been going through way more than any one person should have to deal with. The way I cope with the many of these problems is to ask myself this question:
"What is the worst that can happen in this situation?"... and keep asking yourself the question until you get to the real worst result.
So the worst that can happen if I don't have enough money is I can't pay all of my bills on time, I pay a few late payments fees, I might have to get a pt job to cover the expenses if it continues over the long run, I may get a bad mark on my credit record. I can handle that.
If my car breaks down and I don't have money to fix it immediately... I will end up temporarily walking, bus or bike riding, car pooling, negotiating car use with my spouse, and canceling appts/events until we can save enough to fix it. I can cope with that (although here in WI I will freeze my butt off walking!)
You can do this with pretty much any problem... usually the final "worst result" is something that you can cope with and it turns out to be not such a big horrible angst in your life.
12-05-2002, 03:25 PM
That workbook is awesome, it will help you a lot. I'm a depressive, with anxiety, and it is a great book to help you get through the hard times. I hope you are feeling better Flower, I know how you feel. I'm at the end of the semester, and have all this stuff due, and I feel like pulling my hair out. But we will be ok, just have to take deep breaths, and relaaaaax.
12-05-2002, 04:57 PM
You know, I have money in my pocket. I think it makes it worse, because I am afraid to spend any of it, just in case. I am so happy in less than a month I will be debt free except for my car loan and house loan. That will be such a load off my back. Even though I will be close to zero again. I suppose the worse thing that could happen is they (loan co) could change their mind on the loan and I have to find a co signer or I find a house to rent. Neither do I want to do, but I doubt they change their mind very often... Not sure they are allowed to. Gotta have faith!
I watched Lilo and Stitch today, what a riot. It is laugh out loud funny. I had bf wash my hair last night. We had nookie before bed, always good for a sound sleep. :)
Today, I found out that my step mom is going to try to get her "friends" out of her rental and into their mfg home by the 15th. The tenants who are living in "my" house want to rent my step moms rental. So, they could be out by Christmas and I could be out of here by New Years EVE! Could this be fate or really wierd luck??? This could make everything so much smoother. And just maybe I can relax. I think once all the paperwork is signed, I will be better. So much is riding on this. You see, I am not a good gambler.
I gave a gift to the lady who owns the New Age Shop who gave me the sage smudge stick last month. I felt better getting out of the house. I wish I had some friends here, soon I hope. I am glad I am getting close neighbors. True lots of land means privacy, but it also means isolation. I am not ready to be a hermit. I miss my Vegas friends. True, I only saw them once in a blue moon, but I talked to them all the time on the phone. Email isn't quite the same. I will check out that work book. ~flower
12-05-2002, 06:47 PM
My younger son has an anxiety disorder. If he is in school and starts feeling panicky he has found that asking to be exscused and going to get a drink of water helps him a lot. Onvce he is in a full blown panic it is harder though.
HEY!! I have the Anxiety and Phobia Workbook too!!!
12-05-2002, 07:26 PM
You also having a friggin' typing disorder. :lol:
12-05-2002, 09:25 PM
Now now Ellis...:no:no poking fun of Den...you'll give her a inferiority complex and I don't have a good book recommendation for that right now...
:p :p :p :p :lol: :p :p :lol:
12-05-2002, 10:13 PM
...it's the drugs...
12-06-2002, 08:16 AM
Oh, Den... you poor little lassie. snicker.
Okay, so we pretty much all have panic attacks, huh?