Dealing with massive weight loss - discussion? book recommendations? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

kinessa · 02-07-2011, 06:09 PM

Hi there,

I'm wondering if anyone has some book recommendations for those who've gone through extreme transformations (loss of 100lbs or more) and dealing with their body image issues after that weight loss?

I've lost about 120lbs and I'm finding I have an extremely weird relationship with my body image right now that, at times, is less healthy than it was 120 lbs ago.

I'd like to understand some of these issues a bit better and get over this dissonance of what's in the mirror vs. what's in my head.

Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Heather · 02-07-2011, 06:46 PM

Well, you can start with this forum! Lots of people have written here about the issues they have!

kinessa · 02-08-2011, 11:24 AM

I guess I'm looking for assistance with trying to come to terms with my new body...I've lost about 120 lbs now ( I don't really weigh myself and instead, go by the fit of my clothes...) I find I get way too obsessive if I'm weighing myself constantly.

I have a bit farther to go but I'm finding I'm having some major body image issues.

Some days, I feel like I look worse than I did when I weighed 320 lbs and other days, I feel like I look fantastic. When I get on transit, I still get anxiety about not being able to fit in the seat. Of course, that's never a problem now but in my head, I'm still this super obese girl. I somehow need to reconcile who I am now. My weight loss was not rapid - I lost this weight over the last 2 years so that's the other part of it...why am I having so much trouble with my body image when it's been slow, healthy, controlled, etc?

The other part of that is that I've started dating again in this new body. I've dated someone for a month, he broke up with me and I couldn't help but be convinced that it's because of how I look. I'm finding that my insecurities about this new body are overwhelming and I need to figure out some coping mechanisms for dealing with that.

I thought a book might be a good place to start. I'm contemplating therapy but I'm not sure if that's the right choice for me.

Thanks for reading and providing any insights you can.

Heather · 02-08-2011, 11:30 AM

I think so many of us have felt this way. One of my worst moments in my weight loss journey was when I was down to about 225 from 295. I thought it would be fun to go shopping in stores and see what I could find. I was at a discount mall that had NO plus size stores and was so depressed to find there was STILL nothing to wear! All that hard work. Down 70 pounds. And I wondered why I bothered!

Another issue: It's almost like I pay more attention to my body now than I did before. I find more flaws now that I'm looking -- and not in denial. But being more aware makes me feel worse somehow... and yes, I can strangely feel fatter now than I did then...

My sense is that it's "normal" to have these feelings. To feel not like you in the "new" body. To still feel fat. To literally not recognize yourself in the mirror.

I don't know that there is a book out there, but I know there are lots of experiences here, and I hope more people post on this thread!! I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to edit your thread title to try to generate more traffic...

rachael · 02-08-2011, 03:50 PM

I think for me, I had been so convinced that I would just be happy being thin and healthy and that little things wouldn't bother me and suddenly they do. Yes, I would still rather have a gross floppy stomach because my skin is not what it used to be than be 100 pounds overweight, but the fact of the matter is that I still don't want that gross floppy stomach. It's like there is a heirarchy of body problems for me, and once I kicked the worst one, I started focusing on the lesser problems that I thought I would be happy to have. I'm not happy to have them. I'm grateful that it's ONLY that, but it still sucks.

Just Dance Girl · 02-10-2011, 11:42 AM

Hey Kinessa,

First Congratulations!

Second there's a book I enjoyed called "Passing for Thin:Losing Half my Weight..." by Frances Kuffel. She lost 170 pounds or so and talks a lot about the changes in her body and body image. It's really not about how she did it, but about the after effects of losing a lot of weight. Maybe you would like it.

Please be proud of yourself!

martinimouse · 02-28-2011, 04:09 PM

I remember when I had lost 120 pounds that I felt like such a fraud. Like it wasn't really true that I was thin and someone was going to find out. It had nothing to do with feeling shame having been obese, it was more like I didn't believe it myself and was sure no one else would be fooled. It was crazy thinking. It took me a few years to get use to my body.

I think this time around I am going to do more mirror work, get better acquainted with this body.

raenedancer20 · 03-22-2011, 09:02 PM

I am right there with you on this one. I have lost 143lbs. At my heaviest I was 290. I am now 147 and feel worse than I did some days at 290. I know that I am healthier, but I really struggle with having my mind catch up to my new body.

I have large amounts of loose skin everywhere!! My stomach is so hard for me to look at, my thighs are loose (not looking forward to summer), my arms are flabby and my boobs....well...let's just say...what boobs?

I am looking for any help that others have to offer as well!!

k8yk · 03-23-2011, 05:47 PM

I find my body image has very little to do with my weight. It's all mental.

Think about when you have "fat days" - and I know you know what I mean. Days when you look in the mirror and just feel like you look terribly big and unattractive. And then think about "thin days" - days when you look in the mirror and think "Hot Damn, I look great!"

What I have noticed is that I can have a fat day and a thin day two days in a row and the scale informs me I am exactly the same weight. Nothing has changed about my body. It's just my mental state. "Fat days" for me typically come when I'm feeling stressed or upset by completely unrelated life things.

I think, more than losing 122 pounds, the best thing I've done over my 2+ year weight loss journey was focus in on my self image. I learned that I used to do a lot of negative self-talk. Then one day, I read the best advice anyone has ever given me:

"Treat yourself as you would your best friend. If you wouldn't say it to her, don't say it to yourself."

I realized that I was treating myself very poorly by being so incredibly demanding and judgmental, not just about my body but about everything. I had to realize that I do not have to be perfect to be worthy of love and respect, from myself above all.

It didn't happen overnight, but I find that now, despite many imperfections mentioned above, I have many more "thin days" and many less "fat days." I've also changed my mind about what's valuable about me. Physical appearance is the least important thing about me. A few stretch marks and saggy boobs shouldn't make me feel bad about myself. There's a lot more to life and my body than what it looks like.