Weight Loss Support - CANT believe he said this to me :,,,,,(

02-05-2011, 09:43 PM
ok i am so upset at my hubby right now. i have barely ate all day mostly becuz of work and decited no to go to sleep hungry:hungry: its saturday i been going to the gym all week even going tonight as i type :ebike:

so we are at a friends house and i began to eat a baked patato and 3 lanes of baby back ribs sorry but im starving i cant be on special k bars all my diet

he says to me " DAM arent you on a diet??? your going to get fatter!"

Now the embarrassing part that has me about to cry isnt that he said it but that he said it infornt of everyone

i am so embarrased :o right now and we just finish telling our friends how that im excersiing and eating better i have no idea how to handle this

i feel like throwing up the lil that i ate i couldnt even finish the food and it WAS NOT THAT MUCH TO BEGIN WITH

:rollpin: WHAT DO I DO?

02-05-2011, 09:57 PM
Oh hunny I'm so sorry :( what a mean thing to say. Did you pull him aside privately and tell him how hurt you were?

You wrote the other day that you were a single mom but now you say you have a husband. I'm assuming that there are some problems in the marriage? Is he being unsupportive in general to you and bringing you down? You don't have to answer that btw...

02-05-2011, 10:00 PM
Well, he was STUPID and now it's too late to say something then and there, but a simple, "Darling, I haven't eaten all day, I'm famished and what I'm eating is fine."

Instead, bonk him on the head and say, "duh - that was stupid and embarrassing!" Ok, maybe don't bonk his head, but have a talk with him on how that was hurtful. Your friends are probably embarrassed for HIM and felt bad for YOU.

But, try not to take it personally and maybe talk to him too about appropriate eating and how you know what you're doing, etc. (Which I hope you know!)

02-05-2011, 10:06 PM
Oh hunny I'm so sorry :( what a mean thing to say. Did you pull him aside privately and tell him how hurt you were?

You wrote the other day that you were a single mom but now you say you have a husband. I'm assuming that there are some problems in the marriage? Is he being unsupportive in general to you and bringing you down? You don't have to answer that btw...

no not husband i call him hubby (sorry habit)but he is my sorta soon not to be boyfriend, becuasse of this. i am a single mom he not the father we been dating for about 6 monthes but now i see this from him.

so far he has been supportive but i just dont understand why he said this to me i couldnt pull him aside i just left the plate and ran to the restroom.

02-05-2011, 10:09 PM
What, are you going to let him rule your world? Yeah, it wasn't a nice thing to say, but HE's the one should be hanging his head and running to the restroom, NOT YOU!

Yeah, soon to be ex boyfriend, I'd say.


02-05-2011, 10:12 PM
@jay thanks

i got to tell him a little mintue ago why does he need to worry what goes in my mouth I KNO MY CALORIES I KNOW WHAT TO EAT ITS MY BODY MY MOUTH MY WEIGHT i feel alot better

02-05-2011, 10:21 PM
That wasn't nice of him at all! :hug: I'm so sorry to hear that he said that to you :(

Since he's generally supportive, could it have been a moment of lapse in judgment? A 'not' thinking before speaking kind of thing?

If it was, that doesn't excuse what he said, IMO. Either way, I would let him know that you are upset, and why. Sometimes people need to have supportive do's and don'ts spelled out for them, regardless of the situation ;)

Chin up sweetie!

02-06-2011, 12:25 AM
RUN as fast as you can away from him, this will NOT get better with him, men who put women down in front of others do not deserve to be with a woman. My ex husband said similiar things to me he was horrible and they only make you feel worse about yourself, you deserve someone who treats you with dignity and respect. I learned a long time ago to be very careful what I eat in front of others to avoid comments they hurt and can affect you for a long time.

02-06-2011, 12:47 AM
Wow, what a jerk! He had no right to do that to you in front of everyone. I agree with Ashley...maybe you should get away from this one!

results not typical
02-06-2011, 01:17 AM
Yep, I think you would lose alot of weight just by being Rid of this dude! Talk about an albatross around your neck, and the stress from whatever comes out of his mouth next. Especially with Valentine's Day coming. You shouldn't have to "explain" to him, or anyone else, what and why you are eating anything anyway. Your diet is your personal stuff, lifestyle and so forth. Wonder if the current trashtalk fad has something to do with men like this??

02-06-2011, 01:21 AM
Lose his negative butt now. This man will do nothing but bring you down to make himself seem more important. I was once married a man who liked to tell me I was fat and ugly and no other man would ever want me. Fast forward 15 years....I have been married 14 years to my second husband, ex is still single and without a girlfriend all these years later..

02-06-2011, 01:28 AM
He doesn't deserve you. If he can't support you fully and treat you with respect, he should go. You deserve better.

02-06-2011, 08:46 AM

Yes thats just wrong... :o
He could of just said.. honey watch your portions..
if he had to say anything at all..
Your an adult. its up to you what you eat.. Just be careful.. He he talks to you like that now.. down the road more than likely will get worse..

Anyways.. jUst keep in mine. Even thou your starving..
eating late at night is not good for you. Trying to take slower portions
My dad used to eat 1 meal a day.. a large meal but 1 meal..
and never lost weight :?: then h started eating 5 small meals and lost about 50 pounds!!:DSo eating late really does not work..
I try to fill my plate 50% salad 25 % protein and 25% whatever.. if im out..
and then if im still hugry go back for a 2nd plate.. then everyone mostly sees salad on my plate..Just my 2 cents

good luck but fat or thin.. Your a strong woman and you can do this! :cheer:

02-06-2011, 08:53 AM
Men have two heads and they think with the small one. I'd trade up!

02-06-2011, 09:30 AM
I was going to make a comment but I can't improve on the above comments.

02-06-2011, 10:45 AM
He has no right to say that to you. But you need to be eating more than special K bars and you wont binge like that. You need to talk to him and let him know how wrong it was of him and that you need his positive support not his harsh words.

02-06-2011, 02:44 PM
I agree with the comment that you're an adult now, and it's really outside of the range of anyone's business to comment on what you're eating, whether it's on a plan or not. And if someone who cared about you was concerned by some extreme behavior and felt the need to comment, I think he/she should have the presence of mind to approach you in private. (or if you ASK, as people do in this forum all the time.)

that said, two things came to my mind about this situation: 1) eating and weight seem to me to exist in an arena of shame and embarrassment where people do feel more free to comment, 2) guys, in general, don't look at dieting and weight loss the same way women do, and tend not to invest all the emotional ties to eating that women do -- so a man may see going off a planned way of eating in a more black and white way and not something to be particularly sensitive about (but I would expect a guy to have a general understanding that women ARE more sensitive to their weight and dieting).

only you can decide (and know) whether this guy should be given the benefit of the doubt or ousted. good luck either way, with him and your goals.

AZ Sunrises
02-06-2011, 02:57 PM
Smiling and telling him that you might be losing ___ pounds of deadweight as you eyed him up and down would've been an appropriate response.

Nola Celeste
02-06-2011, 03:17 PM
He has no right to say that to you. But you need to be eating more than special K bars and you wont binge like that. You need to talk to him and let him know how wrong it was of him and that you need his positive support not his harsh words.

I don't really agree that the barbecue meal was a binge (sometimes people get stuck with few choices and have to just eat what's there, but in small amounts it's no binge in my book), but I definitely agree that he needs some serious talking-with.

A lot of men DO see the word "fat" in a very different way than women do. My husband recently pointed something out on TV by rewinding and saying, "Look past the fat woman in blue." To him, "fat" is a descriptor like "tall" or "redheaded" or "wearing glasses." To me, it's a word I use for myself, and not in a derogatory way--but I would never use it to describe other people. It's too much of a charged word.

(Come to think of it, I might want to look into why I don't feel ashamed or apologetic about calling myself fat, but wouldn't use it to describe others--but that's for a different post. :) )

I'm not taking his side--what he said was insensitive no matter which words he used because he publicly called attention to your food relative to your size and that is R-U-D-E by any standards. But to him, it might have been a gaffe on the order of accidentally stepping on your toe, not a grievous affront like intentionally pushing you into a mud puddle and laughing.

If he's genuinely apologetic and didn't realize it would be so hurtful, I'd forgive him (and have a long talk with him about what pushes your buttons). If he tells you to "stop being so sensitive" or "I was only trying to help" or acts at all contemptuous of you, then yeah, I'd strongly consider shedding about 160 pounds of unwanted flesh by dumping him.

How did he act right after you left the table? Did he go to you and try to smooth things over or did he shrug and eat the food on your plate? How he acted right after tells you a lot about him. Listen to those actions, not just to what he says.

02-06-2011, 03:28 PM
I think there's a lot of wisdom in Nola Celeste's post. If he's a young guy (20s), he may really need an education in how to treat a woman! If he has kind tendencies, you may be able to teach him what women consider rude.

I also think paying attention to his actions is important.

Good luck whatever you choose to do!

02-07-2011, 12:29 AM
wow ladies I have laughed cryed n feel alot better with your respons. I was able to talk to him n it was a not thinking before speaking. He says he didnt mean to say in the form it came out

But I dont believe him I went to the gym 2 hrs just to let off steam men are so uuugggghhh I told him one more time in privet or public he is. Gone!!!!

I didnt mean to bingie but my shake n apple for lunch n spexial k for dinner didnt work th li s time

02-07-2011, 12:43 AM
sounds like you need to make better food choices- a shake and apple? Special k for dinner? Where is your protein?

Glad you guys talked but in the future he could privately speak to you!

Nola Celeste
02-07-2011, 02:30 AM
I'm glad that you and he worked it out--he DEFinitely had a "not thinking before speaking" episode on that one! Good for him for acknowledging it and apologizing.

Sometimes people want to be helpful, but do a lousy job of it. My own husband (who has been lovely about my weight loss/eating/exercising/moodiness) said to me, "you're eating that now?" when I got a couple of crispbread pieces, hummus, and carrots as a snack. He meant, "dinner will be ready soon," but I heard, "OMG, you eat all the time, what's wrong with you?" It was unfair of me and we didn't fight about it, but it really reminded me of this post when he said that. He really was just trying to be helpful.

Speaking of being helpful--although I hope I don't do a lousy job of it--would you like to share some of your typical on-plan menus for some suggestions from some of the 3FC vets? You might be feeling more stressed out than you need to feel by letting yourself get too hungry. I know I'd be famished and miserable on liquids and cereals. Your experience may vary, but I know a lot of the folks here have better success when they eat more substantial, but less calorie-dense food.

Whether you want to explore some changes to your plan or not, though, it's great news that things got talked out. :)