Weight Loss Support - guess im just lying 2 myself




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oklahomachick26
02-05-2011, 12:19 PM
well girls, i suck. I have been lying to myself that i would actually put some effort into loosing weight.....i still find myself eating fast food and i sneak brownies and other junk food and then tell myself ill do better tomorrow. Yeah right! I havent even been excersizing. Ive walked like one day this week...for 5 mins! Whats wrong with me! I have no motivation. I have no will power. I am starting to get depressed. I cried last night. I feel so lazy and stupid.


Niecy
02-05-2011, 12:31 PM
I think you answered your own question....no motivation.

Motivation is extremely personal and I find, though I can feed off others for inspiration, their motivation is not always my motivation and their point of being fed up is very different from mine.

I'm not really sure what else to offer you except keep trying!!! Start small and grow from there. Don't try to make one huge lifestyle change in one day or even one week. I started out exercising a few times a week, then I began counting calories, then I began to concentrate on measuring and weighing my food. Then I began to weed out a lot of junk food and empty calories when I saw that a lot of foods I was eating couldn't sustain my energy needed for exercise. Little by little, these changes began to show on the scale and in my clothes.

I'm sure you're not lazy or stupid! One huge thing you need to work on is your INNER appearance!!!! Those voices and that attitude is NO GOOD! I doubt ANY of us here at 3FC got it exactly right the first time, it took a lot of patience and trial and error to find what works individually.

MzJuicyD
02-05-2011, 12:35 PM
Do you watch that show I Use to Be Fat on Mtv? I think you need to watch the latest episode with Daria. She did the exact same thing. She allowed herself cheat days and was NOT following her diet. In the end she got herself together and did what she needed to do. That has been one of my FAVORITE episodes because it shows just how difficult it is to lose weight. We always find times where we lose our motivation and start lying to ourselves.


Rana
02-05-2011, 12:36 PM
Maybe you're trying to change too many things and your binges are a result of that.

Instead of trying to do better, why don't you give yourself 21 days to change a bad habit to a healthy one?

For example, an easy one is to drink more water. Or you could tell yourself you can eat whatever you want, but you MUST get 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. Eat a brownie, eat an apple, have a burger, eat a salad.

I think sometimes trying to make so many changes at once is a recipe for disaster. If you just try one new healthy habit a month, by the end of the year, you'll have 11 new healthy habits and with that, you may have the motivation to finish losing the rest of your weight.

niafabo
02-05-2011, 12:41 PM
Well you find within you enough motivation to come on here and seek help, obviously losing weight is something you really want. Ask yourself why you don't feel like you deserve to be happy and healthy? Ask yourself why you keep punishing yourself? Ask yourself why you don't feel you are important enough to do what you need to do?

I wish there was some magic word I could say to you. That there was some quick fix out there that would give you the results you want without any of the work. I'm sorry to say that sort of thing doesn't exist.

You need to stop looking at everyone else around you. Stop blaming the food or making excuses for yourself. Take control of your life and just do what you know you need to do. No one else can do that for you.

Heather
02-05-2011, 12:59 PM
I think all of us have been where you are.

For me, I kept trying but wasn't willing to actually stick through and do what was needed. I had motivation, but not the commitment to follow through on that. When I got committed, I found that I had "willpower" I'd never known I had before.

The tough part is figuring out why we can't make that commitment. I've had a regain and am struggling with re-making that commitment myself.

Gwen
02-05-2011, 01:09 PM
well girls, i suck. I have been lying to myself that i would actually put some effort into loosing weight.....i still find myself eating fast food and i sneak brownies and other junk food and then tell myself ill do better tomorrow. Yeah right! I havent even been excersizing. Ive walked like one day this week...for 5 mins! Whats wrong with me! I have no motivation. I have no will power. I am starting to get depressed. I cried last night. I feel so lazy and stupid.

Remember this feeling! USE IT to motivate yourself. That's what I've been doing and it's working. Write down these feelings and keep them at your fridge. READ them when you're feeling the urge to eat unhealthy.

Other than that, swap good foods for unhealthy foods as much as possible. Cannonelli and black beans - whole wheat pastas and breads - beleive it or not, healthy food decreases cravings. Think "I CAN DO THIS!":hug:

MadamButterfly
02-05-2011, 01:14 PM
Oklahoma,

hang in there, you can't fail if you don't quit trying . . .

I agree with rana . . . BABY STEPS . . . make a plan. example:
Week 1: Drink 16 oz more water EVERYDAY
Week 2: Continue drinking more water and add an apple or banana or pear or carrot sticks for an afternoon snack (even if you're not hungry, eat it!)
Week 3: Continue water, snack and while I'm watching TV I will stand up and march/walk until the commercials are OVER . . .
Week 4: Continue the above and add a healthy morning snack, fruit, veggies, yogurt, a protein bar . . .
Week 5: All the above and only eat fast food 2 or 3 or 5 times a week, depending how many times you eat fast food now . . . and I will make a healthy meal instead (there are great recipes on the recipes thread, and most are quite EASY)

Write it all down on the calendar, the thing(s) you are going to change that week . . . buy the little stars that teachers have and put it on the calendar when you accomplished the goal for that day . . . YOU ARE NOT PERFECT, none of us are so there will be days without stars, but in time there will be more and more stars or check marks, something where you can see the progress and say "hey, look, I did really well this week . . . 4 stars and maybe the next week it will be 5 stars . . .

and continue from there . . .

I still allow myself 5 dark chocolate kisses EVERYDAY (No I don't get to save them up, it's a use or lose deal) It's more of a mental thing for me, the fact that I CAN have chocolate . . . and I have a cookie or a piece of cake once in a while, I used to be able to eat a bag of hershey kisses in a 4-5 days . . . now a bag lasts me a couple months . . . but I have them because when I reach my goal chocolate, cookies, cake, pizza and all the other things that are out there will be eaten on occasion and I don't want my body to have a panic attack

Look for one of the challenges and join: there are some for St Paddy's day, Easter, Summer, Memorial day . . . and I'm sure there are others that will be coming . . .

You said " I only walked for 5 min" well that's 5 min more than if you had been sitting on the couch. There is a woman in one of the challenges who is sooooo happy that she can walk 1 mile, she said she is huffing and puffing and wheezing at the end, but she does it, it's all she can do for now, and she is TRYING so I know she won't fail

so you have to decide . . . Am I going to try??? or Am I going to give up?? Since you posted here I think you are going to try . . . at least I hope . . . there is great support here and motivational pics for people who have lost 50, 60, 100 and over 100 pounds . . . the pics are AMAZING and they all started with BABY STEPS . . .

I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!! GOOD LUCK

suenos096
02-05-2011, 01:19 PM
I totally agree with Mz. Juicy! Looking at all of the "I did it!" stories posted on here did it for me! I only work out for 4 hours a week so it doesn't feel as daunting a task to undertake. I also eat 6 times a day and feel as if I cheat 2 of those 6 but they are completely legal foods :)

There's nothing more motivating that those stories. That's what FINALLY got me started and on the right track. Not to mention the quote "The time will pass anyways. Do something with it." I've found myself thinking MANY times. If I would have just started, I would be _____ now!

berryblondeboys
02-05-2011, 01:35 PM
Maybe you're trying to change too many things and your binges are a result of that.

Instead of trying to do better, why don't you give yourself 21 days to change a bad habit to a healthy one?

For example, an easy one is to drink more water. Or you could tell yourself you can eat whatever you want, but you MUST get 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day. Eat a brownie, eat an apple, have a burger, eat a salad.

I think sometimes trying to make so many changes at once is a recipe for disaster. If you just try one new healthy habit a month, by the end of the year, you'll have 11 new healthy habits and with that, you may have the motivation to finish losing the rest of your weight.

I agree with this because it's so true. When there are so many bad habits all mixed up together, trying to give them all up at once can be too daunting. I used to binge eat too. First, I got that under control. Second, I used to hide foods, I stopped that too. I used to prefer 'junk' over wholesome meals, I learned how to cook better wholesome food. I basically had one 'bad' meal a day left (plus too many carbs) and I'm finding I was ready to deal with that.

That stuff took me YEARS to get there (and there was a lot of stress in those years too), but I'm there NOW and NOW I'm ready to commit to this, but before, I had too many unresolved issues that needed addressing first.

And remember, EVERY right decision is also helping. So, you had a brownie, you can still exercise! Or, you ate really well today, but don't feel like exercising, OK, but at least you ate well. That is FAR better than saying, "I messed up this ONE thing so now, to heck with ALL of it." It is so true, every right step, is a step to getting healthier and beating yourself up about issues you are still dealing with, is not going to help you.

lostangel05
02-05-2011, 01:56 PM
Hey, you are not stupid! Motivation is a hard thing to keep sometimes, but every day is a new chance! If you need to take a break, really think about your weight goals and your plan then come back, then do it. You can't be so hard on yourself. Not a single one of us here are perfect. We all have times when we mess up. Sending lots of :hug:s your way!

Shmead
02-05-2011, 02:30 PM
Plan, plan, plan: just hoping to "do better" is a recipe for shame and guilt. Don't say "Tomorrow I will make healthy choices"--make the choices RIGHT NOW: "Tomorrow I will have X for breakfast, Y for lunch, and Z for dinner. My snacks will be A, B, and C". Make sure NOW that you have everything you need for all that. Then, tomorrow plan the next day.

Serbrider
02-05-2011, 04:12 PM
As others have said, motivation is a personal thing. My motivation is to wear a beautiful dress to prom. After that, I'm considering looking around for summer dresses or bathing suits.

I love fashion and clothing... but because I'm never able to wear what I see as fashionable... or when I do they are horribly uncomfy... I wear jeans and t-shirts. My motivation is to wear beautiful clothing and to love how I look in them.

My Dad had the motivation six years ago to lose around 80 to 100 lbs because of health reasons. He was diagnosed with Meneare's (sp?) disease, and had lost over 70% of hearing in his right ear, and was having vertigo attacks daily. There was no cure, the only thing that might help would be to lose weight. So he did.

It took me a while to really latch onto my motivation. And it's always changing. *hugs*

Other people here have given AWESOME advice. It's all a personal journey though. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. Either mentally or physically.

Good luck girly. You can do it. We can do it. :)

Nola Celeste
02-05-2011, 04:32 PM
Others have suggested baby steps; I'm going to go out on a little bit of a limb and say that it's sometimes easier to make all your necessary changes at once. For some people, making a small change each week or month has led to big transformative changes over time, so it's certainly one possibility--but so is just jumping in there.

Little changes didn't work for me because I invariably wanted to do/eat the very thing I said I would no longer do/eat, as I was focused on it. I felt like I was hacking away at my lifestyle with nothing to fill the holes I left. This time, I instead made one concerted push and it's working for me.

What made this different is that everything I was doing, I saw as an addition, not a subtraction. I added exercise, whole grain foods, fruit, vegetables, home-cooked meals. (That happened to coincide with subtracting stuff, but I was so focused on the additions that I didn't see the subtractions as much.)

You don't suck and you're neither lazy nor stupid. You just haven't quite found the thing that will pry you out of your comfortable rut and plop you down in the weight-loss groove instead. Trust me, I'm an incredibly lazy person, yet I haven't strayed from my plan once because it's now become my "new normal." I formed a new, more health-conscious rut, you could say. I used my laziness and inertia to my own benefit. :D

I'm 41. It took me so many years to find out what works for me. Keep looking; you'll find what works for you. There are so many paths to losing weight and better health that one of them has to be your perfect way. Just focus on that and not on feeling miserable for yesterday. The mistakes you made then are just learning experiences for today.

GlamourGirl827
02-05-2011, 04:44 PM
I think someone else said it, but don't try a lifestyle over haul. I am guilty of doing this too. It used to feel like those preformers at the circus that balance spinning plates on poles. I felt like I suddenly had to keep like 10 plates from falling off those poles and crashing to the floor. Its overwhelming!

Do you think those preformers start by spinning all the those plates at one time? of course not! They start with one plate. And practice until they are comfortable, then add two...and so on.

Pick one thing. Some people prefer to start with exercising, other prefer to change eating habits then add in exercise later. I usually start with eating habits. If you are used to eating 2-3 brownies a day (um don't laugh, because unrestrained with brownies in the house, I can easily eat 2-3 a day...) or maybe you get fast food several times a week. Pick one goal a week. I will only get fash food once this week. Then next week, kep that goal, add a new one.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right. But if we are usedto one type of life style, its very hard too wake up one day and over haul your old habits.

Now some people do very well with complete change. But if you find that its not working start small. One plate at a time. ;)

JustSharing83
02-05-2011, 04:55 PM
I spent April through December of last year in this mode. To finally get it together, I started with small changes. Like no more fast food, but I still ate plenty at home. Those small changes started making a small difference though and suddenly I wanted more. I worked my way into the big changes and have been going strong for over a month. You'll get there, sometimes you just have to ease your way into it! Good luck!

Sum38
02-05-2011, 05:03 PM
I lied to myself for years :(

I am happy to see you are reaching out!

Larry H
02-05-2011, 07:17 PM
Oaklahoma,

A short time ago I could have written the exact story you did. Wow can I identify with you!!:D

I wanted to want to diet but I did not really want to diet. Not sure if that made any sense to you. It was not until I wanted a better future with every fiber of my being that I was willing to do whatever it took to change my lifestyle.

I prayed to God for relief from my food compulsion. I am not saying you need to do this. I am only saying what I did. Then I threw out the junk food, got it out of the house. I figure if I have to go to the store to get some more that the driving time may allow me to return to sanity before I buy it.
I started eating six times a day. Three meals and three snacks. I weigh and measure everything and track all my food on the computer. Everything!! if I have a one calorie radish I record it. I am on this forum a lot. Why because the members give me support and encouragement.

If at all possible find an exercise buddy. I walk with a neighbor from down the road. We talk while walking and exercise becomes a pleasent experience to me.

You can do this!!:carrot:
If I can do it anyone can do it.:D

Larry
-------------------------
Success will never be a big step in the future, success is a small step taken just now. ~Jonatan Mårtensson

Nola Celeste
02-05-2011, 07:22 PM
Yep, I think the key phrase in what GlamourGirl wrote is: "If you find that it's not working." There's always something else to try; you're never a lost cause and you're never incapable of bettering your health. Go big, make small changes, aim for something between those two extremes--it's all good, there've been people who have had success with all those ways.

I remember the other day reading a post from someone who was doing Atkins, but started in on the second phase of it. She just...skipped induction. Skipped it! I'm not doing Atkins, but I was stunned at that post; it really emphasized to me that we get to be in control of this process.

There are trade-offs. I know I could probably lose more quickly if I fiddled with things a bit, but I trade faster weight loss for the sustainable, even enjoyable weight loss I have now. Some trade-offs I won't take: eating blah-tasting food, eliminating entire food groups, and going hungry are things I refuse to do (I've done them before, so I know they don't work for me).

Maybe that's how you can find the plan that works for you. What have you done before that hasn't worked, and why? Figure out what you're willing to trade off and what is non-negotiable for you, then design your plan around that.

Keep looking for the right plan. The chances are extremely good that you aren't failing at your plan, your plan is failing you. When you're eating stuff you like and doing physical activities you enjoy, you don't need much willpower to stick with it.

Find that place!

Porthardygurl
02-05-2011, 07:27 PM
I understand how you feel..ive been there myself..closet eating and not exercising when i said i would..ive been in that place before..One of the things that was really important for me to look at was : Why am i sneaking? Why am i binging? Cause thats what it sounds like you are doing..Usually these compulsive behaviours are prompted by underlying feelings that arent being dealt with..its an extremely addictive and merry-go-round cycle..We say "i will do such and such".. then we dont do such and such and we have this feeling..like "i feel stupid, i hate myself"..then we go and over-indulge in sweets or fatty foods and then we hate ourselves even more so we eat more..then we feel depressed and we rather hide than go and work out or try again..we have succumbed to a sense of failure..

See, its not good..for no one..Somewhere along the lines, you have determined in your own heart, that you are a failure. You have determined that you cant do it and that you will fail. You dont have a fear of failure, you have a fear of success. Its easier to hide and eat and fail than it is to step it up and get out there and prove to yourself that you can do it.

So let me tell you this..you ARE going to lose weight..and you ARE going to be motivated and you WILL work out..BUT..only when the time is right for you. Only when YOU are ready to do it. Yes, motivation to do something is powerful..BUT..if your not ready..then your not ready..but that doesnt mean you wont ever be ready..Take a look at how you feel..determine to work through that feeling and then get back on track with the program..and every time you begin to have a feeling that is causing you to feel bad and make you want to go back to your brownies..come here instead..get encouraged..get support..vent if you have to..cry if you want to..let it all go..and then..it will happen for you!

Ultreos
02-06-2011, 02:07 AM
Fining motivation... I guess it starts with why do you want to lose weight?

What is your reason for wanting the loss of weight?

Then focus on how badly you want that loss for that reason or reasons.

I am no expert on motivation for weight loss. I attempted to lose my weight on a whim, a suggestion of nothing more then visiting a website for calorie necessities and food ideas as a method of attempting to lose weight. I didn't do it for someone else, not for family, not for appearance, I wanted to do it simply to try, to obtain something I had never had obtained before. I wanted to get lean and regain strength and muscle because I never had it, and I wanted it. Appearance was the side effect, health was the side effect. I'm not even sure why I want it, I just know I do.

The more you want it the easier it can potentially become. So make sure you want it, and let that be part of your guidance towards your goals.

I never believed I could, and yet, I did. I believe you can to. I had tried before, it never did anything, so I stopped because there was no effect. When I finally got the effect I wanted for the first time, when I finally found what worked, I slammed my foot through the door and kept moving. Want it and I'm sure you'll find the motivation. But you have to want it badly enough.

Heather
02-06-2011, 09:17 AM
I think one reason maintaining motivation is so difficult is because while we all want to lose weight and see the rewards in it, we might fail to see what we're gaining by... well, by not losing.

For example, many of us use food as a crutch, as comfort. It feels good to eat, we like it, it's safe. Losing weight means challenging this relationship. Perhaps losing the comfort. We don't know how we'll get it back. Change is scary, and losing weight and keeping it off really does mean a lifestyle change.

So, while we're motivated to lose the weight for all kinds of reasons (health, looks, function), we also might be motivated not to lose weight, because it makes other things easier.

oklahomachick26
02-06-2011, 04:38 PM
wow. I am so surprised at all the responses i got from this thread. Thank you guys so much. I am really touched that yall took the time to write all these encouraging words. It brought tears to my eyes. I will take the things you guys have said to heart. Thanks so much!

LindseyLou
02-06-2011, 04:46 PM
I agree with what a lot of the previous posts. Baby steps! Make a goal each week, you want to walk 15 minutes 3 times per week, eat 5 servings of fruits/veggies per day, drink more water, etc. Start out small. Changing EVERYTHING on the drop of a dime is hard, and even harder to do long-term. The fact that you came here for help is awesome, you haven't given up! Keep trying!!! :hug:

AZ Sunrises
02-06-2011, 04:53 PM
The most satisfying lies are the ones we tell ourselves. - Me

Habits are hard to break. New ones are even more difficult to develop. There's such a disconnect between wanting to do something and actually getting up to do it. Instead of 5 minutes of walking, shoot for 10 today. Baby steps.

AnnieDrews
02-06-2011, 05:07 PM
Hi, Oklahomachick! I am in OK, too; just outside of the OKC metro. I know that our weather lately has me feeling lazy and sluggish. Maybe that is part of the problem for you, too.:hug:

Why not set a short term goal for yourself....maybe 10 pounds lost?? When you reach that goal, you will be so inspired that you'll be ready to take off!!

Be sure whatever you are doing for exercise is something that you actually enjoy. I do the Walk At Home/Walk Away The Pounds DVDs in my living room every weekday before work. I love how it makes me feel.

You also might try keeping things like brownies out of the house so they won't be a temptation for you. At least put them up and away out of sight. That helps me.

Good luck!!

oklahomachick26
02-07-2011, 05:03 PM
all of you guys motivated me to just get up and do something even if its just one step at a time. I went out and got jillian michaels 30 day shred video and mannnnnn thats a workout! Lol but i did it today for 20 mins without stopping!

beerab
02-07-2011, 05:28 PM
Oh man the voice of sabotage- I hate that stupid voice. The key is to tell it NO!

"Oh eat a brownie it's okay, you'll do better tomorrow."
"NO!"

I literally would sit there and count how many times I'd think about food- and at first it added up to like over 20 times a day, now it's only a few times a day. I find I do it when I'm bored- so if that could be the case with you find things to fill your time. I fill my time with playing with my pets, crocheting, spending more time with my husband, etc. :)

I agree with baby steps if going cold turkey didn't work. I used to have these crazy "plans" for myself like work out an hour a day and eat 1200 calories. Did NOT work at all. I started out slowly but most of my changes have stuck and I'm very happy with them :)

LightRaven
02-07-2011, 09:57 PM
Do you watch that show I Use to Be Fat on Mtv? I think you need to watch the latest episode with Daria. She did the exact same thing. She allowed herself cheat days and was NOT following her diet. In the end she got herself together and did what she needed to do. That has been one of my FAVORITE episodes because it shows just how difficult it is to lose weight. We always find times where we lose our motivation and start lying to ourselves.

Oh! I saw that episode just this weekend. it's the firs time I've ever seen the show. Very inspirational! (I wanted to smack the mom though for a while :lol: )

I also like watching shows like that... there is one on like lifetime called Too fat for 15 or something. It's a good one too. They are really motivational!

LR

VermontMom
02-07-2011, 10:16 PM
all of you guys motivated me to just get up and do something even if its just one step at a time. I went out and got jillian michaels 30 day shred video and mannnnnn thats a workout! Lol but i did it today for 20 mins without stopping!

that is great!! congrats!!! That is a tough one for a beginner, way to go!

I've been lying to myself too, for months. I've been eating sugary cakey things almost whenever I want. I weighed today and I am up 6 pounds from last month!! I work out almost every day, I can do 18 pushups in a row; I'm pretty flexible BUT I have been ignoring my jiggling belly and bigger hips. Ugh!! today was MY wake up call, seeing that I'm up 6 pounds.

Everyone gave such good advice here.

bluecrystal9
02-07-2011, 10:37 PM
I am so glad I found this thread because I have had that feeling all too often. What works best for me is writing the goals and posting them up where I can see them everyday. Also, I read something today that resounded with me--what stops some of us from staying motivated is this sense that we will never change, that we are inherently lacking willpower, and that once we screw up we might as well throw in the towel. Change is the only constant and I just believe in basic ideas like that and shut up the voice in my head that says I will fail. I don't overthink it--I get up and start walking before the voice can stop me from changing.

It's great to read so many encouraging posts :)

righteousbabe
02-08-2011, 01:06 AM
When it comes to motivation, it's almost as though you have to trick your mind a little too sometimes. Perception is everything! I really like what one of the earlier posters said about looking at this journey from a perspective of adding new habits rather than subtracting things or depriving yourself.

And its great that you motivated yourself to exercise for 20 minutes! Even on the days when you put in 5 minutes, instead of feeling guilty, remind yourself that you at least did SOMETHING toward your goals. I really think that its all about doing something, however small it may seem, every day to help us achieve our goals. How we "perceive" our efforts goes a long way to helping keep us on track.

Believe me, I suck at motivating myself too! I have a long road ahead of me, and starting is always the hardest part. Good for you for reaching out and finding a way to inspire yourself. :)

oklahomachick26
02-08-2011, 01:59 AM
thanks girls! I was proud of myself for excersizing that 20 mins because i actually pushed myself! :) and every single one of yall that responded to my thread inspire me! Thank you guys again! Yall are so great :hug:

Gwen
02-22-2011, 12:45 PM
You all inspire me. I've read through most of the posts and have found great advice, and witnessed very determined women.

Thank you for sharing!