Weight Loss Support - freaking out, jealousy & sadness




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moonkissed
01-31-2011, 06:03 PM
I am such a mess right now. Completely freaking out. I don't know what I am looking for but thought maybe just posting here and letting it out might help.

I just broke down crying my eyes out in the middle of my workout and had to just stop. Give up. & now I cant stop crying and the only thing I want to do is order a pizza and just stuff my face and cry my eyes out. and it is taking everything I have not to do that.

I've been staying in touch with my sisters and mom to keep each other motivated and I admit it I am jealous and it is making me feel horrible about myself every week. I can rationalize that it is silly and not to compare and that I should be happy for them but I feel like dr jeckal where I have this other side just losing control and being angry and hating myself. I am working my *** off & trying so so hard and inching by. and yet they can tell me how oh no they messed up and drank pepsi all week, ate nachos & ate out 3 times and they are losing 2-3+ lbs every single week. I work out 6 days a week and count every calorie and they work out for like 30 mins on the weekend or take a walk around the mall 1-2 a week.

My one sister has not lost LESS then 2lbs every week. And then complains that she hasn't lost 5 when I am losing .4lbs. I know she is heavier then me but it just feels so unfair. and my mom was told she was normal weight to being 10lbs underweight and is talking about how fat she still is...

At first I was ok but then every single week it just started to eat at me. I want to be this wonderful loving sister/daughter who is supportive and happy for them and I am letting my own self hatred & emotional ickyness spread.

and to top it off I am fighting with my husband badly. & I just feel so alone & hopeless. Yesterday I just cried so much and didn't workout, didn't count anything. I am just trying so hard right now not to binge. not to give up and just stuff my face.

It is just so hard to get focused and to be in that right frame of mind when I feel so sad. I did so good last week lost 1.4lbs and that brought be to a total of 15lbs lost. I should be ecstatic. and yet I feel the opposite.

I just feel like I don't know what to do right now. I need someone to shake me out of this so I can clear my mind.


jls0867
01-31-2011, 06:10 PM
Wow -- you are getting hammered on all sides! I really feel for you. Best thing to do at this point is say screw it and do this ONLY FOR YOU!! You are changing FOR YOU -- for YOUR HEALTH, for YOUR FUTURE - FOR YOU! Put up the blinders and put in the ear plugs when others talk their talk and walk their walk - you've got your vision, on your OWN time...all FOR YOU!!! Hang in there -- YOU CAN DO THIS!!

AZ Sunrises
01-31-2011, 06:12 PM
:hug: I don't have any specific advice for you and your situation. This is just as an emotional ride as it is physical. Buckle your seatbelt and hang on.

What I can tell you is that if my calories get too low, I have total and complete meltdowns. Tears. Snot. Swollen puffy eyes. It's not pretty. There's no magic caloric number either. There have been times that I've been a mess at 1600 calories and fine at 1200. The solution for me is to eat something--usually something high protein, and I'm much better in 30 minutes.


lucky8
01-31-2011, 06:17 PM
wow u have done sooo welll congrats . \ive been struggling with 7lbs bouncing back and forth. ive just seen your weight bar and we have very similar start weight and goals so feel free to add me as abuddy and chat now and again i totally understand your struggle.

I know the frustration when u try hard and its a slow process. i am the type that everythng goes on my hips.

Take your self away from your work out ad chose somithing health rather than pizza.........make ur own. and calm down..........tomorra is a new day. it is more improtant for you to find your focus right now as that will hold your motivation. and im in same place as you. ive had a good day food wise but havent exercised im starting that again tomorro and me to am having crazy cravings for food. so im making myself some pasta n im not gona feel bad about it as its better than a pie or somthing really fattening.

Dont beat yourself up , i kno what i have found that if dont drink enough and i can work out and work out till cows come home but if im not drinking enough water the scales dont bugde. So try that try and drink more than you u sually would.

hope that helps x
:hug:

seagirl
01-31-2011, 06:21 PM
Stop discussing ALL numbers with your family - weight, pounds lost, food eaten, calories burned, etc. Tell them it's off limits, not up for discussion and taboo.

Just concentrate on yourself. You can't compare bodies with other people or you'll go mad.

If they start bringing it up remind them that it's off the table and if they continue then hang up/leave the room/unfriend them/etc.

milmin2043
01-31-2011, 06:26 PM
I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, but I can commiserate as I have been there, feeling just like you are, many times on my journey.

I can say that you are doing great! Don't give up! Use any mantra you have to, but get past this point and move forward.

:hug: tons of hugs your way. We are all in this together.

CosmicGal
01-31-2011, 06:33 PM
Oh man I am so sorry that you feel so bad. But I agree with the other posters. Stop and do it for you and don't talk to them about it. Or if they want to, do it less like once every week or two weeks. That way, it isn't an everyday thing that builds up.

beerab
01-31-2011, 06:38 PM
*HUGS*

Girl stress is going to make it harder. You are working out 6 days a week how much are you eating?

Are you seeing your sister's? Could they be lying? How much bigger are they than you?

Take a deep breath, remember this is about you. If you are losing slowly that's fine at least it's coming off and I bet all the working out you are doing is paying off more than you know. I am sure if you all did blood work yours would be fabulous!

You know honestly you may be eating too little and working out too much. You mind letting us know what you are eating and how much time you work out? Maybe you could ease up on the workouts or up your protein intake?

marie81
01-31-2011, 06:39 PM
Wow -- you are getting hammered on all sides! I really feel for you. Best thing to do at this point is say screw it and do this ONLY FOR YOU!! You are changing FOR YOU -- for YOUR HEALTH, for YOUR FUTURE - FOR YOU! Put up the blinders and put in the ear plugs when others talk their talk and walk their walk - you've got your vision, on your OWN time...all FOR YOU!!! Hang in there -- YOU CAN DO THIS!!

I couldnt agree more honey do it for you and you will succeed.
Think of when you are feeling good and looking good all the *****ing is nothing compared to big fat slap in face they are going to get when they see the new you
Me and my sister fight over weight all the time she put on a tone of weight lately and now she is only 3lb lighter then me when i pointed this out she was like no......... im not........ so i jumped on the scales to show her. she got the hump and I was delighted.... Sisters will always fight like this and get nasty just let it ride and carry on what your doing it really is all about you. now i am determined to get lower weight then my sis and its given me a little spur on
Along the way there will be people who are jealous but you just got to style it out and just remember you must be looking better for them to be jealous :) you got the bootie they want

use this site more the people here are lovely and even if like me have only lost 2lb in 2 weeks they are supportive and share ideas to perk up your following week

Good luck darling I hope you dont feel down for much longer and remember that exercise makes you feel happy esp once you have done it and you can have a nice cup of tea :)

beerab
01-31-2011, 06:55 PM
I posted on your blog after seeing your menu there :)

Eurydice
01-31-2011, 07:17 PM
:hug: It's gonna be okay. As long as the weight is coming off, how much does it matter the speed? I mean, you've lived this long with the weight, so you can hold out losing slowly for a while. I know that doesn't stop the frustration and the psychological damage that can be caused by constantly comparing your body to others'. I don't know how understanding and supportive your family is, but if you think they'd be the kind to listen and not hold it against you, you could let them know the problems that you're having with all this. It sounds like you're being super supportive of them, and they don't know what's going on with you. If you don't think they'd listen or care, I agree with what seagirl said--stop discussing numbers with them! This is ultimately about you. There's always going to be someone slimmer than you, always going to be someone with an easier time. So what? That doesn't mean you don't also deserve happiness.

In the meantime, take a breather. Drink a cup of tea, relax in a bubble bath, take a nap--do something nice for yourself that does not involve food. (The fact that you want to eat the pizza is telling me that you are craving a form of comfort, and, like most of us here, that means you want to turn to food for that. Good job fighting that instinct and coming here instead!)

JohnP
01-31-2011, 07:17 PM
How much bigger is your sister? If she is a lot bigger than look no further for your explaination. Believe it or not fat cells burn calories and when you do any exercise you're moving more weight and therefore burning more calories.

NiteNicole
01-31-2011, 07:53 PM
It is hard when other people get what we want, even if they work for it. When someone I know loses a lot of weight, part of me is happy but a part of me still wonders - why not me? Why can't I get it together and make that happen for myself?

It's especially difficult when it's family because there's so much old baggage there anyway, especially mothers and daughters and sisters.

Forgive yourself for having some not so pretty feelings and keep working hard. You will get there.

Kahokkuri
01-31-2011, 08:08 PM
I really feel for you, moonkissed, and even though I don't have any specific advice, I'd like to share a quote that I encountered in my calligraphy lessons a few weeks back. Sorry if it's a weird translation from Japanese:

"Step by step, tread the Earth with your arms swinging. Move forward in good spirits, without rushing and without resting."

You've made it to 15 pounds! That's an awesome achievement that you've clearly worked for. I'm confident that you can tune out the noise that's throwing you off course and get back to thinking about yourself and your journey in a positive and sustainable light.

sabrinalecompte
01-31-2011, 08:48 PM
First of all.. 15 pounds is a fabulous accomplishment! Way to go!!!

Second of all... Please forgive yourself for having a bad moment. Emotions take over sometimes, and that doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. Allow yourself the chance to feel how you feel, accept your feelings as your own personal truth in this moment, then forgive yourself and move on. Don't let it stop you from success! If you need to find another way to find your success, do what you need to do to change it to work best for you.

Lastly... I want you to remember something that has helped me when things have been tough for me: "Ruin is the road to transformation."

SkiniJeni
02-01-2011, 09:38 PM
Whatever you do don't give up!!! Even if you freakout and eat a whole pizza or gain 5 pounds, just don't stop!! I lost over 100 pounds and I let my jerky ex-boyfriend ruin my health by listening to him. Now I've gained back 80 pounds, but I'm not giving up! I'm going to lose it again. You keep doing what you know is right and be SUPER proud of what YOU'VE accomplished and don't let what anybody else says or does take that away from you! You only fail if you quit!

Eliana
02-02-2011, 12:39 PM
You sound like me!! I always had a tendency to make weight loss too hard! I worked my rear end off and ate very restrictive diets and for what? My girlfriend who did it with me always lost faster than I did. So I threw up my hands and gave up! Repeat. :rolleyes: So this time I took a deep breath and decided that what I needed to do was create something sustainable for ME and try to let others do what worked for them.

So this time with the gym, which I do love, I created a baseline of must-do activity no matter what. (Except maybe crying the through the middle of it. :( ) For me that's spinning M/W/F and lifting T/TH. I can add stuff to it. Next week I'm starting a challenge of adding a 3 mile run before spin class and I usually do cardio on my lifting days as well. But when that becomes too hard, and it will because it means getting up at 4:40!!, I will back down to baseline; easy.

As for the diet, just make sure what you are doing is sustainable for life. South Beach didn't work for me because I knew I was dieting. What I am doing now works. I'm loosely calorie counting, with a heavy emphasis on portions. I knew from the start journaling was not going to be a way of life for me, so I didn't even start. Journaling is just another thing I can make too hard and quit.

Finally, celebrate your successes in whatever timeline you reach them! Set yourself a goal of being on plan for X number of months or a year! That in and of itself is a huge accomplishment and if you can do that, the weight loss will follow.

For some of us, weight loss is not linear. :no: I stall all the time!! But the weight does come off because I am extremely persistent.

Nebuchadnezzar
02-02-2011, 04:00 PM
Stop discussing ALL numbers with your family - weight, pounds lost, food eaten, calories burned, etc. Tell them it's off limits, not up for discussion and taboo.

Just concentrate on yourself. You can't compare bodies with other people or you'll go mad.

If they start bringing it up remind them that it's off the table and if they continue then hang up/leave the room/unfriend them/etc.

This is what I was going to say. Amazing advice, Seagirl. I should ask my friend who is having trouble to heed it as well. She's not been losing and has been ranting about my small loss sometimes. Not angrily but in sad desperation. I keep having to remind her that we're in two different bodies and that though I am losing slow for all my mistakes I am still over a hundred pounds heavier than she is. Or was, you know. And the fat tends to come off a bit more dramatically.

moonkissed
02-13-2011, 02:02 PM
I just wanted to pop in and say thank you all so much. You all gave me such great advice.

I didn't give up...completely. But I sunk down quite a bit and let myself get very upset. I kindof hid away and just stopped talking to my family for like almost 2 weeks. Which is just not the right way to handle it.

It is difficult. I don't want to like admit defeat, or that I am weak, or not perfect to them even more so when I am feeling down by them. So trying to tell them hey I don't wanna talk about weight loss anymore has me in a panic.

But something kindof clicked for me where I can see that we are just not on the same page with it all. I am just getting over a nasty stomach flu. I talked to them and told them how sick I was and how I couldn't keep anything down. And like the first thing my sister says is well you will lose a ton of weight this week then. eh... and my mom says -yeah i hate throwing up too that is why i could never have bulimia.

I know they do not do it on purpose. They are not evil. We are all really close and I consider them my best friends. I think they are just not realizing how it makes me feel and that perhaps we approach it differently.

I don't know how understanding and supportive your family is, but if you think they'd be the kind to listen and not hold it against you, you could let them know the problems that you're having with all this. It sounds like you're being super supportive of them, and they don't know what's going on with you.

I think you are right on with that. I know they love me and I should be able to talk to them and let them know that I am having a hard time and not worry about them thinking bad about me for it. They love me through it all.

I think I will just talk to them and try to be honest. let them know I am having a rough time and need to just focus on myself for some time. I won't lie I still have some apprehension. Like I'd like to say lets share and motivate and be encouraging but lets leave all the weight and numbers out of it. But idk if I can bring myself to say that either lol.



I just really wanted to thank you all so much. It has been a difficult road for me. and I am so glad every single day that I have found this website. You guys have been a shining light of hope and encouragement in my darkest times. I read alot more then I post but when I do post I always find just the most uplifting and loving support. Thank you. I just hope everyone knows how much that little bit has really touched my life & keep me from not giving up on so much.

OhMyDogs
02-13-2011, 02:14 PM
If you're working out 6 days a week, I would hazard a guess that while the pounds may not be flying off, I bet your in FAR better shape!! I bet if you compared inches lost with your family, as opposed to pounds lost, you'd be leading by a long shot.

You're doing it the right way, chin up, and keep trecking!! In the end, your way of losing will prove to be more beneficial, it's just going to take a while for that to be obvious :)

stacygee
02-13-2011, 03:07 PM
It is so much harder for some of us then others. Just try to focus on yourself. As you lose weight you will feel so much better about yourself and be able to deal with all sorts of problems so much better. I used to hve crazy sccreaming fits at my child and I can't remember the last time I have lost it like that. I think getting all that junk food out of my system cleard out my brain. I function better. Stick to a clean meal plan and exercise and worry about your own results.

martinimouse
02-14-2011, 01:31 PM
Trying to lose weight has a lot of emotion wrapped up into it. I have felt anger, and resentment over all kinds of things, like watching my husband eat fast food and candy and still lose weight when I won't let anything off plan pass my lips! I have had awful emotional swings too, when I felt so alone and so far away from goals. It's part of change, part of dealing with relationships and finding our new place in it all.

I hope you find some peace with it all. All I can say is roll with it, this whole thing is for you and about you ONLY. In the end it only matters that you achieve your goals, no matter how long it takes. Competition doesn't work for me, so it may be something you might want to drop out of, letting your mother and sister know it puts too much stress on you. You might want to find your own path to take.

Hugs.

DixC Chix
02-14-2011, 04:03 PM
After reading about your situation in the first post, I do see a lot of similarities in some of the situations I have. First and foremost, it appears your sister and mother are not providing the kind of (or any) support for you that you need. It sounds like they turn the discussion back towards themselves and their accomplishments or their feelings.

If you can't talk to them about this, can you just accept that this is the way they are and they are not and never will be the people to whom you should reveal a lot of your personal diet achievements and struggles?

Can you listen to your Mom say "she was told she was normal weight to being 10lbs underweight and is talking about how fat she still is" but hear the extreme need for compliments and praise because she feels inferior and doesn't think positively about herself?

Can you listen to your sister tell you "how oh no I messed up and drank pepsi all week, ate nachos & ate out 3 times and lost 2-3+ lbs" but hear the fear of failure and jealousy she has for you and that you weigh less and are already closer to goal than her?

Maybe they are not being as supportive as you need because they unconsciously see themselves as weak and see you as stronger and more capable and full of determination and will power and therefore requiring little of their support.

Oy, weight loss and family relationships...there's a topic for a doctorate thesis.

marianne78
02-14-2011, 09:25 PM
I hope you're feeling better now, moonkissed. I have nothing new to add to what's already been said here, but hang on and don't give up. It's not easy to lose 15 pounds and the fact that you've done that already speaks volumes on how strong and determined a person you are.

moon safari
02-15-2011, 04:44 AM
Ugh, that's a seriously hard place to be in. I definitely sympathize with you. I will say that you are stronger than you think you are.

One thing that helps me is to stop comparing yourself to other people. People are different, that's just life. Someone may flip their hair and lose 50lbs and you might work your *** off for 10 years to lose the same amount. That's not an excuse not to do it. It sucks but there's nothing you can do about how other people function. It's something you just have to accept as an inevitability: there will be things in life that are 100x harder for you than for other people. It might be math, driving, golf, making friends, typing, or losing weight. You can let it break you down and let the jealousy consume you or you can chalk it up to the genetic dice roll and keep doing you.

For what it's worth, you're already doing more than most people do by working hard to achieve a goal and making progress towards it!