why is the people who SHOULD support you the most fail you the worst?! my mother says she is trying to help me and then brings home brownies. "i was just trying to do something nice!" and she fake pouts. so not only has she brought a trigger into the house but now she is making me feel guilty for not eating it?! i asked her from now on if she must have that stuff don't bring it into my kitchen. and if i should decide to have something that isn't that healthy for me, don't eat it all in an attempt to "help" me. it sends me the message that i can't have it. she says its not on my diet. i said im not on a diet, im making a life change. diets mean you are restricting your self, im making better choices. if i start to limit myself then i will fall back into my old ways of hiding and binging. today i made some low cal muffins, triple berry. she watched me as i sprinkled the tops with some oatmeal. "ooo are you going to glaze them or put powdered sugar on them too?!" um, no, i hadn't planned on it. "just a little! come on!" WHAT?! seriously!? it's not her fault i'm fat as an adult, that is my doing but i learned a lot of things from her. i'm desperately trying to undo them. i know i should have kept this a secret but it's hard to do that. for once in my life i am excited about my future and getting healthy. even my daughter has jumped on board, asks for fruit and sugar free popsicles for dessert. her suggestions when we go out? a baked potato from wendys or subway. she's 12 and she gets it. my mother on the other hand, not so much. i have to just ignore the "advice" and keep my focus. i do have support in other ways. it's just frustrating that at home, where i should feel safe and be able to be ME, i can't.
Make her aware EVERY TIME that she attempts to derail you, that you are aware of what she's doing. Say to her, "I can see what you're trying to do to me, but my mind is made up - I'm making my health a priority." And just keep repeating that/something similar EVERY TIME so she is aware of her actions, too ... she knows what she's doing but she's not going to catch you off guard. And statements like, "oooh, just a little" are flat-out unacceptable. She can take her muffin and sprinkle sugar on it, but to urge you to do that is absurd. When she hears the same line over and over and over (and over!), she'll get tired of it and hopefully stop the behaviors. if not, then at least you're strengthening yourself and your resolve.
Yes, she is overweight as well. And doesn't make the best food choices herself. I just wish that instead of passing her judgment on me, she'd leave me alone. I don't say anything to her when she makes PB and MAYO sandwiches. BLECCH! But she insists on making comments about my choices and always follows them up with "I didn't want to say anything because you are an adult". Well then just don't.
THANKS for your encouraging words! Having you all makes a world of difference.
OH she's ONE of those people. My aunt when I had weight on me turned to me (she was a lot bigger then me) oh wow you're such a fatty now...In my head I was like really? did someone who is bigger then me just say that to me?! People need to know their role and shut their mouths that's for sure. They think they are helping a situation by putting their negative crap on us to make themselves feel better for the poor choices they make in life.
Ah yes, those who should be the most supportive - are not. My mother in law has never had a serious weight problem in her life. Most of her life she was super skinny. So changing a lifestyle of eating is the most foreign concept in the world.
I was just told a couple weeks ago that I have high blood sugars and the doctor is giving me 3 months to try and get them under control. That means no simple sugars. For her that means, 'Oh, just a little". So just a little bread is OK, just a little wine is OK (which it is, but I don't want to waste calories on wine, but on food instead), try this sweet roll - it's just a little. She's a doctor... she knows that my blood pressure and my blood sugars are a problem, so why tempt me? Because she can't fathom doing what I'm doing - giving up sweets. I wasn't born with lucky genes like she. I just can't do it and she can't accept it....
It's tough - especially when you live with the unsupportive person (we do).
Every relationship is different. You don't even want me to get started on my mother. But you are an adult. Stand strong. It's now your life, your family. TRY not to let it get to you. Refuse the food. You may need to get over your fear of being "rude." Really it's liberating if you can say "no. take that away"
Yes, she is overweight as well. And doesn't make the best food choices herself. I just wish that instead of passing her judgment on me, she'd leave me alone. I don't say anything to her when she makes PB and MAYO sandwiches. BLECCH! But she insists on making comments about my choices and always follows them up with "I didn't want to say anything because you are an adult". Well then just don't.
THANKS for your encouraging words! Having you all makes a world of difference.
We may have the same Mom.
I now do what I need to do, and blow off her comments and change the subject. If she insists on dwelling on it, I call her on it.
It's called a back bone, or "balls" if you will. Took me a long time to get to this point. Hang in there
feeling frustrated and defeated
