General chatter - Any suggestions for my annoying sister?

My only sister is driving me up a wall. She is constantly sending me unsolicited emails and "advice" about religion and how I better believe now before it is too late. She told me this evening that her children are doing so much better than mine because she is obedient to God and I am not.

She says that God is responsible for my weight loss and the fact that my Parkinson's has gotten a little better. She gives my tenacity and strength no credit for any of this. She gives my doctors no credit for any of this. She is one of those annoying people who is constantly gloom and doom and telling me that I need to bow down now and ask for forgiveness, etc. before God comes back and before it's too late.

She had a lot of issues in her earlier years including drug and alcohol abuse, multiple abortions, run-ins with the law for theft/shoplifting, etc. I am by no means perfect, but I did not have any of those issues in my life. I guess I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be asking forgiveness for.

I am an atheist and she just absolutely cannot let this go. I don't push it in her face at all. I would have never even told her except that she pushed me so much about my beliefs that I finally blurted it out. I have asked her point blank to stop and she won't. She sent me another email this evening saying that I need to repent, etc., and I immediately went right to the cupboard to see what junk I could find to eat. I haven't done that in a really long time.

What would you do? I am seriously thinking about cutting her out of my life because she is absolutely driving me nuts. I don't know what to do at this point.

Thanks for listening.

One of the kind of Big Important Things about Christianity that people often forget is that you have to CHOOSE it for yourself. That's...sort of the point. And someone who is beating you over the head with it is going to drive you away pretty darn fast.

I would have one last "I love you but I don't want to talk about this with you ANYMORE" conversations with her and then shut her down every time it comes up after that. I'm mean, so I tend to reply to obnoxious emails with UNSUBSCRIBE in the header or just delete or block her mails. If she has anything important to tell you, she'll call. No need to even tell her, just let those bad boys go quietly into the trash. If you're Facebook friends, hide her. She'll never know the difference. If she asks, be direct - I love you but I got tired of hearing stuff I already told you I wasn't interested in.

When it comes up in person, you can always use the "pass the bean dip" approach. It goes like this:

Her: blah blah blah REPENT blah blah
You: (blank stare)...could you pass the bean dip?
Alternatives:
(blank stare)...can you believe this weather?
(blank stare)...why yes this IS a new sweater, thanks for noticing.

You get the idea.

She doesn't want to be convinced that this is the wrong approach, I'd go so far as to say she kind of enjoys having this over you after all her years as a screw up and your converting would just move her on to another topic to beat you over the head with. Just ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't really have any suggestions, but I wanted you to know that you're not alone! I had the same exact problem with a cousin-in-law. She went as far as calling me a bigot and saying that I needed to get shot because I don't believe in God. I told her I was the biggest un-bigot she'd ever meet and that I accept anyone from any religion. My motto is, "to each their own." We are no longer on speaking terms. I couldn't believe she would act like that it was very surprising and upsetting. I've known her since she was 9 years old.

Sometimes, you just need to shut it down and repeat.

"This subject isn't open for discussion. Can you pass the broccoli?"
"This subject isn't open for discussion. How are the kids?"
"This subject isn't open for discussion. What a great sweater! Where did you get it?"

It's sort of the "pass the bean dip", with a constant reiteration that you're NOT going to talk about it. Seriously, it works (and I've HAD these conversations, with people who tell all sorts of things about my eternal destiny because I happen to be married to a woman). Just repeat. And then don't relent! It's sort of like giving into a toddler with a temper tantrum...if you give in JUST ONCE, they'll keep trying for months.

I have 2 cousins that spout religion and the fear of God constantly.
I think it is some sort of mental illness to be so consumed by religion.

One had substance abuse problems when she was younger. Then she 'found Jesus' and cleaned up her act. She traded one hang-up for another.

Joining a church helped her out of her substance abuse, but now she is alienating all her old friends and relatives by preaching constantly.
And her sister is a total religious nut also, but they argue religion amongst themselves.

I just ignore both of them, and I don't visit them at all.
Otherwise they would turn me into a screwball too.

:dizzy:

I am so sorry you are going through this, milmin. It's such a difficult thing when your beliefs diverge from others who are close to you.

Your beliefs are as valid as your sister's, and it's important to keep that in mind. Her unwanted prosthelytizing is so disrespectful to you. You'll never convince her of this, however, so you need to think about how best to protect yourself from this relentless badgering.

I firmly believe that sometimes, one must take cover from toxic people (which is not to say all Christians are toxic... but SOME are). I think NiteNicole has given you good advice to the extent ignoring your sister is possible. If it proves to be impossible, or is in some way detrimental to your well-being, then my suggestion is to calmly explain to your sister that she is jeopardizing your entire relationship in her constant quest to convert you to her belief system. Tell her that your relationship requires mutual respect for one another's beliefs, and if she is unable to do that, then you will have no choice but to keep her at arm's length -- or further, if necessary. Then follow through. I don't think she is going to stop.

I wish you all the best in this stressful situation. And I hope you can resolve it in such a way that you don't lose track of your weight loss goals.

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate it beyond words.

I made the mistake of thinking that I could confide in her about some troubles that I was having with my children. That's what sparked the email about my not believing in God being the reason for these troubles. She always turns everything around to religion.

Last week I posted a status on my Facebook about Glee. I love the show Glee. She had to make a comment about how the show is more of the moral decay of our society because they glamourize being gay. I have many gay friends. Our cousin, who I am very close to, is gay and also, like mandalinn, married to a woman, her partner and wife. When she spews this (what I call "hate speech") all over the place, I come very close to losing it and spouting off about her past indiscretions. It seems very much like bullying. I stop myself from getting into altercations with her on a public forum because I refuse to stoop that low. I will not give her or anyone else the satisfaction.

I am going to take the advice here about hiding her comments because they are emotionally harming me and I am tired of being on the verge of tears with every interaction I have with her. I am also going to take the other advice here about the "pass the bean dip" approach. I have even thought in the past about just saying that I'm a believer to shut her up. But as nitenicole said, I'm pretty sure she'd find something else to beat me up with.

Thank you again for your responses. I am not against Christianity. I am against bullying and mind games and control freaks.

I agree with previous posters. One last lay out it of "I am not talking about this with you!" and then "bean dip" time! :)

My sister went through a phase like that when she changed (?) faiths to match her spouse. I'm not all that sure what they ended up doing or if they practice or not. She was kinda of freaked out by the UU thing when my spouse and I converted to Unitarian Universalism.

She was making me nuts with my "needing to be saved." I don't subscribe to that belief system and I had to use some of her own vocab back at her.

I told her if I was wrong at the end, it was MY life, and if I was destined to go to **** for my beliefs, then I'd learn to take the heat! God put me on the path I'm on for a reason, even if she and I can't see that reason right now and it seems so different than her path. Did she not trust God to know what God is doing?

I didn't tell her what to believe for herself, so she didn't need to tell me. We could discuss if she wanted to just chat like a polite person, but there wasn't going to be any converting or pushing. I reminded her that the family has many different faiths going on in it -- jewish, baptist, buddhist, UU, catholic, etc. and just as we are multi-ethnic, it is possible to be multi-spiritual and still get along with each other mostly ok.

To her credit, she eventually got a grip on herself. I think she was going through a stage shift thing then and of course, she was in love and all about the BF/DH and fitting in with him.

It helps me with people to remember Fowler's stages of faith development. (http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/fowler.htm) Not everyone is at the same place at the same time.

Tell your sister this topic is not up for discussion. You are responsible for your own faith development, and she can be responsible for hers. Then change the subject.

A.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that in your life. Beliefs shouldn't be used as bludgeons. Some people have to embrace whatever filter they've chosen to allow them to see the world as they want to see it out of fear of what happens if they don't; it happened to my cousin whose religion metastasized into hatred. If he can hate something outside of himself, he no longer has to hate his own heart, his own mind, or his own past. I think it's incredibly tragic, but I also think it's repugnant. We haven't spoken in some time.

You've gotten terrific suggestions. Eventually she'll have to give in and just discuss pizza recipes or new novels with you instead because you're no longer closing that circuit. The buzzer that she used to be able to press at will no longer buzzes. It's brilliant and I plan to put it into practice with my own difficult family member.

I'd give anything to have my brother and sister back, so people who actively alienate theirs really push my buttons. It is a terrible shame to me that such divides ever have to happen because one family member can't keep a polarizing mindset to herself/himself. Regardless of what he/she believes comes after death, life is far too short to spend so much of it in condemnation and judgment.

I hope that after enough "pass the bean dip" treatment, she learns that and realizes that she'd better enjoy the family she has while she has you.

"Glee" is awesome, isn't it? :)

As a Christian myself, I can see her way (no offense), because Christians are told through the Bible to teach and convert as many as they can. She really cares for you, and just wants the best. Be flattered that she cares enough to be concerned.

But ... since it is bothering you. Have you tried just talking to her about it?

I have had similar problems with my older brother for the past few years. As a teenager he was quite a handful, luckily he was never involved with drugs/the law, but he did go to a lot of wild parties, and date a lot of girls-at the same time.

Since maturing a little he's done a 360 and is very dedicated to Christianity.

I guess being his little sister I was the obvious target to make sure I stayed on the straight and narrow! It is frustrating to me since I am now 20, and got through my teenage years drug/drink/boyfriend free. Growing up my slightly more deviant friends consistently told me how great my morals were. I am by no means a saint, I just knew what I thought was right, and didn't feel the peer pressure.

So really in terms of morals, my brother and I are quite similar now. However he is too extremist for my liking, I'm not one for TV but occasionally I'll turn on the music channels. If my brother is round he won't let me do this since he hates all the debauchery. I'm not a fan of it either but I like the music for dancing around/exercising to none the less. It's catchy and harmless fun in my opinion.

We disagree on pretty much everything, simply because I like chart music/hang out with male friends/wear skirts or bikinis on the beach-The list goes on. He can't even see that actually I am 'sensible' where it matters and that it is thanks to common sense, not divine intervention.

I mostly just stop him from initiating a 'debate' these days, they take it out of me too much. I have respect for his choice, I just wish he wouldn't bombard me with it.

What a great sweater! Where did you get it?


God.


I am so sorry. I have no other defense but to laugh and make terrible jokes. My immediate thought when just reading the thread title was to keep the pimp hand strong and pop her in the mouth. :devil:

In all seriousness, I would just tell her to knock it off or she's out. I had to do that with my own mother. Except it was TEXT FORWARDS ABOUT JESUS. So, Im in Walmart, my phone goes off and its a picture of Jesus, crying, sappy music, and a message about how he loves you. And fwd it to 10 people or he will smite me. Idk. :?:

My rule of thumb for dealing with annoying people:

Hide their Facebook statuses/comments

One warning via e-mail, and then the IP address gets blocked. I understand that teaching others is a big part of Christianity, but I believe that you also have the right to go your own way and live life by your own tenets, and your sister will have to respect that.

I understand that for someone who is devoutly religious, there's a deep desire to bring loved ones into the faith. But there is a world of difference between sharing a love of one's God with others and using religion to browbeat or judge them. Calling oneself a Christian doesn't exonerate vicious, hateful behavior; if anything, religious devotion combined with poisonous hatred is worse because that hatred is so cloaked in unassailable piety that the person who bears it doesn't see it for the toxin it is.

Trying to convert a person through hateful behavior is like trying to convince someone to start exercising by constantly harping on her about how sickening she is in her current state. It's vicious. It's also counterproductive, as the vast majority of people who feel as though they're being attacked (and yes, browbeating someone about their "sinful" ways is an attack) just shut down.

There are some exemplary Christians I've had the pleasure to meet whose serenity, good cheer, generosity of spirit, and gracious natures were a far more persuasive argument for their faith than any amount of fire-and-brimstone condemnation. I admire their devotion and have nothing but respect for their faith; in fact, I find it beautiful. I'd say the proportions are about 40-to-1 in favor of the "you're going to **** for that!" types, though; I see or hear of them all the time.

There's nothing beautiful in their behavior, that's for sure.

God does not use forwards or chain emails,...You either believe or don't...nothing will happen because you didn't act on an email. That is ridiculous.

I would cut her out personally, I have a really dislike for people who are like that about their religion and continue to play their BS on me. Out of all the people I've encounter with religious views I always found that Christians are the worst and the most hypocritical. (not all for the ones that are about to get worked up and go all nuts on me for saying this but MOST at least the ones I've met.)

Great you can believe in what you want but I'm going to believe in what I want. If you think I'm wrong than thats your problem but your opinion of me and what I believe in doesn't matter to me to begin with. I dislike toxic people and if she was my sister I'd tell her straight up, shut up or get out it's as simple as that, and when she came calm down with her BS and keep her comments to herself then she may come discuss with me to be back in my life but I wouldn't tolerate it that's for sure.

I've had friends of various religions and beliefs and the ones that are accepting/loving, have remained friends. The ones that are toxic, have not. I don't know, maybe you need to distance yourself especially if you've tried the 'bean dip' way of letting her know it isn't up for discussion. I know it hurts when you have to distance yourself from loved ones.

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate it beyond words.

I made the mistake of thinking that I could confide in her about some troubles that I was having with my children. That's what sparked the email about my not believing in God being the reason for these troubles. She always turns everything around to religion.

Last week I posted a status on my Facebook about Glee. I love the show Glee. She had to make a comment about how the show is more of the moral decay of our society because they glamourize being gay. I have many gay friends. Our cousin, who I am very close to, is gay and also, like mandalinn, married to a woman, her partner and wife. When she spews this (what I call "hate speech") all over the place, I come very close to losing it and spouting off about her past indiscretions. It seems very much like bullying. I stop myself from getting into altercations with her on a public forum because I refuse to stoop that low. I will not give her or anyone else the satisfaction.

I am going to take the advice here about hiding her comments because they are emotionally harming me and I am tired of being on the verge of tears with every interaction I have with her. I am also going to take the other advice here about the "pass the bean dip" approach. I have even thought in the past about just saying that I'm a believer to shut her up. But as nitenicole said, I'm pretty sure she'd find something else to beat me up with.

Thank you again for your responses. I am not against Christianity. I am against bullying and mind games and control freaks.

I would just unfriend her. Or block her from seeing status updates. Why should your friends have to be exposed to that bigotry?

It's very hard to give up on family. A friend who acted that way, sure, the decision's fairly easy to make, but family...well, you only get a few people out of the billions walking this earth who fill those spots. Making the decision to remove them from your life is an awfully big step.

I meant remove her as a friend on facebook. :lol:

Honestly, I'd push her away for awhile. It may just be a stage she's going through and after a few years she'll out grow it. Keep her in your wider circle-like the occasional letter/card. Keep repeating "It's not open to discussion" and change the subject. Block her email, de-friend her on facebook or at least hide her so nobody else will see her comments. But if it continues drop her completely, some people just don't get how annoying and off-putting it is to be around that type of talk.

I am a believer, but firmly believe that it's a personal choice and it's not to be pushed down other's throat. It makes me so annoyed when I hear things like this, don't these people understand how bad it makes the rest of us Christians look? All it takes it a couple wack jobs to make the entire religion look bad.

On another note-I have absolutely no problems with who people love. It's not my business and love is love no matter what gender is involved.

I hope this isn't too much, but I just wanted some of you to see 2 of her emails to me. These are actually mild compared to some of the others she has sent to me. Mind you, these are unsolicited. I believe these were sparked due to my comment about liking Glee.


Unfortunately, you will soon find out that everything I say is true. The bible says that "all knees will bow" - even those who did not believe because they will be forced to. If God is not in control and you also don't believe Satan is in control, then who is in control? Looking at your own life, you'd have to agree that you're not in control because I don't think you would have given yourself Parkinsons or allowed your boys to do some of the stuff they have. Who is in control? If no one is in control and things just happen by chance - the world would be so much more chaotic then it is - and we'd have absolutely no chance to better ourselves or hope at all - every day would just be a chance - I might get hit by a car today or I might not. You say that rational thinkers can't believe in the bible - well I'd say that rational thinkers can't believe in a world that is total chaotic, disorder and chance, without reason or organization of any kind. Without the hand of God on this country (which is how we were founded) the destruction, evil and chaos would be so much more than it is right now - none of us would have survived so far. I would have died long ago, every time I took the chance to get in a car with a drunk driver or with me driving drunk and so would have most of the people I know. Seriously, God is in control and He has set up principles and laws that govern this world and if you obey them, you are blessed - plain and simple and I'm seeing the fruits and rewards of that now in my life and in the lives of my children - because one of His laws is that He always gives more than and later than for your troubles if you obey Him!

I don't know if any of you have seen the trailers for the movie "the Rite" with Anthony Hopkins??? but I know I am going to catch it for that one. He is supposedly taken over by en evil spirit (the devil, whatever), and one of the first symptoms is shaking in his arm.

Honestly, when she sees this, I am done for. No kidding, I bet she will think I am possessed due to my Parkinson's.

. She went as far as calling me a bigot and saying that I needed to get shot because I don't believe in God. We are no longer on speaking terms. I couldn't believe she would act like that it was very surprising and upsetting. I've known her since she was 9 years old.

You ought to get shot cause you don't believe in god...yeah. Thats a real christian attitude. :frypan:

First an formost, God does not affect your weight or mess with your life or family if your not serving him. What happens to us is a direct result of our own actions or being affected by the actions of others.

If she's gonna keep at you and make you feel bad, than cut her off. It stinks to do it, but if she's making you unhappy each time you talk, than there is no point in trying to maintain a relationship with her.

It seems to me that she is desprete to make you think her life is better. She's probably misreable and trying to make you feel the same way..

Ask God to help you figure this out before it's too late. Your eyes are blinded to the truth, just like mine used to be. My kids are doing better than yours because God blesses those who live in obedience - that's one of His truths, like it or not. I want you to be as blessed as I am and I know that He's given you another chance by helping you to heal this past year and lose weight. You need to listen and fear the Lord - He is coming back and all signs lead to sooner than later.

Figure out what? I have never said that I need help figuring out anything.

Thank you again for your responses. You'd think at my age, I'd be able to decide what to do about all of this easily, but family is never easy.

..."Given yourself Parkinson's?" Oh, ouch. Forget what I said earlier about how difficult it is to cut a family member out of your life; if someone believes that you are somehow responsible for that, there may no longer be room for her there.

There is something profoundly wrong with people who believe that others get hit by cars or affected with health concerns because God wanted them punished for failing to obey. I only have 25% of my family left, but I swear that if my remaining relative believed the others somehow deserved...ugh, I can't even see how a loving person could think that way.

That is pathological.

Ask God to help you figure this out before it's too late. Your eyes are blinded to the truth, just like mine used to be. My kids are doing better than yours because God blesses those who live in obedience - that's one of His truths, like it or not. I want you to be as blessed as I am and I know that He's given you another chance by helping you to heal this past year and lose weight. You need to listen and fear the Lord - He is coming back and all signs lead to sooner than later.

Figure out what? I have never said that I need help figuring out anything.

Thank you again for your responses. You'd think at my age, I'd be able to decide what to do about all of this easily, but family is never easy.

so she is only christian because of what god can do for her?

Has she read the book of job? Tell her you are a better christian because god loves you enough to test you.

My sister is like this, but not about religion.

I learned to tune her out. I created a feigned interest look on my face and I just nod to whatever she's saying. I'm thinking about my grocery list or whatever else I need to do next.

I don't reply to emails or if they require a reply, just a short "Thanks!" and I'm done.

You can't get rid of her like you would a friend, but you don't have to engage either. You don't have to force her to respect your choice, which is maybe what's happening here.

You can just let her go on and on and tune it out. Sure, it's annoying, but you're not going to change her. Her Christianity probably saved her life and she probably can't understand why not everyone else sees the same thing.

Getting into a conversation with her about her faith is not going to get anywhere. She is not going to change her mind (nor do you want her to because if her religion saved her life you don't want her to go back to where she was with the drugs) and you're not going to change her mind.

As my mother is fond of saying, just let it roll like water off a duck's back.

I am a Christian, and I don't think this is a matter of her showing her love. I understand that the Bible says to "shine your light so that all may see" but that DOESN'T mean you have to bully, beat or push someone into faith. I'm far from knowing exactly what God wants, but I really feel that we're all supposed to find our own way, and what we find at the end will be different for each person because each person's relationship with themselves and/or God is different. Even among Christians, there isn't one single person who has an identical relationship with God.

Your sister needs to sit down and review her Bible again. Pay special attention to "Judge not, lest ye be judged." You weren't punished with Parkinsons. Your kids aren't punishment for not believing. Bad things are just part of life. Even utterly DEVOUT Christians go through bad times. They just call those times "trials" not punishment. ;)

I would ignore her emails. If you are secure in your beliefs, nothing is going to make you doubt yourself. That goes for ANY religion, faith etc... Tell her that. And tell her there are many other things you'd like to talk about with her, if she'd only stop talking about this one subject. If she can't, tell her you will not be talking with her until she can talk about something else. Delete offensive comments from Facebook, hide her statuses, send her emails directly to the trash.

I agree with Rana's mom--let it roll off your back.

Her faith probably saved her life. It seems she's passionate about it. But she should know that not everyone's going to agree.
Read or don't read her emails. Respond or don't respond.
You can't change/control her, but you can change/control how you react to her.

I had a friend once that was worried about my soul and he wanted to discuss my 'salvation'. I told him that I didn't discuss religion with friends because it always led to hurt feelings and sometimes arguments. So, he let it go. We didn't speak much after that.

Good luck :)

It sounds like her personality operates on extremes. Is this a relatively recent conversion? Many people who convert to something (whether it be religion, veganism, whatever) tend to be overly righteous about things for a while until they settle down. My mother recently converted to Islam and can act similar (including the random proclamations on my Facebook, primarily about the evils of alcohol, which I do not even drink). I deleted her as a friend, and expressly told her why. I left it at that.

I would mark her email as Spam, and not read them. I would tune her out as much as I possibly could. She has more Zeal than Wisdom at this point, maybe it will wear off afterwhile.

Thank you all. I have blocked her FB account and put her emails to be immediately sent to spam and deleted at the end of the day. I have told myself that this doesn't mean an end to our relationship forever, but I will have to know that things are going to be different before I can allow more communication.

Wow. I realized last evening that not turning to sugar at an emotional time is much more difficult than I ever realized. Also allowing myself to feel my true feelings, rather than stuff them down with food, is actually quite stressful. I now totally understand why I became so overweight and didn't even see it. Every time something was bothering me, I would eat and push it down, out of my thoughts.

As a Christian I would like to apologize for your sister's behavior.
On behalf of all Christian people who gag when "christian" people act pushy and shove bible words down peoples' throats- and want to vomit when they hear names like Joel Olsteen or Dr. Phil- please just know that not all Christians are like that.
When people twist God's word and act ridiculous and pushy and stupid it embarrasses all of us. I know God probably feels pissy about it too- that's not how He was, as far as I can tell.

Your beliefs are yours and hers are hers.
I think you absolutely did the right thing in blocking her for now- and don't be afraid in the future of just ignoring her "verbal diarrhea."
It sounds like she has some issue she needs to work on.

Sounds less of a Christian and more of an addict who has swapped one addiction for another. :/

Sorry you have to deal with this from a family member, but it sounds like you have done what you can and you can be pleased about that at least. :hug:

OMG, this is terrible. I can't believe some of the things she's said to you. There is no reason for anyone to ever say those things to someone they like.

If it were me, I'd quote some parts of her emails to me (such as saying her kids are doing better than yours...by whose standards? And the Parkinson's comments. Seriously, just because someone is not in control of every aspect of her life does not automatically mean that GOD is...but it looks like you can find plenty of mean comments in there without even attaching it to religious arguments) and say "This is really hurtful and until you stop saying these things I will find it difficult to continue my relationship with you."

How long has she been like this? When did she find God? My brother has a troubled past and found religion and was obnoxious for a while. It took him a few years, but he simmered down. He'll still engage in discussion if you engage him, but I've learned not to. ;) I adore my brother! It's best we don't discuss religion...or politics. :rofl:

Campus crusaders are the reason I want to convert to Judaism. :rolleyes: Seriously, they got hold of me in college and fed me such crap that I ran away as fast as I could. And I was Christian at the time. Sad huh? I know it's the mission of some to convert the world, but wow, how they go about it.

Please excuse the fact that I stood up for her earlier. I didn't know how she was "preaching" at you. It really doesn't look like she's doing it out of love at all, if anything people who "preach" in such a way as she is doing end up ruining Christianity for other people. It's very sad. She needs to be gentle and kind when she talks to you about GOD, not judgmental and rude.

People like that are the reason so many people flee from Christianity. :(

Please excuse the fact that I stood up for her earlier. I didn't know how she was "preaching" at you. It really doesn't look like she's doing it out of love at all, if anything people who "preach" in such a way as she is doing end up ruining Christianity for other people. It's very sad. She needs to be gentle and kind when she talks to you about GOD, not judgmental and rude.

People like that are the reason so many people flee from Christianity. :(

Right, and just leading by example too. That's how I feel.

Ok. I have to chime in because I am the atheist in a family of strong Christians.

My sister is a minister's wife and they believe you lead by example. You have to be a good Christian not just be able to quote the Bible. They also state if you aren't a Christian it's because of God's Will and they can't make you be anything. However, they will state a nonjudgemental comment on certain things from their religious view. The way in which they say things is not insulting or meant to make nonChristians feel denigrated. Making someone feel awful about themselves doesn't help but if a person shows interest, they are there to guide and teach about their faith.

My mother is very active in her church as well and also leads by example. She tends to pick up "strays" and helps them out, drives troubled youth to and from church. But again, she is in no way pushy. She keeps my son on Saturday nights from time to time and had been taking him to church. When he was younger it wasn't bothersome because they just played. But then my son came home talking about how God did this and that and I got uncomfortable so I kinda nixed it in a nonconfrontational way; there was no push back from her regarding this.

Sorry that got long, but as others have said there are good Christians who spread their teaching and beliefs not by beating you over the head but lead by example with love and compassion. Far too often those who are most vocal/aggressive about their religion have the biggest sins and skeletons in their closets.

One of the main reasons I brought this upsetting time in my life to 3FC is because I knew that people here would be brutally honest with me, and I knew I could take it. I am not some weak, wimp who can't be told the truth. I also knew that none of you really know me and so you would have no agenda or ulterior motive by telling me how you felt. I have appreciated every one of your comments.

serval87-no apology necessary. I am open to all comments and suggestions when I ask directly for advice. Everyone doesn't have to agree with me.

A lot of my hurt here comes from the fact that I have always been there for my sister. ALWAYS. She has had a very drama-filled, unhealthy, unhappy life. If Christianity has helped her to overcome any/all of this, I am thrilled for her. Honestly, I am. I know it doesn't sound like it, but from the bottom of my heart, I am. When she was married to her first husband, I was still in high school and had just barely gotten my driver's license. He was drunk all the time and didn't work and sat in the bars most of the days. They had a small child at this time. They lived in a crappy trailer, the heat would go out (in upstate NY, in the middle of winter) and she couldn't get the heater started. I can't tell you how many times I would go drag them both out of bars, sometimes both of them fighting and yelling obscenities at me the whole time. All because she would call me in the middle of the night and ask me to. I would climb up on their trailer roof and clean it off (she was already pregnant with their second child), and restart the heater. I would babysit constantly. I was there in the hospital with her when both of her two younger kids were born. I was her coach both times.

Her ex later died in a truck accident. He was drunk, was thrown from his truck, and it landed on him. Thank goodness the kids weren't with him and that he didn't injure anyone else. I helped her through that.

She has since remarried and had 2 more children. She is a good mother now that she's sober and has really tried to straighten out her life. I can completely understand why someone with so many previous problems would find the pull toward Christianity so strong. She has not been able to be there for me in the past due to her crazy life. There was no room for me with all of the drama. I have gotten used to it over the years and not expected much from her.

In response to Eliana and sacha, she started going to the baptist church about 5 years ago. The really nasty emails and pushing started about a year ago and just keep getting progressively worse. I have told her many times that I wish not to discuss religion. I have told her that we can talk about our kids, husbands, jobs, and anything else, but not religion. She has told me that it is such a huge part of her life that she can't just not talk about it. Honestly, I wish I had never told her that I didn't believe because she wasn't as bad before that. Now she has made it her personal mission to convert me.

She contacted my son today and sent him a long email saying that she can block me from facebook and my email, but she will never stop and will never give up because it is what God has instructed her to do. She also told him that she thinks I have mental problems because I want to cut her out of my life. I have not responded to anything she has said recently AT ALL. You can't talk with her because it's like trying to nail jello to a tree. It just doesn't work. She doesn't listen and can't see anyone else's viewpoint.

She had 2 abortions when she was a teenager. I honestly feel that now that the drug and alcohol haze has been removed from her life, she is feeling absolutely horrible about it and is putting all of her efforts into finding something else to concentrate on to move her thoughts away from it.

Anyway, I know that was long. I'm sorry. I just really had to type it out because I am feeling so crappy the past few days and all I want to do is eat every piece of sugar I can get my hands on. I have basically been resisting but I am slipping more and more.

I appreciate everyone here so much. So does my husband who doesn't have to listen to my rambling. LOL

You might remind us that "honor your father and mother" is one of the Big Ten and she's putting your son in a terrible position by talking about you to him. That is really just out of bounds and shows me that your sister has serious boundary issues.

wow how old is your son? that is horrible.

He just turned 19.

Yeesh! At least he's not a little kid but still... yeesh!

Hang in there! Sounds like she's going to try to test you from all directions to see if you stick to "That's nice. Pass the bean dip!" or cave and get all into it with her again.

Stick to bean dip!

GL!
A.

milmin- OH MY LANTA-

let me put it out there that i don't believe in organized religion, i believe in God, just not in the judeo-christian sense, more in the universe, higher power sense.

your sister is totally off her rocker. and out of line. sorry for being so blunt.
first of all, to have parkinsons, and be where you're at today is amazing. seriously. and i'm sure you're grateful for everything and everyone in your life. and you're kicking butt at losing weight. you're amazing and an inspiration to all of us here :hug:!!! for your sister to even imply that you brought that on to yourself in some way is incredibly insensitive, rude and disrespectful. and after everything you've done for her? oh no. she's not being a very good christian, i would have thrown that in her face ages ago. but i can be a spiteful beast sometimes...
for her to also contact your son is also over stepping her boundaries. maybe talk things over with him so he knows where you're coming from or what the situation is?
i don't have siblings, so i can't say how i know how it might feel not having a sibling in my life, but i would seriously take a look at how having this type of person in my life will benefit me. it seems as though it will just add stress and hostility at this point. the fact that she mentioned that she is really taking this on as a mission and a crusade almost is alarming. you might have to put your foot down and tell her to hit the road. its great that she got her life "together", but don't let her make yours stressful, not after what you've been through with your health. she needs to be your sister- respect you, love you, support you and be there for you and hold your hand. not save your soul to make herself feel better for the past or whatever it is she is trying to do.
oof. sorry this was soooo long. again, i would really tell her to back off, and that if she can't respect your wishes, then she needs to not be around. difficult, yes, but how much stress is this causing you now? is it worth it? hash it out, think about it.
again, you're an inspiration to all of us, and much much love and light to you :)

I'm going to say Karma is going to be a really b!tch when it turns around and bites her in the ***. I'm sorry you have to go through with that and the fact she's now went too far in contacting your son.

Geesh. Your son should block her emails too!!

She had 2 abortions when she was a teenager. I honestly feel that now that the drug and alcohol haze has been removed from her life, she is feeling absolutely horrible about it and is putting all of her efforts into finding something else to concentrate on to move her thoughts away from it.



Before you even said that, that was my suspicious as well. Just to let you know, I'm an atheist as well (I guess open to the idea, but jesus would have to sit in my living room and have coffee with me for me to change my mind). My mom is a hardcore evangelist. Her constant berating about my lack of belief really wore me down too. It was one of the many reasons I completely stopped talking to her.

Like you, she kept babbling on and on and on and drove me insane until I finally told her I don't believe in God. She used to tell me my boyfriend was now going to go to **** and my future kids would burn for eternity, and just all this horrible stuff. I tried telling her repeatedly I didn't want to talk about it, and that I was an adult and I could make my own decisions, and it's not that I didn't KNOW about Christianity, I just didn't believe in it. SHE WOULDN'T STOP!

The worst part is, I was the one that started getting her to go to church. I was like 10, and she was a drunk and depressed and I just wanted something that we could all do as a family. I just wanted to belong somewhere. Blah, huge mistake. She's still a huge drunk, and used to spew hurtful things to me all the time, but hid behind her shroud of Christianity. She knew she was going to heaven. And I really think a lot of her obsession was the fact that she felt bad for doing a piss poor job of raising my brother and I. But, whatever.

I just wanted to say I completely, 100% understand where you're coming from. I went through the exact same thing. I cut my mom out of my life and to be honest, I don't really miss her. But I had more reasons than you to do it. But if you do need to cut her off for a while, don't feel bad. You really need to look out for yourself and your kids.