Weight Loss Support - Bringing my lunch is a problem?

Hi there,

I work with a friend and for probably the first 10 months we worked together, we would both buy food or eat at a restaurant during lunch. I decided to be more serious about saving and about what i'm eating, so I bring my lunch most days now. Occasionally, i might eat out, once a week, but usually not.

I am really happy with the amount of money that I'm saving, along with the fact that i've been losing weight. Unfortunately, i can tell that she is annoyed that she doesn't have a lunch partner anymore. She would ask for weeks where we should buy lunch that day, even though she should have learned that i was bringing my lunch and that question was totally moot.

I still eat lunch in the break room most of the time so she could easily go out, buy lunch, and bring it back and eat with me. She would ask me to go with her while she buys her lunch, even though i brought my lunch from home, but telling her that i'll meet her in the break room instead seemed to annoy her. it's my lunch hour, why should i spend time watching her order food?

also, sometime i prefer to go for a walk/do some window shopping during lunch. most of the girls that eat in the lunchroom have children, and i am single and don't care to hear about kids for an hour straight. i love kids, but...like i said... i am single and kids arent really of interest to me at the moment.

I've already told her nonchalantly how happy i am that i am saving so much money (also cut out starbucks, and no longer go with her for a morning coffee break) and how i am happy that i am losing weight, so i am getting frustrated as to why she is not getting the clue. she seems really short with me lately as well.

chicks, what should i do?

She may just miss the companionship, and maybe your talks on lunch/coffee breaks. She might take this as a sign that you don't like her anymore.

I have a friend at work that I was in that routine with. And those were our "vent" sessions to each other, to get away from the office and take a deep breath for a minute. So now, I'll go out with her and still vent and talk, but I just don't buy anything and get a little exercise in during the walk.

If this isn't the case, I wouldn't worry about it. You're getting your health and finances in order and that's GREAT! It is also your lunch break and you can spend it the way you want.

You should think about ways in which you might spend time without spending money or feeling like you're wasting time.

I like Shytowngal's idea of getting in some good bonding time on the walk to food (and then eating your own).

Since you cut out both the coffee and lunch routines I can see where your friend might feel a little left behind/put off. Just make sure she understands that even though you're cutting back on food and budget that you don't mean to cut back on your time for her.

Could you take turns packing a healthy lunch and window shopping?

She probably just misses you, like some of the others have said. It sounds like most of the things you two did together revolved around food or spending money. I'm sure buying food for lunch and getting coffee just isn't as fun since you're not with her. Maybe you should suggest that she try bringing her lunch or plan something else that the two of you can do together.

It mostly depends on whether you want this work friendship to keep on, or not and what the friendship basis was.

If not, carry on. You aren't doing anything wrong, and if your friendship was mainly based on "eating buddies" -- well, you've moved on. You still like her, but you aren't the eating buddy.

If there was more to the friendship that that, perhaps you can suggest getting together outside of work. Or making Fri lunch be the special go out to eat thing and just be BYO the rest of the time. Whatever.

But either way, you have to examine this friendship and WHY you were friends to begin with.

A.

I would bring it up in a friendly caring way with her. Just tell her that you are really trying to save money and eat healthier but you do miss all the fun times of eating out together with her.

Then ask if she wants to plan a lunch date at a restaurant one day a week together and/or maybe one day a week plan a special lunch theme. Like you both pick together a theme like mexican, asian, etc... then you both bring your own lunch of that theme and alittle extra to share/try of a recipe. Not everyday but once a week should be ok lol

Then she will feel included. Maybe also ask her to walk with you and window shop? Unless you just really want to be alone.

I like the Friday lunch idea (that i choose it as my day to buy lunch).

She asked me for tips on what to bring for lunch, but she never brought her lunch once yet, so that is obviously not going to happen.

I just hate feeling like the bad guy when I'm trying to save money and be healthier.

Just wondering, have you officially invited her to join you yet? Sometimes people just appreciate the fact that you have formally asked them. Its easy to overlook and easy to assume that someone just knows 'of course they are' are invited.

If you did enjoy your time together then tell her you miss your lunches and coffees together, but this is what you are doing now and that you would love for her to join you.

If she has asked for ideas that shows interest so I wouldn't write it off as "obviously is not going to happen".

My guess is that she misses you and from what you've said maybe you aren't being direct enough. Tell her "we're saving for X and I just can't eat out every day like I used to" and maybe go with her to buy lunch and chat a couple times a week. She could be very insecure and think that your new habits are a reflection on her versus being a new lifestyle on your part. You need to sit her down and explain why you've changed and make sure she knows it's not about her. Unless you outright say it, she may not get the hint.