Disrespect after losing weight by friends. - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

tryhardforlife · 01-15-2011, 10:12 PM

I know everyone is always talking about people treating them badly when they were overweight. I have the opposite going on right now. Tonight is another example of a "friend" committing to going out and then texting me some B.S. excuse while I'm waiting at the bar to meet only them. This is happening alot and it seems like everything is going downhill. I have no idea what is going on?

liz84 · 01-15-2011, 10:17 PM

Whenever you are succeeding in life you will always run into haters -- don't let them bring you down!!

Peaches5577 · 01-15-2011, 10:35 PM

I agree. This is a new phase in your life and for the better. Each phase we go through teaches us new things about life, friends, family, etc. Keep the positive influences in your life, the others are not needed.

Sindaena · 01-15-2011, 10:44 PM

Sounds like you need new friends.

I'm sorry this is happening to you.

SDV219 · 01-15-2011, 10:46 PM

I'm sorry that this happened to you ... people are just mean sometimes.

DisgruntledOne · 01-15-2011, 10:57 PM

hmmm i wonder.......is this a new thing or has it been that way the whole time and you just didn't notice? One thing I find interesting(btw i know this from posters here not self experience) is that once you lose weight a new found self respect begins within yourself. So could it be you lacked self respect and just "let" this happen before but now with weight loss and a different feeling about yourself you are just now seeing this?
Anyway that is a horrible thing to do to a friend and I hope you will find people who are more respectful of you.

luckymommy · 01-15-2011, 11:13 PM

Have you tried confronting your friends about what their reasons are? It's not cool, so they owe you an explanation. Just my thought.

Shytowngal · 01-15-2011, 11:16 PM

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Do you think your personality has changed during your physical transformation? I'm trying to be honest with you, and well, a lot of your other posts come off as very rude and/or cocky. This may be a turnoff to your friends.

I'm not trying to be out of line here. I know that I have changed. Am more self confident, more outgoing, etc. Your friends may be confused about your new "self".

moon safari · 01-15-2011, 11:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DisgruntledOne

So could it be you lacked self respect and just "let" this happen before but now with weight loss and a different feeling about yourself you are just now seeing this?
Anyway that is a horrible thing to do to a friend and I hope you will find people who are more respectful of you.

THIS. I know from experience that friends (unfortunately mostly female friends) get really weird when you lose weight as you are changing your label and people hate change. However, you may also just be noticing it now and its been happening all along.

tryhardforlife · 01-16-2011, 05:41 AM

I think anyone that has been seriously overweight for a long period of time understands how our identity is defined by our appearance. Is it the result of all the comments chipping away at our feelings of self worth from childhood or is it that we are generally passive and allow people to treat you a certain way? I am anything but cocky about losing weight. I know how insane it can be since I lost 150 pounds before and gained it all back. Over the last couple years I'm quicker to call BS as I see it. I have this feeling that can totally be wrong but when "normal" people stand up for themselves and overweight people develop a new found respect for themselves and become more assertive after losing weight they are considered jerks. Oh they must be hungry all the time or they have "changed". When the other posters who have lost a good chuck of weight have similar stories I don't know what to think? I'm not trying to put it all on other people shoot we never know how people can misread comments, but when you can remember every negative remark about your weight from 5th grade but can't find your keys from an hour ago it's hard to tell if you healing or the past is affecting the new you.

Robsia · 01-16-2011, 05:47 AM

I had one friend that just dropped me for no reason after I lost weight, and I never knew why. I tried to mend bridges, even invited her to my wedding in an attempt to reopen communications, and she just ignored me. I went round to her house and she wouldn't let me in, told me she couldn't come to my wedding and shut the door in my face.

Maybe that was why - in our relationship she had always been the slim one, and I had always been the fat one. Now I was slim, and she had put on a few pounds - not many, maybe 15 or so, but I was thinner than she was.

Maybe that was why - it never occurred to me before.

Such a shame - we had known each other since we were 3 - she was my oldest friend.

tryhardforlife · 01-16-2011, 05:54 AM

Rob I've know this guy for 20 years he was a normal weight and gaining like many guy my age 41. Seriously if just being a reminder that your friends are overweight is such an ego killer that they can't stand being around you being overweight must be like wearing the scarlet letter. Sorry this happened to you as well.

joyfulloser · 01-16-2011, 07:47 AM

Well...although I'm not a psychologist and cannot determine WHY your "friends" are treating you this way, I can say this...when I outgrow a pair of shoes, I get rid of them. You can surround yourself with people who encourage you towards good, and get rid of people in your life that make you feel bad, especially after having gone through that kind of pain as a child...who needs that memory brought back in adulthood.

Like my mom used to say, "with friends like that...who needs enemies?"

luciddepths · 01-16-2011, 11:24 AM

That sucks! I would ask them why. I mean for them to wait till the last minute to tell you they are not coming is rude! And for all of them to claim that!? I'd say sure if they let you know an hour or more beforehand because things happen but 10 ish mins before you meet?

How often is this happening? Once or twice ok but if it's every time that seems crazy!

LisaHuttons · 01-16-2011, 11:37 AM

I have the same encounter as you. But it was inevitably due to my own doing as well... When I decided to really commit to losing weight, I joined a gym and made a good friend there who eventually turned out to be my workout buddy. So the additional time I spent at the gym and also my workout buddy meant I spent less time hanging out with my other friends. Slowly they began to cut me out and even said, mean things like why wasn't I hanging out with my gym buddy today... Comments like that can hurt a lot! I've learnt to deal with this. Friends shouldn't treat you like this... they should be supportive instead of being selfish and mean. I'm now trying to surround myself with more positive people and people who have the same goals as me. Staying positive is very important!