[moonkissed]

lol this is kindof a long rant. I just tried talking to other people and they didn't get it was hoping someone here would.

So at the end of December last year my husband told me he wanted to lose weight too and would start with me. He drinks only Lipton super sugary lemon teas and said he would give them up and drink water. He said he would even switch to wheat bread and wheat pasta.

I was shocked! Ever since I started losing weight I switched to whole wheat and diet drinks. Even when I did horrible and fell off I kept those changes. He always refused so we were buying two kindofs of bread and pasta all the time lol He even started looking at the calories of stuff he buys. Like he noticed a pot pie he loves was 500 calories a serving which is only half the pie like anyone would only eat half lol and he sometimes ate two of them!

Anyways I was proud of him. I knew it would be harder for him. He is a manager at a restaurant and works 10-12+ hours a day and is exhausted and doesn't have alot of free time anyways.

So we start and things start to go well...he is eating veggies if I serve him dinner. and he stopped buying tea. But he hasn't touched the wheat bread at all and even brought home white bread to use... He is also using ice tea mix it isn't real tea just powdered sugar to me lol and he keeps sneaking back for 2-3 whole meals after dinner and I go to bed.


I totally ended up lashing out at him. Saying that he wasn't sticking to it. I feel horrible. I didn't even bring up him eating later or the tea. Just the wheat bread. But I know I made him feel bad. Right away I apologized and told him how proud I was of him for making the changes he has and he is right small changes are great.

I don't understand why I got so upset though. It is not like I am perfect. I had messed up a ton last week.

And I can talk to my sisters & mom about dieting and everything and not get mad at them for messing up. I can be both supportive and honest and open with them and share. We only talk online and on the phone since they are in Texas & I am in New York so maybe them not actually being right here helps idk?

And on top of it I find myself almost sabotaging him. Telling him how oh he can get this or that if he really wants it. And serving him very large portions. If he did that to me I would kill him lol

I just don't know what to do. if he makes his own meals it is 99% of the time soup from a can or raviolis from a can (not always heated up). He won't make himself a whole meal and won't make himself a salad or veggies. If I put it in front of him he will eat them though.

In the past I almost never cooked. We ate our own meals almost never the same thing. We have very different tastes. he can't have poultry & that is about the only meat I eat lol.

I am trying to make meals for us most days of the week but then I tend to idk overfeed him with big portions. I don't want him to be hungry but at the same time I have no clue what size portions he should eat....

It is just very stressful for me. idk what to do. Has anyone been in this type of situation with their spouse?

[Lori Bell]

My husband could stand to lose 30 pounds. Actually he REALLY needs to lose 30 pounds, but he has been 30 pounds overweight for the last 20 years. I have been anywhere from 0 to 190 pounds overweight and everywhere in between...lol Sometimes he says he would like to lose it, and he'll try to give up his beloved chips and beer for awhile, but it never lasts. I'll get a little pissy with him when he brings home 3-4 bags of chip in one day but it's useless.

What I do is I cook for the family. I make us all the same thing. They serve themselves. If they don't like it they can fry themselves an egg. If they complain, (which they rarely do), they can do the cooking.

Over the years several people have said they wanted to "diet" with me. I tell them right off that I will not be the food police. I will make suggestions and give them pointers if they ask, but I can't do it for them. Several of my fat friends have "left" me because of my weight loss. It sucks, but I'm not going to stop trying to be healthy to please them.

[JayEll]

Lori Bell, I've never seen your before photos! What a difference!

My partner has no weight problem, so for me to lose weight, our meals had to go their separate ways. Not in all things, but in foods I needed to track. Sometimes we eat completely different meals--but I only deal with my meals. A lot of "batch cooking" goes on, so we can mix and match, so to speak.

It sounds to me like you are confusing your husband with a child. You're not "in charge" of what he eats or chooses to eat. You are also not "in charge" of making sure he gets "enough" to eat.

The bread thing is really individual. I don't like most whole wheat bread and never have--I seem to have digestive issues with it. I'm not going to eat it just because it's "healthier." I'd rather not eat bread at all than only have whole wheat. So, he may not be able to stick to that.

As for portion sizes, you can find information on the web easily, if you want to go that route. But mainly, you need to treat him like an adult who is in charge of what he puts in his mouth and stop monitoring him as though he is failing you if he eats "bad" foods. As Lori Bell said, no need for you to become the food police.

Good luck!
Jay

[duckyyellowfeet]

When I decided to start losing weight, it was spurred by my partner freaking out about her own weight. About 4 months into it, she decided she was happy with where she was and stopped eating on plan.

I kept cooking healthy foods for dinner and just left her alone for the rest of the meals. I stopped serving her portions, or would ask her if she wanted extra of a particular part of the meal. If she wanted off-plan food, that was fine by me and I would just cook myself something OP for myself. In the end, she is an adult and I knew I would be offended if she kept scrutinizing every morsel I put into my mouth.

IMO, you're not helping your husband by dishing up how much food you think he should eat. Let him serve himself...that way, he starts to make the connections to how much HE is hungry for. He might need to take things slower than you do; cutting out hundreds of empty calories of iced tea is much more significant than switching to wheat bread anyways.