General chatter - What does loving yourself REALLY mean?




milliondollarbbw
01-11-2011, 12:51 PM
So, I have often heard that you need to love yourself first before anyone else can love you.

I often feel a bit confused, as I am not sure how I can tell if I love myself or not? If I take care of myself and pay my bills, etc., does that mean I love myself? What is the true measure of loving yourself? How would you clearly define when a person loves who they are, versus when they do not love themself?


nelie
01-11-2011, 01:31 PM
For me, loving myself meant not thinking or saying bad things about myself. It meant taking care of myself and showing respect for myself. I used to have a lot of self-deprecation but I stopped allowing that. I also understand that things like eating right and exercising are also part of loving myself. Those things can be challenging as someone with lifetime food issues but it is something to work on.

It is also knowing that my self-worth isn't based on my weight and knowing that I am a valuable person that deserves to be on this planet just as everyone else. I used to apologize to people a lot, for just 'existing'. I stopped that. That is not self-love.

No one is more valuable to me than me and it doesn't matter how many 'things' someone has or what size they are or what not. I am me and I can improve me but I need to focus on me and not on things that aren't me. If that makes sense.

Proverbs169
01-11-2011, 01:58 PM
OK, well, my opinion on this might not be what you were expecting but...

I don't think the vast majority of people have trouble "loving themselves". I think they love themselves too much and other people not enough. Most of us (myself definitely included) are selfish creatures. I look after my own needs and wants first, before anyone else. I don't think I'm all that different from the sibling who takes the cup with slightly more juice than the others. I love myself plenty.

IMO when people talk about not loving themselves, or having low self esteem, what they really mean is that they look at the decisions they've made in their lives and they're disgusted with themselves. But too many people just stay there; they don't DO anything about changing them. I think this is where not-loving-myself comes in.

I think there's a simple solution. If a person looks at him/herself and feels like they need to love themselves more... reach out to someone in need. Make a meal for a needy family... donate time/ money/ resources to those less fortunate... seek out a homeless person or someone who is elderly and could use a little help or encouragement. Not only does this help them (hopefully), but I think it also helps us respect ourselves and our decisions a little more. And yes, maybe make us a little less selfish.

OK, off the soapbox now LOL


Beach Patrol
01-11-2011, 02:14 PM
I've always approached the subject like this:

Who am I? Who do I want to be? What is important to me in life?

and the main question: "If I were someone else, would I want to be a friend of mine?"

I do love myself. I am a good person. I have a great sense of humor and I am loyal to my family & friends. I do good things for me, like eating healthy, exercising, and not imbibing in too much alcohol, TV, no drugs, etc. I take care of me. My opinion matters. I don't do things that would knowingly cause bad consequences for myself. I work, I pay taxes, I contribute to society.

This doesn't mean that I don't have flaws, or things about myself that I don't want (or try) to change. Clearly! -I am here for a reason - to get (& give!) SUPPORT for weight loss & weight management.

Love yourself, love others, love life. That's what living is to me. :)

kaplods
01-11-2011, 02:41 PM
Yes there are a lot of selfish people, but there are also people who put themselves last in their life. Everyone else's needs come before their own.

I was taught to be that kind of person. I was taught that it was just what women were supposed to do - do good in the world and take care of everyone else.

Until I got sick, I always worked two jobs, mostly in social service, teaching and in law enforcement (as a child care worker in a juvenile detention home and as a probation officer. Probation officers at least in my county were 80% life coach/counselor and only 20% law enforcement).

I did volunteer work and even my jobs were about taking care of others.

I wasn't a saint. Far from it, because I didn't fully realize that helping others was a choice. The gifts I gave weren't usually an anonymous gift where no one knew but me, so I fed off the joy I could bring others. That can be it's own type of selfishness - living vicariously through others.

Don't get me wrong, I still like that kind of giving and there's nothing worng with it. It feels wonderful to know you're helping someone (even if they don't appreciate it at the time). I loved when I'd run into someone I'd helped years later and they told me how I'd helped them.

But too much of my joy in life came from helping. I burnt the candle at both ends. I wasn't lacking confidence, or self-esteem, or even self-love. I liked the person I was, and I thought I was taking care of myself, but I was still putting myself dead-last more often than not.

Food was my main "guilty pleasure," the one way I took care of myself (but I really wasn't. I was responding to my emotional needs, not my physical ones).

I think my helping others was more selfish than I realized. It was filling my need to nurture. I was giving away what I needed from others. I lived vicariously through the people I helped. Even among my friends, I was always the one everyone went to for advice and a shoulder to cry on. I didn't know how to cry on anyone else's shoulder (I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone to do that for me - food was my emotional support system).

Loving yourself and loving others is about balance. Finding a way to meet your own needs and the needs of others. Some people need to learn to take, and others need to learn to give, and many people need to learn balance.

Balance isn't popular in the world today. We're a culture of extremes, not of moderation. When I was a kid, I used to hear "there are givers and there are takers in this world." (This was usually followed by either the compliment "and you are a giver," or the insult "you are a taker.")

I think more people need to learn to do both. To be fair to others and fair to themselves. Helping others is a wonderful gift, but not if you're doing it in order to feel good about yourself. Then it can almost be like an addictive drug, and you can hurt yourself and make yourself less useful to others in the long run.

I would have been able to stay in the helping professions longer, if I hadn't decided that sleep and health were acceptable sacrifices. In the long-run I short-changed not only myself, but all of the people I wanted to help.

milliondollarbbw
01-11-2011, 03:53 PM
Yes there are a lot of selfish people, but there are also people who put themselves last in their life. Everyone else's needs come before their own.

I was taught to be that kind of person. I was taught that it was just what women were supposed to do - do good in the world and take care of everyone else.

Until I got sick, I always worked two jobs, mostly in social service, teaching and in law enforcement (as a child care worker in a juvenile detention home and as a probation officer. Probation officers at least in my county were 80% life coach/counselor and only 20% law enforcement).

I did volunteer work and even my jobs were about taking care of others.

I wasn't a saint. Far from it, because I didn't fully realize that helping others was a choice. The gifts I gave weren't usually an anonymous gift where no one knew but me, so I fed off the joy I could bring others. That can be it's own type of selfishness - living vicariously through others.

Don't get me wrong, I still like that kind of giving and there's nothing worng with it. It feels wonderful to know you're helping someone (even if they don't appreciate it at the time). I loved when I'd run into someone I'd helped years later and they told me how I'd helped them.

But too much of my joy in life came from helping. I burnt the candle at both ends. I wasn't lacking confidence, or self-esteem, or even self-love. I liked the person I was, and I thought I was taking care of myself, but I was still putting myself dead-last more often than not.

Food was my main "guilty pleasure," the one way I took care of myself (but I really wasn't. I was responding to my emotional needs, not my physical ones).

I think my helping others was more selfish than I realized. It was filling my need to nurture. I was giving away what I needed from others. I lived vicariously through the people I helped. Even among my friends, I was always the one everyone went to for advice and a shoulder to cry on. I didn't know how to cry on anyone else's shoulder (I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone to do that for me - food was my emotional support system).

Loving yourself and loving others is about balance. Finding a way to meet your own needs and the needs of others. Some people need to learn to take, and others need to learn to give, and many people need to learn balance.

Balance isn't popular in the world today. We're a culture of extremes, not of moderation. When I was a kid, I used to hear "there are givers and there are takers in this world." (This was usually followed by either the compliment "and you are a giver," or the insult "you are a taker.")

I think more people need to learn to do both. To be fair to others and fair to themselves. Helping others is a wonderful gift, but not if you're doing it in order to feel good about yourself. Then it can almost be like an addictive drug, and you can hurt yourself and make yourself less useful to others in the long run.

I would have been able to stay in the helping professions longer, if I hadn't decided that sleep and health were acceptable sacrifices. In the long-run I short-changed not only myself, but all of the people I wanted to help.

Omg....we have ALOT in common. I do feel like I have this need to be caring towards others and to be needed. I do feel that if I am not needed or wanted, then I am not sure of what purpose I serve, ya know? I think that loving myself would realize that being alive for me, and me alone, is good enough. That could be one description of self-love. However, I do feel that my importance is based upon my place in the world, how I help others, if I am needed (or wanted) by others, if I contribute anything good. That kind of thing.

NYGiantsGirl
01-11-2011, 11:04 PM
I think part of the Serenity Prayer sums my thoughts up pretty eloquently:

"Accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference."

Meeting those criteria = loving oneself (in my opinion, anyway)

milliondollarbbw
01-11-2011, 11:25 PM
I think that I usually put other people's needs before mine, even though I consider myself a pretty strong-willed and assertive type person.

I do admit that I don't make the time to do things like putting more effort into how I look, or more pampering type things...makes me think that I should take a nice hot bubble bath tonight.

rosababe
01-21-2011, 03:52 AM
For me, it means avoiding from upset, having good rest, keeping in good health.

ckatgo
01-21-2011, 08:41 AM
Yes there are a lot of selfish people, but there are also people who put themselves last in their life. Everyone else's needs come before their own.

I was taught to be that kind of person. I was taught that it was just what women were supposed to do - do good in the world and take care of everyone else.

Until I got sick, I always worked two jobs, mostly in social service, teaching and in law enforcement (as a child care worker in a juvenile detention home and as a probation officer. Probation officers at least in my county were 80% life coach/counselor and only 20% law enforcement).

I did volunteer work and even my jobs were about taking care of others.

I wasn't a saint. Far from it, because I didn't fully realize that helping others was a choice. The gifts I gave weren't usually an anonymous gift where no one knew but me, so I fed off the joy I could bring others. That can be it's own type of selfishness - living vicariously through others.

Don't get me wrong, I still like that kind of giving and there's nothing worng with it. It feels wonderful to know you're helping someone (even if they don't appreciate it at the time). I loved when I'd run into someone I'd helped years later and they told me how I'd helped them.

But too much of my joy in life came from helping. I burnt the candle at both ends. I wasn't lacking confidence, or self-esteem, or even self-love. I liked the person I was, and I thought I was taking care of myself, but I was still putting myself dead-last more often than not.

Food was my main "guilty pleasure," the one way I took care of myself (but I really wasn't. I was responding to my emotional needs, not my physical ones).

I think my helping others was more selfish than I realized. It was filling my need to nurture. I was giving away what I needed from others. I lived vicariously through the people I helped. Even among my friends, I was always the one everyone went to for advice and a shoulder to cry on. I didn't know how to cry on anyone else's shoulder (I convinced myself that I didn't need anyone to do that for me - food was my emotional support system).

Loving yourself and loving others is about balance. Finding a way to meet your own needs and the needs of others. Some people need to learn to take, and others need to learn to give, and many people need to learn balance.

Balance isn't popular in the world today. We're a culture of extremes, not of moderation. When I was a kid, I used to hear "there are givers and there are takers in this world." (This was usually followed by either the compliment "and you are a giver," or the insult "you are a taker.")

I think more people need to learn to do both. To be fair to others and fair to themselves. Helping others is a wonderful gift, but not if you're doing it in order to feel good about yourself. Then it can almost be like an addictive drug, and you can hurt yourself and make yourself less useful to others in the long run.

I would have been able to stay in the helping professions longer, if I hadn't decided that sleep and health were acceptable sacrifices. In the long-run I short-changed not only myself, but all of the people I wanted to help.

As a fellow "reformed social worker" I can really relate to what you are saying.

Putting your needs first when appropriate is self love.

Fressca
01-21-2011, 09:49 AM
I asked that same question here a while ago and got some interesting replies:

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/187096-loving-yourself-what-does-mean-you.html

I think ckatgo's take on it is at least one part of the puzzle: putting your needs first when appropriate.

Thighs Be Gone
01-21-2011, 10:05 AM
I like the above post that mentions the word, Balance. That is such an important word to me when I think of truly loving myself--and being at peace with myself and my body.

I can say I didn't love myself as I started my journey. Fake it 'till you make it if you can muster nothing else. It has worked for me.

Michou
01-21-2011, 10:06 AM
Loving myself is accepting the good and the bad. The good dont want to change that and for the bad well if it is affecting me or others need to find a way to change it if not learn to accept.

We all want to be perfect or be viewed as perfect but what is perfection really. I am an artist, it is my profession and through introspection and studying composition I tend to say that beauty is in the imperfections. Each flaw we have in our body or personality have some beauty in it. It is a question of finding that beauty and work with it.

So yes to me loving myself is just that finding the beauty within

milliondollarbbw
03-06-2011, 04:22 AM
I have been thinking a lot about what loving myself really means. I have been taking more time for myself, putting more effort into my hair, make-up, appearance, being more girly, in general. Something I am not really known for.

I think that for the loving myself part, I need to do better when it comes to male friendships. I have always been the kind of gal to do things by myself---eat dinner in a restaurant by myself, go to the movies by myself, etc. So, I am ok with doing this solo. But, lately, I have been feeling a tad bit on the blue side, so, I have been talking to some guys whom, to be honest, I don't think really care for me one iota. But, I don't have any other guys interested in me, so, I feel like I will talk to the guys who don't really care in more of a "friendship mode". Yeah, and the guys don't tend to be into that, so.....sigh. It can make things awkward at times. And sometimes they get into that whole "Let's date again" mode. Ugh.

I have been single for long periods in my life, so, I am not unfamiliar with that. I just don't want to be single at this point in my life, if that makes sense? It seems like everywhere I turn, women are pregnant and getting married. I know I am not 100% in the showing love for myself, if I am allowing people who aren't so nice to me to still talk to me, etc. I need to be better at just hanging out with myself and ignoring guys who have been somewhat abusive in the past.

I think that focusing on doing the best that I can, taking care of my health, my life, my appearance, etc., would be a good way to show that I love myself.

dragonwoman64
03-06-2011, 01:47 PM
anyone who's ever been in a bad relationship, and that's a huge number of people, can tell you that you can feel lonely even when you're with someone. In the best scenario, a relationship can help your life be more fulfilling.

getting married and having kids bec it feels like everyone else is doing it, that can be a big messy trap esp if you're not really ready for it.

loving myself has come to mean all kinds of complicated things to me, including accepting the parts of me that are light years away from what I would consider perfect, ha. Sometimes the physical side of that question feels like the most important, sometimes not.

milliondollarbbw
03-06-2011, 04:23 PM
For me, wanting to be married and a mom is something I have always wanted.

I do admit that lately I have being to accept that I may not get married, and while I feel sad about that, I would trade not being married if it meant I could still achieve my dream of being a mom. For a long time I just wanted to adopt. Now I want to adopt and have my own biological kids. My worry is that it seems like everyone else is on that path, and I am like, this dunce out in the woods. Sigh. I feel like if I fix other parts of my life (my weight, my finances, my career, my home), then, I will be more open to receiving the goodness of being a mom.

I am definitely not one of those people that wants a family just because everyone else is doing it. I really do feel like my life's calling is to be a mom. I have thought of the possibility of not being able to have kids (though, to be honest, I have never actually tried to get pregnant, just tried not to...ha!) and of leaving the country and doing something where I will be of use to others. Of course, I can be of help to others right in my own neighborhood. So, that is something I am focusing on as well.

I do feel like I need to be needed. I really do. I feel like I need to be needed, and, I have this huge capacity for love and care, and I need to care for others as a part of expressing myself.

A guy that I cared for (the mean guy I told you all about), said some very horrible things yesterday. Really horrible. So, I realize that me and him just cannot be friends, and I am ok with that. I think I do deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone doesn't have to like each other or get along, but, we should be kind to one another.

I guess I need to figure out why I let this person remain in my life after they hurt my feelings soooo many times. I mean, it was a constant thing from them, AND, we weren't even a real couple, ya know? Just dating. :( I need to figure out why I let my loneliness make me allow negative guys into my life. That is what I need to think about and work on.

dragonwoman64
03-06-2011, 09:48 PM
I don't think there's any reason why you can't be married and be a mom, if that's what you feel is right for you :)

it seems logical to me that loneliness WOULD push you to accept behavior you normally wouldn't in another person. some of the things you write remind me of me when I was younger. I can't help feeling if you look for yourself and what brings out the best in you, and get those connections going with people in other ways and directions than romantic, you will feel more ready and find better partners and less at the mercy of others.

hang in there!

CrystalZ10
03-07-2011, 12:45 AM
A guy that I cared for (the mean guy I told you all about), said some very horrible things yesterday. Really horrible. So, I realize that me and him just cannot be friends, and I am ok with that. I think I do deserve to be treated with respect. Everyone doesn't have to like each other or get along, but, we should be kind to one another.

I guess I need to figure out why I let this person remain in my life after they hurt my feelings soooo many times. I mean, it was a constant thing from them, AND, we weren't even a real couple, ya know? Just dating. :( I need to figure out why I let my loneliness make me allow negative guys into my life. That is what I need to think about and work on.

I think that can be the first step to really loving yourself. Your heart wants things at times that you don't need. Your mind tells you, "Hey, this guy is a jerk wad, dump him.", but your heart says, "I'm lonely now, what if no one else will ever want me? Lets keep him."
Cutting toxic people, (boyfriends, friends) out of our lives, and saying, "Hey, I am worth so much more." shows that you love and value yourself.
I know its corny, but you really have to be happy with yourself and accept who you are, cause no one else can do it for you.

Once you take that first step, it gets easier to take the others, and to stand up for yourself.:hug:

On a side note, have you ever considered foster care of a little kid? Or do you have a pet you can pour your care on?

milliondollarbbw
03-09-2011, 01:16 AM
I think that can be the first step to really loving yourself. Your heart wants things at times that you don't need. Your mind tells you, "Hey, this guy is a jerk wad, dump him.", but your heart says, "I'm lonely now, what if no one else will ever want me? Lets keep him."
Cutting toxic people, (boyfriends, friends) out of our lives, and saying, "Hey, I am worth so much more." shows that you love and value yourself.
I know its corny, but you really have to be happy with yourself and accept who you are, cause no one else can do it for you.

Once you take that first step, it gets easier to take the others, and to stand up for yourself.:hug:

On a side note, have you ever considered foster care of a little kid? Or do you have a pet you can pour your care on?

I think that if it turns out that I cannot have kids biologically, then yes, without a doubt, I will do foster care and adoption. I just worry about making enough money for an adoption agency or program to approve me. I was already planning on doing foster care or adoption while also having biological children. And yes, I am at the point in my life where I am open to the idea of just getting a sperm donor through a sperm bank, or maybe an ex-boyfriend who doesn't mind, that kind of thing.

I really have to work on loving myself. I still don't know how that is reflected in my actions, but, with the most recent guys I have dated, I feel like they have been really mean and somewhat abusive, and because I was so lonely and just wanting to talk to someone (my friends are busy, and sometimes I just wanted relaxed conversations), I put up with their treatment.

The guy who I dated recently who told me all this stuff about falling in love with me and would I go live with him in another state has been very verbally abusive. I cannot 100 percent blame him, because I keep allowing him to talk to me, or take him back into my life, even when he hurts me. Sigh. Even one of my most craziest exes never did some of the stuff this guy did, AND, me and this guy were not even really a couple, so, I don't know why I continue to allow this person to be mean towards me. Recently he told me he wouldn't want to be seen in public with me, and he sent me this really rude cursing text, and told me he had his roommate write it for him. Mind you, this dude is in his 40s! 40s! not highschool! sigh. :(

I do feel like when I started getting with him, I was in a funky part of my life and wanted a form of escapism and his texts and things like that helped me get through the boring days. But now, I just don't understand why he hates me as much as he does. I do realize it may not have anything really to do with me, and that he just found someone else he can live with, as he doesn't have his own pad. Yeah, I know.

I need to learn how to love myself. A friend said I could have my pick of men, but I just don't feel that way. I hear all the time from friends how they have men treat them nice, buy them drinks, etc. Right now, I feel like if I could have a guy buy me coffee and smile, that would be freaking awesome. Sigh.

milliondollarbbw
04-29-2011, 02:54 AM
I haven't figured out the meaning of life yet, but, I have been focusing lately less on dating and finding love, and more on improving my surroundings and myself and my career, all in the hopes of being overall happier.

Hopefully that happiness with attract the right person to me. I think my friend was right when she stated that because I am not feeling so good about myself, I keep attracting these mean kind of men (before the mean put-down guy, I dated a guy who was cool at first, but he was somewhat afraid to live on his own and had a somewhat co-dependent relationship with his "roommate", was in his early 40s, and had told me that he was ambivalent about knowing me. I won't even comment on how he tried to touch me in public in a way that was so not cool). I think my friend is right. I have been so down and in a sad place lately, that, I keep attracting men who just don't seem to really care for me at all.

Right now, I find that the progress I make in other parts of my life are easing my loneliness a bit and making me happy. I have been focused on the self-improvement aspect of my life, and that has been keeping me happy. I do think that the more I accomplish in getting myself to be the person I really want to be, the less I focus on whether or not I am spending a Friday night at home.

Big thank yous to everyone for being understanding and for giving me the advice that I really do need. :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

fiddler
04-29-2011, 03:01 PM
milliondollarbbw, I think you are on the right track. Years ago I used to feel the way you do now. After being in a serious relationship for 4 years that ended badly, I realized (not right away, but eventually) how lucky I am to have the independence of being single. I look at my friends who are married and have kids, and I am able to do all kinds of stuff that they never have the time or money for. I don't even want to date anymore because I don't think there is anything a man could add to my life to make it better. And, I never feel lonely like I used to, even though I spend a lot of time alone. Maybe because it's by choice now.

Best of luck to you in your own journey :hug:

iaradajnos
04-29-2011, 07:42 PM
I realized last year when life crashed with so much stress and I'd used up every "resilient" piece of me. I was DONE. I had no love left so I couldn't care if I bounced back. I realized I didn't care for myself. Most of the things that were causing stress ended or calmed down (work, kids, life). Picture a smashed super heroine pounded below the pavement, under a giant boulder and everyone looking hopeless.

Since December, I've been crawling out from under the boulder and back up to the street level. It's been four and a half months. I see how much I'd stopped caring about myself--emotionally, physically, spiritually. I've slowling been finding different things to do that really take care of me. Not just random things, but what really actually take care.

So, I'd say it's not WHAT you do, but WHY you do it. Also, it's the commitment to do that (fill in the blank) that makes you better and you do it even when your down in the dumps, not feeling good, or whatever because you know that if you let it slip you're heading down the drain--or back under the boulder, smashed to smitherines.

Gogirl008
04-29-2011, 08:59 PM
"So, I have often heard that you need to love yourself first before anyone else can love you."

Boy, I really had to think on this one. Everyone's repsonses have been really thought provoking. It's interesting to see how we all interpret this. I think we have similar ideas and different ways of saying similar things.

My interpretation is that it has something to do with self-respect, respect for others and integrity.

I really have to work on loving myself. I still don't know how that is reflected in my actions, but, with the most recent guys I have dated, I feel like they have been really mean and somewhat abusive, and because I was so lonely and just wanting to talk to someone (my friends are busy, and sometimes I just wanted relaxed conversations), I put up with their treatment.

I need to learn how to love myself. A friend said I could have my pick of men, but I just don't feel that way. I hear all the time from friends how they have men treat them nice, buy them drinks, etc. Right now, I feel like if I could have a guy buy me coffee and smile, that would be freaking awesome. Sigh.

I would apply my self-respect and respect for others theory to what you said above. If you accept, allow, or tolerate bad treatment from other people they will assume that you don't believe you deserve to be treated any better than that. Sounds corny, but I once heard either Oprah or Dr. Phil, not sure which one, say that we teach people how to treat us. I believe that whole-heartedly. I'm sure you wouldn't treat a best friend the way that guy treated you. If you value your best friends than you would treat them kindly. Wouldn't you? And, wouldn't you advise a friend to wait for the "right guy"? Try to think of yourself as being that worthy. You have every right to pick and choose who you let into your life. And when you decide you only have room and energy for people that treat you well, you might find that the right people show up.

I think that we go through phases of wanting relationships and wanting to be alone. Nothing wrong with that. But don't let the "want" be stronger than your own sense of self-worth and self-respect. The right person shows up when you are ready to recieve the relationship.

Treating yourself well, being healthy, putting yourself first, all those are important. But I think those things also fall under the umbrella of self-respect and in the end, respect for others. When you have all of your own ducks in a row you are better able to deal with the people around you and coming towards you (i.e. love).

Hope I don't sound too preachy, lol. Just got me thinking now!

Edited to add: Just realized the date of the original post! Wow, little late to the game!

Arctic Mama
04-29-2011, 10:50 PM
I totally agree with this, the vast majority of people are too involved in self love and not enough in serving those around them. I find that is where true joy comes from.

Self love or lack thereof seems to mostly manifest in negatively obsessive self views. Spending an inordinate amount of time beating oneself up or speaking to yourself in a way that would get another person punched - that is self hatred and burdensome. It is still self-involved and selfish, but not in a way that is beneficial to ANYONE, no even yourself. If you don't spend time regularly tearing yourself down, beating yourself up about current or past bad choices, or generally trashing your person for no purpose besides self castigation for perceived ills or defects....

.... then you're doing just fine and probably don't need to mull the subject further :)

I should add that I also agree with those who espoused balance. Most people are sickeningly selfish and materialistic, I have found, but there are those who feed off of service and 'usefulness' too much, gaining most of their identity from it and draining themselves dry. That's also not the answer. Balancing humility, self respect, and love of others is a life's work for most of us, but I find that is where it is at. In my lifei have had no trouble being selfish, so service is what I have needed to increase to personally grow and improve, but your mileage may vary based on your own personal strengths and weaknesses.
OK, well, my opinion on this might not be what you were expecting but...

I don't think the vast majority of people have trouble "loving themselves". I think they love themselves too much and other people not enough. Most of us (myself definitely included) are selfish creatures. I look after my own needs and wants first, before anyone else. I don't think I'm all that different from the sibling who takes the cup with slightly more juice than the others. I love myself plenty.

IMO when people talk about not loving themselves, or having low self esteem, what they really mean is that they look at the decisions they've made in their lives and they're disgusted with themselves. But too many people just stay there; they don't DO anything about changing them. I think this is where not-loving-myself comes in.

I think there's a simple solution. If a person looks at him/herself and feels like they need to love themselves more... reach out to someone in need. Make a meal for a needy family... donate time/ money/ resources to those less fortunate... seek out a homeless person or someone who is elderly and could use a little help or encouragement. Not only does this help them (hopefully), but I think it also helps us respect ourselves and our decisions a little more. And yes, maybe make us a little less selfish.

OK, off the soapbox now LOL

milliondollarbbw
04-30-2011, 02:51 AM
Today I felt pretty irritable and I didn't really watch what I ate. I have gotten more into the habit of stopping before I feel too full, and putting the leftovers in the fridge. Sure, it means I often end up throwing away uneaten food, but I think that is better than eating to the point of getting sick.

I have been trying to focus on accomplishing certain things that I want in my life, and that is keeping me happy. I found myself getting upset again today at some issues around inequality that happen around me. I find that it doesn't make me the nicest person, so, I really need to throw myself into focusing on my weight and achieving other goals in my life that I know will make me happy. It is hard at times because I start feeling resentful, AND, when you tie in that part of the inequality and favoritism is due to some looking down on me because of my size, it is really discouraging and disheartening at times.

I bought healthy food for the weekend, so my goal is to hopefully relax and lose a few pounds. I will also do some yoga this weekend at home as well. I am also going to try and take a couple of naps this weekend so I can re-charge my batteries and improve my health.

Ciao
05-03-2011, 10:06 AM
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Pictures/clipart2-1.png

For me, loving myself means treating my
body with respect.

Coming from bulimia to fitness isn't
easy. Coming from seeing fat everywhere
to loving your legs that don't have a
thigh gap isn't easy either.

I just want to treat my body right.
And while I'm getting there little
by little, it isn't an easy road and
I'm learning to love myself more
every day. I love myself for making
better food choices, running, toning
up, etc. :)

http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Pictures/clipart2.png