General chatter - Facebook temptations and a problem chick!

Pint Sized Terror
01-10-2011, 04:44 PM
I'm on the verge of "unfriending" someone because of their relationship with food. She too is overweight and has sent me several messages and left several posts on my statuses and page about how unhappy she is with her weight, asking me how I can give up foods I love, how she hates to work out... blah blah blah. I've told her exactly what I'm doing; calorie counting, working out, healthy eating. We even started being "workout buddies" several times only to have her give up because she "just can't lose weight."

The thing is, nearly every single status she updates is about food. Not healthy food, but foods like deep fried tacos, cakes, pasta, whip cream and hot chocolate... She has only 2 other things she posts about: Her husband and laying around the house. I'm not kidding. And I'm not going to lie, hearing her talk about how delicious her deep fried, sour cream and guac-covered taco is is KILLING me.

I'm tired of getting all the whiny messages and stuff. I hesitate to delete her because she IS a nice person who needs help, AND I've been friends with her since elementary school, but... I just don't know what to do anymore and she's kinda dragging me down. I've politely mentioned that a healthier eating plan is needed for weight loss, and helped her start food journals, but she doesn't think her eating is that bad. :(

I know it's going to hurt her feelings if I unfriend her, but honestly, it's starting to get to me.

01-10-2011, 04:46 PM
You can hide her posts without her knowing. It wont stop the annoying messages, but at least you wont see what she is eating. The next time she messages you, maybe just ignore it and she'll hopefully get the hint.

Pint Sized Terror
01-10-2011, 04:49 PM
I didn't mention this, but she also comments on pictures of me and mentions that I'm losing too much weight. (then messages me occasionally and asks for help):dizzy:

Erm... I haven't lost much and I've been stalled in the low 150s for forever and a year. LOL

01-10-2011, 04:53 PM
I would hide her stream. Then you wont have to see all the status updates about food at least.

01-10-2011, 04:57 PM
I agree you should hide her posts. You don't need her unhealthy attitude.

01-10-2011, 05:00 PM
I agree, block her from your news feed. If she asks you why, just be honest - her food updates were making you hungry! And leave it at that.

01-10-2011, 05:06 PM
I too would hide her. My cousin posted cupcakes last night. They looked great...exactly what I don't need to see!! But she doesn't do that all the time.

01-10-2011, 05:06 PM
My husband and I help with our youth group sometimes and so they want to be our facebook friends. But we don't really want to know what all those teenagers do all the time!!! So we just click ... something like ... hide all by ... I don't think they can tell.

01-10-2011, 05:25 PM
People can't tell when you block them from your newsfeed, so definitely do that if you don't want to unfriend her completely. You can also mark her messages as read, or just delete them, without reading them or replying to them. Hopefully she'll get the hint after a few ignored messages. It's understandable that she wants help, but if she's not actually letting you help her and she's just a bother, you're totally right to ignore her.

01-10-2011, 07:08 PM
Some people just can't be helped.

I have this woman on my Facebook who's kind of a friend of a friend. She doesn't even like in the same country as me, she's American and I'm English. And EVERY. TIME. I. POST. ABOUT. FOOD she makes some comment. Like once, at around 4am I made a post along the lines of "Yay the bakery near my house was still open, so I got a slice of pizza and I'm watching *insert TV show here*. Nice chilled out end to a crazy night out" and almost immediately I get a comment from her like "OMG HOW CAN YOU EAT PIZZA AND STILL BE SO SKINNY I HATE YOU".

Obviously, she was joking, but it's still annoying. If she knew anything about my diet, she'd know that I barely ever eat stuff like pizza.

She's also very very overweight and does nothing to help herself, just like the person OP mentioned. She makes posts about going to Taco Bell and other fast food places and then complains at me that I'm apparently "sooo perfect and soooo skinny".

Uh... I'm sorry I have a healthy diet and lifestyle? xD

I usually brush this chick off, but if your one is annoying you that much I'd suggest you just remove her from your newsfeed. Then you won't get her statuses but you won't have to block her.

Or you could set her straight lol

Aunty Jam
01-10-2011, 07:12 PM
I would hide her and tell her why... even if she can't tell. I don't know how you feel about this but the next time she messaged me I would tell her exactly how and what was on my mind. You might want to meet for coffee to do this... these things often don't go across well in type. Tell her that you're within your acceptable weight range and encourage her to change her habbits. It really sounds like she's just looking for someone to complain to, unfortunately you can't help her unless she's willing to help herself.

Pint Sized Terror
01-10-2011, 07:23 PM
Flame, if she's a friend of a friend, why do you keep her on your list?

I hid her this afternoon. Interestingly, she messaged me a few minutes ago and told me she thought I was rude in a response to something she'd posted on MY status. A friend of mine mentioned going out for a girls' night sometime soon, and the problem girl said, "I love how drinking and partying fit into your 'healthy lifestyle'. <eyeroll>" (she wrote the eye roll thing too. Lame...) I told her to responsibly indulge every once in a good while was far different than eating unhealthy foods and sitting on my arse every day. So then she messaged me with a long and angry response, telling me I'm rude and a hypocrite, and that I must lead a sad life if all I have to do was make fun of an overweight person.

I told her I didn't intend for her feelings to get hurt, but that her comment was pretty snarky. She said she didn't appreciate being "lectured" about eating habits and I should mind my own business. LOL. I ever-so-politely asked her to do the same.

So I guess the situation has solved itself. :dizzy:

01-10-2011, 08:07 PM
I was on the band wagon of hiding her, until I read you last post that she made a comment about how party fits into your healthy lifestyle with an eye I'd say defriend her. You dont go on FB to be spoken to rudely, end of story. That's why we get to chose our friends on FB, so we dont have to accept people that was dont like or treat us less than kind. I would tell her that, then be done with her. I'm sure that wont be the last of the rude comments if you keep her around. (and sometimes if people see they can get away with one rude comment, next time it might be ruder)

Thighs Be Gone
01-10-2011, 08:25 PM
Pint-sized terror..if she is close enough to be a true friend, call her up and explain it to her before you do it.

Can't you place someone on ignore without them knowing? I dont FB so I don't know.

In the end I always look at the bottom line. Let no one and NOTHING get between you and your goals. Not her, not facebook, not your guiilt. Do whatever it takes. Afterall, your life depends on it.

01-10-2011, 08:29 PM
She seriously did the eye roll thing? Yeah...I'd defriend her. That was just plain rude.

01-10-2011, 08:43 PM
I de-friended about 4 people that were doing the same thing, making snide comments about my journey and what not. It felt so good to be rid of them! You don't need anyone like that to bring you down! The journey can be hard enough without people like that in your life to sabotage you. ~hugs~

01-10-2011, 08:56 PM
She said she didn't appreciate being "lectured" about eating habits and I should mind my own business. LOL. I ever-so-politely asked her to do the same.

So I guess the situation has solved itself. :dizzy:

I love this. So true and a great
response. Hope all is well! :hug:

01-10-2011, 10:55 PM

I've had people come and go in my life. You have to decide, if this person is good for you or not. If she is a good person to have in your life, keep her, if she is not a good person to have in your life let it go.

It really does not matter if she is a good person or not, what matters, is this a good relationship for you to be in right now.

Years ago I had a great lady friend who helped me out a lot, over the years, we aren't great friends anymore. Our lifestyles and morals and ethics no longer mesh, I'm still polite, when I see her, but we are not buds anymore.

01-10-2011, 11:33 PM
She said she didn't appreciate being "lectured" about eating habits and I should mind my own business

???She posts what she eats in her statuses, doesn't she? :dizzy:

I'm one of the ones who believes that if a person doesn't want anybody knowing their business, then they shouldn't post it on Facebook. If she's posting her meals, it sounds to me like she's inviting comment. I don't get why people do that anyway...who cares what people eat for dinner?

I don't know if I'd want to be friends with her after the rude comment she made about drinking occasionally fitting into a healthy lifestyle. Perhaps she is jealous of your success.

Pint Sized Terror
01-11-2011, 12:13 AM
Occasionally I do post about food, but only because I have several friends who like my figure-friendly recipes and it's kind of turned into a following. :D 9 out of 10 times though, it's discussed in a note, not a status.

She unfriended me, apparently. Ah well. I'd rather someone ditch me because they didn't appreciate my viewpoints rather than change my viewpoints to avoid being ditched. :D

01-11-2011, 07:36 AM
Well, looks like I am a little late in posting this, the situation cleared itself up, but she was only jealous of you and trying to drag you back down to where she is or else why the eyerolls and comments?

Best for you she is gone now.

01-11-2011, 01:21 PM
I don't get why people do that anyway...who cares what people eat for dinner?

I have some friends that do this once in a while if they make something particularly interesting, impressive or try new recipes. It's definitely not some cheap fast food. It's more of a recipe share thing which I don't mind; even some diet busting recipes can be made healthier or provide ideas for meals that work with your plan.

But yeah... don't tell me if you went to McDonald's... seriously.

01-11-2011, 01:32 PM
Because you have "known" someone for a very long time, it does not necessarily make them a "friend". Do what you have to do for yourself. Her "unfriending" you may be a blessing in disguise...

01-11-2011, 02:35 PM
eek she doesn't seem much like a friend with her comments anyways :( Glad it seems to be working itself out.

How do you hide the updates from people? I tried to look up how and found lots of things that did not work, or I couldn't find what they were talking about lol.

I have several people that I would love to hide because all they do is clutter up my wall and I could care less or they are actually annoying lol. But I cant figure out how

edit: nvm I figured it out lol. For anyone else interested you just mouse of their status and on the right hand side an X appears. Click it and you will have options to hide.

01-11-2011, 02:44 PM
Ooh...I am late too! The situation is taken care of.

Sounds like a case of JEALOUSY to me!

01-11-2011, 03:58 PM
The chick clearly didn't want help, people need to learn to help themselves before expecting anyone else to help them. I hate the comment of you're losing too much weight...It's like seriously? Did you honestly just have the nerve to say that to me? Be thankful she unfriended you. she's tainted obviously and need to work on herself since clearly it's herself she had the problem with.

One girl I know complains how she looks and feels's like really? Then that pepsi your drinking maybe you should try and put it down and throw it out, and not to mention the KD your eatting, or the mr. noodles that has like 600 mg of sodium... or the fact two of us (My current) workout buddy are trying to get her involvd more but her excuse is "I'm too old"...I find people who make every excuse in the book don't want help they just want the attention. (not saying she really wants the attention much, but I think she's looking for us to say no your not fat.) She's not she is wearing the weight well but she is indeed overweight. With people like that and that person you wanted to unfriend are people who can not be helped at all.

01-11-2011, 04:09 PM
I told her I didn't intend for her feelings to get hurt, but that her comment was pretty snarky. She said she didn't appreciate being "lectured" about eating habits and I should mind my own business. LOL. I ever-so-politely asked her to do the same.

NICE! If she doesn't want to be "lectured" about healthy eating, then you don't need her telling you that you're losing weight too quickly and making nasty remarks regarding your weight loss. I hate to think that people get jealous that easily, but I kind of wonder if you losing weight urks her and she's jealous because she's struggling! Ignore her!

Aunty Jam
01-11-2011, 04:26 PM
IMO it sounds like she wants things handed to her... she doesn't want to work for them. She wants to complain and get sympathy but wasn't willing to do anything to change her situation.

Either way, it's a moot point. You're better off without her, she didn't sound like much friend.

01-11-2011, 05:51 PM
Flame, if she's a friend of a friend, why do you keep her on your list?

Eh, she stopped recently, so I stopped caring, and apart from that she's actually very nice xD

It's good that you called her out. It did sound like she wanted things handed to her and didn't want to do the work to lose weight.

01-12-2011, 11:53 AM
my friends on fb are very supportive, especially when i eat junk, they are like well you can restart tomorrow.

always nice to have helpful friends that dont judge

I did have one who moaned about her weight ect, then post pcs of her at McDonalds with friends and stuff..

she either got deleted or she deleted me :dizzy:

01-12-2011, 12:53 PM
Instead of worrying about how to explain now blocking her, I would simply tell her that you are on this journey and your reasons, and you would love to have her take this journey with you.

If she is not mentally ready to do it, that is fine, but don't bring you down with her (what seems to be purposefully) hurtful, irritating posts. Explain that you treasure your friendship; however, you need someone to support you, even if she isn't willing to try to better her life in the same way.

Blocking her is a short term solution IMO cause she will want to know why you don't respond to things.

If she posts an a comment about how you are losing too much weight, counter it with fact - as in..."I'm working towrad a healthy weight where I feel great about myself!"

You can't force her, and it sounds like she looks up to what you are doing, but isn't ready to do it herself, so she retaliates against your efforts in hopes you will follow her track.

I am an open & honest person, so I feel that is the best policy. Either she understands or she doesn't. And, perhaps if she doesn't understand, you can delete her anyhow, and your problem is solved!! :)

01-14-2011, 11:56 AM
Ugh... I hate people like that. I don't really like to use the word "hate" but UGH! :dizzy:

An old friend of mine I have known since junior high is living with my husband and I so I can definitely relate at the moment. She sits in her room (sometimes for DAYS - no lie) playing computer games. She does nothing but drink pepsi and she hoards food in her room. She weighs almost 250lbs so I am about 43lbs heavier but the difference is I am DOING something about it. She is constantly complaining about how her back hurts, her stomach hurts, this hurts and that hurts and she's tired and blah blah blah. Well obviously it's the way she's living her life. She gets welfare so she doesn't have a job either which just makes it worse.

She has not asked me for help, but she does make comments to me which I don't appreciate. It's like she goes back and forth from supportive to sabotaging. I have recommitted myself to a vegan/raw lifestyle and she makes shots and comments about the things I'm eating and makes fun of me for some of the videos and channels I follow on you tube.

Some people are jealous or envious when they see someone taking control and making positive changes in their life because they wish they were the ones doing it. Instead of making it happen it's easier to complain and just sit there and wish it were them.

I say defriend her and I can tell you my husband and I are moving out in a few months somewhere new and on our own! :carrot:

01-18-2011, 03:38 AM
i know i'm a little late on the bandwagon here, and i'm glad it worked out for the best, but this just made my blood boil!
i have lots of patience for people, but that kind of nonsense erks the crap out of me. i have a hot italian (sicilian, really) temper and i probably would have told her to just shove it after the eyeroll comment. i know, not very mature, but again, i have no patience sometimes.

honestly, seems like there's no love lost there. i feel like at this point, we all need REAL friends, support, people in our lives who are truly rooting for us. sounds like this girl was conflicted. she wanted your help, but felt some sort of jealousy or something towards you as well. sometimes our friends who are heavy don't want us to succeed at our weight loss, because they lose a sense of camaraderie. obviously, this is not the case all the time, but sometimes, it might be.

either way, glad you don't have to deal with it.