I was talking with a friend this weekend about my weight loss, she's just starting her journey, but as she's comlimenting me and looking to me for advice we both kind of realized that I'm living in complete fear of regaining and losing myself to my binging disorder. I seem completely undable to be proud of what I've accomplished and satisfied with where I am. This really got me pretty depressed. I mean I should be thrilled with what I've done, I should stop comparing myself and my circumstances to others and live in the moment. If a regain starts, well then I know what to do about. I have accomplished something amazing.
But today, something terribly tragic happend to a friend of mine and my heart just breaks for him and it was something that again just reaffirmed that everything in life is so fragile and not guaranteed. It's really shaken me up and made me just afraid again, but on a whole other level that makes me want to turn to food for comfort. I won't, but that's not the point.
I don't know where it is I'm going with this post, I think I just needed to vent and though it out there that we need to all be so proud of what we've done and grateful for our maintenance and not let the fear control our emotions. Anyway, I'm going to start crying if I keep going and I'm at work so...I guess that's it for now.
I can't speak to binge eating disorders, so this is just coming from my experience with weight loss and maintenance. I think that over time, as you continue to maintain, that fear might lessen a little bit. We have certainly seen many posts on this forum from people who have just hit their goal weight and are afraid to increase their calories, because of that fear that 100 extra calories will put back on 100 lbs.
The fact is that you can't regain overnight. You said it -- you know what to do when you see your weight creeping up. IMO the thing you are really afraid of is that you will see your weight creeping up, and you will know what to do, and you will decide not to do it. That is something that only time can really help with. Once you've seen a minor regain, and you have gotten back on track and lost it, the fear goes down a little bit. It's like, "Look, I proved to myself that I do have the determination to do this long-term." Each time you catch a lapse and keep it from becoming a relapse, you will be showing yourself that you WILL do what it takes to keep the weight off.
I certainly feel that I am more confident in my ability to maintain now that I have had a few lapses, and I have re-lost the weight.
Have you considered counseling? Sometimes having a good therapist really can help with these fears. See if you can find someone professional to talk to, someone with experience with food issues.
You're right--being afraid of regaining is one thing, but living in fear is another. You shouldn't be scared that every emotional upset is going to send you into a binge...
IMO the thing you are really afraid of is that you will see your weight creeping up, and you will know what to do, and you will decide not to do it.
This gave me a shiver of recognition while reading it late in the workday at my office. It's true for me; perhaps it's also true for you, Ncuneo?
I was oblivious for a long time, and I didn't even try to lose weight.
Now I love being fit & healthy & wearing nice clothes, but this is not achieved effortlessly.
I really worry about getting tired of the effort & chucking the whole thing. Or of life sneaking up on me & giving me something terrifyingly stressful to handle, so much so that I prefer to fall mindlessly into a food-induced stupor, like a street person with a bottle of alcohol.
IMO the thing you are really afraid of is that you will see your weight creeping up, and you will know what to do, and you will decide not to do it.
This gave me a shiver of recognition while reading it late in the workday at my office. It's true for me; perhaps it's also true for you, Ncuneo?
Absolutly true. Like you, right now I LOVE my current life and lifestyle. But what if I get complacent? What if it's not enough anymore.
Regarding counseling, yes I've considering, but I'm afraid
I think today has just be particularly rough with what's going on with my friend and all and with some other items that are going on in my own life. This too shall pass...
Recently I have been very fearful that I am going to start ignoring my weight again and be back (plus more) to where I started. I am not at maintenance yet, but I did stop dieting for about 6 weeks and just maintained through the holidays. I was able to do it, which was a kind of a relief.
I have a perfectionist/obsessive type of personality and at times I can drive myself crazy. I'm not sure where the line should be drawn. Is it normal to have to think about food and exercise through most of your awake hours to stay at a normal weight? Lately I am wondering if I will ever be able to have less obsession over food. When I was my heaviest, I ate whatever, whenever I wanted and the results were disastrous. Now I find that to continue to lose, I have to always be vigilant and I am starting to feel resentful about it lately.
Honestly, I can say fear is the correct emotion. Every time I hear about one of those dismal studies that say that 95% and up of people who lose weight will regain it, plus some, I get really scared. Almost as if I will wake up and the statistic will have hit me without me even doing anything to cause it. Let's face it...the deck is stacked against us. What if I don't have the strength to fight all of this anymore?
Sorry. Didn't mean to go off on a rant. Hugs to all of you. I wish I had some answers for myself and for all of you.
I think a little fear of gaining it back is necessary in order to keep you honest. But overwhelming fear probably isn't good either. As you keep going likely you will trust yourself more. But, there are lots of skinny people out there who have never been overweight and are still terrified of being fat.
Perhaps it all semantics - substitute "fear" for "caution". I think we all have to be wary of "losing ourselves" again - but if you accept that every mouthful is a choice, a decision to be made for the good (or the bad), then things come into perspective. The problem is "obsessing". I remember when I was a yuppie, back in the Eighties, and EVERYONE was dieting. I got so SICK of living everyone else's diet - truly! We were OBSESSED. That sort of obsession is often a part of us - and is the reason we get so immersed in the business of staying thin. But, when you've come so far - it has to be healthy to be aware of how easy it is to slip. Otherwise - you'd slip! Caution is a way of life for all recovering addicts. You have to be aware - just try not to let it become obsessive - for the good, or the bad.
I love this thread. Thanks so much for voicing what so many of us feel! I don't have anything to add, but want you to know that we're here to support you and you are not alone.
But, with what you know - I don't think you could really go back to your old lifestyle.... sure, maybe 20 - 30 lbs extra, but I think any more is impractical. Knowledge does change your life and how you deal with problems; you never had correct knowledge before about the proper way to stop gaining weight.... you were sort of helpless.
I used to be helpless and would gain and lose the same 20 - 30 lbs because I was uneducated about how to eat and correct calories. It was starve and lose, then eat normal (well, somewhat more than normal) and gain it back. I was guessing at how it worked.
Now, because you can look back at your past, you can see the binge problem, you have a better understanding of it. I really believe that if you tried to binge at this point it would not offer you the satisfaction it used to - at all. You would be disappointed. Now, going for a good run provides an optimal feeling - much more effective than binging.
I just think sometimes we grow out of problems (and into new problems!)- I used to have a problem with bulimia, but now, nothing in me is even compelled to do it anymore. Then we take on new vices (mine was smoking!) - now smoking doesn't dominate me at all anymore, a cigarette doesn't offer the same satisfaction....
This is a rant, it is not nearly all I want to say on the topic - I feel your pain, but I honestly think that your deep knowledge of the topic would save you from gaining back the 150lbs, etc. (should you even lose your focus on health). Just my take.
I've always been afraid that if folks really knew the real me ... knew all about me ... they wouldn't like me any more. If indeed they ever did like me in the first place (which I doubted, of course). If I went to counseling, someone would know all about me ...
None of this makes sense in light of my 31 year marriage, my excellent relationship with my brother ... But that's beside the point.
My breakthrough came on a missions trip a couple of years ago. Increasingly, over the week we were in Mexico, I came to realise that I had more in common with abused children than almost anyone knew. When it came time for me to give my life story/testimony ... I let it all hang out. There were 20 people who knew what I was all about. And it didn't alienate anyone.
I had a short foray into secular counseling but ... naw ... My counselor is our Pastor. Of course I was afraid we'd have to change churches if he found out who I really was
This is new. I've only been going since September. I still don't open all the way up. Don't want to sound like an angry whiner.
I think what I need is a chance to be Susan-as-a-whole. Not just the pieces of Susan I need in this situation or the parts I fear will be good enough today.
That kinda went on and on ... sorry.
All I meant was to encourage you to try counseling and don't be disappointed if your first try isn't up to snuff.
I live in fear every single day. I fear the day I might say "F" it and go back to my old ways. I fear the day my clothes get tighter and cut into me, I fear the fear I'll have when I become a recluse again. I fear it so much that I make myself practically ill thinking about it. Of all of the times Ive lost weight, this is the first time I have ever felt this way, so maybe it's not all bad?? I wish there was a cure for food addiction. I just keep swimming.
Add me to the fearful. I feel that I could slip any moment. I am working so hard to keep the weight off and I've gained probably 5 pounds in the past month or two even working so hard. I am so tempted to say "F" it and just give in to all of the temptations. I won't though. I've worked too hard. It sure is hard though......
First of all, sorry you're going through such a rough period, ncuneo.
On to the question: this reminds me of what I've heard called the "motivation curve". If a student has a big test coming up, he wants to be motivated enough to study hard and be prepared, but not so overmotivated that he can't sleep the night before and then freezes up mentally. The best place to be is in the middle somewhere.
I think it's good to have a healthy enough fear/caution/respect (pick your favorite noun) of the specter of regaining to keep us in our good habits and prevent us from falling into bad habits, but not so much fear that it interferes with our functioning. I guess the trick is to find the happy medium.
So far, I think I'm in a healthy place on this, but part of me wonders if that's because it doesn't feel real yet. It's possible that the fear will hit after reality sinks in. Time will tell, I guess.
I haven't smoked in over 10 years. And sometimes when I'm stressed or when I smell someone else's cigarette I still, erm, not worry per se, but get mildly more stressed about kind of maybe sort of wanting a cigarette that I know perfectly well I will not have under any circumstances. I'm okay with "wow, that would be nice right now" but "want?" still makes me anxious.
Why am I living in fear?
I can't speak to binge eating disorders, so this is just coming from my experience with weight loss and maintenance. I think that over time, as you continue to maintain, that fear might lessen a little bit. We have certainly seen many posts on this forum from people who have just hit their goal weight and are afraid to increase their calories, because of that fear that 100 extra calories will put back on 100 lbs.
