Regret & Depression. Did I really sign up for this?
I had heard, prior to having my surgery, that feeling regret and/or depression after surgery is normal. I guess I just shrugged it off like, "yah, whatever..I'll seek help when I need it." It's hard to imagine your post-op emotions before surgery, but easy to recognize after surgery.
As I sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else care for my son, I question what I was thinking when I decided to have GB. My intention for having the surgery was to be able to BETTER care for my son. I didn't realize it would take me out of the picture for a week or so post-op, and I find it extremely difficult not being able to do all the things for him that I used to.
Another qualm I have is being near others as they eat. I have food dreams. I feel like a druggy goin through withdrawal. It is so heartbreaking to watch people eating Tasty Kakes, chinese food, chicken nuggets, etc. while I sip away at near flavorless broth. I wasn't fully aware of my emotional connection to food. And post-op, you realize; Food. Is. Everywhere. I can't watch a single damn show on TV without being bombarded with commercials for Red Lobster, Pizza Hut, Olive Garden, etc. I find myself craving foods that I never even enjoyed!
And the pain? What the **** was I thinking putting myself through this pain? I am stuck in a rut. Meds, sleep, eat and walk, more meds, sleep.. You get the idea. I didn't realize I was signing up for a week, or more, of intense pain. When I walk, my feet hit the floor and send a shock up to my stomach. My incisions cringe along with me. My surgeon's assistant had me pull off a steristrip while I was on the phone with her today, and I felt my (now miniature) stomach heave upward. The sight was rather nauseating.. A yellowish/brownish/red mix of what appears to me to be puss, but again.. I was reassured that this is "NORMAL."
While I'm somewhat relieved to have vented all of this out, I now need one more thing. I just want to know.. is all of this really "NORMAL"? Have other WLS patients felt this way? And when does it subside? I'm desperate for any answers, and I thank you all for taking the time to read this.
Last edited by BigMommy630; 01-06-2011 at 01:04 PM.
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Sorry to hear about the pain- but surely you didn't expect to walk out of there feeling fantastic did you?
Just know it's only temporary- I had surgery years ago (for something else) and first thing I remember doing is vomitting into a bag on the ride home- it was NOT pleasant recovering for two weeks after that.
I would look into reading some books about food addiction because the surgery can't help with that
After this you WILL be able to do all the things you want- right now just sucks but keep telling yourself it's going to be worth it.
Yes, honey...it is normal. The pain, the puss, the depression and the TV ads! The first little bit of recovery is hard, the first 3 months really. Then all of the sudden you will realize that its easier..."hummm? I just got up the stairs and I didn't want to stop half way up!" It is life changing, our means of swallowing our emotions is gone...we have to find an alternative to emotional eating or risk sabotaging our recovery and weight loss. It isn't easy....This is the very reason I get ticked when people assume that WLS is the easy way out..."Really, how about living in my shoes those first 3 months!"
Hang in there sweetie! It gets better, I promise!! and your son will not remember the week you missed, he will remember that his mom was there for him in the subsequent weeks!! Love yourself through this; work hard to focus on the positive, and instead of TV and its annoying, constant barrage of FOOD, read a nice book!
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 01-06-2011 at 01:39 PM.
Well-as you know I'll be in your shoes in a little less than 2 weeks. From what I understand-the pain is different from person to person. But-it WILL pass-so just look for the light at the end of the tunnel.
Same with the liquid diet-it will pass-your body needs to heal. I plan on using my first week of recovery reading-both fun books and books to help me work on my food addiction. Start journaling your feelings.
Stop feeling guilty about not being able to care for your son. It's a short period of time. He will be fine. It's not like you're not there. As soon as you feel up to it-you can read with him, color with him, watch movies together.
Search the internet for WLS success stories and helpful websites like Eggface, Melting Mama, Bariatric Eating, etc . . . . Read about people's experiences, look for yummy recipes for the purreed food stage. Order some protein powder and vitamin samples. Keep your mind busy.
And walk. Walk, walk, walk.
I'm planning on working on my daughter's Vietnam scrapbook with my mom. And reading this post when I start to feel like you are now.
Just try to keep positive. Focus on the good things to come out of this and not the bad things. Look up how chicken nuggets are made. It might turn you off! Really-a positive attitude can solve a lot. But if you feel like something's not right-call your surgeon.
I'm sorry you feel so awful as a result of your decision to try so hard to do something so good.
What you're describing is the reason why - in my non-wls opinion - a huge amount of work should be done By The Medical Practitioners to make sure people do understand some of these things. Of course, maybe they did with you, and the reality is so much worse.
By chance today I met a woman I haven't seen in a while. She had GBS 7 months ago, and has lost 7 stone. Hang on while I do the maths, 98lbs. When I saw her 6.5 months ago, she was having all her food pureed and getting bored. Tonight she's eating chicken with a few home fries. And she's 98lbs lighter. I don't exactly know but I'd say she's got about the same again to lose but she carries herself better, both physically and emotionally. Maybe that doesn't help you but I wanted to let you know about light at the end of the tunnel.
1. Regarding your child, isn't it better to have someone take care of your son for a few days/week+ now than to be able to do less overall and have more periods where you are sick and the real potential to die sooner and lose out on so much more? Just be thankful you have people that love you and will help you care for him. How old is he again? If he's young enough to need significant care, he won't remember this, and if he's older, he'll appreciate the sacrifice when you're being active with him later. Seriously, stressing over this is like a person who got a nose job to look prettier looking at her face the next day and saying how awful and swollen she looks. It's a temporary thing so that you can do what you need to do forever.
2. The food thing. OMG. I thought there was something wrong with me post op because I was hungry. Everyone online talked about how they were not hungry at all and ALL I could think about was food. I was miserable. I was physically, not mentally, hungry and I wanted to eat. I talked to my surgeon about it and she said that the non-hunger is one of the most harmful rumors about the surgery and that most patients do experience hunger. It sucks. I was pissed being around people who eat and angry about everything having to do with food. But then it was so exciting when I got to eat I was so thankful that I couldn't even take it. And once you get soft food, by the time you've finished experimenting and playing with what is good, etc, it's time for the next phase. So it SUCKS right now, but it will pass. I promise.
3. Pain. Holy crap, the pain. I had a c-section and the recovery was easy peasy, like nothing. I thought this would be the same. It was NOT. It freaking hurt. But once again, it gets better each day and will pass. Take your meds and rest and you will feel better. The body is amazing and does heal.
I hope you feel better soon. I know it is really sucky, but it is SO worth it. Just take care of yourself and you'll be back to normal, even better than normal, before you know it.
Big M - you've had MAJOR SURGERY. like everyone says - this is NOT easy. and the food thing. it's always a shock to each and every one of us just how ingrained our habits are, and what a huge role food has in our lives. and seriously, that's something we have to get past. NOT EASY. not at all.
the pain will pretty much go away within the next couple of weeks [you'll still be a little tender, but it won't be bad - and if it is, go see your doc]. the next three months will be trial and error. some days will be great and others - not-so-great. what works one day won't work the next. foods you used to love will taste gross. things you used to hate will be the one food that'll work.
all of this passes - all of this gets better. one day at a time. and, as everyone said, you'll suddenly look back over the past month or week and realize how much better you're feeling.
please be patient with yourself. and i'm glad that you're coming here to vent- realizing that you've basically woken up in a foreign country where you don't speak the language and you can't figure out how to get around or function. and you hurt.
seriously - take care of yourself. your son is by your side. you know that he's well cared for and that he knows you love him. this is a time for YOU to take care of yourself. and i know that this is new territory for you.
Just wanted to chime in and say that everything you're feeling I had felt as well. I had my surgery right before Christmas '10 and it was so HARD to watch people eat. I bought a Christmas-themed issue of my favorite magazine to entertain me while I was laid up and there ended up being FIFTY recipes in there, complete with PICTURES! I ended up throwing it across the room, lol!
My boyfriend and I actually skipped Christmas Eve dinner at his family's house and went later to open presents with them instead. His dad kind of acted like "Ohhh, c'mon cant you just suck it up?" but I persisted and told him it was just very hard for me right now. We did go to my family's dinner (it was 3 hrs away and I knew Nat would be hungry by the time we got there and didnt want him just eating something else in front of me, lol) but I brought my own food and my sister made me a dessert with sugar free jello and sugar free cool whip.
Dont be afraid to tell your family and friends what you're going thru. Don't be afraid to ask them NOT to eat in front of you. It sounds like you have someone caring for your son, so you dont really even have to watch him eat right now, right? Just remove yourself from the situation as much as you can.
Also, as others have said, immerse yourself in your new lifestyle by going to different sites that deal with bariatric surgery, check out books from your library or order them online so they come to your door . Its totally normal to have a little "buyers remorse" after surgery, but this too will pass, and the rewards are going to mean more than this temporary period of being uncomfortable.
Thank you, ladies. I'm not so worried about my son remembering this and holding it against me, or something. It's more about how I miss being able to be there with him every second that I could. I miss watching him do commonplace things day to day.
I know it will get easier every day, and I just need to go through it day by day, but it's so hard. The struggle to not eat is sooooo hard. I was chewing and spitting today just to feel FOOD in my mouth. I think it's weird that I find myself hungry. My sister, who also had the surgery, didn't feel hungry. And a few teaspoons of broth made her feel full. I could eat a whole bowl of broth and not feel full. It's terribly frustrating.
I intend to call my surgeon's assistant tomorrow and ask if I can move up to Phase 2. I feel as though I'm healing well enough, and I definitely have the appetite for it. But I haven't had a bowel movement yet. I apologize if that's graphic, but from what I understand, it's an important part of the surgery. Did anyone else find it impossible to have a BM within the first 5 days?
Thank you again for all your help everyone. =)
I had a different surgery two years ago, but had serious trouble with constipation. After 6 days I had to take medication for it. I don't know what food and drink you can and can't have right after WLS, but castor oil helps?
I had my surgery on a Tuesday and did have a BM till Saturday. So...that's 5 days, right? At that point it was just liquid, but I went a few times that day. I take Metformin, for which one of the side effects is diarrhea, and I had started back taking it that day so I dont know if that's what caused it or what.
I think its a good idea to call your surgeon's asst about moving to Phase 2. One thing I would caution on the chew and spit thing is that the only thing that is doing is feeding your emotional reliance on food. In my opinion, chewing and spitting is eating disorder behavior (its common among anorexics). I have been tempted to do it myself, and I have a friend who had gastric bypass too, and she did it when she first had the surgery too. She has told me to do it, but I feel like I'm supposed to be re-programming my brain on how I think about food. Food is not for taste, texture, etc, it is supposed to be for nourishment. Granted, food can be pleasurable, but for me it is treading on thin ice to chew and spit because I am reinforcing those negative behaviors of eating food for pleasure, to cure loneliness, depression, etc. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
First, I was very constipated the first few weeks....my body was used to processing the liter of food that I usually ate and the small amount I was getting took days to get through and by that time, all the fluid was removed from it. And any time you mess with the intestinal track surgically, the rythmn gets messed up. Don't worry, things will get back to normal-ish soon. If you don't go soon, you can talk to your surgeon about Miralax or something. My dr. recommened putting wheat germ on everything. Gross but it helped.
Secondly. the emotional aspect of not being able to eat, chew, taste and swallow is VERY difficult! Try to resist the urges and retrain your emotional response. My couselor had me keep a pad and paper around me at all times and write everytime I wanted to eat, what I was doing or watching that triggered the urge, (sometimes I would just write "AHHHHHHHHHH!!! &Y$% &^%*!#!& !@#%#@ *%^&" ), and plan out something I could do instead of eat or thinking of eating. Something like, take a walk, knit, draw, read. Something with your hands like knitting or drawing really helped.
Hang in there honey! You're doing great! I bet your son misses having you around for the day to day stuff too, BUT you are doing something huge for you and him alike!
It will get better, I promise!!
Angela
Last edited by missangelaks; 01-07-2011 at 12:27 AM.
I haven't had WLS, but just stopped by to give you a
Also I just wanted to say, the emotional food relationship, also happened to me at the beginning of my journey. I gave up carbs (except for veg) and all I could think about for weeks was bread, pasta, cookies etc. But, I broke myself of that addiction, and now sit 106lbs lighter because of it. All weight loss has some emotional battles.
Take good care of you, this is a long journey and it will get easier
Regret & Depression. Did I really sign up for this?
I didn't realize I was signing up for a week, or more, of intense pain. When I walk, my feet hit the floor and send a shock up to my stomach. My incisions cringe along with me. My surgeon's assistant had me pull off a steristrip while I was on the phone with her today, and I felt my (now miniature) stomach heave upward. The sight was rather nauseating.. A yellowish/brownish/red mix of what appears to me to be puss, but again.. I was reassured that this is "NORMAL."
Really-a positive attitude can solve a lot. But if you feel like something's not right-call your surgeon.
recipes in there, complete with PICTURES! 
I ended up throwing it across the room, lol! 
but I persisted and told him it was just very hard for me right now. We did go to my family's dinner (it was 3 hrs away and I knew Nat would be hungry by the time we got there and didnt want him just eating something else in front of me, lol) but I brought my own food and my sister made me a dessert with sugar free jello and sugar free cool whip. 
), and plan out something I could do instead of eat or thinking of eating. Something like, take a walk, knit, draw, read. Something with your hands like knitting or drawing really helped. 
