Living Maintenance - Ways to not be resentful...

In the effort of finding ways to not be resentful of the fact that I have to make my food decisions a priority in my life and I have to think about everything that goes into my mouth, and that weight maintenance is always on my mind, I love to start of list of things that we don't have to do that less "food challenged" people do. I'm sure this varies from individual to individual as we all have different strengths in life, but none the less I need some positivity today!

Can you give an example? Might be cause english is my second language im not sure what you mean exactly :(

But at the end of the day, I used to feel it was unfair how I had to eat healthy and exercise everyday to maintain my weight when most people I know and the rest of my family didnt, but now I dont anymore. I am healthy, I hav ean awesome heart rate, I am a killer body and I am proud to say that I WORKED for it and its awesome. ANd Ill live longer and healthier YEAH :D

It may be a blessing in disguise. We're always aware of what we're doing to our bodies, good and bad. This consciousness leads to a long, vivacious life. (as long as the good outweighs the bad!)

When it comes to my weight and weight loss, I've been able to virtually live resentment-free (except during TOM - but I resent just about everything those few days a month).

For me it was about changing the way I looked at what I was doing.

I don't "resent" having to brush my teeth (even though some people don't). My grandfather never saw a dentist, never flossed or even brushed, and yet never lost a single tooth (his teeth weren't even yellow and his breath was never terrible - almost makes you believe in the tooth fairy). Could I whine about how unfair it is that I have to brush and floss every day, and still have dental problems? Of course, but it would be silly. The situation isn't really fair or unfair - it just is.

Also, I stopped looking at weight loss strategies as punishment. Of course it feels unfair when you see them as punishments, but when you see them as neutral or even better yet - ways to pamper your wonderful self, there's no resentment because you're the lucky one.

For years I envied people who had the money and time to go to expensive and exotic weight loss spa resorts. Finally I realized I could duplicate the spa experience, just by seeing it that way. Choosing low-calorie and calorie burning indulgences and adventures.


For example, I stopped doing exercises that I hated and thought were boring. Instead I found ways to move that I found fun (even if they were unpleasant). I bought a bike, even though with my health status it was probably a bone-head move. I still can't ride it very often or very long, but I feel like a kid again when I do get on it (literally, I almost think I need training wheels).

I swim because I love it (even though I have to swim in a warm-water therapy pool and it costs me $5 every time). I have always loved swimming, and it's never felt like awful exercise, it always felt like freedom - because I can do things in the water that I can't dream of on land.

I use my MP3 player to dance (I'm obsessed with Irish and Scottish music).

I want to buy a Wii, because I always work up a sweat when I play with my sister when I visit her.

Hubby and I occasionally geocache. It's like a high tech treasure hunt, you use a gps unit to find hidden caches (usually consisting of random cheap trinkets and a sign the log (some caches have no treasure, just the log). If you do take a trinket, you leave something of equal or greater value, and you leave the cache exactly where you found it.

I hate walking just to be walking - but I'll really push myself to find the treasure - even though it's a treasure only in the eyes of five-year olds and geocachers.

I also look at my eating as self-pampering. I don't dwell on what I'm taking away as much as what I'm adding. I splurge on exotic low-calorie, high-flavor foods (I thought the exotic fruits and vegetables were really expensive, until I started comparing them to the prices of really good chocolates).

Hubby and I take day trips to gourmet and health food shops (I want to go to the Mustard Museum here in Wisconsin this summer).

I never realized how many truly awesome low-calorie foods there are. And the best of them aren't low-calorie substitutions of high-calorie foods, they're just naturally low-calorie. Flavored vinegars, pickled vegetables (I'm obsessed with pickled garlic), very strongly flavored cheeses (these aren't low in calorie, but I find a tiny shaving of a strong cheese far more indulgent than a big piece of some low-cal cheese with the taste and texture of plastic)...

I try to make the weight loss process as fun as I can. I created sticker charts for pounds lost and time spent exercising. I give myself small rewards for every five pounds (usually worth about $5, though I bought a used Mp3 player when I got under 350 lbs, and I'm considering another bigger purchase when I reach 100 lbs lost).

You can always focus on the negative or the positive. There are people who can turn any piece of good luck into a tragedy. Win the lottery - complain about the taxes. Win a vacation - complain about the trip or the weather.

And I think you can make the reverse happen as well (within reason - I'm not asking anyone to celebrate terminal illness), but I've found that dieting and exercise doesn't have to be a terminal illness, it can be winning the lottery.

do you mean things we don't have to think about that *nobody who has ever needed to lose weight* thinks about or *people who are still trying to lose weight*?

I hope it isn't the second option because I don't think it is good to think in those terms. Weight loss and weight maintanence to me are pretty similar in that I'm still eating the same things and still doing the same activity. I've just reached a point of near balance between RMR and food intake.

If it is the former:

1) Because of my past I think I have a better appreciation of food, exercise and the overall impact of these on my body (and mind) than someone who never had a weight problem.

2) I'm more sensitive to the overweight/ obese people and the reality of their lives. It was my life for far longer than it wasn't my life.

3) I don't take my health for granted. I thank God that I can go anywhere and do anything without my weight getting in the way.

I don't HAVE to watch my weight and my eating, I *choose* to. I could just go nuts, but I'm choosing daily to live a better life. That little switch in my thinking has made a positive person out of me. Every day is a gift. I know that in a way that someone who has never been overweight, out of shape and depressed will never know.

Some things that my super-fit, never overweight, highly disciplined (very sweet) will never experience:
1. The joy of walking into a department store and getting a thrill that he can pick whatever in the heck he wants (he's always done this and doesn't find it exciting).
2. The joy of getting through a day of healthy eating and knowing that it took will power and effort that was previously impossible.
3. Running a 5k and having it be a fantastic achievement.
4. Making a goal to hike a mountain and then actually finishing.

I think less "food challenged" folks take all of these things for granted. I know I don't and I celebrate every victory. I even celebrate that I'm sitting here with my tummy growling 2 hours before dinner while not munching. Victory!

nobody who has ever needed to lose weight

This one.

I guess the best example would everthing Matt said and this:

It may be a blessing in disguise. We're always aware of what we're doing to our bodies, good and bad. This consciousness leads to a long, vivacious life.

ETA: I guess I'm just feeling exhausted and spread a little thin lately with all that's going on and while my daily routine with exercise and food preparation is usually a source of comfort for me, it's just felt like one more thing that HAS to get done and I just want to be on auto and not have to think so hard. And while all that I do is pretty much second nature now, it still takes a lot of time and effort.

I was always obsessed with everything I ate. It was a long time before I realized that though. I'm pretty sure obsessing over eating healthy will be a lot more fun than obsessing over hating myself because of every bite I take.

And I don't know many thin people who aren't doing something to stay there. They may not talk about it or do it in public but I bet they compensate somewhere in thier diet for stuff you may see them eating.

if your food plan is stressing you out right now, maybe you could plan some things in advance. You've been doing this for quite a while, I imagine you have favorite meals. stick to those for a while so that the counting and 'work' is taken out for you.

Another idea, what do you use to prepare your food?? I am a kitchen gadget geek. I have fancy peelers and knives and a slicer and a blender and all manner of things. And while for most people they may be unnecessary, they make me feel better because instead of carefully chopping each carrot slice I can go through a whole (12-15 inch long) carrot in about 15 seconds.

Also, I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way but I love reading your posts; I've felt a lot of the ways you have when you post here for help at 3fc and it's shown me that weight loss is a goal worthy in itself, not to expect it to solve all my problems. ;)

That's very comforting. I hope your life circumstances get easier.

Also, I hope this doesn't come out the wrong way but I love reading your posts; I've felt a lot of the ways you have when you post here for help at 3fc and it's shown me that weight loss is a goal worthy in itself, not to expect it to solve all my problems.

That didn't come out wrong at all and thanks for reminding me.

wow, you're welcome! I'm glad I could help. :)

I can't give you a list of things that "always skinny" people have to do that we don't...but I can give you a list of things that I get to do having been previously morbidly obese that "always skinny" people don't. I actually see myself as having many blessings that I would never have had (and they do sort of make up for the counting I do and the loose skin, etc).

1. I'm so much more respectful of food. I ate a lot of junk before, and if I'd been skinny doing so...I probably still would be eating junk. Instead, I've become a whole-foodie...aware of my food, where it comes from, the farmers growing it, and what it does in my body.

2. I've become a chef. This lets me cook wonderful meals for family and friends. Cooking started, for me, because eating out was so high calorie. But now I love it. Love, love, love it.

3. Being aware of my own body made me aware of how much food and exercise improve my mental health. Without having to watch what I was eating and improve my exercise, I might not have ever made the connection. This has had wonderful implications for my overall body wellness.

4. I've been able to serve as an inspiration. This is weird for me, because I never thought I would have been one. But this is also one of the reasons I've stuck here at 3FC and join the welcome wagon whenever the opportunity pops up...because it makes me feel happy every time someone tells me that, having seen my story, they believe it is possible. I even got to be on the cover of Women's World, with a huge readership, promoting a plan that was based on calorie counting, 3FC, and good cooking...not a fad. It may sound a little conceited of me, but that's not the place it's coming from, I swear...it's more awe that I may have made a difference in the life and health of even one other person, to say nothing of multiple people. I know several in my personal life who have asked me for advice and support and have used that advice to make major changes in her life, and I have heard from other posters here. And it really, really fills me up with joy to know that, in my small way, I'm making a difference and giving people hope to start their journeys.

5. Most of all, I have a serious appreciation for what my body can do, how well it adapts, for each pound it can lift, for each mile it can run. If this came easy, I can't imagine I'd appreciate all of these wonderful things nearly as much as I do.

4. I've been able to serve as an inspiration. This is weird for me, because I never thought I would have been one. But this is also one of the reasons I've stuck here at 3FC and join the welcome wagon whenever the opportunity pops up...because it makes me feel happy every time someone tells me that, having seen my story, they believe it is possible. I even got to be on the cover of Women's World, with a huge readership, promoting a plan that was based on calorie counting, 3FC, and good cooking...not a fad. It may sound a little conceited of me, but that's not the place it's coming from, I swear...it's more awe that I may have made a difference in the life and health of even one other person, to say nothing of multiple people. I know several in my personal life who have asked me for advice and support and have used that advice to make major changes in her life, and I have heard from other posters here. And it really, really fills me up with joy to know that, in my small way, I'm making a difference and giving people hope to start their journeys.



This is so great! I completely agree!

I'm on speaking terms with my body now, rather than being oblivious to it, "living from the neck up," as I call it. I am no longer mystified by it, or distrustful of it. I have a real sense of cause-and-effect. I know that moving & eating (& not eating some stuff) makes a difference. I don't engage in as much magical thinking, believing that wishin' & hopin' & prayin' will lead to changes.

And yes, like others here, I've become a skilled amateur nutritionist, chef, athlete & behavioral psychologist in order to take better care of myself.

And I now have developed excellent project management skills for any future self-improvement efforts: I learned that I am able to make tremendous changes in my behavior & follow through on them over a relatively long period of time. I know that I CAN CHANGE MYSELF. Do you know how amazing that is? Just spend some time for a while with someone who feels that he or she is unable to affect change or exert much control over the course of his or her life & you will know what the difference is. When you feel otherwise about yourself, your whole view on life changes, too.

4. I've been able to serve as an inspiration. This is weird for me, because I never thought I would have been one. But this is also one of the reasons I've stuck here at 3FC and join the welcome wagon whenever the opportunity pops up...because it makes me feel happy every time someone tells me that, having seen my story, they believe it is possible. I even got to be on the cover of Women's World, with a huge readership, promoting a plan that was based on calorie counting, 3FC, and good cooking...not a fad. It may sound a little conceited of me, but that's not the place it's coming from, I swear...it's more awe that I may have made a difference in the life and health of even one other person, to say nothing of multiple people. I know several in my personal life who have asked me for advice and support and have used that advice to make major changes in her life, and I have heard from other posters here. And it really, really fills me up with joy to know that, in my small way, I'm making a difference and giving people hope to start their journeys.



This is so well said and something I really need to remember on a regular basis. Back when I had newly lost weight many people told me I was an inspiration. Now that my weight loss is "old news" I don't hear it as often. I do still hear it when I work at WW and I need to remember this on my hard to stick to plan days! I have people counting on me not to fail. I have others (haters) counting on me TO FAIL so the stubbornness in me is going to prove them wrong!

Here are a couple for you.

1) I understand what food is for. Specifically, it can be part of celebration, but it is not required for celebration. It can be part of getting through the passing of someone near and dear, but it is not required for getting through that. And, food should never be the "reward" for getting through something, or a "drug" for stuffing down uncomfortable feelings.

Food's main purpose is to provide fuel and nutrition for my body and mind. That doesn't mean it can't be delicious--but it does mean that it doesn't have to be delicious, amazing, over the top, every single time.

2) I understand what exercise is for. Specifically, it is to reduce stress, produce healthy muscle, increase cardiovascular endurance, keep muscle's fat-burning metabolism going. Training for a marathon could be a part of exercise, but it doesn't have to be. Boot camp class could be a part of exercise, but it doesn't have to be. Exercise should never be a punishment or remedy for having eaten something.

Exercise has one main purpose, and that is health--to keep me moving, my heart beating, my body flexible and strong, and my metabolism good. That doesn't mean one can't push oneself to higher levels--but it does mean that exercise does not have to be an endurance test, exhausting, hard, over the top, every single time.

So these aren't things that normal-weight people who have never been overweight "have" to do--just things that I know from my experience, that sometimes normal-weight people do not.

Jay

And I now have developed excellent project management skills for any future self-improvement efforts: I learned that I am able to make tremendous changes in my behavior & follow through on them over a relatively long period of time. I know that I CAN CHANGE MYSELF. Do you know how amazing that is? Just spend some time for a while with someone who feels that he or she is unable to affect change or exert much control over the course of his or her life & you will know what the difference is. When you feel otherwise about yourself, your whole view on life changes, too.

ooh, this is a good one!!

it's shown me that weight loss is a goal worthy in itself, not to expect it to solve all my problems. ;)
.

Wow thats one of the best thing I have ever read. If everyone could understand that, a lot more people would be sucessful maintainers

If I start being resentful of "naturally skinny people" where will the jealousy end? I could easily be jealous of rich people, people with cute babies, people that can sing, draw, juggle. People with naturally straight hair, people that don't have gray hair, people that are good with directions, people that can parallel park, people that are good with money, or good at gardening...

I'm sure there are plenty of reasons for people to be jealous of ME - so I have to watch what I eat? I have never have a cavity, I have lovely calves, I am a really really fast typist, I have a good job and no credit card debt. I can celebrate everything good about me and not waste energy on being jealous of what other people have (except the gray hair thing, that bugs me all the time) Ncueno apparently has glossy, straight, non-gray hair. Hate her!!! ;)

If I start being resentful of "naturally skinny people" where will the jealousy end? I could easily be jealous of rich people, people with cute babies, people that can sing, draw, juggle. People with naturally straight hair...

I kinda do resent that is takes me so long to straighten my hair. Way more than I resent that a candy bar makes me fat while my boyfriend can easily pack away a supersized value meal and never gain an ounce. Luckily I am way to happy being slim to even notice who the naturally skinny people are or that my roots have reverted to curls by lunch time. :dizzy:

I got a Brazilian Blowout for Christmas. Cost way too much, took way too long, but I LOVE IT. I have easy straight hair!! Just blow dry (nothing special, no sections, no round brush) and then 2 minutes of flat ironing the top bits for perfectly gorgeous straight hair (compared to 30+ minutes of flat ironing before). I only have to wash it every 3 days, it stays lovely even after sleeping on it.

[QUOTE=kaplods;3633261]Hubby and I occasionally geocache. It's like a high tech treasure hunt, you use a gps unit to find hidden caches (usually consisting of random cheap trinkets and a sign the log (some caches have no treasure, just the log). If you do take a trinket, you leave something of equal or greater value, and you leave the cache exactly where you found it.

I hate walking just to be walking - but I'll really push myself to find the treasure - even though it's a treasure only in the eyes of five-year olds and geocachers.

What she said! I used to hate to walk. Not no more. We started geocaching last spring, mostly becuase Kaplods made it sound so interesting, and now Robert just loves to tell everyone how much work I am willing to do to find tupperware in the woods. And we almost never take anything, just leave a kid toy or a dog toy and sign the log.

I used to resent having gotten fat when I quit smoking...quitting was supposed to make me healthier, not just fat! Now I am glad because I would never have found the 3FC otherwise. So, I am glad to be conscious of what I eat, glad to know the difference between just gobbling up food and eating food that tastes good even if there is less of it, and glad that I had to find a way to "diet" even though most of my friends and family don't.

I'm still not sure what will happen when I get to goal. If I'll have to always watch what I eat and make sure I exercise, or if I'll be like I was before and be able to eat mashed potatoes and gravy and cookies with few consequences, but I think I would still choose the exercise and more whole foods.

(I can't believe I just said that...)

Barb

I used to be really resentful of my mom. She eats whatever she wants and when she talks about food, she sounds happy about it. But I see the vast amount of prescriptions she's on, how hard it is for her to walk with so much weight on a bum knee, and how really depressed she actually is. I think to myself, "I was that depressed, was deliberately hurting myself thinking it didn't matter that I was covered in scars because I expected to have killed myself by now. I realize now, with healthy eating and exercise, my depression is gone. Why would I want to go back to that plus all of the other health problems I'd develop later on?"

Or on days where I resent having to get up to go to the gym, I try to remind myself that keeping up this exercise now will let me be able to hike longer distances and greater heights in my favorite place in the world, Zion NP. I go twice a year and if I don't keep to my exercise routine leading up to April, I won't be able to finally see the view in my avatar for myself. :)

Hope this was of some use,
Mel

I realised how much I was resenting exercise, from late summer 2010 onwards. I'd never really got enthusiastic about it, but I was finding new and inventive excuses to skip it. I chose to take a break for a whilerather then keep up the self-sabotage and guilt. The process was useful to me because I found new things to resent, ones that I'd forgotten about.

I didn't like the fact that any twinges or aches weren't induced by a good workout, but by stiff, underworked limbs. I felt creakier, less supple in my middle-aged body. Nor was I keen on the fact that my cardiovascular fitness took a dive. I noticed my abs and upper thighs seemed more flabby than before, and I realised that although they have some crepey skin on them regardless, I still preferred them being tighter.

Most of all I missed the effect on my mood, though. I felt more lethargic and moody in general. Exercise makes me feel much better afterwards, and I rather like that.

So I resumed exercise in December. One and a half months in, I'm still not feeling resentful about it. Whether that will last, I don't know, but so far, so good.

Food-wise, I'm still working on my attitude with that. There's no doubt that some resentment has crept in, and I'm battling with that, a little. Still, as with the exercise, I acknowledge that some aspects are better and it's not just about fitting a smaller size. I resent cooking from scratch sometimes, but equally I like the fact that I'm a better cook than I was before. I'm sure there's more than that, if I think about it some more, but it's a start.