This has been a hard [<-- understatement] holiday season. My grandmother died on Thanksgiving day. Her death came after 3 weeks of medical mysteries, and the whole ordeal has sapped every ounce of ambition and/or holiday cheer from me. I had hope that once I got over the holiday slump, I could start putting myself back together, but no. My birthday is HER birthday, and that's coming up fast! We shared 25 birthdays, and now I'm doing the 26th solo. =(
And now I'm paying the price. Not as bad as years past, but I've put on 4 to 5 pounds in the last few weeks. Those few pounds took over a month to lose. *sigh*
On top of it all, I got really sick the weekend she first went into the hospital, and I'm just NOW getting better, after TWO MONTHS!
My biggest problem is that I have no ambition. Between the house, the kids and trying to get myself back together emotionally, I haven't had ambition to do anything. Every single pot and pan I own is dirty. I have almost no real food in the kitchen - just quick things so I can feed the kids.
I've always loved to cook, but, lately, there's no joy in it. I know the grieving process is a long, hard one. I also know that if Grandma showed up from beyond, she'd be slapping me silly for letting my diet slip because of her. So I guess I know what I have to do...I just don't have the ambition to do it.
One suggestion I have is, when someone dies it feels like life is out of control. But I think if you were to get back on track with food and exercise you would start to feel in control of something, and it might help you. I also have found that sometimes when I exercise it helps me with grief.
I don't think there is anything wrong with taking a time out. Sometimes it can get to the point where thinking about one more thing just isn't doable.
Hugs to you...I was also close to my grandma, she has been gone for several years, and I miss her alot. But it will get easier. Time will help to heal you.
My heart goes out to you.....I hope you'll find a way to get through this and start to slowly enjoy life. I think grieving is so important but at the same time, it would be nice to find a way to be happy. Your grandmother would want you to enjoy your life. She lost people along the way and we all do...such is the cycle of life.....try to keep her memory alive and do things that make you appreciate all that she was....she will be in your heart forever. It took me a while to feel better after I lost my grandfather. I used to have major anxiety about it and depression. It took me about 4 months.
I am so sorry, big hugs. Take it easy on yourself, and try to take control of small things, one at a time. Like tonight, wash the dishes. JUST the dishes.
Tomorrow, do a clean out of the fridge (nothing huge, just 20 minutes), and make a list of healthy groceries.
Next day, make a grocery trip and make your kids a healthy dinner.
It will get better, and one small step in the right direction (washing the dishes) may motivate you to get going.
It is really, very hard to deal with something so sad but you will feel better when you snap out of your funk. One thing at a time, baby steps.
Do you have friends nearby? Or family that you are close to? Or folks you go to church with, or socialize with in any way?
Ask for help from them! That's what friends are for. Tell them you are feeling really down and having a hard time, and could they please take an hour or so to come and help you wash a few pans! Or whatever!
You have to ask for help when you need it. And right now, you need it.
Altari...my heart goes out to you, my momma died this past April and it wasn't till the last couple of weeks that I have felt "normal" and did not just cry at a drop of a hat. It is true, find SOMETHING to do that you USED to enjoy or used to do on a regular basis, whether it is cleaning, cooking HEALTHY, reading, exercising, knitting, crossword puzzles, computer games, walking/shopping, hanging out with the kids, just anything, get your mind active. Take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. Start small even if you have to PUSH yourself to do it. Once you get started it will get easier to get back into the swing of things. The more time a took just "thinking" the worse I got. I finally started occupying my mind with other things besides the grief of my momma's death. I wish someone would of told me all this a lot sooner than they did. Big hugs to you, my friend. BTW...my dad and I have shared the same birthday for 50 years and he is 83 with a bad heart. I am chosing NOW to look at it as a positive, even after he leaves this earth....
Well, I had a nice long reply to everyone typed out then my browser ate it. Guess it wasn't meant to be.
Thanks for all the warm thoughts and advice. Yesterday was just a really bad day. I thought I was over the worst of the grieving, but every once in a while it hits me like a ton of bricks. Not just the loss, but memories of sitting with her in the hospital on the first day while the doctor tried to figure out what was wrong. That's one of those "special" memories I get all to myself.
I did finally clean up the kitchen last night, after having a good cry fest over the phone with my mom. And I used the leftover turkey instead of heading out for Chipotle (even though that sounded really, really, good).
We (friends and I) have decided that we're going to go to a club for my birthday. The day itself will still be fairly craptastic, but at least I'll have something to look forward to. Also a good incentive to watch my intake and drop a little more weight. =)
When all you want to do is vegetate
