100 lb. Club - I am having trouble forgiving myself for overeating and gaining last month.

01-04-2011, 07:46 AM
I am mad at myself. I let stress, anxiety, disappointment over having to cancel my surgery again (Dec 2 - third cancellation), and the bombardment of unhealthy holiday food take over my life. I had some horrible binges. I am feeling ashamed of myself. (it's been a long time since I've had this feeling) I am just plain disappointed in my response to my feelings (positive and negative) still being centered around food. It's like that comfy old teeshirt that I slip back into food/eating. But, it's a faux-comfort. The food only 'helps' for a moment. Seems like I have been working on this food stuff forever. When will I ever learn. My clothes are tighter and I feel discouraged.

So I say to myself... what would I tell a friend in the same position. I'd say - it's in the past and ya can't change it, only learn from it. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself and move forward. This is one of those times where it's - ‘do as I say not as I do‘. I am not treating myself as a friend. I feel like this backslide into crazy eating just is so negative.

I have had three very healthy days... I am grateful for that. I know I must dust myself off and start again for the millionienth time. I've read from Dr. Judith Beck's Book - the chapter on Dealing with Discouragement, many times in the last few days. It says that when I have these discouraging thoughts I have a choice: "1. I can allow them to erode my motivaiton, give up and abandon everything. or 2. I can vigourously respond to the these sabatoging thoughts, feel better, become more motivated and continue to work toward my goal." Also says to focus on what I can do today. I have the tools and am trying to rustle up more willingness today.

I almost feel like my life is in a 'holding pattern' until I get the recent weight gain off. I need to step away from this!

Thanks for listening.

01-04-2011, 07:54 AM
I am the stress Queen, I over think everything. I've made drastic changes to my personal life the last 18 mos trying to "find" a better place inside myself.

You are right food is like an old familiar t-shirt, the ratty one we keep in the back of the closet we don't let other ppl see us wear...lol. I wish I could toss it to the wayside and say never more but that would be unrealistic.

As you know when we dwell in the past we cannot move forward so as hard as it is we need to look to this day and forget yesterday. So don't be disappointed over the mistakes of yesterday be happy you know the path and can find the steps you need to take today....

Be blessed !!!!!!!!!

01-04-2011, 08:16 AM
I can totally relate to what your going thru. I have been going thru it for a year now. I gained in late 2009 a total of 20lbs back and I spent 2010 trying to get it off but all the time not letting go of the fact that I had gained. I didnt add in exercise enough to lose the weight back.
SO it is what it is and start fresh NOW!!!

01-04-2011, 09:12 AM
I can relate in the sense that I won't feel slimmer again until I retrieve the Christmas weight gain
I enjoyed every bite.
I'm slimmer still than I've been for years.
I'm gradually modifying my eating back down to weightloss levels. Cold turkey (ew) doesn't work for me

I think all you can do is continue plodding on with doing it right, until it becomes once again automatic.
Have a :hug:

DixC Chix
01-04-2011, 11:09 AM
Maybe do something symbolic: Write down all the feelings, thoughts, reasons, excuses, rationalizations, etc and then burn it. Its gone, done, over.

01-04-2011, 11:55 AM
I want to say all of the things to you that you mentioned you would say to a friend.
"I'd say - it's in the past and ya can't change it, only learn from it. Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself and move forward."

But I also know that you need to feel that from yourself. I don't know what the answer is on that because so many times we are so hard on ourselves. I hope that you can allow for self-forgiveness and recognize that you have had quite the battle over the past few months. It would be hard on anyone!

Hang in there!

01-04-2011, 12:07 PM
Slashnl, Dixie chix, dgrammie, rosinante, & jab. Thank you so much for your wonderful thoughts and ideas. You all have good ideas, thoughts and are being helpful so much.

Thanks, again.

01-04-2011, 12:28 PM
I agree with Slashni. It is so easy to be hard on ourselves, but sometimes we have to look at how far we have come. I am the best at beating myself up at times, because it motivates me to get going.

Sometimes we are our only cheerleaders, and being kind to ourselves no matter will help to move us towards our goals. You can do it! :)

01-04-2011, 01:48 PM
I understand because I have been there and done that. You really said it all in your post. Forgive yourself and move on. In the short term this weight gain will affect you but, if you get it under control, it won't affect you in the long term. If you let it keep pulling at you, it could affect your long term results. So forgive and learn from it and then go forward.

01-04-2011, 01:54 PM
I love this quote you have on your signature:
"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher

yes you have the tools- take all those bad negative feelings and use it- to motivate yourself. It's not over- all is not lost.;) :hug: :tread:

01-04-2011, 02:08 PM
We really are our own worst enemies! You are always so kind and supportive to others, you've got to extend that to yourself now and not beat yourself up. I think you are doing great to be back on track for three days now. Just keep adding to that one day at a time.

Hugs and good thoughts to you during this stressful time.

01-04-2011, 02:28 PM
Okay, Bev:

Three Hail Marys, an Our Father, and donate three carby items to a food pantry or food drive near you.

Then a half-hour on the nearest treadmill, wearing two shirts, neither of which you're allowed to remove for an hour afterward.

Then go forth & sin no more.

It's a new year.

[I have no idea of your religious or ethnic background, but if you were one of my friends, from a "churched" background, this is pretty much what you'd be looking for, in your heart of hearts.]

01-04-2011, 02:35 PM


Love your post! Are you available for public speaking? Or better yet, they could really use you as a new trainer on The Biggest Loser.

Loving Me
01-04-2011, 03:05 PM
I almost feel like my life is in a 'holding pattern' until I get the recent weight gain off. I need to step away from this!

I'm sorry I don't have any advice Beverley, but just wanted to let you know that THAT is just how I feel right now. I gained 2.5lbs over Xmas and New Year and 1lb of that came straight off, but the other 1.5lbs is just taunting me and it sucks :(
It is really affecting my mood, I feel angry and tearful the whole time and it's affecting DH and DD as well which I know is not fair. I'm realising this past few days I really do have a problem with daily weighing and punishing myself when the number goes up, but I don't know how to handle it....:?:

01-04-2011, 08:26 PM
just wanted to say "I hear ya!" and "I can relate!"

I understand why I did what I did. I don't really regret eating the things I did (well, mostly), but it's not so fun to face the high numbers again and have to re-lose what I lost before. I had a good Sunday, a good Monday, and a good today. Sounds like you're getting back on track. Sometimes it's more helpful to let go of the past and try to take whatever lesson we can from it: "Um, Marge, this is what you WILL experience if you take this road again -- Easter is around the corner (and all the candy and goodies that holiday brings with it too). Plan ahead, girl!"

01-04-2011, 08:59 PM
BeverlyJoy, count me to the people who totally GET it!

I bounced over Thanksgiving and even though I was really good all the way through Christmas (which was MUCH HARDER) I ended December still up 4 pounds....

I am S.L.O.W.L.Y. learning that "lifestyle" means screwing up occasionally but still plodding on.

I think SAEF said on another thread that obesity/food problems is a chronic condition that sometimes in remission. That's true for me, and maybe true for you....

THREE DAYS ON PLAN is enough. You are back. Put it behind you.:hug::hug:

01-04-2011, 09:06 PM
Thanks to each an every one of you. You are wise and funny and so relateable - it seems. Your words and thoughts have been very helpful.

You folks rock!

01-05-2011, 01:21 PM
Wow, this hits home. I went on a trip at the beginning of November and jumped from 213 back to 217. Then, I got home, and worked to lose that 4 pounds. I was back to 213 about three weeks ago. Then, Christmas happened. Now, I've been afraid to get back on the scale. I'm afraid that what I see will discourage me, and I'm falling back into my old habits of bad choices and avoiding the scale.

However, this week, I'm getting back on track. I have been eating well, counting calories, and I saw my therapist and talked through some of the bigger issues with her. I don't know if I'll be able to totally shake the feeling of not being a success until I'm back at 213, but I do know that I'm at least feeling more in control of my body and my choices.

The Last Noel
01-05-2011, 01:37 PM
Beverly I know how you feel! During Christmas I decided to start this journey. My first week was terrible. At one point I'm pretty sure I just inhaled an entire peice of cheesecake. I dont even remember how it tasted and you know what? That just made me stronger. I realized this was like an addiction and the food was controlling my life.

You sound like a really strong person. You should look in the mirror and remind yourself that no one is perfect and that we are all worthy of a second (or third, or fourth or eleventh) chance!

01-11-2011, 11:13 AM
I'm right there with you; I feel like I'm stuck in the 9 lbs I gained (yes NINE POUNDS!I!) over Christmas break...IDK what to do, but I need to do it. And fast.

01-11-2011, 11:23 AM
You made the comparison that it's like "that comfy old shirt", but as you lose weigh, and shrink, you're going to need a "comfy new shirt", physically and emotionally.

When I quit smoking, and a craving would hit me hard, I would put on a good, hard rocking song, the kind that makes you want to dance, and I'd turn it up loud. I'd dance and sing as loud as I could, and if that didn't totally fix it, I'd find another song. Eventually the craving was gone or I was too tired (and thirsty) to care anymore.

Don't beat yourself up, if you never fall, you appreciate the ability to walk a whole lot less. You've learned, you've picked yourself up and carried on. GOOD FOR YOU! Too many would just crumble, and stay off the scales. YOU CAN DO IT!!

01-12-2011, 12:42 AM
I gained 9#'s over the holidays. I wasn't happy about it but not so discouraged that I wasn't determined to get right back on track. But, here is the kicker--I was ashamed to come back to 3fc. I kept looking for a post to jump into but couldn't find anything until I read your post Beverlyjoy. So, while I'm sorry you're going through this I do thank you for your post. As you can see, I'm jumping back in!

I've started doing all the things that I know work for me. Like someone else said, I'm easing back into things. As soon as I see the chiropractor tomorrow, I think I'll sign back up for swim lessons again.

I'm off the sweets, I'm reducing the simple carbs and upping the green vegetables and lean proteins. I'm also keeping tabs on the amount of calories I'm consuming. Today is the first day that I've come under my allotted calories. Yay!

We're going to be okay, really we are. It may take us a while to get back where we were but we're all going to do it. Because, going back is NOT an option.

We can do this!

01-12-2011, 01:04 AM
:hug: to you Beverlyjoy

I don't really have any words of wisdom or advice, I just wanted to let you know that many of us here feel or have felt exactly the way you described.

Isn't it wonderful that we have this forum to come and share ups and downs of weight loss?

I wish you the best for continued success.

01-12-2011, 02:10 AM
I'm right there with you, holiday gainers. At the time it was great fun eating everything I wanted and doing a total of 200 pushups over 2 weeks, but now I just feel disgusting and almost discouraged.

It's totally stupid and I urge all of you to think of it in a rational pattern. We have lost X lbs total and we are freaking out over a negligible percentage of those X lbs. We've lost them before and we will lose them again!

01-12-2011, 02:32 AM
I'm right there with ya, Beverly. I made a bad decision today to, and binge "snacked" on over 1,000 calories worth of sugar and fat that I did not need, or even really want. It was comforting at the time, and then when it was over, I felt way too full and really, really upset with myself.

I've been thinking about it/talking down to myself ALL day. For some reason, we allow ourselves to be horribly unforgiving with our own missteps, and yet we are able to see the human-ness it in when a friend or loved one does the same. We comfort them, encourage them, and remind them that it's ok. We have to do the same for ourselves.

All we can do is acknowledge that it happened, learn from it, and remember that tomorrow is a new day........ and that we are completely 100% worth it.