So I've recently decided that I am going to make a serious attempt at dating again. Since I've moved to Texas, I am having an easier time finding guys to date.
Back up - a little backrgound about me - I've been on South Beach since 2008. So far, I've lost (and kept off) at least 43 - 47 pounds in that two year period. I try not to eat fried foods, sugar, high fat foods, limit my trips to restaurants (and when I do eat out, it's on plan for the most part), and I exercise regularly.
In the past, I've been attracted to big guys - taller, and bigger overall. While dating, this time though, I've noticed that when I meet guys who eat crap, and don't work out, it's a turnoff. For example, I am currently dating a guy who's a big guy - he's 6'1", probably weighs about 280. Every time I talk to him he's going out to eat, and he's eating crap. I try not to "police everyone's diet" but I am finding it to be a huge turnoff. He also doesn't like to exercise. Other than that, he seems to be a really nice guy.
Am I being shallow by being turned off by these things? Anyone else feel the same way or have similar experiences?
I do realize though, why I feel this way:
- It's easier to eat healthy if I am with someone who understands what I am going through, the "battles" that I fight, and isn't averse to healthy food. I am REALLY turned off when I cook a healthy meal for a guy and his nose is turned up because he "doesn't like broccoli" or won't eat a certain food because it hasn't been battered and deep fried, then smothered in butter.
- After the age of 30, if you aren't taking care of yourself, people REALLY start to fall apart healthwise (i.e. medications, breathing problems, etc.)
- It would be nice to have an "exercise buddy" occasionally, where we could turn a hike or a run into a date. Plus I am just a tad bit competitive.
Last edited by grneyedmustang; 12-29-2010 at 12:21 PM.
While my new beau really admires the fact that I've lost 100 lbs and doesn't give me any grief about some of my eating patterns that help me maintain it, I have found my weight loss has completely ground to a halt since I met him, in fact put on two pounds (could be more but I only weigh in once a month and really procrastinating on that December weigh in).
Some factors -
He does no formal exercise at all, as he has a very physical job. Understands I have a sit on my butt job and that I have to do some kind of formal exercise program and I still get my weekday gym workouts in but somehow my Sunday hikes have been eliminated from my schedule and have even missed some Saturday swims just cause more fun to be with him and I know he's not ever going to join me in either of these activities.
"Eating healthy". He does make a point of limiting fatty meats. However, every meal is heavy on butter and/or cheese. He's a great cook but the calorie count/sat fat content of what he makes is astonishing (I know I'm in trouble when the recipe starts with 1 c. heavy cream...). He's getting it that I will eat what he cooks as long as I limit the portion size, but he's having a hard time getting used to what I call a portion. He eats cooked veggies (most of which I don't) but I have to ask him to eat any salad I make. We're working it through...
Food as love. I said he was a great cook, well I love baking and now I have someone who can eat all the goodies I want to bake. But oops, I have to sample some of those goodies, don't I? We love spending time in kitchen together. It would be so much better for us if our bonding time was spent in a physical activity. We have identified that bike riding might be something we can try together in the spring.
So yes, agree totally that this journey was way easier when I was single.
I don't think you're being shallow at all. I think there are certain things you need to have in common with someone. There are certainly areas where you can certainly compromise, but I don't think that's the case with health or religion. Here's hoping that you find someone who's right up your alley! Good luck!!
I think it's an unavoidable aspect of balancing being with your partner with living the healthy lifestyle that you have chosen for yourself. I have learned to accept the things that my boyfriend eats that I won't (including the animal products that offend/disgust me, as well as the generally less healthy stuff). I just think, "it could be so much worse!" At least he MOSTLY eats healthy and vegetarian. And we meet halfway on exercise also. I try to have a glass-half-full mentality.
But secretly, I intend to change him if we stay together for the long haul. I mean, I AM a woman.
But see that's the thing- I guess I'm older and "set in my ways" so I don't want to try and change anyone...I want him to be on the same path I'm walking! And also, I LOVE food...and my willpower isn't always the strongest...so if he's eating an 8 piece bucket of Popeye's chicken I won't always be able to say no. I feel like if he's "on the same page" I won't be as tempted to make poor food choices.
Hmm...could you set a few house rules instead? E.g my boyfriend likes chicken, so I asked if he could have it for lunch. Now he has a chicken burrito every day for lunch at his work, then for dinner at home we can eat the same thing - it's cheaper and more convenient, his cravings are satisfied, and I'm not grossed out.
The same thing can work for temptation-foods: could he have his fast food or other unhealthy things at lunch out, then you could share a healthier meal for dinner?
I am not quite where you are but will be soon. I am getting divorced soon. But I have already thought about this. I am quite certain I'll be attracted to people who are physically active because that is the person I have become. I don't require anything major, but someone who works out some would have something in common with me. I'd like to be able to play tennis, go on LONG hikes, bicycle rides, maybe some water sports, that kind of thing. For me it's about similar interests.
I'm not so worried about what he eats because when in a restaurant I make my own choices and when at home...I cook. But gosh, it would be nice to find a guy who enjoyed cooking at least enough to keep me company at it. I haven't had that.
So I don't think it's shallow, or even wrong. Living similar lifestyles is important. My husband (right now) has no interests. He piggy backs on my healthy eating just by eating what I cook. He has no interest in spending time in the kitchen with me, loathes walking and only goes to the gym if I push him. That's no fun.
I understand where your at. I have the same concerns right now as I'm doing the online dating thing. I've had some great conversations via email from a few guys, but that's about it. I am being picky, but having a healthy lifestyle is part of who we are and/or becoming.
Perhaps there is a compromise. Healthier versions of things he likes and activities you can do together.
BTW-You and NOT being shallow and I feel the same way. What would I have in common with a guy who eats fatty fast food all the time and sits on the couch. There are times, like winter or when the weather is bad, for relaxing while watching movies and tv and just chilling. But when the weather is nice I want to be outdoors, being active and enjoying it. I am very competitive too.
All we can do, is stick to our guns and not settle. There is a perfect match out there for each of us. We just need to keep shopping a bit! Thank goodness I LOVE shopping!
But see that's the thing- I guess I'm older and "set in my ways" so I don't want to try and change anyone...I want him to be on the same path I'm walking! And also, I LOVE food...and my willpower isn't always the strongest...so if he's eating an 8 piece bucket of Popeye's chicken I won't always be able to say no. I feel like if he's "on the same page" I won't be as tempted to make poor food choices.
Don't feel bad about being set in your ways. I am almost 40 and there are certain things that I need to have in a man. If you are into a healthy lifestyle, then there is no reason why you shouldn't be with someone that supports and you can do similiar activities with.
I feel the same way. I think the problem is that there are not a lot of healthy guys out there. I think the gym could be a good place to meet people, because they care about their health (I'd hope). I think it gets harder and the guy pool becomes smaller.. call me jaded.
All we can do, is stick to our guns and not settle. There is a perfect match out there for each of us. We just need to keep shopping a bit! Thank goodness I LOVE shopping!
hi i'm new here, this is my very first post/reply...
it's SO important that you stick to your guns. it's empowering, but it can be hard if you like the guy, but what's hard now can sometimes make it easier later (and what might be easier now can wind up being harder later). you are not being shallow at all. i totally agree with the others, don't settle, and you already figured it out - don't try to go changing anyone. people only change from the inside out, so if you inspire someone to live a healthier life, that's awesome! but if you try to "make" someone do it, it will be short lived. same with weight loss, the motivation has to come from within to be successful, right?
i'm recently divorced and have no interest in dating right now, but when the time comes i will definitely be looking for someone who makes it a priority to take care of himself physically, because to me it's an indication of how well he takes care of himself mentally. it's not just about appearance. they can be good-looking but an internal disaster, but it's more rare that they are an external disaster but solid internally, does that make any sense?
and yes, i would want my partner to eat healthy, be active, and be supportive of my own quest to live healthier every day. no compromises there, as there will be plenty of other things to compromise on . there will be other women for those guys who aren't on the same page as me. i'm not saying they're bad, they're just not for me
Dating and living a healthy lifestyle... (long)
I feel like if he's "on the same page" I won't be as tempted to make poor food choices.
I am getting divorced soon. But I have already thought about this. I am quite certain I'll be attracted to people who are physically active because that is the person I have become. I don't require anything major, but someone who works out some would have something in common with me. I'd like to be able to play tennis, go on LONG hikes, bicycle rides, maybe some water sports, that kind of thing. For me it's about similar interests. 
. there will be other women for those guys who aren't on the same page as me. i'm not saying they're bad, they're just not for me 
