So I've been married, what? A little over a week? And I have the baby bug big time.
I've never been too baby crazy. Unplanned pregnancy was like my worst fear, I wasn't the girl who oohhhed and awwed at every baby, and not to mention I don't really...like kids. I've always wanted kids someday, but I wasn't in any hurry. In fact, my guy has always been the baby crazy one. He actually knows how to change diapers and doesn't mind doing it, he gets this goofy smile every time we see a baby, he's alllllways talking about "when we have kids." Shoot, he even talks to my two cats like they're kids, haha.
Well all of a sudden...I guess now that him and I have started our own little family unit, I'm caught up in the excitement of establishing a new family, and I want a cute little bundle of joy to complete the picture. Now *I* am the one giggling at all the babies and daydreaming about having kiddies running around. My best friend's sister was approved for adoption so we went baby shopping, and I went NUTS with all the cute little things, haha.
I know that logically it's not even close to a good time to have a baby. We're moving to a new state, in 6 months we'll be moving again (possibly to Korea!), my guy may be going to Afghanistan within the year. Not to mention we're newly weds and I definitely think it would be a good idea to just enjoy being a couple for a few years.
But it doesn't stop me from showing all the symptoms of baby fever...hehehe...
12-21-2010, 10:25 PM
Oh girl - my post wedding baby fever just turned 5 in August. :lol:
12-21-2010, 10:45 PM
You have plenty of time and our hormones mess with us badly. It is definitely a survival instinct.
I'm 35, no kids, no desire to have kids but yes even me, when I was 22 or so had a few months where I thought I wanted to have a baby. Good thing I wasn't married at the time.
12-21-2010, 11:44 PM
My husband & I have had baby fever since senior year in high school!! LoL!! Thankfully, neither of us wanted to be teenage parents. We've had time to enjoy being a young married couple (we got married at 19 & 20). Now that we've been married for 6 years, we're totally ready for a baby. But I'm going to Russia in September with my friend, so after I get back, we're going to start trying for a baby. I always felt that I would be a mom when I was 27.
12-22-2010, 12:12 AM
It's such an exciting time in your life! I know that feeling now...I have it too lol!!
I've already been married 8 years. I got married young- at 22 and had our first child at 24. We wanted them young because we wanted to be the young parents, able to see more and do more. I've found as they have gotten older (now 4&6), I actually feel old because of their ages. That's something I never considered. Many of my friends are just having their first children at 30 and I feel sooo old because my oldest is already in kinder ;)
Anyway, I knew going on dates, going out, having fun would be severely dampened. But I didn't understand just how far it would impact my life. Knowing and joking we'd never go on a date, having uninterrupted sleep etc is so very different than experiencing it. I wouldn't change a darn thing, but still, it sure would be nice to get more than 2 hours alone with my husband twice a year!! And I wish I had gone para sailing before I had kids, becuase I"m probably going to have to wait like 10 years before I ever get the chance again!! ---and just remember, they wake up every 2 hours AND take an hour to eat. So if you're lucky, you'll get like an hour of sleep in a row the first 6 months lol. I remember everyone was telling me to wait to have children because "it will change your life--" and I remember rolling my eyes, but it's so freaking true :D
It sounds like you will wait, but I know how hard it is. Baby fever can invade everything and it's hard not to obsess. It just hit me like a ton of bricks one day, and I was blind to everything! I hope maybe some of what I described will help curb the fever a little, lol (just because it sounds like you have the fever and want to wait. If not, I will say that having children is amazing!!)
12-22-2010, 01:16 PM
Lol, I know what you mean. My husband and I have been married just over two years and I've come across the feeling a couple times. This coming from me, who adores children but, wouldn't mind never having them. My husband has always known he's wanted children. I don't mind and I can definitely see myself as a mom, but it's not a priority for us right now. We'll have children in time, but not now. We're really enjoying just being together, remembering that every time we go visit a friend who has one or more children we can go home to quiet, lol. It'll happen eventually, but for now we're happy just with us. =)
I think the baby fever comes and goes... so just hang in there and I'm sure you'll be back in no time, haha. ;)
12-22-2010, 02:31 PM
Hopefully when you feel ready, you will be able to maneuver the timing well enough so your husband is home during the birth and a significant part of the young infant time.
For me, the first two weeks are absolute hardest, then the first six months are still difficult but no where near as bad. Those two weeks you're getting to know your baby, the sleep/feed cues and you still have hormones flooding your system. Holy cow! I've never been a crier but I broke down CONSTANTLY during that time period. I still get the urge to cry when I let down while nursing/pumping. :?:
You just want to make sure you're really able to handle it and ensure a really good support system is in place. So uh... yeah, get settled in one place for long enough to find those helpful military wives in case hubby is deployed.
Maybe you can find a military wife with a new baby and get spit up on a few times or change exploded diapers to squash the urge for a while. :D
12-22-2010, 05:40 PM
I can relate! My husband and I have been married since July 3, 2010. I reaaallly want kids. It sounds so corney but I really do feel like it's my calling in life - I want to be a mom so bad! My husband knows this, and wants kids as well (he's one of 10 kids so he wants a big family). We would gladly start having kids if it wasn't for his job. His job is suuuuper unstable and for the past 2 years he's been on the brink of losing his job (the company he works for keeps getting to the bring of "going under" and then somehow digging themselves out of that hole). I try not to push my want of kids down his throat too much because I don't want him to feel bad for having a crappy job. It was weird though because my husband and I have talked about getting a dog for a while and then all of sudden, last week, he said something about not wanting a dog, but wanting a kid more. hah weird. So for now, I just have to live vicariously through my brother and sister in laws!
12-22-2010, 05:44 PM
I don't know if there ever is a perfect time to have a baby but I found out I was pregnant a couple of days after we got married. So the whole time he was in Basic and AIT I was pregnant and it sucked. Basic and AIT lasted about 6 months, so when he got orders for Kansas and then eventually I moved down. I was about 7 months pregnant when we finally could look for a place to live. It was hard being young and pregnant but once we moved on post shortly after giving birth, everyone had kids. It was a crazy year though but I was so thankful to have my kiddos, especially when he deployed. He also deployed to Iraq 9 months after he got out of AIT.
Living far away from family while raising a child is very hard but it's one of those things where you do what you have to do and you don't really question it. If a pamper needs to be changed, etc you just do it without thinking about how much you wish someone was here to help. With our 2nd deployment I had 2 kids to deal with but they made the time fly and without them I think I would go insane. I do have friends who are married and are going through their 3rd year long deployment and they don't have kids, and the wives are able to focus on their degree or careers. My friend has been married to her husband for about 5 years now and they don't have kids but I think she is starting to get the itch a little but who knows. It just depends on what you want to do.
I have baby fever right now as we speak but since we are looking at our 3rd deployment in the Spring, I don't want to be pregnant or give birth while he is deployed. I've never given birth without him being home and I definitely don't want to do it alone. Plus I don't use meds when I give birth and I need him there to help me stay calm. When he comes home for R and R after he deploys then we might try to get pregnant again. I want 4 kids total. I can go on forever but just do whats right for you and your husband.
I was 19 and my husband was 20 when we got married, we've been married a little over 7 years now. We've been together for almost 10 years, so we had lots of alone time without kids when we were younger. We had our first child when I was 19yo and 2nd child at 22yo, do I wish I would have waited till I was older? Nah, I have tons of energy and I definitely don't want to deal with toddler and infants when I'm 30 or 40. I look forward to traveling with my kids and husband to lots of places in a couple of years when they are older. Plus when they head off to college that is me and my husband time and it's weird to think in 12 years my daughter will be headed to college and my son will be following right behind her in 15 years. I will be in my late 30s, it's not ideal for some but I'm glad we started when we did.
12-22-2010, 06:43 PM
I don't know how long you two were together prior to marriage, but I know if there is one thing I really regret, it is not having enough "couple time" BEFORE having children. My kids are 12 and 16 right now, and no matter how you try, date night is never the same, conversations aren't the same, the household isn't the same...kids *do* dominate your life. As much as I love them, I so wish I would have waited and given *myself* a few more years before having them.
12-22-2010, 07:51 PM
My friends are starting to have children of their own... and that alone has been making me think about my possible future children. A LOT. In my head, I play out how I'm going to be the most absolutely awesomest mother in the world who works full time and is the breadwinner of the family, but also a stay home mom who takes great care of the children, feeds them healthy home-cooked meals, and teaches them math and reading way before kindergarten. I'll be able to pay for their collage of choice out of my pocket, and live in a wonderful neighborhood. Not to mention, I'd be a psudo-Stepford wife. Obviously. :)
Buuuut I guess that's not very realistic.
It's what stops me from wanting children, actually. Because I DO want my kids to have the very best... and I just can't give that to them right now. I don't know if I want to be a career wife, or a homemaker. I certinally don't want my future husband to be the homemaker because I KNOW I would resent his position if he was. I want my kids to have everything I didn't... (Except maybe cable. They could live happily without cable.)
I'm very conflicted too. If I have children, that means I can't just do or buy whatever I want, whenever I want it. The single life seems so awesome and blissful... but when I'm old and crippled, will I regret not having loving children to care whether I'm alive or dead? As an adult, children seem like a burden. But as an elder... Life just doesn't seem worth it, to me, without having that family unit to love you.
At least as 20-something year olds, we have plenty of time to change our mind. Children are a lifelong commitment, so I guess it's not something you should take lightly.
How about getting a dog instead? :D
12-22-2010, 09:13 PM
Let's put it this way. I got married on May 6, 2006. My daughter was born April 5th, 2007, and I turned 21 on May 12, 2007.
My fifth anniversary is coming up this year, and I have a 3 year old, 2 year old, and a newborn. I babysat two times growing up, I never thought I'd marry young, and wasn't a fan of kids. At all.
Now? There is nothing more joyous in my life than my husband and children, and I am so glad I had my first so soon into it. It was a challenge that first year, definitely, but our marriage benefitted far more than anything from the introduction of parenthood into our dynamic. It is a wild ride, and worth every second. We didn't have time to get entrenched in a 'couples' mindset, we became a 'family', with an eye on sacrificing for one another, very early because of that pregnancy.
So really, I think baby fever inside a marriage is a wonderful thing, as a reformed not-kid person, I highly support many babies, early and close together. They're absolutely awesome, second only to the amazing man standing beside me through it all :)
Just posting about it makes me want to give my husband a big smooch :lol:
12-23-2010, 12:14 PM
I was never maternal either but I think your attitude tends to change when you finally find the right father to want to have a baby with, iykwim? Maybe it's biology.
I do wish I traveled more beforehand. We were together 2 years before we had our son (we started dating Jan 2008, he was born June 2010) but it's nice being a family of 3 :)
12-23-2010, 12:28 PM
I have always wanted to be a mom, but I was even surprised that the baby fever really kicked into overdrive after the wedding. I dropped the "G word" (grandkids) to my MIL a few months after the wedding and thought she would get excited, but all she said was, "Don't you want to wait to get to know each other?", which I found funny because we had been living together for a few years before we got married. The only thing that changed was our tax status! I do wish I could've been a younger mother (I'm almost 29, DH 32), but at the same time I know I'll look back and be thankful that DH and I had plenty of "just us" time.
12-23-2010, 01:38 PM
It's fun to think about it- but take some time to enjoy being newlyweds for a while :)
I've been married 5 years and definitely want a kid really bad- but with looking for a new job this just isn't the right time unfortunately :( But I told hubby as soon as I start my new job the BC is going out the window- another reason why I'm definitely planning to step up my game next month (the holidays are a terrible time to lose weight for me IMO).
Have fun picking out things and cooing over the new baby your sister will have soon :)