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Hamoco350
12-16-2010, 03:19 AM
So my boyfriend broke up me with a month ago. After that we tried to remain friends and did a good job of it (we had been best friends before the relationship). But then we had a pretty bad fight. Words were said, some harsh ones.. on both our parts. That was a month ago.

Now he has basically ignored me for the past month. I mean he has practically dropped off the face of the planet. Here lately I've noticed he has been trying to make me jealous via online flirting with other girls. I know this because he slipped and posted a "private message" as a comment. He is basically getting girls to leave him flattering comments and such to get my attention.

I don't know how to deal with such a passive aggressive action. I have been ignoring him but it makes me angry that he would act this way. It is beyond immature and totally pointless. We are both adults and he is actually quite a bit older than me. Is he trying to prove a point, get revenge, hurt me, or get a reaction? Why is he stooping so low and do you guys have any advice for me at all? I appreciate it so much. :^:


sweetsmmr91
12-16-2010, 04:40 AM
My ex did similar things, all you can really do is continue to ignore him. I mean, unless you're getting back with him in the future you have nothing to gain from confronting him. His friendship clearly was never that great to begin with if he can be like that. My big thing, after we had our bad break up and he was shoving his new girls in my face, was to cry haha. Then I'd think, "maybe if I show him how bad it's hurting me he'll stop". Well, yeah it works, but what cost does it take to your pride? Now I look back on it and I'm like UGH I should have just sucked it up! Lol :)

Anyways, he hasn't seen me since I've dropped 100+ pounds and I know I shouldn't care but I cannot waiiit until I run into him! Think of it in that way, even though we shouldn't! haha :D

Hamoco350
12-16-2010, 04:53 AM
I guess the thing that bothers me is.. he know's that I'm hurting and having a difficult time yet he's still trying to make me jealous for some reason. So that just makes it harder.


krampus
12-16-2010, 05:59 AM
Screw man-babies and passive aggressive e-provocation. Living well is the best revenge. Be happy and love yourself and block him. You don't need man-babies messing up your life. You've got stuff to do and you've lost almost 100 pounds and did I mention you don't need man-babies?

JessLess
12-16-2010, 06:18 AM
I totally agree with krampus. I would block him too. Maybe you can be friends again in awhile, but obviously, not right now.

L144S
12-16-2010, 07:12 AM
Well, from the old lady, he is probably hurting too and cold turkey is his way of healing. Clearly it is not yours but sometimes we don't get to choose how others do things especially when you are not together. It will get easier over time and you can use the space to become a better you and concentrate on your WL.

lucky8
12-16-2010, 07:19 AM
Cut him off thats what **** be looking for a reaction. Ignoring him will make him stew.

It obvious all these flirting comments are for your benifit, dont rise to it.
Delete him out your life soon a she realises y jus not interested in that childish game maybe **** grow up
And as a woman ull feel more empowered and stronger that u didnt let his silly games get to you,xxx

lazylioness
12-16-2010, 08:48 AM
I had an ex that did similar things. He even went so far as to have his girlfriend creature stalk me and my FB, MySpace etc. For a while I fed into it, and let it get to me, and it showed, because every nasty blog post or comment from her was answered with one from me. He even got a friend of mine (of 20odd years) in on his shenanigans. Finally I was done. I put one more blog blast up about the truth (which he seemed to have forgotten) and blocked them all and cut off the friendship of 20odd years (since High School) and went about my business. Life got insanely better. The sad part about this whole thing is that he is 14 years older than me, (I was 34 at the time) so yeah, WOW.

Anyway, just leave it alone. He knows that he his hurting you, and truth be told he is probably hurting as well. I would just send him a message to have a great life and then quietly disappear from his. As long as you have this tie to the past like that, you cannot move forward, it will keep you anchored in negativity.

nelie
12-16-2010, 10:38 AM
Do your best to cut all ties. I know it may be difficult but it'll help the healing process.

kateleestar
12-16-2010, 11:04 AM
Screw man-babies and passive aggressive e-provocation. Living well is the best revenge. Be happy and love yourself and block him. You don't need man-babies messing up your life. You've got stuff to do and you've lost almost 100 pounds and did I mention you don't need man-babies?

^^This^^ is good advice. I was always the 'screw him, ill show them i dont need them' girl... lol. And if he's stooping so low as to act that way, who needs him? :hug: You are much better off with out him. :D

MiZTaCCen
12-16-2010, 12:31 PM
Sweetheart it does NOT matter how old a man is, they are still immature so if he’s let’s say 30, his maturity level (mostly on a break up and other times as well when a male’s pathetic ego is hurt) is half his age so he’ll really have the mentality of a 15 year old. Forget him, he wants to be childish let him he’s clearly very hurt and wants to get back at you so that’s why he’s doing it, but instead of being a man with a set of balls to talk to you about it, he becomes a child and acts like one.

I once had an ex email me after months saying and I quote. “Hey, how’s life? Soooo over me yet?” He didn’t get a very good reaction out of it…but that’s exactly what he wanted was a reaction. So your guy is doing what he wants to get a reaction out of you, in hoping you would be the first to contact him because he’s a pansy and won’t do it himself. Just drop all contact with him and as other’s have said block him, move on with your life. No point on holding back for petty crap. Friends come and go, bestfriends come and go, and lovers come and go, and usually you cannot be friends with an ex. So move on, forget him and continue on concentrating on yourself. (easier said then done I know) but maybe stay clear of any boards he flirts on that you also go on for a while.

nitenurse
12-16-2010, 12:39 PM
he is your ex for a reason, why are you still dealing with him and playing his little games in the first place. find the delete button and use it

sacha
12-16-2010, 12:40 PM
The best piece of advice I ever got:

"It's okay to not be friends"

tytbody
12-16-2010, 01:34 PM
I don't know where the flirting in your face is, but "he's not that into you."

Move on.
There is nothing 'wrong' with you.

Joy does come in the morning.

Take your time to heal, keep busy, love yourself and surround your self with people who love you.

Hamoco350
12-16-2010, 02:58 PM
Moving on from him as a boyfriend isn't difficult, we only dated for three months. Moving on from him as my best friend seems impossible.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'll try to focus on my weight loss.

Pint Sized Terror
12-16-2010, 03:25 PM
No one is telling you to focus on only your weight loss, they're only suggesting that your friend isn't being a very good friend.

He's just being immature. Plain and simple. Once he sees that he isn't getting a rise out of you, he'll do one of two things. One, he'll come crawling back and want to be friends again without all the BS. Two, he'll move on and y'all will go your separate ways.

I'm almost 29 years old, and I've had many friends that were my very best friends just kind of fall by the wayside. These were friends that I had gone through all kinds of stuff with, deaths of parents, dating issues, sex issues, graduating... I would've never thought that one day we wouldn't even talk anymore. Nothing catastrophic happened. We just grew apart. It happens sometimes. You have to remember that friendships shouldn't be forced or uncomfortable for either party involved. If he can't respect you enough to stop playing games, you may have to take the steps to move on.

prepping
12-16-2010, 03:48 PM
It's always a hard thing when you realize that you've lost a friend. But it's a natural thing in life whether it's intentional or not.

If he was truely a best forever friend, somehow or another you two will connect again. Right now is not the time though.

Hit ignore, delete, remove, whatever it may be. Both on the computer and in your mind. Your own happiness is all that matters.

shelle58704
12-16-2010, 03:59 PM
Moving on from him as a boyfriend isn't difficult, we only dated for three months. Moving on from him as my best friend seems impossible.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I'll try to focus on my weight loss.

It's hard when someone you care about hurts you in any way. I'm sorry.

If your talking like Facebook or whatnot, I'd delete him for a bit. Maybe he'll realize and clean up his act.

Good luck!

nelie
12-16-2010, 04:28 PM
Well also realize that maybe both of you need time to heal and possibly step away for a few months. 6 months? Then you could try to see if you could be friends. Obviously being friends right now isn't working.

Hamoco350
12-16-2010, 06:40 PM
Well also realize that maybe both of you need time to heal.

I think that is the best possible way of resolving this. I'm going to pull back and give him time and space. I don't think that our friendship is entirely over, but I do think I need to stop pushing it right now. The wounds are still fresh so I'm going to focus on other important things in my life. He also needs to realize on his own how badly he's acted, for the sake of his personal growth and maturity.

I really do appreciate the support and advice from all you chicks! :hug:

tytbody
12-16-2010, 06:53 PM
it shows your hamocco, you aren't alone in this ordeal. It has happened, more than once. it's your lesson time. Learn so you won't have to go through it again.

EZMONEY
12-16-2010, 09:16 PM
One of the first "normal" things to do when someone is hurt is to lash out and try to hurt or continue to hurt the other person....

back in the old days it was through gossip...

today we have the wonderful? tools of Facebooks and MySpaces...

Your best option is to ignore the best you can...not easy to do...but it will pass!

Scarlett
12-18-2010, 10:17 PM
Hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is. The fact that he is trying to "get your goat" means he still cares (or has unfinished emotional buisness). If he didn't he would be apathetic and wouldn't care enough to engage in facebook drama.

This is why not giving someone a reaction and walking away from a fight is the best way to deal with it. In some weird way egging somones car shows that they matter to you. Don't stoop down to his level or engage him in any way.

If you don't want to defriend him on facebook at least "ignore" him so you don't have to see his facebook drama every day. Limit your facebook use if you have to. If it were me I would just cut all ties, only see/talk to him when its some sort of mutual friend thing. I don't like to have immature/high drama people are friends.