[Crystalynnn]

i feel like no matter what i try i just cant get back on the diet.
i try every day and it just doesnt work. i know im full, but i cant stop eating.
i sit on my *** all day and when im bored i eat
i eat my feelings
and when i eat things that are bad for me, or cheat on my diet i feel like a failure.
but im not just a failure im still fat
sometimes i think i would have just been happier fat, because then i would be fat, but not a failure at least.
sometimes i think about trying to make myself throw up when i eat.
but that scares me because i dont want to go that far with my body.

you dont have to reply, i know this was just a rant.
i just felt like i needed to share with you guys, because my family and boyfriend just dont understand.

thanks for reading.

[LindseyLou]

Hi Crystal,
First off - you are in no way, shape or form a failure!! You've made TREMENDOUS progress!! Everyone has these ups and downs. It's normal. I do that at times, I know I'm full but I see something and just eat it. What I try to do when I get in that situation is to stop and think about what I'm about to eat. If I let myself think about it for a minute I usually can control myself. I just think is this going to make my plan better or worse for the day? Am I even hungry? Is this a good snack/meal for me to have? Is this something I'll regret? Maybe you should consider some kind of reward if you meet your next goal, which looks like 174...maybe a haircut, massage, new pair of jeans. That way you'll have something to look forward to! I find that to be often very helpful! Just be sure to remember ALL the progress you have made!!!!

[thesame7lbs]

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Absolutely not.

When we are afraid of failure, it is very tempting to not try at all. I have done this many times in my life. It never works, because in my heart I know that fear held me back from trying to be my best.

I don't have any great advice, except that maybe you are putting too much pressure on yourself to lose. Maybe try to maintain -- and not gain -- through the end of the year and then start fresh. Or, plan out your menu for a week and buy all the healthy food you need. Throw away all the junk RIGHT NOW.

You say you sit on your arse and eat when you are bored? Well, stop sitting on your arse. Stay busy. It's the holidays -- you must have a ton of errands to run. There are so many things to do and see during the holidays. Look them up on your local paper's website and get planning. Stay out of the house. Go for a walk somewhere beautiful. Clean something in your house you've been neglecting. Write thoughtful notes in your holiday cards. Do something, anything to stay busy. My best days are my busy days.

Please, please, please do not purge. I know that temptation as well. As you know, it is so very bad for you. It is also useful to know that it frequently doesn't help your weight loss. Vomiting can rot your esophagus and your teeth. Laxatives will screw up your digestive system and all it does is make you lose water/waste weight, not even real weight.

You can pull yourself out of this. Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one hour at a time. You can.

[KenzideRhae]

If you don't try, you can't fail, but you also can't succeed. You've made so much progress so far, you're not a failure at all, and you should focus on all you've done so far and be proud of that! Make yourself up a plan of some sort, and really focus on sticking to it. You've obviously done it before, and you can do it again, you just need to tell yourself that. If you keep telling yourself that it's too hard and you can't do it, you're going to be right.

So focus on your successes, tell yourself you can do this, and if you stumble, don't sweat it. Just pick yourself right back up. If you eat too much one day, just tell yourself tomorrow will be better and focus on making it better. If you eat a bunch of junk for lunch, don't let it continue all day long and tell yourself you'll keep trying.

[gagalu]

you're not a failure, and you look fantastic. just remember, going off plan does not mean that you can't get right back on. it's still there, and it always will be. don't feel bad - just keep going.

[bonnnie]

You should not hate yourself, you are eating primarily because you are bored and that is not your fault. Almost everyone I know (skinny or fat) tends to snack a bit, eat more, when they are bored or not-active.

I have two lives, depending on the time of year. I teach and study at a university in Europe. When I am busy, I am constantly moving from class to class, it is SO easy to keep my calorie levels around 1200. But then, when the semester is over, I'm simply at home, working alone and can NOT stop eating. Even the weekends are hard because there is more free time, which can lead to 'bored' time.

In my view, you should not blame yourself for eating while bored, you should stop letting yourself get bored. I find that during the semester break, I cannot simply stay home. I have to go study at a cafe and bring only enough money with me for 2 coffees. That way, I have to focus and I cannot eat.

I don't know if this is an option for you - but try to outsmart your boredom, which will then alleviate overeating.

[dragonwoman64]

Great post, thanks for sharing it. I totally could relate to it.

you're so much more than your diet or your weight (as the people around you would be quick to tell you), struggling with one aspect of your life doesn't make you a failure, it makes you one of a vast number of us.

you've put your finger on some exact aspects of what you're going through. that's the starting point of creating a plan on how to deal with each one of them. hang in there

[ducktape54]

I agree with the others, you are not a failure. Sometimes we need break so we can refocus. Don't be so hard on yourself you have made a lot of progress. I agree it is hard and I have days were I am like screw eating healthy it has been a bad day I am going to eat greasy fatty food. I went for a couple of months were I kept losing and gaining the same 5-7 pounds because I just could not diet at that time. So you can do it, just give yourself some time to relax and refocus.

[Harsdottir]

OMG!!!
Hugs to you!!

You may have depression and need therapy. I know that is what has been working for me. I've been in therapy for a while and its helped me deal with crippling self esteem issues. I like you have often felt like a failure for many reasons. hugs again

Think back in your life, was there a hyper -critical mom, dad or sibling that eroded your self confidence. Believe it or not I think many of our issues with food come from the anxieties of being alone, of being unloved, conditionally loved, abused etc. You may have internalized the mantra of failure or the body issues that your parents or loved ones projected on to you. People may have picked at you for your weight for so long that you internalized their messages, and now feel bad about yourself, and feel worse that its difficult to change the thing that is making you feel bad about yourself. Weight loss is difficult. You are doing the best you can YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE
No one fails until they stop trying.

Try these books:
Feeding the Hungry heart
Breaking free from emotional eating

Both are by Geneen Roth. They have opened my eyes to the possibility that the boredom that makes you eat may be anxiety, emptiness, pessimism and loneliness about life. Your low self esteem and negative body image may be the result of years of overt and subtle comments and verbal abuse by your loved ones. I hope you are Ok.

Things that may help are: A) Identify all the people and situations that trigger negative feelings and one by one EXCISE them from your life. These may turn out to be dear "loved ones", but many times its the people who love you, who can often times be critical, verbally and emotionally abusive and may help re-enforce low self esteem. It may be that you have to limit the amount of time you spend with them or immediately call them on a mean comments by saying:
"Listen lets not talk about my weight you make me feel bad about myself is that what you want?,You want me to feel bad about myself, and NO your comments aren't helping me".

B) Also, keep a journal and write down everything that makes you upset. Read it over and discover patterns in your behavior and reactions to people and situations. This will help you to identify ways to change any negative patterns you have.

[Crystalynnn]

thanks ladies.
as some of you said youve been gaining and losing the same 5-7 pounds for a few months, well so have i.
i have been in the 180s for a really long time and havent had a significant loss since my birthday in february.

but you all have really great advice, as i do plan to maintain this holiday season, but maybe once christmas is over i can get back into the swing of things.

i think ive just been gaining so much lately because there have been several family events where we do the thing we do best which is eat.

every weekend we have gone to dinner at a sizzler or a buffet or a family pizza deal.

its just not fair for me, but like my mom always says "you have to live in the real world"
and that is exactly what ill do until the new year comes.

its hard to see how far ive come when i have been struggling for an equal amount of time to losing and succeeding.

my best to all of you through these food filled holidays, hopefully the new years' resolution will be the kick in the pants we all need.