Last night a friend sent me a video clip she took in July from our trip to Sasebo. I was about 15 lbs down from my high weight and I recall at that time I felt like a MILLION BUCKS - confidence was through the roof and I was wearing tight clothes and tying my hair back to show off my jawbone etc.
I watched the video clip and I was just horrified to see how incorrect my perception of myself at the time was. I had no jaw definition to speak of and was just much bigger than I felt at the time. I've always been expert at denying my size in still photos, but video cameras can't lie.
Has anyone else experienced something like this? It is a terrible feeling, to realize your confidence during a certain time period was misguided and overzealous.
I was just looking back at some older photos recently. Last year at this time I ran my first 5k race (in December). I remember thinking how awesome I felt to be down to the 250s and how good I looked. Looking back at the photos now I'm very critical of how huge I am!
Yeah, actually, last week. I was out to lunch and then bowling with friends and actually feeling thin and pretty. Later I saw the photos that my friends had taken, and realised that I didn't look nearly as thin as I thought that I did. Guess I still have some progress to make...
Candid photos are the worst. I have to accept that I may never be pleased with how they turn out. Just the other day a friend uploaded a candid from Thanksgiving. I was in the middle of making a face and wearing a fleece turtleneck (hardly a slimming clothing item) and it looked like I had 2 chins. I understand that unflattering photos exist, but it's tough.
I've already felt a little bit of that and I'm not even down that many pounds yet (well, this time). I feel gorgeously thin, but let's face it, 220 pounds spread over a 5'2" frame is no one's definition of thin.
It doesn't negate the million-bucks feeling that you had then, though. Everything is relative--and you probably DID look way better in your "during" than in your "before," even if it was early in the process.
And video cameras do lie a little. Like still photos, they visually flatten things--that includes faces and bodies. They say the camera adds ten pounds, and it's true. If anything, it might be an understatement.
If you see someone you're used to seeing on TV or in movies in person, it's downright astonishing how small they really are in person. I was an extra in a crowd scene for "Runaway Jury" when it was being filmed here, and Julia Roberts--who looks slender and healthy to me in movies--was far thinner than she looked in the movie.
Don't think for a minute that you didn't look good then; you did. You just look even better now.
The WORST, I mean absolutely WORST one was my sister in law's wedding. I had given birth to my daughter about 4 months prior. I weighed 179 (I totally don't count that as my highest because of pregnancy weight, breast feeding and a lot of denial) but I felt SO thin since I wasn't pregnant any more. I purchased a really cute dress online, but couldn't even get it on my BODY, let alone zip it up. I had to rush out the day before the wedding and grab this cheap black halter top dress from Walmart. I thought I looked pretty good in it. When I saw the pictures I was absolutely horrified. I looked like a giant ostrich egg. I had none of the curves I thought I had. My boobs were massive and almost falling out of the top, I had dimples on my elbows, rolls from where my strapless bra was, and a double chin from every angle. I bawled and told my SIL I didn't want any pictures of me from the wedding put onto her facebook.
I'm actually very nervous about this Christmas party. The dress is totally 40's pinup, even with all the gaudy decorations, and I'm so scared I'll look like a sausage in a skirt!! Even worse, when I went to put the dress on this evening, so I could get a look at where some of the stuff should go (don't want any boob elves) it was fairly hard to get zipped! I'm praying it's just the bloating. Otherwise, it's going to be a very long party! Oh, and the dress I couldn't wear for the wedding? This is the dress.
"Boob elves" made me laugh so hard my coworker gave me a funny look.
Nola Celeste - Great point about how the million-bucks feeling at the time is still real. I was reading your other thread about measurements etc and it really does seem unfair sometimes.
As many people have mentioned, having people compliment your losses or say "you can really tell you've lost weight" is a double-edged sword. While I'm pleased my work is being recognized, it hurts to know that they could see the fat/excess that I couldn't see.
Argh had this happen to me recently. Was feeling confident about my little 27 pound loss and thinking I had picked up some definition about my jawline and maybe a little neck?
No. My head looked like a basketball on a snowman. 3:
Oh yes, I got that just a week ago at Thanksgiving with my inlaws. I thought I looked pretty good, still fat but definitely less so than the month prior (immediately postpartum), but my husband's aunt got a picture of me cutting the pie I brought and it was candid and awful! I looked bloated, massive, rolly, even my makeup didn't look good (and I KNOW I do killer makeup, if nothing else). It was so unflattering. I asked if she could delete that and take another where I was smiling/presenting the pie and that one turned put much better, but I was still disappointed at how I looked. The lighting highlighted the little remaining blip of double chin I had and the frame just made me look very wide (part of that is flash, it definitely causes flattening and so the sides of my body didn't shadow and recede like they usually do, they just looked 'there', thus making me look much wider).
These things happen. I know I looked the best I could at the weight I was at, and that was a heck of a lot better than where I was before. I try really hard to not be critical of myself when I am working hard and doing my very best at improving my appearance and health. It's fruitless to be harsh to myself when there's not much more I can actively change. Losing just takes time.
Candid photos are evil. Almost no one looks good in them, not even people who are paid professional good-lookers (models, actors). Anyone who does take a good candid shot got it only by purest accident. Don't let a candid shot spoil anything; everyone thinks he or she looks gross in them.
I've decided not to care if I'm deluding myself about how good I look. I feel great, I know I look good relative to how I looked just six short weeks ago, and I'm going to wear heels and smile. Some people might look at me and think, "OMG, that fat chick is clearly high," but eh, so what? I've done a lot of things more cringeworthy in my life than feeling hotter than I might actually be (yet).
I actually have this experience when I look at photos too. I had gone to Disney at the beginning of the summer and taken a lot of pics. My weight at the time was about 260. I knew I was still really fat but, when I saw the pictures, I thought "look how skinny my legs are getting!!!!" I thought I looked amazing!!! I put one of the pics with me and my friend up on my desktop. Now I look at that pic and can't believe I thought I looked skinny! My legs were huge!!! It is so wierd how our perceptions change.
"During" Dysmorphia?
