I am so annoyed with myself. I know what needs to be done to get this weight off. Eat healthier, eat less, and exercise. So why in the heck can't I just freaking do it? Why do I let the stress of my life get me down? Why do I try to drown my stress in half a carton of ice cream? That never helps, so why do I even try it? Food isn't the solution to my troubles so why do I run to it when things get tough for me?
A combination of stress and Thanksgiving caused me to eat a lot more than I should have. As a result I gain 4.8 pounds this week. I am so sick and tired of this vicious cycle! Why can't I just be one of those people who eats solely for physical nourishment? My grandmother's 3rd husband was like that. He stayed slim and trim his whole life and swore that if he could get away with not having to eat he'd do it, saying he'd rather take a pill to get the nutrients if he could. He found sitting down to dinner a waste of time that could be spent doing something else. He was a very active guy. Why can't I be like him? No, instead I am the type who grabs a carton of ice cream and polishes it off when I get stressed when I really should grab my gym bag and go work out for an hour to rid myself of the stress.
I fully admit that I want to just scream and cry right now. I want to disappear from the forums and my blog and go bury my unhappiness in a bag of chips. But I can't. That was part of taking my struggle public. I knew that if I made a blog and posted on a forum that I would have other people out there who cared and wanted to see me beat past my plateaus and rough patches of this journey. They would offer kind words of support and cheer when I did get past whatever set me back. If it wasn't for the fact that I knew people would wonder what happened, I probably would go disappear, eat a ton, and gain back all the weight I have lost. But I can't. I can't give up this time. I have to keep going. i have to dig deep, find the strength inside myself somewhere to get past this, and get that dang scale moving in the right direction again.
11-28-2010, 08:53 AM
Well, it definitely seems like you know what you have to do. That is a great start. SO MANY people want to lose weight but it's like they have absolutely NO clue how. :)
Changing your life, and everything that has been so deeply ingrained in you (comfort food!!!) is NO easy task my friend. Give yourself a break, but stay determined. When you fall off that bandwagon... get RIGHT back up and on. Don't say "Oh, I already blew it so I might as well keep going today..." Dust yourself off and start eating healthy again. Become active in little ways, rather than go all gun-ho in the gym and burn yourself out mega quick. As you lose the pounds, I PROMISE you you'll have the urge to be more active on your own! :)
As for those 4.8 pounds.... I'd say that you probably only really gained about half of that. The other half is more than likely water weight from the high salt, high carb foods that we so typically see in Thanksgiving fare. Stay on track for two to three days, and drink your 8 to 10 glass of H2O and I'd bet money that at least half that weight would be gone. :) :hug:
Don't give up... don't be angry at yourself... just KEEP GOING. After all, it takes more than a couple of hours to re-wire a computer from the bottom up! :)
11-28-2010, 08:58 AM
You are doing it, it's just not easy. You're succeeding, not failing. Don't focus on the slip-ups, build on the success.
For me, I've "failed my way" to my current weight loss. What I mean is that I never ever considered losing this slow "suceeding before." I quit many diets losing more than I am now (quitting when I was "only" losing a pound or two a week, or because I hadn't lost a pound in three weeks, because it felt like failure).
Just staying in the game is success that most folks don't accomplish.
For me, what I eat makes a lot of difference in terms of how much control I have over my eating. The fewer carbs (especially refined carbs) I eat, the more control I have over my eating, and the better I lose (but I still don't ever live up to my hopes for myself - I just refuse to see that as failure anymore - progress over perfection).
11-28-2010, 08:59 AM
I am so annoyed with myself. I know what needs to be done to get this weight off. Eat healthier, eat less, and exercise. So why in the heck can't I just freaking do it? Why do I let the stress of my life get me down? Why do I try to drown my stress in half a carton of ice cream? That never helps, so why do I even try it? Food isn't the solution to my troubles so why do I run to it when things get tough for me? .
. . . i have to dig deep, find the strength inside myself somewhere to get past this, and get that dang scale moving in the right direction again.
You sound just like me 135 pounds ago. I kept thinking I just had to be tougher, yell at myself more, hate myself more, punish myself enough, and then the weight would come off. But that wasn't what I needed.
What I needed was a PLAN. A livable, workable plan. "Eat healthier, eat less, and exercise" is not a plan. For one thing, it's never achievable: you could always eat a little healthier, a little less, exercise a little more. That's a recipe for always feeling guilty. A plan needs to be specific: "I am going to eat X calories a day. These are the things I am going to eat and when I am going to eat them . . .This is the exercise I am going to do".
And that plan needs to be sustainable. It needs to be EASY on "normal" days so that it is only a little difficult on stressful days. I used to eat 900-1200 calories a day and then break down and binge every week or so. That would make my "average" calories really about 1600, except that I spent most days starving and the other days guilty but secretly gratified (after all, the reward for weakness was delicious food!). When the suffering/shame cycle got too tough, I'd go back to eating "normally". It's much better to set out to eat 1600 and be successful and stick to it every single day--after all, it's the exact same amount of calories, only without the emotional roller coaster.
The plan is a living thing that needs to be tweaked as you find things that work, but the first step is crafting a plan that you can stick to. Being able to stick to it is more important than losing weight on it. Once you're sticking to it, once you are in control and always doing what you planned, then you can start to mold it to make it more effective--but one little change at a time.
11-28-2010, 10:04 AM
You got some great advice from the above posters. I just wanted to chime in that there is a happy ground between eating 'til you bust and eating for pure nourishment.
I am a huge foodie and going to restaurants is one of my favorite things to do when I travel or when I'm with my boyfriend. I used to have this urge to order everything and eat it all in one sitting. You just have to tell yourself that the same foods you crave today will be there tomorrow! You don't have to polish off the entire carton of ice cream (I used to be in your boat on that one.. ice cream and chips were my weakness).
I think planning is key to success especially in the beginning of the journey. You might have to go cold turkey on the foods you have a hard time with like ice cream, candy, and other junk food. It'll be hard in the beginning because junk food is addictive but you will feel a ton better both physically and mentally if you fill yourself with healthy food.
Another thing to note is the emotional journey is as important to address and develop! I had to figure out WHY I was binging, WHY I piled on the weight in the first place and figure out my relationship with food. I knew if I didn't tackle the internal issues, I would lose weight only to gain it back like so many times before.
11-28-2010, 11:07 AM
Oh honey, hang in there - I know *exactly* what you're feeling :(
First of all, keep in mind that you've already lost 25 pounds - and that's fantastic!!! Yes, it's not everything you want to lose, but it's nothing to disparage either. If you're having trouble keeping that in perspective, wander around your house and find things that weigh 25 pounds. Got a 5 lb bag of sugar? You've already lost 5 of those from your body! My cat food comes in 15 lb bags, and I love to think that I'm close to having lost 2 whole bags :)
Also, be careful about comparing yourself to others, like your grandmother's 3rd husband. We've all got issues that we struggle with. Weight is one of ours - and it sucks - but other people have plenty of their own issues to deal with. Emulate his example of eating for fuel if you can, but don't beat yourself up for being a different person than he is.
11-28-2010, 11:18 AM
Why Can't I Just Freaking Do This?
Oh but you can, you can! We all can. We've all got the ability to lose the weight, yourself included.
But it won't happen on it's own. Nu-uh. It takes a continuous, on-going effort. It takes work. And like Shmead said, it takes a plan. Eating healthy won't happen by accident. It won't happen by chance. You'll have to plan for it. Much easier to stay on plan, when you've got one. You can't fly by the seat of your pants. Map out your food schedule in advance, knowing where every bite, lick, taste, sip, dollop and crumb is coming from.
Set yourself up some rules, some boundaries. Learn how to tell yourself no! Work past the discomfort of establishing some new habits. Yes, that transition period will be uncomfortable. There is no way around it. Acknowledge it and prepare yourself for it. It's temporary. Stop giving yourself permission to eat off foods. Each time you tell yourself no, it gets easier and easier. But you'll have to be firm with yourself.
Make that plan. And stick to it. Like glue. Like glue. Keep repeating the process. One day at a time, one hour at a time if need be. Good eating begets more good eating. Before you know it, you'll be doing this!
11-28-2010, 12:04 PM
:hug: Hang in there girl. I had a HORRIBLE week last week. I completely went off plan. Going home and being surrounded by so many of the things I used to love was just too much for me and I completely lost my will power. I'm back home now and I'm ready to get back on track. The important thing is to get back up when we fall instead of staying down. You can do this!
11-28-2010, 12:21 PM
I am right there with you. My only saving grace is that when I started this, I promised it would be the "last" time... meaning there was no crazy fads, nothing that I couldnt maintain long-term.
I had lost 10 lbs, but that is back now, so I am starting pretty much from scratch.
I think the other posters have some great ideas, ones that I will be following. Hang in there! You HAVE made the committment and have vowed not to quit. That is HUGE!
11-28-2010, 12:42 PM
You've gotten some phenomenal advice so far, but if I could add a little more, please don't continue to punish yourself for how you're wired. Your plan doesn't have to be a punishing one that only a person who considers food a waste of time could live with. You aren't one of those people, and as InControl2Day pointed out, that can be a good thing, too.
This isn't just about willpower. This is also about understanding your own inner workings a bit better and about learning how to go with who you are rather than who you wish you were. You aren't diving into ice cream because your will is weak, but because you're an emotional eater (going by your post) who hasn't yet found her preferred method of dealing with things ice-creamlessly. But you will find those other ways to deal with it--I know you will because you have the motivation and, yes, willpower to seek it.
That's where willpower comes in--not in adhering to a punishing diet, but in having the perseverance to find a plan that you can live with forever.