Weight Loss Support - Today's trip to the gym triggered bullying memories
11-26-2010, 04:59 PM
I went to the gym today determined to lose the 40 pounds I've gained these past 2 years due to emotional eating. I've started to see a nutrionist and she has helped me work on a meal plan and exercise routine. IF I stick with it, then I should be at my goal weight by this time next year.
Anyway, I did 45 minutes of cardio on the eliptical machine today. I was feeling really good about it. As I started to walk to the locker room, 2 women (looked to me around my age...late 20s/early 30s), looked specifically at my body's "problem areas" for longer than a casual glance. Based off their faces, I could tell they were disgusted (they were/are in shape...slender). One of the women looked up and down and then looked up at my face...she turned to her friend and said something...then they both started laughing. :(
Their action made me feel like I was being teased back in middle school and high school by my bullies. I quickly packed up my things in the locker room and headed to my car before I started to cry.
Now I don't want to go to the gym. I was feeling proud about sticking it out on the cardio machine for 45 minutes and all it took was 20 seconds for these 2 women to knock the "fat girl" down.
I guess I could start wearing darker T-shirts to hide my protuding stomach a lot more (btw, the way my body collects fat makes it look as if I am pregnant...unfortunatley, my mother collects fat the same way...it's genetics). I'm very top little and drastically bottom heavy (similar to the shape of a light bulb).
I've cancelled my plans this evening with a friend because this inccident at the gym as really put me in a tail spin in the sense that I'm remembing all the people in my past that have teased me and told me how fat and ugly I look.
How do you become your own best friend in situations like this one? Since today is Black Friday, I've been trying to find some gym clothes for sale that can help me better hide my problem areas. I am no longer going to wear the grey T-shirt and navy blue pants that I wore to the gym today because I have seen more than a few women look down at my heavy thighs, wide hips, and big stomach....it makes me feel more uneasy than I already do.
Anyway, any tips on dressing better for the gym is greatly appreciated. I don't always want to be wearing black tshirts and black pants. I do plan on going back to the gym tomorrow, but perhaps I will go at night time when no one is really there. I feel like I'm a young girl again...hiding from her bullies....it makes me angry at myself for being SO weak-minded. :mad:
11-26-2010, 05:08 PM
Un-cancel your plans with your friends. Go out with them. You are not in high school and those girls don't matter.
go to the gym and hold your head up high. wear what you want and if people want to act offended by what they see, screw them. It's a freaking gym. People are there to get in shape.
You are not a young girl. You are a woman. Now man up and go out there and have fun with your friends and then go to the gym tomorrow. If those girls are there and look at you funny give them the finger.
11-26-2010, 05:19 PM
If those girls are there and look at you funny give them the finger.
That made me laugh out loud.
But I agree. Be proud of who you are. Every nook. Every craney. Every roll. Every crevice. Every bulge. Every bump. EVERY PIECE OF YOU. You are taking the steps needed to make a better you on the outside, but you also need to steps to make a better you on the inside, dear.
Those people don't matter.
11-26-2010, 05:25 PM
I am really sorry this happened to you. Are you certain your perceptions are correct? I just can't imagine anyone being that mean at the gym. Every gym I've ever been to has been very, very kind to absolutely everyone. It's a very inspirational place. You have to imagine that every person you run into who is fit and thin was once where you are now. And by the way, judging from your stats, there's nothing to make fun of. ;) We all have trouble areas, but I don't think yours can be more than a little toning could take care of. YOU belong at that gym just as much as any other person. I wonder if your former bullying experiences aren't making you all the more sensitive. I really hate that you have had this experience in your life. :(
Most of the time at the gym, everyone is so caught up in themselves there isn't any room in their minds for someone else! Everyone is extremely self-absorbed. If this isn't the case at your gym, I suggest finding a new one. :hug:
11-26-2010, 05:56 PM
Absolutely un-cancel your plans.
Don't let your perception ruin your day. You don't know what they were thinking, and most importantly, it doesn't matter. You're not going to the gym to be in a fashion show, and those girls don't matter to you.
I know it's easier said than done, but don't let this get you down. It's probably not what you think it was. Get your a$$ back to the gym and screw anybody who you think is looking at you!
11-26-2010, 06:02 PM
Gosh, time to get tough!
At 175 you have nothing to be ashamed of. Screw those women. Maybe what you need is a gym that's a "Judgment Free Zone."
In the meantime, think of snappy comebacks, like, "Did you lose your contact lens or are you just rude?" or "Did you come to work out or just laugh at people?" or "Would you repeat what you just said to your friend so that I can hear it, or are you only a coward?" or "Gosh, your body is so slim, but your character really sucks!"
No, really, you can't control how other people behave, but you don't have to shrivel up and slink away and let it rule your world! Stand up for yourself! You have nothing to be ashamed of.
11-26-2010, 06:14 PM
There is something wrong with people who would do that to another person. Something wrong with THEM, not you. You did something awesome for yourself, and you have every right to feel awesome. They are the ones that should feel ashamed. They aren't better than you because they are in shape. You ARE better than them because they are simply not nice people. In the end outward beauty will always fade, but a beautiful heart will remain attractive.
11-26-2010, 06:17 PM
I guess there are haters everywhere, but don't ever let them beat you with one snide look and (probably) rude comment. Just because they haven't outgrown middle school doesn't mean you need to be there.
Whenever I see people like that, I just tell myself that they'll look kinda stupid making remarks about the size of my butt and thinking that I won't last after they see me work harder and/or longer than they do. They will have to rethink their misconceptions about what you do or don't do.
BTW, congrats on 45 minutes on the elliptical! That was your first chance to show them who's better -- success!
As for what you wear to make your problem areas smaller, IDK. I just wear clothes that won't chafe anywhere.
11-26-2010, 06:23 PM
Don't be bothered with anyone's attitude. You are at the gym for you and it doesn't matter one bit what anyone thinks or foolishly says. Just keep your resolve to go to the gym. You will see the results of all your hard work. Hold your head high!
winning the war
11-26-2010, 06:27 PM
Screw those women! You don't go to the gym for them, don't quit because of them. I find people like that simply have very little minds, and you can feel free to pity them because that's all they are worthy of. I don't even know you or them, but that kind of behavior just irritates the crap out of me. Go out with your friend and feel GREAT about the work you did today. You've earned it! Chin-up honey :o)
11-26-2010, 06:43 PM
First off, congrats on the 45 minutes of cardio.
Brush off the two women. They might also be insecure about their bodies and lash out at others because of it. They shouldn't stop you from going to a gym that you paid to go to.
Go out with your friends! It's so much better than staying in and thinking about bad stuff.
As for clothes, I wear a lot of dark colors (blacks, navy blues, and dark purples) and plain white colored workout tops because they hide the sweat better. I sweat a TON when I go to the gym. For the bottom, I think black crops are flattering for all females.
I hope you feel better soon! :hug:
11-26-2010, 06:48 PM
I'm Sorry this happened. Don't let this stop you from going to the gym. Some people are insensitive and cruel. I just rejoined the gym. Yesterday my sister-in-law took a picture of my fat stomach and showed my husband.
He said something about my stomach being so big. I lost 10 LBs this month which is the best I did all year. I feel so mad after he said that. He is underweight. So I have to deal with cruel and insensitve from my own HUSBAND! Sorry about the rant. But don't give up going to the gym.
Great Workout! Don't cancel your plans with your Friend.
11-26-2010, 09:29 PM
Ugh, I am so sorry that happened to you. I seriously HATE when insecure buttrags think that laughing at other people will make them feel better about their sorry, petty lives.
Do NOT let them have even ONE of your tears and certainly don't let them ruin your night out with friends. Once you do that, they have the power. It's not much comfort but the only reason they did that to you is because they are deeply insecure themselves. Confident, happy people do NOT put others down. Misery loves company and the miserable will always want to drag you down with them.
Go back to the gym, do what you want to do. If they look at you again, stare them straight in the eye. Don't shy away, don't back down. You have a right to be there and they do not have the right to belittle you. If it were me I'd tell them that high school was a long time ago and they should move on because acting like a 15 year old girl at 30 is pretty sad.
11-26-2010, 10:04 PM
WOW...45 minutes definitely deserves a BIG Congrats!!!:carrot:
That said, that's why I love running...
nothing beats it for cardio and fat burning...
and you don't have to worry about people starring/judging you.
But then again, I'm a bit of a recluse, and highly object to "gyms" because of the competitive nature that it seems to encourage...or maybe it's just the nature of woman..haha!
In any event, if you are serious about your commitment to YOURSELF...don't let anyone or anything stand in the way of reaching your goals. There IS more than one way to skin a cat...so if you can't learn to ignore the looks and stares...then work out at home...but DON'T GIVE UP on yourself!:)
11-26-2010, 10:35 PM
I also am so sorry that this happened to you.
I want you to think about something please. Whatever those women were giggling and whispering about is totally insignificant to you. Don't let anyone else hold your power, ONLY YOU. Do you think that they thought about you for one minute when they left the gym? Highly doubtful. BUT, you are thinking about what they did to you and letting them hold your power. Take it back right now. Hold your head high and don't let two insignificant brats take up one more second of your precious time. Be your own champion. Continue on with what you are doing and feel good in the fact that you will soon look the way you want to and you will still have a lovely heart, something that they may never have.
11-26-2010, 11:06 PM
I can really understand your reaction :hug:, but the advice you got here is excellent. I hope you'll realize that those girls are just rude little dummies. ;) Can you imagine someone you really respect (say a public official or a supreme court justice or Oprah, etc.) doing something that juvenile and offensive? Absolutely not. All they did was underscore their own lack of tact, intelligence and kindheartedness. They lack those qualities. Perhaps one day, they'll discover them but for now, why place any weight (no pun intended) on what they think? Trust people who are good and important....not a couple of....well....I don't want to stoop down to their level, but you know what I mean.
To be honest, what goes around comes around and one day, they might just find themselves on the opposite end of that kind of an exchange.
So, hold your head up high. Take care of yourself as you have been. Treat yourself as you deserve to be treated....with love and kindness. If you see them again, look them up and down and realize that they are nothing to you or anyone that matters. :hug:
ARRRGH! I'd say to them "Hello? Am I supposed to just stay home and hide until I'm thin?" When I was heavier I got some rude looks from men at my first triathlon. I was so angry! I'd rather be large than be a b**chy petty person.
Don't let two very small-minded people wreck this for you.
11-26-2010, 11:49 PM
Honey, I was bullied all throughout my school years. My advice is to keep right on wearing whatever you want to the gym. Changing your outside appearance will do nothing to change a bully. The problem is with them, not you.
As far as flaws go, I'd rather have a plus sized butt than an undersized heart. :hug:
11-27-2010, 02:21 AM
There is something wrong with people who would do that to another person. Something wrong with THEM, not you.
Agree 1000%. Sounds like they might be mentally stuck in high school.
We can lose weight and continue living our happy and productive lives, but their obvious issues with insecurity are the kind that many people never overcome.
11-27-2010, 09:30 AM
You did something great for yourself. They're probably jealous of your determination. Yeah, they might be skinny, but you're probably healthier. And, obviously, you have a bigger heart. Don't let them discourage you. Erase it from your memory.
11-27-2010, 10:04 AM
FreeBird, don't let them win this one! :hug:
11-27-2010, 11:42 AM
This reminds me of a key ring (yes really) a friend of mine had years ago. It said "I'm fat. You're ugly. I can diet"
There are more ways than one to be ugly, and if those girls weren't ugly on the inside I don't know who is.
Be proud of your achievement! You did awesome! You may still be a heavy on the inside, but you have taken the steps to change that.
And remember that no matter what you do or how you look there will always be nasty, petty and rude people in the world. Their behaviour is out of your control, so focus on what you actually can change - which is yourself!
11-27-2010, 03:39 PM
There's lots of good advice there from other people! PLEASE don't give up, you did awesome working out that long and don't let them take that away from you!
FWIW, I'm about your height and weigh more than 30lb more than you and I work out in tight running apparel. I know it's definitely NOT flattering but it keeps the sweat off, helps to prevent chafing and is the most comfortable to workout in. I've gotten some guys cheering me on going up hills before (no clue how they meant it if it really was supportive or sarcastic) but I just go on my way and forget about it.
It can be so hard to deal with stuff like that after a personal victory but such is life. There was an episode of Becker where he discussed the rubber band effect. Basically if too many good things happen something bad has to happen. While to some extent this may be true (nobody gets a perfect life), it's HOW you deal with the bad parts that matters. So please make plans with your friend again and go back to the gym because that's the way you prove others wrong. :D Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11-28-2010, 12:14 AM
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement! I went back to the gym today and did another 45 minutes on the eliptical machine. :)
11-28-2010, 01:17 AM
I'm so happy to hear that freebird! That is really very good to hear!!! :)
11-28-2010, 05:12 AM
That is so wonderful to hear! Chalk one up for the good guys. Never let the bullies of the world win. Good for you!!
11-28-2010, 08:43 AM
11-28-2010, 11:19 AM
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement! I went back to the gym today and did another 45 minutes on the eliptical machine. :)
Yay! I have to admit that your dedication is really encouraging! I'm so glad to hear that you went back!! :D :carrot:
04-07-2013, 03:51 PM
I know I'm late but I'm glad you went back to the gym. Some women can be witches with a capital "B".
04-07-2013, 05:25 PM
Wow...my nightmare. The only difference is I would have said something smart back and made them shut up.
I went to the gym the first time on Friday myself, scared to death!!!! Luckily I got a few glances, but none that were TO LONG and no comments/laughter that I could overhear.
I'm sorry your gym time was ruined by two little girls with nothing better to do than to belittle you so they feel better about themselves.
Having said that, going out with your friends would be good for you. Don't give them girls the pleasure of having ruined your plans as well. (Even though THEY won't know if you cancelled.)
I hope you dust yourself off, go back to that gym, and if they do the same thing, walk away if you can/must.
I opt for sarcasm.
You could always tell gym staff that they are making it a hostile environment. I'm sure that would not be tolerated.
I spent my whole life being bullied...and it has affected me deeply. I can understand where you are coming from.
04-07-2013, 07:22 PM
Why didn't you tell them something? Then, they would know that it was just plain rude and you will not put up with it.
Like other poster said, you are not in high school anymore, you are a grown woman that can stand up for herself.
I've been at your weight and even higher (and I am shorter too), never got the looks (at the gym), and if I did, I didn't notice them because when I work out I focus on myself, not what everyone else is looking at or doing.
Don't let them bother you and use them as an inspiration. Just imagine walking in front of them getting fitter and stronger, they will notice.
Don't worry too much and keep pushing hard, you'll get there!
04-08-2013, 12:23 PM
First, if I had just finished 45 minutes of cardio on the elliptical (which I fondly -- or not so fondly -- refer to as the machine of pain), I would be shouting from the rooftops. That's amazing and you should be feeling so proud of yourself.
As for the women with the rudeness and immaturity to judge you in any sense. I've had that happen. It hurts. It sticks with you. BUT, I don't let them win. I just keep on going to the gym. I'm there for me. And in the back of my mind I think: "I can and will lose this weight. You girls, however, are and will always be *****es and since I don't care to associate with people with such obvious personality defects I certainly don't care what you think of me. You girls are irrelevant." These are not people with whom I would want to be friends. If they treat me that way then I'm sure they get irritated with everyone who doesn't meet their standard of perfection.
And if all else fails, just smile sweetly at them. Nothing confuses mean, nasty people more than someone being kind to them. Also, they're probably not smart enough to figure it out!
04-08-2013, 12:30 PM
Looks fade, personality lasts. You have a kind one, they don't. Pity them, they're very insecure to actually take time out of their day to bully someone. They do it because they need the pain of others to make them feel good; such a terrible way to live your life.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
04-08-2013, 05:53 PM
This thread is two and a half years old. Pulling it up again so that the original poster gets to read again about a painful episode for them may not be the kindest thing to do.
04-08-2013, 09:04 PM
We people, can become so self-centered and cruel.....it's scary. I feel for you.....that is why i never go to the gym. I try to work out at home. Gyms even though are there for a very good reason, they are also *******-centered gathering places......
04-10-2013, 07:27 AM
DO NOT make strangers get to you instead get motivated to lose the weight. Believe in yourself and yourself only. Ignore the negative comments from anyone.
You can do it.