Weight Loss Support - traumatized, never shared this before
11-23-2010, 10:26 AM
traumatized, never shared this before.......
can i get a show of hands of anyone that has ever seen the movie "stand by me"
in that movie there is a scene about an overweight boy in a pie eating contest. when the boy walked across the stage to get to his plate filled with pie, the crowd sang a chant that went like this...... "boom badda boom baddda boom badda boom" as in the "noise" this boy was making as he walked across the stage.
i was a sophomore in high school, and was one of 3 managers for our varsity basketball team. a "friend" of mine called me over to them before the game started to ask me some mundane question, but it was a trick. when i turned my back, i heard them. a group of maybe 20 start chanting. "boom, badda, boom badda boom badda boom" as i walked all the way back across the gymnasium floor. followed by resounding laughter. everyone was laughing. it felt like the whole entire crowd of 300 plus people. i don't know how many people actually did laugh, but the noise was deafening.
anyways, i got drunk that night at an after party.....i cried and cried on a friends shoulder. my drinking never slowed after that, not until i hit 30, an alcoholic, and drug user. i went to detox and a years worth of rehab.
the boy that started the chant called me the next day, sounded really upset, said he was sorry and he thought i would think it was funny, said he never meant to hurt me. we really were good friends before that happened. said he heard how upset i had been, and wished he could take it back. i accepted his apology. but something changed in me at that moment on that stage. a switch flipped, and i shut off. for almost 15 years i shut off.
i am completely sober now, and i probably would have went down the road i did, regardless of that night. i just wonder why i have never told anyone, not even my shrink about what happened on that stage.
anyways, thanks for listening, i just needed to get that off my chest, way way over due.
11-23-2010, 10:42 AM
Piper - it sounds like you not only have lost some weight -but were able to unload a nasty memory from your past. Let it go where your 19 lost lbs. have gone and hope to never return. Good luck on your new road to recovery and weight loss - L.
11-23-2010, 10:44 AM
Oh honey, thanks for sharing. I found that letting out feelings that we've balled up for soooo long is helpful. It finally allows us a bit of peace and helps us along our journey to let go and be happy. When something really bad/sad happens, I go to a random message board under a weird name and let it out. Sometimes I don't feel comfortable enough to tell friends or family. But the good thing about the internet is that you can always say what you feel. Hearing others cheer you on, and tell you everything will be ok, makes things that much better. Its like a gush of relief to finally let go of something you've been holding in for so long.
I'm a firm believer of fate/destiny. Things happen for a reason. The bitter experiences we endure in the past, is what makes us stronger today. Wiser. Smarter. Its the acceptance and understanding of our past upsets that will make us into the great people we are all destined to be.
11-23-2010, 11:32 AM
No one gets through life unscathed. Not talking about it kept it bottled up and led to seeking a way to cope.
I went through terrible grieving when a senseless tragedy that took a life came down on me and locked me into seeking a way to cope. I wished I had sought counseling and help when I needed it. Eventually I managed to break free of the chains I put on myself.
No matter what anyone does TO you, it is up to you how to handle it. Being mortified or devastated is a natural reaction, but we must learn to pass through the emotion and heal. Talking about it, sitting back and looking at it as though you were an observer instead of a participant, you can place the incident as a brief moment in your life that was not kind or worth keeping alive in your memory.
Forgive the ignorant and take back your beautiful soul. What will you now do with the rest of your wonderful life?
11-23-2010, 11:43 AM
My heart is so heavy hearing this. Kids can be so, so cruel. They have no idea what the lasting effects of the things they do have. We all have the picked-last-in-gym stories, but this one is horrific. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I wish any one of those idiots had been strong enough to stand up and say this was wrong. It only would have taken one.
I tell my boys all the time the people I admired most back in school were the ones who weren't afraid to stand up for what they believed was right and the ones who were friendly with absolutely everyone.
11-23-2010, 12:02 PM
The bitter experiences we endure in the past, is what makes us stronger today. Wiser. Smarter. Its the acceptance and understanding of our past upsets that will make us into the great people we are all destined to be.
I firmly believe this. And I read one of your prior posts, when you talked about having "extra" people in your home because they had nowhere else to live, and about all your wonderful animals. It seems that whatever happened in your past has shaped you into being an incredibly kind and generous person. It stinks that you were made to feel so bad as a teenager, right at that time of life when insults hurt the most. But maybe the silver lining to that is who you have become and are still becoming. Hugs!!!!!
11-23-2010, 12:07 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Like you said, it was long overdue. Thank you for trusting those of us here, who have probably all been in same proverbial boat right along with you, and knowing that we will all understand and support you.
It was brave of you to tell the story and now to heal and let it go. You are a wonderful, strong, beautiful person who deserves all the happiness life has to offer. I wish you the best in your journey.
11-23-2010, 01:29 PM
wow, i am all choked up here.....literally had to wipe away tears just to see to type....i am overwhelmed with the sincerity and caring in each and every word you all put down. thank you so much for taking time out of your day to make me feel this was a good choice to share this here. just another step in a very long journey.
THANK YOU sincerely :hug:
11-23-2010, 01:30 PM
Gosh I'm so sorry for what you went through- what a crummy friend honestly- how could anyone think that was funny? You are a great person to forgive him- I'd have probably told him NEVER speak to me again (it's the Capricorn in me).
That being said- I'm glad you told it to us and that you are sober :) Time to move forward like you said :D Good luck!
:hug: I'm so sorry you went through that and you're brave for posting it here.
Shannon in ATL
11-23-2010, 02:41 PM
I find it so sad that the choices that we make as irresponsible youth can be so damaging to the rest of our, or other people's, lives.
I'm so sorry that a kid who thought he was being cool for his friends didn't think about how cruel he was being.
You are very brave to put that out here for people to see, and to pull yourself out of the cycle you were in and start healing. Good for you.
Good luck on the rest of your journey. :hug:
11-23-2010, 08:54 PM
Call up that guy and tell him. May it haunt him for at least 15 years as it did you. But even if you don't, getting clean and living well is a fine substitute for revenge. I think many people who experience those kinds of traumas never recover, and you've already turned your life around.
That is one of the worst things I have ever heard and I read it over and over again, not believing it was true.
11-23-2010, 09:58 PM
i cannot believe all the years i have suppressed this. i cannot believe that out of the blue i think to myself, maybe, just maybe i need to share this with someone. the thing that absolutely kills me is this, i was NOWHERE near the weight i am now. i'm guessing 220lbs TOPS. not that i didnt need to lose weight, but damn.
i do still keep in touch with that guy. we never ever spoke of it again, after his apologetic phone call, and i can only guess he issued a warning for it to be dropped among the rest of our peers, somewhere in the social network of high school, as i never heard of it in school after that. occasionally we will share a comment on fb. i really dont hate him. i wish it would have never happened. but it did, and now FINALLY i will begin to heal from this.
on a side not, i havent used in years. it really wasnt helping, i never was able to drink, drug or eat the pain of life away.....but i am starting to cope. :hug:
11-23-2010, 10:30 PM
Piper dear, you have unlocked one of the greatest gifts we have...forgiveness. Though they were thoughtless, mean and cruel to you, you have released it, and that painful memory has no place to dwell and will never be able to haunt or harm you again :)
11-23-2010, 11:09 PM
that is awful. some people just don't think. it makes me feel a little better that he was remorseful, but what horrible thing to do in the first place. hugs piper! so glad that you are doing so much better now!
ps - i agree about your animals. anyone who treats animals well gets an extra special place in heaven, in my book :)
11-24-2010, 10:44 AM
PIper, I think you are right to forgive your old friend. He recognized that he screwed up, (not easy for teens) and owned up to his responsibility. Your going off the deep end was your problem, and you have to own your responsibility for your addictions and problems and not getting help sooner. I can see it as traumatic, and am surprised you haven't mentioned it in therapy. I hope opening up in a nice safe place like this ( i bet you are not alone in having had this happen) where no one will judge your weight, will help a lot. I want to encourage you to talk with your counsellor about it too. Triggers are just that, they trigger your behaviour, don't cause it.
GOod for you for working through these issues, it sure isn't an easy journey.
How brave you are.
11-24-2010, 11:14 AM
Piper - my heart wept for you as I read your story. We all have painful past memories; kids are cruel (as are many adults, too) and not everyone had wonderful school-age memories. I'm one of those who have mentally blocked out my school years and am just now, at almost 40, starting to deal with it.
Blessings to you as you move through this time of forgiveness. I wish you peace & happiness! Let the healing begin, sister!!!!!!!!!!!
:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
Congrats on all your success! :hug:
It's really nice that he was remorseful.
It sounds like he was deeply sorry for
it and learned from the experience- you
both did. Instead of hating him for what
he did, you've learned to forgive him,
which is a very brave thing to do.