100 lb. Club - Hi, my name is Sandi and I'm a foodaholic




Sandi
11-10-2002, 11:44 AM
When you weigh 290 lbs you’re not fooling anyone, you have a problem. But sometimes it's harder for us to see the truth. I'm here to tell you my truth.

I have a problem. I am addicted to food. I don't know if it's habit, addiction, cravings or what, but I eat all the time. There is no such thing as just breakfast, lunch and dinner for me. I eat breakfast at 7:00, and then in an hour or two, I want something. Sometimes I choose an apple; sometimes I choose cookies (more times I choose cookies). Then about an hour before lunch I am looking for something. I snack constantly, ESPECIALLY if I am at home. At work I am limited, so it's not so easy. Yesterday we went to breakfast, and I made good choices, left 1/3 of my meal on my plate, had jam instead of butter. That was about 8:30. 10:15 I was headed out again and there I was in the kitchen looking for something to much on before I left. Hungry? No. Particular craving? No. Just looking for something. This morning Steve went out to get breakfast and while he was gone, I was looking for something small to eat. What is the deal?! He'd be back in 15 minutes with breakfast!!!

I have seen a couple of shows on obesity in the last few days. There was that show Oprah did and then there was another special that I saw. One lady said, I just can't believe that I am 30 and I am still dealing with this. That spoke so much truth to me. I just can't believe that I will be 35 in December and I am still dealing with this. I think about, obsess about my weight and my weight loss efforts every day. Some days it's motivated thinking about how I will/am doing this and how great it is. Some days it's about how terrible I am doing and how I just don't care. But every day I obsess.

My weight is like a roller coaster. I realized that my highest weight (not counting when I was pregnant) was 320, not 311. I have been down 40 lbs or so 3 times, only to gain again.

It's Always hot or cold with me. No medium.

My new goal is to start dealing with more than just the calories that go in. WHY? WHEN? HOW OFTEN? HOW MUCH? I need to change to hot or medium. I cannot continue this path. I fear that this yo-yo dieting with literally be the death of me. My body will only put up with it for so long. It gains NOTHING from the empty calories that I force it to deal with. It gains NOTHING from my sedentary lifestyle. I want to be me, the REAL me who runs and laughs and plays and is silly and fun and daring. Not the current me who is tired, groans when she has to get up off the couch and is most interested in what she gets to eat next.

As I sit here in tears, I try and decide what I am going to do. How I am going to change the 14 years of yo-yo dieting and get off this road and onto a road of healthy eating. I know WHAT to do, I just need to figure out how to make myself change.

I appreciate your continued support. I don't know what I'd do without you guys.


soiley
11-10-2002, 12:17 PM
I hear you on this Sandi. If I ate only from hunger, I'd weigh 100 pounds. I eat for just about every reason BUT hunger. I'm not sure what mechanism it is in me that believes if I get FAT at people, it somehow helps me. Part of it is, that as a female of my age (I'm 57) we were taught from babyhood that it is NOT alright to let anyone see you having feelings. "Children should be seen and not heard" mentality prevailed. And I learned that the only way I could soothe myself was with food. At this advanced age, I know better than that, but it is still my first reaction.....ice cream will make this hurt feel better or that hurt go away. It doesn't really, it only makes more hurt, but in my mind I'm still that hurt little 3 yr old. How do we make ourselves grow up? My therapist says the answer is to learn to love that needy little kid, to let her cry, scream, be angry, playful, etc. etc. instead of just stuffing her with food to try to make her go away. In other words, invite her to be a part of my life. Easier said than done, but I'm making tiny baby steps. Sometimes now, I can actually say to myself after I've gone to the food "this is not helping...what I really want to do is cry (or punch the pillow or scream or take a nap or go for a walk or whatever)". Also, I like Geneen Roth's books "When Food is Love" and "Appetites". They talk a lot about using food for comfort. Facing the demons is the hardest part...sometimes when you actually look them in the eye, they're not as bad as you thought they were. Just like alcohol addicts, we have to take it one day, one hour, even one minute at time. One minute is easier to face than the rest of your life.

Charbar
11-10-2002, 06:16 PM
OH Sandi....
you are describing me!!! Food is a drug - and I'm always looking for the next fix. I know that my mind is playing games with me.. I know there must be more issues then food that I am not dealing with. I just don't know where to begin. I was doing great for 5 months (a record for me!) then something happened. Sometimes I think I need to see a shrink - there must be something I'm missing here. I don't think I use food as comfort - I think I just really like it.
I have gained back almost 10 lbs - I just don't understand.

Dana


Jennelle
11-10-2002, 07:07 PM
Sandi --- I totally know where you're coming from, 'cause I'm there, too! Soiley put it best: If I only ate when I was hungry, I'd weigh 100 pounds!


What I'm about to say is not going to be very popular, but I truly believe it. We make the CHOICE to eat. We can also make the choice NOT to eat. I think our (and I say "our" because I am certainly a part of this demographic!) problem is that we know all the strategies for not eating when we're not hungry(taking a walk, calling a friend, engaging in a hobby that requires use of our hands, etc. etc. etc.), but by the time we figure out that we're NOT hungry, it's too late. We need to be identifying our emotional triggers and other reasons why we eat, then be able to stop BEFORE we choose to eat.

Looking at weight loss from an emotional standpoint can be very, very tough. It brings up a lot of feelings that we hide...unhappy childhoods...unhappy marriages...broken dreams...boredom with our lives...that "Is this all there is?" feeling...Isn't easier to stuff those things back down with food than to really, truly confront them?

Soiley recommended Geneen Roth, and I concur. She wrote a very intense workbook called "Why Weight? A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating." You can buy it on Amazon. I bought it, but I will be frank: It forced me to bring back some very painful memories, and I couldn't deal with them on my own. I made an appointment with a therapist, but chickened out at the last minute. Therein lies the problem: I am at least aware of some reasons why I turn to food for comfort, but I am too afraid to really dig down to the dirty truths in order to break free from the power food holds over me. Until I do, I know that I will be a slave to food and I will struggle every day of my life. That's the choice I've made - for now.

Whatever choice you make, we are here for you. :grouphug:

lorelei1
11-10-2002, 07:26 PM
Oh Sandi!
You could have very easily inserted my name is Laura!!
I have lost 40-50 pounds several times myself only to gain it back plus more. I had a great normal childhood so I cant blame that. My sister and I both are 100 pounds over our ideal weight though. I have two aunts (one on each side of the family) who are extremely overweight too. I think eating for me makes me feel happy. The foods I eat too much of, eat in secret, or binge on are candy, sweets, chips and dip something like that. It's never a can of beans or broccoli!! :lol: Besides loving the taste, I think it gives me the feeling of happiness. Maybe I use food as a drug to make me happy. The ironic thing is it only makes you feel guilty if you know you are overeating it!!
I wish I had the answers, but all I can say is keep on trying. When you fall, get back up. I will look into those books too. They sound interesting.

laura

KittyMilk
11-10-2002, 07:49 PM
I think by admitting your problems your half the way there, dont give up and keep working at why you eat the way you do. Its really really hard and I wish I could fix your problems and make it better but I cant, only you can do this. I was a compulsive eater for years, I ate till bursting, ate till all I could do was lie down and hated myself for it. I dont know exactly why or how I got there but I'm in a better place now where ive learnt to listen to my body. If something is making you unhappy in your life (besides your weight) see if you can fix it. I feel that dealing with weight issues is easier when your in a happy place. Its a struggle but youve only got to read before and after stories to know its possible, I bet thats why they are so popular in slimming mags. Knowing that your not alone in your struggle and keep with it and you will one day find a way. I wish you all the best on your journeys. Ive got along way to go myself but by healing ourselves and dealing with our issues that make us eat will help us get there :grouphug:

Sandi
11-10-2002, 08:14 PM
Thanks guys!!! Something about knowing that we are all in the same boat, fighting the same demons. Knowing that someone has your back. Makes all the difference in the world.

I have Breaking free from Compulsive eating in my bookshelf full of books on the subject of weight loss. I am taking it upstairs right now. It's been a while since I've read it and I'm not sure I even finished it. I'll let you know what I think. For some reason I remember something about if you crave oreos keep them in the house because if you allow yourself to have them, they won't be forbidden and you won't want them. Is that her??

Kitty - It's so weird, my weight has been a "problem" for 14 years. Now, well, 14 years ago I met my husband. I am very happily married. I do eat with EVERY emotion. Happy, Sad, Stressed. All of them. It is time I start to really examine my triggers and get ahold of them. Hmmm, I guess if I think about it, My Dad died about 6 months before I met Steve. Maybe there is something there. I think I am VERY emotional and the food helps keep me on an even keel.

Jennelle - No, I think you are right. It is all a choice. I think I know that and that's why it makes me so damn mad!!! This is something that I am choosing to do to myself. It's ridiculous.

So I've started..again. I made my lunch for tomorrow. And here is a biggie. I printed my post for Steve to read. I think he was floored. I cried alot. Usually I tell him I am going to start again, and he rolls his eyes, I told him that I was about to give up and he said that I needed to try. So now he's in my corner. I feel bad for him. He never knows what to pick me up from Wendy's a grilled chicken (when I'm doing good) or a burger (When I am doing bad). I'd so love for him to know I ALWAYS want a grilled chicken and have it be true.

jiffypop
11-10-2002, 08:39 PM
oh sandi. you've just described every single one of us here. and congratulations on crying, believe it or not!. you faced the emotion, and you looked at it, and DIDN'T EAT!!!! that's a major accomplishment!

i'm a big believe in therapy as well. and maybe a trip to a GOOD dietician, one who specializes in obesity. unfortunately, they're few and far between.

there's not much for me to add to the wisdom that's already been written here, but i do have a suggestion to help stop the snacking.

DRINK SOMETHING! something without calories. breakfast is fine, but an hour later you shouldn't be looking for more food, but for liquid. try to decide how many hours there should be from one meal to the next, and then when the urge to eat strikes, DRINK.

a hard lesson i learned.

congratulations...

Jennelle
11-10-2002, 11:03 PM
Sandi....our poor hubbies! :dizzy: How crazy we must make them! :lol: My husband never knows what to get for me, either! Now, he's learned to call before he gets to wherever he's going and ask.

dougie
11-11-2002, 03:43 AM
Practical advice from me, for all it's worth, is to eat a high fibre diet, that way you won't feel ready for 'junk' mid morning.
Sandi, if you were to have a big bowl of all-bran with skim milk and a small chopped banana, and really forced yourself to eat it and enjoy it, and then followed that up at lunch time with a huge baked potato with butter buds and some fat free turkey, i think your hunger management would subside. When you are truly stuffed up with fibre products, i find you dont eat. Problem is that they aren't as palatable as others. however, after reading your mails i think it should be a good starting point. i presume that you are not counting carbs. I also think, and again, a guy point of view, and don't shoot me down please, is that reading your posts you are too obsessed with your weight, and that as a result your life is centered around your weight, which you usually view negatively, and that in itself has put you in a downward spiral. You need to evaluate all the good things you have in your life, a great husband, beautiful son, and be grateful for all the positive ways you contribute to others, whether it be family or to us on the board. You do need to break free, and reevaluate why you are overweight and really do something about it. but crying to your husband and constantly fretting about it, won't help you and won't help your husband. he , as would i, would be genuinely interested in your well being, but unless you really get your act together and evaluate what is important to you, and where weight loss is in that list, then he can't really help or understand your concerns. I mean, and i am not writing this very well, but if weight loss is constant problem with you, over the years, then i am sure it goes in one ear and out the other (of your loved ones), how many times have we said we would lose weight and then don't, we have excuses or whatever. now if you are on the receiving end of that for years, complaining of your weight, your partner will become exasperated and end up saying, okay yeah yeah, heard it all before, ie it becomes a part of his life re your weight struggle and he just accepts it without maybe thinking of how you are truly feeling. so it is up to you, you have to show your loved ones that this time you mean it, you are going to resolve your problems re weight, and really make an effort to reduce, otherwise you will fall back into the comfort trap, you complaining, your husband sympathising, and both of you back again eating Wendy's. Get rid of all your treats and junk, buy fresh veggies and get back to basics, no processed foods, wheat bread, potatos, skim milk, butter buds, fat free meats, and loads of fruit, and skim yogurt. that coupled with one hour exercise daily, without excuses, should be your regime for the next six months. fast food and restaurant eating totally out of the window, just not happening.
the amount of fibre and goodness you will be ingesting, will surely help your spirit and your journey.

okay, i have tried to be honest with you, please don't take offence with any of my comments. but i do look to your previous posts as inspiration, but have noted that you have been off the wagon for the last month.

all the best, doug

Sandi
11-11-2002, 06:40 AM
No offense taken Dougie. I think sometimes we don't want to tell each other the truth. It's pretty hard to take. Fast Food out the window...hmmm. I think I have been hiding from that one. We REALLY rely on it to get us through the hectic times. But your right, it is very processed. For me one of the hardest things is that honestly, I don't like vegtables. I have just recently taken a liking to lettuce and now I put it on everything. But I just don't like much else. I do like fruit and eat it every day. But as far as veggies, it's only lettuce.

You really hit home with my diet plans going in one ear and out the other. Especially with hubby. If I do good for a couple of weeks, then he starts to follow suit, but I need to show him I am going to do this.

I do need to find a breakfast that has more staying power. I have eaten go-lean crunch in the past. Does that have the amount of fiber that you are speaking of. Today I have planned a small bagel (calories equivalent to 2 slices toast - not the big ones) and peanut butter. I am hoping the protein in the peanut butter with stay with me.

I think somewhere I want to be able to do this without too much change. Leave things like they are, without the junk food. (The house is clear of it - BTW) just eating less frequently and less. I don't want to face the fact that EVERYTHING has to change.

Again, as Dr. Phil would say Thanks for "keeping it real"

HotFlash
11-11-2002, 09:10 AM
HI Sandi! I'm currently reading (again) "Life Strategies" by Dr. Phil. This time I'm not skimming and only picking out the parts I think are relevant to me--I'm reading every...single...word. It's some powerful stuff! He says: Ask yourself every morning "What can I do to make my life better?" Answer the question. Then DO IT! Compulsive eating has nothing to do with food (as I"m sure you know). I think for me it was a distraction from things I didn't want to confront or think about. I now realize to get different results you have to do something different. I can no longer "intend" to lose weight...I have to take the steps that result in weight loss and better health if that's the result I really want. Change is the hardest thing--especially when it means getting out of our comfort zone and putting ourselves "out there". You are such a beautiful person--inside and out-- and I hope you find peace with this issue. I felt so sad when I "heard" the pain in your post. Keep the faith girl!

MzPen
11-11-2002, 09:35 AM
Wow, this is a lot of really deep down stuff! Sandi, I think a lot of us can relate to you.

Have you ever tried any kind of low carbohydate plan? I don't mean necessarily something as strict as Atkins, but personally I have found that high carbs - particularly "bad" carbs - trigger eating for me much more than emotional eating. Eating high carb stuff constantly, in fact, for me can bring on the emotions. Who was it that suggested high fiber cereal and banana for breakfast? For ME, if I were to eat that I would be starving by 10:00 and searching for more to eat. There are lots of different programs to choose from - Carbohydrate Addicts, Sugar Busters. I did Atkins just as a sort of kick-off. Figured I could force myself to do anything for just a few days. After a few days, the cravings were gone for the most part. Then, after a couple of weeks when I couldn't stand the stringence, I switched to Carbohydrate Addicts.

There's a book called "Potatoes, Not Prozac" which primarily talks about nutrition relating to clinical depression, but even if you don't feel you're depressed it gives a pretty neat plan for weaning yourself from sugary processed foods - kind of a baby steps plan.

Then, of course, there's exercise which we've been through before. Sandi, I recognize your tone, believe me. I'm amazed to say that I haven't had my mood drop into those same kinds of feelings since I started my strength training regime nearly 6 months ago- and believe me, before I started, I would've had one by now.

Best wishes,
Pen
265/218.5/150ish

Jenniffer
11-11-2002, 09:44 AM
I will be back..after my meeting. But with tears in my eyes...I wanted to give you a hug Sandi. Luv you girl.

muelledk
11-11-2002, 10:57 AM
Sandi, I am glad that you have taken this step. I think that I could have put myself into your place very easily, except that this is my first time working on losing instead of gaining weight.
I think that Dougie is right, try not to make your weight the center of your life, you will find your emotions going up and down, as your weight does. It really isn't healthy (I know that, yet, I still don't follow that, so I understand how difficult it really is).
But, the fast food thing could really be hurtful for you. I used to rely on fast food whenever I had a busy evening or after soccer practice. But I think that I finally realized that was a big problem of mine. I have started planning ahead for those days and either pre-making meals and just reheating for dinner, or using the timer on my over and making casseroles or such.
Most of all, remember that we are here for you. I'm glad that Steve has been very supportive. Keep your chin up.

Jen
11-11-2002, 11:16 AM
We've been relying on fast food a lot too especially since I went back to work. I'll get home at 7pm and have to cook, give Drake his bath and put him to bed. Sometimes I have to give him his dinner as well if the dh put the baby down for a nap and just let him sleep. When I get home I am beat, the last thing I want to do is cook on top of all this other stuff and it is just too easy to order a pizza or run over to McD's. I borrowed my mom's slow cooker to try and make some healthy meals for these days but it hasn't worked out yet mostly because I haven't really invested the time in looking at some recipes and shopping for groceries. I know darned well I have more time in my day then what I think, it is just that things get so overwhelming that I don't end up doing anything.

It's funny though, I think I am one of the few people here who don't believe that I've gained the weight from emotional eating. I tend to eat the same no matter what. Mostly I think I have gained the weight by eating too much high fat food and I've eaten that mostly out of laziness. It is so much easier to buy prepared foods than make your own. I honestly don't believe that I've eaten more foods or high fat foods because I was looking for comfort. Certainly I probably need comfort considering the state of my marriage by I can't say that I eat to make myself feel better. A lot of the time too I'll eat out of boredom. I'll be watching tv or reading a book and want to munch on something at the same time. Maybe it is habit more than anything else.

I'm getting back to basics right now to try and get back on track. I've let a lot of things fall by the wayside.

Sandi, something you said earlier struck a chord with me. It sounds like you really know what the problem is, you've read up on it but the biggest problem is that yoú've been unable to act. I think overweight people are probably the most knowledgable people in the world about diet, nutrition and exercise but we just don't put any of that knowledge to work.

Something else that I find funny. People say that they eat to comfort themselves and at the moment the food is in your mouth it is great but 2 seconds after you swallow you are beating up on yourself for eating at all. Why can't we have those 2 seconds before we stick the food in our mouth?

Just some thoughts.

Dyanm1
11-11-2002, 11:26 AM
Sandi,

I want to reach out and give you the biggest bear hug you've ever had! I was near tears when reading your post. Especially after you mentioned that you were crying as you typed the post.

When I first came to this site I realized that you and I had started at about the same weight. Me, being a couple of pounds heavier. I wanted so bad to be where you were. And now I am. I wish I knew what motivates me, and wish I could pass it on to you. Like I've said before, something just came over me one day, and I haven't looked back. I've been yo-yoing the past 3 weeks, and would like to lose another 4 pounds by the end of the month, but that's neither here or there.

I too have a problem with eating, espeically at home. I realized a long time ago that my eating problem started as a child. I once told my broher that it was because of him that I was fat. I can't remember how he took it, but in all honesty I do believe that that was the beginning. I can't use him as an excuse NOW, but he did contribute when we were kids. I could not leave anything for later, for later it would be gone. Say I only ate half of my lunch and was saving the rest for later, for when I got hungry again, I would go to the fridge and it would be gone. My brother ate it. Time after time, he would do this. Telling me he couldn't help himself. It got to the point where, I felt I HAD to eat it all, right then and there, otherwise, I would miss out on it. To this day, that part of my thinking is STILL around. My brother isn't around, so I can't use him. My kids or DH wouldn't eat it, but I still feel as though I HAVE to eat it all right now. So I've recognized how it started, now it's time for me to figure out how to stop that way of thinking. How? I guess, I 'll have to try to only eat half of something and then go back to eat it later.

Every day, my way of thinking gets a little better. I have exercising regularly since July, and have been getting up at 4:30 for almost 2 months and I feel great about tha choice, but that was a choice that I made. I know I act like a drill sargent to you (in fun), but you need to decide what woeks best for you.

Your continuously on mind, and want nothing more than for you to find whatever it is that will motivate you to get through this journey with a happy heart and peaceful mind.

Jen
11-11-2002, 12:30 PM
Dyan, just wondering, why did your brother feel that he had to eat your lunch??

BA99TJ
11-11-2002, 12:44 PM
Whoa. I am completely floored.

But I Also feel I must say,

Hi, My name is Beth Anne, and I am a food addict.

Maybe its time to look up the alcoholic 10 step program and see if anything there applies to us?

I just get so frustrated because I'm addicted to what I consider one of the WORST things to be addicted to. Why? Because we don't HAVE to have alcohol, or drugs, or ciggarettes to live.

But we HAVE TO EAT.

I quit smoking 2 packs a day of marlboro reds COLD TURKEY.

I was on my way to becoming an alcholic and gave that up right quickly as well.

But, I have to eat every day. I can't rid myself of food. I can't get rid of the other people in my life who eat food. They all do. They all HAVE to.

That's what makes this so hard, and I think why this is so freaking hard for me.

I was STUFFED yesterday. STUFFED!! But did I continue to eat? Definately. Was I up in the middle of the night just wanting to throw up so my stomach would stop hurting? Definately. I haven't binged like this weekend in a LONG time. AND it was around people I loved - but not one of them said a word. AND neither did I.

Why does this have to be so freaking hard?

I am with you Sandi - 100%.

snowball1
11-11-2002, 03:09 PM
Sandi... {{{HUGS}}}

Thank you for having the courage to write this & admit your feelings. Many people (ME) share these feelings, but do not have the courage make them public. So, thank you. And congratulations on sharing your post with Steve. I think that will help him understand where you are coming from.

I have a couple of family members is overeaters anonymous. It really helps them. Beth Anne brought it up... perhaps it is something to think about?

I'm having a hard time giving advice as I had a HORRIBLE weekend & am having a HORRIBLE day, so I feel I would be hypocritical... but know that I am here for you & will encourage you to make the best choices you can.

:grouphug:

Dyanm1
11-11-2002, 04:40 PM
Jen,

Honestly, I have no idea. He was just a greedy little pig, I guess. But you look at him now, and he looks great, and I love him lots.

I could say, it may have had something to do with the fact that we didn't have much money. My mom was a single parent, trying to work 2 jobs and go to school. When we would go to McD's we could either get a hamburger OR french fries. Plus we ate ALOT of bologna. To this day, I will not buy the stuff. I don't know if that was why or if he was greedy. And because we didn't have alot I tried to save what was mine. One year at Christmas, he even ate my chocolate train!! after he ate his of course. When I asked him why, he said he couldn't help it, that it was just there, day after day and the devil made him do it. Whatta dork!

Goddess Jessica
11-11-2002, 06:27 PM
Dyan,

Same in my family. I think all families are that way to some degree. At least poor families. My dad ate everything that I saved. My sister and I ate everything my mom saved. Poor Mom!

To this day, I will not forget living on my own for the first time and going to a Warehouse club and buying the biggest box Cap'n Crunch Cereal I have ever seen. I mean, I couldn't get my arms around it. My then boyfriend asked me what I was doing and I said I was buying enough so that I would get some. HELLO? I lived in the house ALONE. LOL.

It took me awhile to figure it out too. I still buy the jumbo-humungous ceral from the Warehouse. I still think my dad might come to my house and eat it all. Hee!

suzie76
11-11-2002, 07:25 PM
Sandi,

Big, big big HUGS to you and everyone else here. I know exactly what you are feeling, and we are all here to help each other through it.

My son is sick, so I can't write a long post now, but I will private message you in the next few days.

I hope you are feeling much better than when you first wrote the post.

Hugs,
Sherry

Sandi
11-11-2002, 09:56 PM
Actually, I am feeling better. A little empowered maybe. I had a great day. Ate a late breakfast, kept myself busy until lunch. Then had dinner. NO SNACKING!!! Any it didn't kill me either. Imagine that. I drank all my water and then came home and walked 1.25 miles. I feel good.

Thank you to all of you. Your advice is always so helpful. Don't know what I'd do without you.

Charbar
11-11-2002, 10:24 PM
Way to go Sandi! - don't you feel great!!!

MzPen
11-12-2002, 08:07 AM
Wow. Ya'll who have these stories about growing up poor and family members taking your food -- it reminds me of people who grew up in the Depression and turned into packrats! This sounds like a significant revelation to me ... something to really keep in mind. Dyan, your brother's NOT going to eat your food anymore -- and even if he did, would that be so bad now? Jess, your dad's not going to eat your cereal -- but if he did, you can always go get more! Isn't it strange how these childhood experiences show up in your grown-up habits?

Pen
265/218.5/150ish

BA99TJ
11-12-2002, 10:25 AM
I did it too! I feel so good - I walked a mile and did Day One of the "Better Body" plan in this month's shape magazine. YAY!

Jenniffer
11-12-2002, 04:16 PM
Hmmm.

I grew up poor and ate very poorly. Never starved, but ate poorly. I believe this had a huge impact on my outlook on food.

And in some ways..food became my friend.

So, between not eating right and having food become my friend..walah...I am fat.

I definatly have taught myself what is healthy and what isn't. I cannot eat pasta everynight a week because it's cheap. It's not healthy for me. Hot dogs and mac and cheese re not healthy for me 3 times a week.

And my life will not improve after I drown myself in a pint of ice cream.

I need to constantly remind myself..

It's getting better. The obsessive behavior has gotten better.

Inca's Momma
11-12-2002, 04:37 PM
Isn't it absolutely amazing that the junkiest food is the cheapest???? I too am po' (can't even afford the o and the r) but yet when I try to do cheap grocery shopping I get so much more fattening foods than healthy :mad: I'm having a pretty good eating day today.....breakfast and lunch were awesome, dinner is a big ole plate of spaghetti. Then I should be done for today.....GO ME!!!!! :D

KittyMilk
11-13-2002, 12:30 AM
Thats great Beth Anne:bravo: Just think and savour how great you feel for doing some exersize and how lousy you felt the other day when you ate the wrong choices. Remember these feelings, I found I got to the stage where I just gave up binging cause I would say to myself why bother Im only going to feel rotten in half and hour. Its just not worth it. Im glad you and Sandi are feeling better, hang in there we can do this :)

Skinny on the Inside
11-13-2002, 04:12 PM
Hi Sandi: Congratulations on being so honest about what a lot of us try to ignore. I've often said "it's my metabolism", or other comments to indicate that somehow my weight is not my fault. I recently "came clean" with myself, too, and admitted to myself that the food choices I make and the lack of exercise are what got me in this predicament. You have a lot to be proud of. It looks as though you've lost a good deal of weight so far. I know you have more to go but be proud of your success and let that be your motivation to keep on keeping on! Don't beat yourself up. Keep up the great work!

AngiKL
11-13-2002, 11:41 PM
Sandi,
My heart is with you. I feel exactly what you have so articulately described. Knowing you need to change, but not knowing how to do it, and afraid of failing one more time. . .I know it well.

I just wanted you to know that I am with you.

YOU can do this!

Angi

HotFlash
11-14-2002, 07:37 AM
Slightly OT, but for those who are having to really stretch the grocery dollar, have you considered the SHARE Program?? In return for 2 hours of volunteer work (and they are EXTREMELY generous in what is considered volunteer work) you can purchase groceries (fresh, wholesome foods and meats) valued at about $40 for $15. Each two hour block of volunteerism equals one unit of groceries. For example, volunteer 6 hours, get 3 grocery units for a total of $45. I don't have the website handy but put it in your search engine and see if there are local affiliates in your area. They are pretty much everywhere, I think.

SuchAPrettyFace
11-14-2002, 11:40 AM
I've wanted to respond to this all week, but I have so much I want to say that it's going to take too long & I don't want to get caught surfing. :( So I will be back later, but for now:

:grouphug:

Oh & we live 15 minutes from the SHARE warehouse--they have excess food buy once a month on Mondays--all the units that don't get sold, they sell off item by item.

BA99TJ
11-14-2002, 12:29 PM
I'd love more info about that SHARE program - google is turning up nothing when you just type in SHARE

HotFlash
11-14-2002, 01:05 PM
Beth Anne--Took some wrangling to find it again, but here's the address:

www.choicead.com/shareaffiliates.htm

Good Luck!! Let me know what you find out.

SuchAPrettyFace
11-17-2002, 11:33 PM
Originally posted by SuchAPrettyFace
I will be back later

And now that I've re-read the thread, everyone pretty much said what I was thinking, and I feel the same. I can't hide anymore. I'm tired of making excuses for myself. No one is going to lose the weight for me. In fact, I'm going to see a new dr. There is nothing wrong w/getting a second opinion about being 28 years old & being on blood pressure meds.

About people eating stuff that you had "saved":

In my family, there was a different dynamic going on: whoever opened the "treats" was seen as the weaker one. There could be Oreos on the counter, and my friend would say, "Ooh, let's have some!" and I'd say, "No, let my stepdad open it." He'd wait for me to open them. I'd wait for him to open them. Usually my mom would be the one to open them. Ah, gotta love mind games.

BA99TJ
11-18-2002, 12:58 PM
about the share program - bummer my state doesn't participate. but thanks for the info!

Sandi
11-18-2002, 01:17 PM
I hear you BA - neither does mine.

HotFlash
11-18-2002, 02:03 PM
Would it be possible for you to find out what it would take to get that organization going in your community? I think it's a wonderful way to feed a family and/or supplement your pantry and still give something back to your community.