General chatter - 4/10 Think Marriage Is Obsolete?....SAD!




EZMONEY
11-18-2010, 10:27 PM
I am really saddened by these stats :(

As a 56 year old conservative Christian male in a wonderful 2nd marriage I am really bothered by this article...for the entire article click on the Pew Research Center....

40% think marriage is obsolete yet over 60% think single moms is not cool....

IMHO it seems more and more we want, as a society, all the perks without the responsibility.....

http://www.aolnews.com/nation/article/poll-4-in-10-say-marriage-becoming-obsolete/19723552?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C10%7Clink6%7C26593


mandalinn82
11-18-2010, 10:34 PM
I don't think marriage is obsolete. How sad.

My perspective may be skewed because my own marriage was somewhat hard won.

krampus
11-18-2010, 10:50 PM
Marriage isn't obsolete as most people do get married, but I don't think it's necessary to live a fulfilling life either and I don't get the hate on single/unmarried parenting that happens.

I don't intend to marry my boyfriend any time soon because neither of us want children or are interested in living together.


nelie
11-18-2010, 11:04 PM
I didn't want to get married until after I started dating my husband. Also, it would depend on how you define "Single Moms". My mom was a single mom for a long time and it was hard on her and I'd say definitely 'not cool'. If a couple wanted to be unmarried and unmarried without kids, that is up to them. People shouldn't feel obligated to be married because I think a lot of people make bad decisions because they believe they HAVE to be married.

And then there are others that want to be married but can't.

spixiet
11-18-2010, 11:13 PM
I'm afraid that I probably qualify as one of those people that is beginning to question marriage...

Personally, I always wanted to grow up, find a wonderful guy, and get married. Now, I know I'd be perfectly happy with the first two. I can honestly say that I wholeheartedly hope to find someone to spend the rest of my life with in a monogamous committed relationship, but I've lost the love I once felt for having an official marriage. Most of my changing viewpoint comes from the fact that I am personally very disappointed with our government's position regarding gay marriage (I'm not trying to shove my views in anyone's face or start a huge argument here - just IMHO), and I have a hard time participating in a ceremony/institution that is denied to my friends because of their sexual orientation. I honestly could only happily get married in a state or country that has legalized gay marriage. I personally have a problem participating in something that says my love for my partner is more valid than anyone else's love. I have no idea if any of the people responding to the survey share my feelings, but changing viewpoints on marriage might not be a reflection of a lack of desire to be in a monogamous committed relationship, but a reflection of the fact that they don't want to give the government the power to declare whether their love is worthy of the title of marriage.

Lauren201
11-18-2010, 11:15 PM
I'm married! It took me 10 years to get my husband to marry me, but it finally happened this year! I think that people should make the right decision for themselves and not have to feel like they should be married or they have to be married. To each their own. :D

nelie
11-18-2010, 11:16 PM
Oh and I should say for my mom, my father definitely wasn't the best thing for her mental health. She tried to stick it out through gambling, cheating, whatever else but after 11 years of marriage, she did the best thing she could've done and that was kick him to the curb. I also think that if she didn't believe so strongly in 'marriage', that she might've gotten rid of him before she did. So being a single mom for her was better than a married one.

vdander24
11-18-2010, 11:26 PM
I am not married yet, and won't be for a few years but I definitely believe in the institution.
IMHO - Marriage is definitely NOT obsolete... But thanks in part to our addiciton to all things commercial, too many people are putting the emphasis on the Wedding.... not realizing that the party is the beginning, not the destination.
People may be looking at the cost of the wedding and comparing it to the divorce rate, then saying it isn't worth it.

winning the war
11-18-2010, 11:26 PM
I'll be married 14 years tomorrow, and love my husband more everyday. I am a firm believer in marriage, but can understand how some might be losing hope. I agree that we want more but want to be less accountable. I was reading an article on childhood obesity and scientists have actually come up with an electronic device that a child would wear most of the day that would verbally remind them to get up and do something active. Um, isn't that a parent's job? In this age of increasing technology and convenience, we're losing our basic knowledge and instincts regarding ourselves and responsibilities. Sorry for the mini-rant.:^:

maryblu
11-18-2010, 11:56 PM
What a great discussion! Enlightened and enlightening. We need to have these discussions about all the social and political and environmental..and..and and..We *need to have these discussions! Thanks EZ.

lauralyn
11-19-2010, 06:44 AM
I have been married 22 years now ( I was married at 17) and I find it sad that marriage does not seem to mean as much to people anymore. My husband and I have had our ups and downs over the years. Heck, we still have our ups and downs but we haven't given up and that's what I think happens to too many couples....they just give up.

katkitten
11-19-2010, 09:51 AM
This just makes me sad because a (getting smaller every day) part of me would love to be married but I dont even know how people date anymore. The only propositions I ever get sound suspiciously like one night stands. I think a lot of single men my age dont even want a relationship let alone a marriage. They just want meaningless sex. So I've embraced the single life because I just will NOT sleep around like that.

Eliana
11-19-2010, 09:56 AM
Well, I can tell you this. I'm married. I'm not happily married at the moment. If this marriage ends I will not remarry. So I guess I am a bit disheartened.

BUT, I still see a purpose in marriage. It's why I'm still married! :rofl: I think I just don't see the grass as greener on the other side. I thought I could live forever like this but I was wrong. I wouldn't want to be this wrong again.

I have got to stop posting like this. :) My husband really is trying. Just saying...

Coondocks
11-19-2010, 11:55 AM
I don't think marriage is obsolete, I don't know if I'll ever get married again . . . what I do think is people give up on marriage far too easily.
I may fall into that category for some, what my ex did was a deal breaker and not something I was willing to work through.
maybe that's the problem - its easier some people think, to get divorced, than to stick around for the hard times.
Couple friends I have now are engaged, and are more focussed on the wedding and not the marriage. It's an odd thing to watch.

lizziep
11-19-2010, 01:37 PM
The problem for me isn't marriage it's the religious connotations that go along with them and it's the fact that not EVERYONE is allowed to get married. I am married and have been for going on 8 years. It's not always happy, but it's a commitment I made and I'm not willing to let it go easily.

I do wonder at the validity of marriage in the spiritual sense- no matter what the religious or spiritual beliefs. I am wondering if that part of marriage has taken a back seat to the fiscal, financial, and legal aspects of being married.

Sometimes I get scared for the future because even though I am in a one man, one woman marriage- I am bisexual and if anything ever changed for me or if my life-partner had turned out to be a woman my life would be entirely different. Not only that, but by the same argument that it should be "one man and one woman under god" my husband and I are not validly married either because we are very much secular. It scares me that in the future my marriage would be seen is invalid, much like some of my gay married friends, because it leaves a bad taste in the mouths of others.

ANOther
11-19-2010, 02:12 PM
I know this statement runs the risk of turning this thread into a divisive debate, and I know partisan discussions aren't allowed on this board, but I just have to say: If this is heterosexual couples that think marriage is obsolete, while same-sex couples clamor for marriage equality, then aren't GLBTs SAVING marriage rather than destroying it?

lizziep
11-19-2010, 02:29 PM
i think you have a point ANOther. Also I think there's just too many personal opinions of what marriage means. maybe times are changing and marriage needs to evolve with it.
there are prenups and separate bank accounts and two people working outside the home and things just aren't they way they used to be. i puts a stress on a couple. it's really easy to just get a divorce. and i must say there are times when i have in the back of my mind - well this isn't working out, if things get any worse i can always get a divorce. it's a bad attitude and i think a lot of people think that way.

nelie
11-19-2010, 02:39 PM
and i must say there are times when i have in the back of my mind - well this isn't working out, if things get any worse i can always get a divorce. it's a bad attitude and i think a lot of people think that way.

Personally, I don't think it is a bad attitude. People change, grown and sometimes couples don't grow together. A couple should try to work some things out but sometimes it just doesn't work.

My husband was married before and they tried to work things out but the last few years were quite painful. Of course if he hadn't gotten divorced, then obviously we wouldn't be together today. It is a bit bitter sweet in that I was his friend during his divorce and knew he was in pain and wish he hadn't had to go through that. If he hadn't then, our friendship would've never grown into a relationship later on.

I already mentioned my mom who had a difficult first marriage but her second marriage has lasted almost twice as long as her first marriage.

Coondocks
11-19-2010, 03:41 PM
There's another thing I don't get, and please excuse my ignorance on the topic - it is not meant to offend.

If you are supposed to sperate religion and state, and marriage is recognized by the state (though yes it is recognized by church as well). . . . how can the argument be used that 'it says so in the Bible' to not allow same sex marriage? It doesnt make sense in my head, 2 consenting adults want to marry - who is anyone to say they can't. Don't like it, don't marry some one of the same sex.

LizzieP - I don't think its a bad atitude, I was refering more to the people I personally know who just through their hands up and say Its too much, I'm out - with out exploring options to work through what ever issue there is. Sometimes, there are just things that are deal breakers, and sometimes despite the best efforts, things dont work out. It happens.

Glory87
11-19-2010, 05:07 PM
I know this statement runs the risk of turning this thread into a divisive debate, and I know partisan discussions aren't allowed on this board, but I just have to say: If this is heterosexual couples that think marriage is obsolete, while same-sex couples clamor for marriage equality, then aren't GLBTs SAVING marriage rather than destroying it?

I am a strong proponent for gay marriage so I find the initial post kind of :?:

Perhaps if more conservative male christians thought marriage was so all-fired important EVERYBODY should have it instead of perpetuating a culture where nice, moral people must be satisfied with living together when they would rather be married, more people would find marriage important?

eclipse
11-19-2010, 05:11 PM
I really only married my husband because it was important to him and because there are legal benefits to being married. I didn't need it to know I was going to spend my life with him, and if we were the type to cut our losses and run at the first hint of trouble, I don't think being married would keep us together. If something happened to my husband, I doubt I'd marry again, especially while so many people are denied the right to marry in the US.

mandalinn82
11-19-2010, 05:17 PM
I think the shift has been more in whether one considers marriage to be a necessary precondition for a happy, healthy, fulfilling life. Most people still consider marriage an option - they just don't view it as the only viable path to happiness and fulfillment.

For me, personally, marriage is VERY important, as I said before. I am acutely aware of all of the benefits that getting married brings, particularly at the Federal level (mostly because I don't have those Federal benefits) and I really don't see how one can make an argument that people "want all of the perks without the responsibility". Marriage as a legal contract awards a LOT of perks (to name a few, social security benefits, insurance benefits, citizenship benefits, and benefits in legal protection as it relates to children and property).

I do believe people are starting to see marriage more as a legal contract that affords certain rights and responsibilities, and are making a decision to marry/not to marry based on whether those rights and responsibilities are right for them at the particular life stage they are in. The legal marriage contract is no longer being used as a primary definition of a "family", so people are looking at more practical considerations before deciding to undertake that legal step.

Suzanne 3FC
11-19-2010, 06:11 PM
I am a strong proponent for gay marriage so I find the initial post kind of :?:

Perhaps if more conservative male christians thought marriage was so all-fired important EVERYBODY should have it instead of perpetuating a culture where nice, moral people must be satisfied with living together when they would rather be married, more people would find marriage important?

Agreed :yes:

Coondocks
11-19-2010, 06:15 PM
I really don't see how one can make an argument that people "want all of the perks without the responsibility".

Not to hijack the thread, but seriously? My jaw actually dropped reading that . . . . I understand people are entitled to their own opinions and may not agree with mine, but come on . . . . how can some one believe that to be true?

it's just plain and simple to me. 2 consenting adults want to marry . . . that's up to them and no one else. If you don't like the idea of same sex marriage, well don't marry some one of the same sex.

Ill step off my dumbfounded soapbox now. :)

EZMONEY
11-19-2010, 06:53 PM
I am a strong proponent for gay marriage so I find the initial post kind of :?:

Perhaps if more conservative male christians thought marriage was so all-fired important EVERYBODY should have it instead of perpetuating a culture where nice, moral people must be satisfied with living together when they would rather be married, more people would find marriage important?

Agreed :yes:

Not to hijack the thread, but seriously? My jaw actually dropped reading that . . . . I understand people are entitled to their own opinions and may not agree with mine, but come on . . . . how can some one believe that to be true?

it's just plain and simple to me. 2 consenting adults want to marry . . . that's up to them and no one else. If you don't like the idea of same sex marriage, well don't marry some one of the same sex.

Ill step off my dumbfounded soapbox now. :)

:yikes: WOW!!? :fr:

With all due respect...I think you ladies best go back and read my post...I never mentioned ONE WORD about same sex marriage....

I think I deserve an apology!

PS ~ My comment about perks w/o responsibility was about us as a society running from commitments to anything....

and there is no way THAT statement could be considered a same sex marriage remark either.....

Heather
11-19-2010, 07:09 PM
This chickie is seeing a lot of feathers get ruffled in this thread.

Gary, you may not have mentioned same-sex marriage, but it was raised in the first sentence of the article you linked to and was, therefore, a legitimate part of the conversation.

I think it's time to close this thread as it has gotten political and is hitting a lot of nerves.