Support Groups - Amusing the Queen of Cowdom

We bow to your most royal highness,the Bovine Queen with one shoe of Green!!!so far my weekend is a delight---it's almost three am and my dd18 just got in for the evening---i am sure all of you are very jealous that you can't stay up and wait for your teenyboppers to come in at this hour---by the time it is happening to you,you will be so busy counting your apron guts you will barely have time to look up from your trough.----she just came in so i can go to bed now-------is that entertaining enough Cow-woman with the back end of a TURKEY CARCASS????????hope so,part two tomorrow .:dizzy:

I just grabbed my apron. It is thick.

Yes, darling Bagzie, that was very entertaining. I read it aloud with my fake Canadian accent throwing in lots of oooooo's. 3 a.m.? She needs her sleep. Sign her up for Fly!!

Who else is going to post this weekend? Please sign in.

I'm posting but only because Peaches asked to be entertained. I don't post for just anybody, you know.

A joke:

My dog has no nose.
How does he smell?
Awful!

I got my new (old) car yesterday. Just darling. Too bad I hate driving. Did you know that the city planners here think that a street that's only one car wide is perfectly adequate? They expect you to actually look to see if someone is coming the other way so you can swerve off onto the sidewalk (if you can find room because that's where everyone parks) and let them by. The only rule of the road I have been able to ascertain is: The guy with the biggest Mercedes wins. *sigh*

Tomorrow is St. Martin's Day and we have to go eat goose with the in-laws. That'll be fun, yessiree.

Bagzie - you are entirely too hilarious and should write a book. Did you get as much snow as they did in N.S.?

I have done a lot of work today and there are no results. How can that be? I cleaned off ds's desk which means the rest of the room is now full. I picked up some raggedy annnnnnn dolls that ds's grandmother sent him when he was a baby saying they were VERY EXPENSIVE. I kept them because how can you throw out a grandma-very-expensive gift? But he has never like them and out they go now. Grandma is no longer around to know this. And I straightened the sofa. That took a long time. The cushions are too short. KEEP TALKINGGG

I'm here, too. I can see you are online, Peachie-poo, why aren't you on AIM so you can waste time with me? Oh, I know, you're so busy removing embarrassing items from DS's room, you don't have time to chat. (Exactly why would a boy like a collection of Raggedy Ann dolls? -- DD doesn't even like things like that, although I do think she kissed the nose off of my old one when she was little) I hope you're not just chucking these things, dear. You could sell them on eBay!! :rolleyes:

DH went to the big city, apparently to get me an expensive birthday gift :s: so I am going to waste the day on the computer probably. He left something in the mudroom which has given me some consternation -- it's an old rusty can of roofing cement. Does this mean he thinks he's going to fix the roof himself? :fr: With that old stuff? I don't know, doesn't sound good.

My mommy sent me presents from LLBean -- a cute top (which I may have to exchange for a different color; pastel pink makes me look like I just got out of bed) and a pair of New Balance sneakers. Isn't she sweet?

Later, kiddies
Kiwi

The internet is just one big BORE. I think I'll go to bed.

We have one of those wireless keyboards and sometimes the batteries run out in mid-type. How annoying is that?

ds6 actually went to a friend's house today to play and when I went to pick him up, I was met with a perfectperfectperfect house with freshly mopped tiled floors and shiny clean woodwork. How do they do that? I'm afraid to have their kid over. He'll probably catch something.

Kiwi - are you discreetly hinting that your birthday might just be coming up and that we'd better not miss it? :D

Dh is at some tennis club extravaganza tonight which involves massive slabs of meat and lots o' beer so that's why I'm hanging on the computer. Ordinarily I'd be...uh...hanging on the computer! Oh oh. Better get a life.

I AM ON AIM> WHY ISN"T KIW???? AND SUGAR???? WHY??? I am soooo lonely. It's been forever since I was ALL ALONE> I HATE IT>>>E>EIFJIEFJiod

did you know that if you go to your profile it will tell you how many times a day you post? I'm a .45 ... after this weekend will be higher though.

I post more than once a day. I have posted twice as much as either of you. What a sorry thing I am

Sorry thing? OH NO YOU AREN'T. You are the anchor to our fat boat bottoms; the roots to our tree trunk thighs; the basement to our New York delis (how I wish I were near one); the spine to our cookbook mentalities. And so on. You are good. You got pretty hair.

:dancer: :idea: I just went to Ask Jeeves and typed in Progresso soup because I'd like to know how to read the expiration date on the can. NUMBER FOUR in their list of helpful websites was zippygirl. don't we know her??? she's made big time!!:flow2:

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm---you are ALL very entertaining here---I sent lush my beautiful snow pictures and she wrote back and called my town DOGPATCH!!! what a tramp!!! SUGAR BUNS!!!---email me so I can get your correct address-----TankarsePeachbutt sent me the WRONG address for you,for SOME unknown reason!!!-----The snow is almost gone again so I finally managed to empty all the plant pots----cleaned off the deck----A neighbour asked me when i was going to start christmas decorating!!!! I said===What are you incinerating?????? Apparently the neighbours have noticed all my forty fours displays---i had inquiries as to when i was going to commence my Hallowe'en decors as well----{this is where LUSH bag ralphs with disgust}That witch makes no bones about her vitriolic reactions to my superiour decor. So pedestrian I am afraid===totally bourgeois. ANYway----the dds are OUT again----it is high time I became a drunk-----that is the answer to all my problems----PEACHBAG,get out the mint juleps,I will book my flight----by the way,I utterly ADORE your description of Kiwonkers----SO true----she is the flagship Aprongutasauraus Rex of my dreams.She is the TRUE queen of this forum----BUT----------- i STILL miss Dusty SOOOOOOOOOOO much---do you think maybe FLYLADY may be Dusty???? I predict that the Flyhag will be on Oprah very soon=-===any agree with me????time to drink,bye.

Too bad the 3fc chat is down, we have enough of us online to have a room of our own!

KiwiApronasaurus Rex

WHO YOU CALLING A TANKARSE????? I await your apology and some of those little mint candies by mail. Go to Maine to mail them so they'll actually get. ANDYES PLEASE COME DOWN> DS has bunk beds!!!! You can camp out in there.

Bagz, I have found the Nirvana of alcohol -- When we were in Bar Harbor a couple of weeks ago, this place served a specialty that was like a Mint Julep but made with rum. It was soooo good. DD says it tasted like Vicks 44. Of course how would she know? Her straight laced mother wouldn't allow her to sip any, naturally...

i need the recipe for the MINT juleps of Maine!!! and sarrrrrr--aa-aararrry Tankarse!!!! I meant to say Carcassarse!!!!!! WHat about the crack-lentils of New Jeeeerrrrseeeee???----Okay kiwi====it's time to loook for mInt m and m's====I was downt Calais and they aint got none!!!!!! i love bunkbeds,ds won't mind a cow nesting in his room????

I have NEVER had a mint m&M. . No. Bagapotamus, ds would be happy to let you on the top bunk. I'm sure of it. Give him something to kick

I will be scouting for mint M&Ms tout de suite. Last week at the grocery store I stocked up on 50% off Halloween candy. Black and orange M&Ms, etc. What do I care what color they are? :dizzy:

K.

You send ME mint m&Ms and I'll send YOU a can of boiled peanuts. Bagz loved 'em.

The pressure is on. :stress:

Got back from the inlaw's, big crowd for Sunday dinner. Plus my MIL gave me 2, that's right 2 birthday presents :gift: and I consumed mass quantities :cbg: :chicken: :cheese:

Now we're going out to meet some friends who want to have an early dinner.:?: Any bets on my eating two dinners in 3 hours?

Kiwi

Happy Birthday Dear Kiweeeeeeeeeeee

:hat: :bravo: :hb:

How old are you? never mind. I know you're younger than me, you kid.

I want to take this opportunity to officially thank all those who gave of their time to entertain me this weekend. You each (Kiwi, Bagz, Sugar) get dinner for two at Taco Bell and a $5 gift certificate for mint m&ms.

happy birthday deeeeeeeeeeeeeeear Kiwoners!!!! you may be a year older than me----that would be great,but alas the sugar bum fairy is not yet forty----maybe you are younger than i ????? well i know that lush and carcassarsassauras rex are older than US----what could be more important------ just have a happy day filled with more dinners than your apron guts can gather!!!! party on til twelve bells!!!!:p remember,we shall all pay the piper tomorrow---holiday in canada------SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it is now time to officially begin your christmas displays now that your esteemed birthday is finishing up=====HAPPY DAY TO THE QUEEN OF LOST COW BUDDIES!!!!!!:dizzy: :dizzy: :dizzy:

:hb: 2 U
:hb: 2 U
:hb: dear Kiwi
:hb: 2 U

Had a busy weekend here but had fun reading all the postings going on! Hope you all are asleep!
:wave: Daphne

dang, I ate something I'm allergic to -- I think it was the 2 or 3 almonds I ate with the HALLOWEEN M&MS. I took 2 benadryl, drank about a gallon of water and now I'm waiting. I think it's going away. When I eat something that came from a tree that I'm allergic to, my mouth and throat get all itchy and my throat threatens to close up. Isn't that nice?

Thanks for all the lovely birthday wishes! Now, you're all going to wish me a happy birthday on Tuesday when it's really my birthday, right? heeheehee :hyper:

Kiwi

you are wrong TODAY is your birthday. I got an ICQ birthday reminder about it. TODAY. Go look at your birth certificate. :drill: :hat: :drill: :hat: :cp:

I'm baaaaaack!!!!! :cool:

Kiwi!!!! Happy Birthday, oh cow queen of the web!! or at least queen of our little corner of the web! :queen: I hope you had an absolutely loverly birthday! :balloons:

We had an udderly wonderful time on the cruise. We ate and slept and did nuttin' all day every day. We met all kinds of wonderful ppl from all over the place. We miss our waiter and room steward. We got up this morning to a gray rainy day, we were out of coffee & toilet paper :yikes: and there was not a clean towel in the house. Good old reality!

It seems that you were all busy keeping Peachers out of trouble this weekend. I knew I could count on you cowsies.

I have lots of work to do, but I had to get my cow fix first. I'll be back later, gaters.

P.S. DH bought me a beautiful tanzanite & diamond ring for our anniversary. Isn't he the sweetest?:love:

ICQ just wanted to be sure you had time to go out and buy my present. And I believe that jewelry store is having a Veteran's Day sale, isn't it?

Here is my tribute to Cowdom:

You Know Your Cow Has Mad Cow Disease...
----------------------------------------

Your cow insists on wearing a little A-1 sauce behind each ear as cologne.
She refuses to let you milk her, saying "Not on the first date."
Your cow takes up painting and wants to wear an earring.
Your cow gets a silicon implant for her udder.
Your cow appears on Oprah, claiming to be a horse trapped in a cow's body.
Your cow demands to be branded with the 'Golden Archs Logo'.
Your cow insists that all Hindus are sacred.
Your cow insists evaporated milk comes from thirsty cows.


Your cow quits the family dairy business and applies for a job at
Burger King.
She starts giving you Milk of Amnesia.
Your cow joins the ****'s Angels because, hey, it already has
a cool leather jacket.
Your cow starts smoking grass rather than eating it.
Your cow spends half the day sitting in the Lotus Position
chanting "MOO" backwards.
Your cow insists that it can give you chocolate milk if you started
feeding it Hershey bars.
Your cow asks you to brand it again but only if you'll
wear something sexy this time.


Your cow purposely blinds itself with a dart and yells "Bullseye"!
Your cow insists Milk Duds are the result of stupid cows.
Your cow starts laughing hysterically until milk spurts out its nose.
You find your cow hiding secret plans to burn down half of Chicago.
Your cow keeps wanting to chew other cows cuds.
Your cow believes it could really jump over the moon like in
the nursery rhyme if it had a really good run at it.

HAVE AN UDDERLY SPECTACULAR DAY!

It's a rainy day in the neighborhood today. All the snow melted and all the leaves fell off the trees, pretty much all in one clump. It's warm enough finally to do some yard work, but everything is so wet, I don't think I'm going to bother.

Kiwi, nearing 47

Wabbit, you're back!! You lucky cow, you! The cruise sounds dreamy. I still miss my waiter from my honeymoon cruise 16 years ago :lol:

Hey! I'm feeling good about the fact that I only gained 3 lbs. on the cruise! Let me tell you, it could have been worse. Now we're heading into the holiday season, I've got to get a grip.

So Kiwi, are you still younger than me?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIWI!!! :balloons:

I sent you an e-card. You'll have to have your loudspeaker turned on to get the full effect!:D

That is the absolute BEST e-card I ever heard :lol:

I don't know, Wabbit, am I older than you? I don't think I should be.

DH brought home Chinese takeout and chocolate cake tonight. Not bad, eh? Well, it is a weekday and I had to drive DD to her guitar lesson this afternoon so a nice dinner out was not in the cards anyway. I'm always glad not to be responsible for dinner! And chocolate is of course eternally welcome. I got just what I asked for for my birthday -- I got a case for my classical guitar, which has been living in a cardboard box for 10 years. Now that DD is playing guitar, this has seen the light of day a few times (she has her own, but may want to use a classical sometimes), so a case was exactly what I wanted. Who knows, maybe even I might take up the guitar too. ;)

Kiwi

HI. Happy birthday to the Kiwicow. I am listening to "The Great Santini" I read this book in college and have absolutely no memory of it. Do you think I'm senile, do you think I drank too much in my twenties or do I have fat on the brain?
Wabby I am so glad you had a wonderful time on your trip. You must have looked beautious in your new bodacious suits.
Sugar, I went to Cherry's to try to get myself motivated, but I'm not motivated yet. I hate when I go to someone's house and discover that their kids are spies who will betray my secret. My DS10 is a neatnik in his heart of heart and he always compares our house to those pristine dwellings of his friends.
I was horrified to receive those pics of winterwonderland. I am dreaming of displays as we speak. I want to set those lighted reindeer up in the woods this year. I think it would look cool. Naturally I can't count on one drop of snow for nature's help with my displays. That is why I will truly be the master of displays. Nature does not help me at all. I live in NJ, for G*d's sake. \
I also suggest we handicap dogpatch for Sissy. I am just being generous. No one seems to appreciate my sweetness.
Should I take a nap or clean?
I think I will:
1. shift wash
2. unload dw
3. Load dw
4. clear counter
5. sort through stuff in hall
6. call hairdresser since boys will not be on time for their appt
7. clear rocker in lr
8. make bed
9. brush dog
10. go pay taxes.

Aren't I a bore? Don't you wish that I would have stayed away? Here is what is going on around here. My mom was in the hospital last week. She is severely anemic and they think it may be because the cancer is back. I won't let them cut her opened and look. What is the point of that?
DS12 is in the finals for soccer. His team has been in first place all season and this is the championship game. We are so excited.
DD has a month of dress down days, she can wear anything she wants to school. Other more important things are going on in her life; but to her this is the most important. She is singing in a regional chorus and trying for a solo in the Messiah. This chorus is run by a gospel singer and DD is really learning to sing.
DS10 starts art class today. He is very excited. He usually does more jocko stuff, so this is a real change for him.
I'm going to a fashion show tonight. I have to get all dolled up, which means I have to excavate the laundry room. To do that, I have to get my derriere out of this chair.
I miss you cows. I'm so NOT FUN these days.
Someone come here and entertain me.
L

You're not boring -- look at all you've got going on! And I was napping while you were doing all that.

I have no energy. And my nose itches like crazy. I'm sure it's just allergies, but it sure seems to sap my energy.

I actually went in to the depths of my computer and updated my to-do list last night. So far I haven't done anything on it. Very effective, no?

I like to think of that total non-recall of books I've read in the past as an advantage. I can be surprised by the ending again and again:doh:

Kiwi

Kiwi, of course you're not older 'n me. I was just yankin' your chain. :lol: Your nice quiet birthday at home sounds really nice. Especially the chocolate cake part. Sadly, I'm not allowed anything chocolate or yummy for a long, long, time. I weighed again this morning and another 2 pounds of vacation weight has settled upon me. 4 pounds total. With Christmas eating just around the corner. eek!

Lush, you are the epitome of fun. And I miss you when you don't come around, even though I know you've got a full plate these days. Is your mom in pain or just feeling horrible? I don't blame you for telling the Doc's not to do surgery. Sometimes they don't know when to lay off. I did not look bodacious in my new suits, but fortunately DH's eyesight is starting to fail him and he tells me I still wind his crank. Whatever that means. ;) I can just see us as little old ppl chasing each other around with our walkers. :lol:

I can't even start to think of Christmas displays. I still haven't cleaned all my plants off the deck. I still have 2 hydrangeas that need to be planted. We are probably going to have Thanksgiving at home this year, since my parents have gone and moved off to Arizona. The problem is do I just issue a general invitation to all my screwy family and see who shows up, or invite the family members that don't drive me crazy?

If I can manage to scan in a photo, I may email you cows a photo of DH & I on our trip. Then you can see what an additional 20 lbs. of blubber looks like on this cow. At least we look fat and happy. :goodvibes

Oh my, Wabbit, your card was freakin' hilarious! Absolutely too much!!! Thank you!

Kiwi

I called the local Curves for Women. I have an appointment at 4:45. We will discuss their exercise program and "set some exciting fitness goals". Eek. :rolleyes:

Kiwi, glad you liked your e-card. I just couldn't let Sugar show me up. :lol:

So. Where is everybody?

yes you are all smart and fancy cows---I have enjoyed reading all your comings and goings---I will be posting soon to entertain you all as usual,but i have to go and make hot cocoa for my darling son and nieces----they are so cute,i know you would all be jealous of me!!!! eight year olds are very sweet---they don't fight all the time and are very interested in what's going on----on the sad side---my poor sis went to see where george's hockey jersey has been hung in the arena { he was the best player on the team } and to okay the lettering on the gravestone-------this just doesn't get any better----last night i was cleaning out my basement and she came down and saw the christmas stockings that our friend knit for my sis and i and our families-needless to say,she broke down-----this sucks so bad.{again,sorry for being a downer}:(

So sorry baggie for the troubles you are having.
I think 8 year olds are a pain in the arse and I do not like men at this moment.
I want a cruise or even a vacation form the family.
I am in a bad and mad grouchy mood so just wanted to say HI to all of you, Daphne

i will forgive you for saying that about eight year olds because you used my favourite word "ARSE" HHAHAHAHAHAHAH ------the favoured ones are getting a big rowdy now,so i may have to revise my former post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!---Brattie----i will join you on that cruise!!!!

Bagzie, we take the good with the bad with you. Downer or not, we love you anyway.

Besides, I'm about to whine about much less significant things. I sent you all my cruise picture, and I know you cows will love me whether I'm a porker or not, but geeeeeeez I'm so fat I can hardly stand myself. :cry: Nothing like pictures to bring it into focus. I'm going to lose this weight, (picture Scarlet O'Hara "I'll never be hungry again", substitute me - "I'll be hungry or whatever it takes"), and after I do I'm going to have a boobie reduction. My insurance company will cover it, because I have such back problems caused by being overly blessed in that department. So that's my plan - a new me by springtime. I think I can, I think I can, etc.

Excuse me for whining about my weight again. I just can't help myself.

My favorite word is hudda. Hudda Hudda Hudda. Eight-year-olds are horrible. Hudda. My rear end and front end are hudda. Herbie is hudda.

My editor, a brilliant, encouraging man who ALWAYS knew what he was talking about died Friday and his memorial service was today. He had five kids and they did not manage to run an obit in the daily paper. The obit for our paper was mainly just a listing of their names. My boss rewrote it and made it good.

Then they rented a beach house for the week. We all thought they were slime. He, himself, only got along with two of them. One is a kleptomaniac, lesbian with lots of health problems. One tried to steal from his mom when she was vulnerable (in troube with the law). And one he barely knew because she was a baby at the divorce and was kept away from him.

But at the service, one dd he was close to, the stealing son and the klepto girl all spoke and all the girls cried and it was so touching. They told stories about him that showed the trouble they had feeling loved by him and I know they were telling the truth. He kept his distance from all humanity.

Anyway, I'll miss him A LOT and I hope Bagz gives her sissy a hug from me.

and MISS PRISSY LUSH can just keep her tush in her desk chair and type whatever she wants because I feel so much better when I see her little peanut name on my screen.

Oh Peaches, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, also sorry that he kept his distance from his children. That's the most tragic part of the whole thing. Why do we (as in most ppl) do that?:( As to the obit, I've often thought that I should write my own, just to make sure ppl get it right. A friend of mine died several years ago and her husband just said "she was a good worker". He didn't say she was witty, she was beautiful and elegant, she came off as happy go lucky, but she was much deeper than that. Just "she was a good worker".

I ran into a woman who's son was in my DD's preschool class yesterday. She didn't recognize me, but I did her. She looked pretty much the same, 18 years later. Still a sweet person. Her son is over 6' now. Amazing, it seemed like yesterday.

I was feeling melancholy today, so everyone else who's in that mood, feel free to post. You don't need to sugar coat anything.

I went to the Curves thing yesterday, and to be honest, it seems like kind of a cheezy gym, but I'm going to give it a try. All the other gyms are either too far away or too crowded around here, so I'm going to give this 2 months and then if it's not working for me, try something else. Gotta keep on trying.

How come when I don't post for a day everyone comes out of the closet? Or wherever you hide when I'm here :lol:
Last night our telephone died for no apparent reason, just no dial tone. DH went around testing phones, unplugging things, rebooting computers, shining flashlights in little known places, and couldn't find anything wrong. Eventually the dial tone came back on its own, also for no apparent reason. Anyway I was busy all day yesterday doing meals on wheels, having lunch with my hubby for a change, picking up DD when she missed the school bus (how do you miss the school bus AFTER school when you don't have anything else to do but wait for it?), taking a quick nap (oops, turned into 3 hours), and making dinner. So when the phone went out I was already into all day internet withdrawal. Next thing you know I'll start getting the shakes when my modem doesn't dial up fast enough. :yikes:

Sorry about the editor, Peaches. Glad his family made the effort to speak about him. That's an awful thought, Wabbit -- I would be really pissed if was I passed off with a "she was a good worker" remark at my funeral. I would have to come back and punish people... I think you have something there, writing your own eulogy. Then leave it with the person most likely to actually use it. Or write it in such a way that someone could get up and read "a few words she wanted us to hear". I'm gonna work on that. All I can say is if they bring in that evangelical preacher that they let into my brother-in-law's funeral (who did not even go to church) I will haunt them for eternity. Yeah, I know the funeral is for the survivors, but still...

I'm right behind you on this new resolve to lose weight, Wabbit (read: you go first :high: ). We've all gotta do something. I noticed brattie has joined the new 10 pounds by Christmas thread just next door. Maybe I'll join too. Who else?

Oh by the way brat, I believe there is a message for you CLICK HERE (http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=21941) Hey, don't hit me with that :barbell: !! :lol:

Personally I'm on the fence about 8 year olds. I know Bagz' son and nieces are the cutest ever, especially when they are drinking hot cocoa. But I can hardly wait to see my 4 and 2 year old nephews for Christmas! yayayayayayay

Later kiddies
Kiwi

Well, I just wrote a reallllly long rant about DH. It's so long and so awful that I am not even going to post it here. If you want to hear what a jerk my DH is, go read my journal (for the novice, press the Journal button under my name on the left of this message). Comments welcome.

I am having a Mike's Hard Lemonade, then a TV dinner while I watch Zoolander. My hand hurts from all the typing. My life sucks.

Kiwi

Kiwi, you earned that rant. You deserve a gallon of hard lemonade. I wish you were here, we could go out for drinks and bash men. Oh, I forgot, I'm not po'd at my DH. Well I'm sure I could find something to be annoyed about. :lol:

You chickies have a nice weekend. :wave: