Weight Loss Support - Work-Life Balance, Feeling guilty




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FatPantsSkinnyJeans
11-17-2010, 02:15 PM
Hey everyone....

I need to vent for a moment.

I told my job I was available to do overtime (if needed) other other day, and they called me to come in an HOUR before the shift. I hadn't slept, and was out running errands.
I told them I couldn't, because the week prior I had already done overtime on a completely different shift than I normally work, AND a regular OT shift the week before that.

I just felt so tired, and I really wanted to focus on getting my exercise in, prepping my healthy food for the week, and overall recuperating.

I feel SO guilty about this, because I could sense they were upset with me.

How do I let this go? And why do I insist on all this negative self talk? I really feel badly... even though I know of other (dependable, well-liked by manager) employees who have said no as well.

In a nutshell, I put in this "availability" a long time ago, when we made the schedule... flash forward to the present, and the two past OT shifts were unplanned and the manager was very thankful. I can't take out the "availability" as the schedule is already completed. So, they called. And I let them down. :(

Thoughts? I just really felt torn. I wanted to focus on myself for a day or two, and relax, breathe off the stress. Extra work means missing a workout and even a little extra eating...I just felt like I needed to say no.

That one phone call changed my whole mentality. And I know there's plenty of people on this planet (especially men) who do not think twice about self care.

How do you deal with stuff like this?

Thanks for your opinions,
FPSJ


JayEll
11-17-2010, 02:42 PM
Sooner or later you'll have to say No. That's just life. Their job is to ask--your job is to say Yes or No. They are not going to look out for you; you have to do that yourself.

People ask me to do more work all the time, and I probably say yes more often than I should. However, if I'm already overloaded, I do say no because it's better to say no to one "work opportunity" than to do a crappy job on everything because I'm overloaded.

If enough people say no, management may see the need for additional hiring, which is what they should probably have done to begin with.

I know it's really hard and you feel guilty, but if you are making a good contribution to the company otherwise, you did the right thing to set the boundary.

Jay

Rosinante
11-17-2010, 02:53 PM
I struggle with the balance too. Because I work from home a lot of the time, it means that I can be very flexible with my days. Sure there are some things that have to be done at an exact time but other things - provided they get done, it doesn't matter when.
Especially now it's dark by 5pm, I'm going walking/shopping during daylight hours and was thinking only today that I felt like I was cheating my bosses by doing so.

My rationale became: if I can achieve better fitness and - so far this week anyway - keep the devil dog of seasonal depression at bay, then I'm making myself a better worker now, and in the future.
(Plus, I'm literally on 24/7 call, even on my days off, if someone needs me, I'm there. It doesn't happen all that often but the on-callness is permanent, so I cut myself some me-time).


FatPantsSkinnyJeans
11-17-2010, 03:41 PM
Mm... you're both right. Better to take care of myself in this instance, than to get overloaded and decrease my performance.

Must work on not being so cruel to myself... I'd never tell a friend "You really let them down, and now they hate you! Way to go."

Instead, I should think "Well, they might have been irritated at the time, but I'm sure they are on to new and improved problems. You're always on time, you do great work, and you're a part of the team. There will be plenty of times in the future when you can step up to the plate again. They're lucky to have you."

Thanks for your stories and your support!

shannonmb
11-17-2010, 04:34 PM
I'm a nurse at a hospital, and they call pretty frequently looking for people to pick up shifts. I don't feel remotely guilty when I can't (or simply don't feel like) doing it -- I give them my blood, sweat, and tears (literally) according to the schedule I was hired for, and if I give them any more, it's completely and totally on my terms. I absolutely don't feel guilty AT ALL, even if I know the people who ARE there are probably short and feeling the pinch. The way I look at it is, I'll likely be feeling the pinch when I'M there, too, so deal with it while you are at work, and then you have your days off -- to NOT feel guilty about not being there!!

Either I run all this through my head and say no, OR, I just don't answer the phone when they call. Gotta love caller ID! ;)

FatPantsSkinnyJeans
11-18-2010, 12:07 AM
shannonmb-- You are so right.... I never should have answered the phone. I had a feeling it was them, but the call came from an unfamiliar number. Oh well!

carter
11-18-2010, 09:23 AM
Can you talk to your manager in a peaceful moment and say, "I'm sorry about the other day, I know I said I was available for overtime but I meant scheduled overtime - preferably not at a moment's notice when I have already made other plans for my time."

Is there any sign your manager is even annoyed about it? I don't think any sane manager expects an employee to be ready at the drop of a hat every time they call. So when you are called early in the morning and asked to come in right now, it doesn't even necessarily reflect badly on you as a worker if you say "I'm sorry, I just can't." Especially if you have shown yourself to be available at other times.

But it does depend strongly upon the manager, so I can't say for sure how your manager will respond to you saying something like that (politely and respectfully, not defensively). It also depends upon your field of work; expectations really vary depending upon what kind of work you do.

FatPantsSkinnyJeans
11-18-2010, 03:51 PM
Can you talk to your manager in a peaceful moment and say, "I'm sorry about the other day, I know I said I was available for overtime but I meant scheduled overtime - preferably not at a moment's notice when I have already made other plans for my time."

Is there any sign your manager is even annoyed about it? I don't think any sane manager expects an employee to be ready at the drop of a hat every time they call. So when you are called early in the morning and asked to come in right now, it doesn't even necessarily reflect badly on you as a worker if you say "I'm sorry, I just can't." Especially if you have shown yourself to be available at other times.

But it does depend strongly upon the manager, so I can't say for sure how your manager will respond to you saying something like that (politely and respectfully, not defensively). It also depends upon your field of work; expectations really vary depending upon what kind of work you do.


Thanks carter-- I know my manager is very thankful for my efforts last week, and so I highly doubt she is upset that I declined. I'm sure I'm making myself feel far worse than anyone else ever could.... siiigggh.

I have a whole lifetime of work ahead of me, no use getting bent out of shape!

rainbowstripe
11-19-2010, 03:18 AM
Oh I am totally right with you here on this, feeling bad about this kind of thing. I don't know how to fix the problem, hence why I'm reading the thread.

I work at a small retail shop and I'm one of 4 part-time employees, only 3 of whom work in the shop itself. We all work sole-charge, there are no full-time workers and we all have our rostered days. Of course we're free to organise a shift swap here and there if we need to take one of our days off...or to get someone else to work for me, but I feel bad doing this as I know the other girls probably don't want to work my shifts unless they want extra money - however when the situation is turned around and someone else wants a day off - I find it INCREDIBLY difficult to say no and feel like I'm disappointing everyone involved if I can't (or don't want to work). I suffer from depression so I can't cope with working this job fulltime...but I still feel bad if I say no, so often I'll take on someone else's shift even if it means my mental state takes a bit of a blow.
It's a hard situation to be in but I think it's fair enough you stood up for yourself in that particular situation - an hour's notice is not really fair, and I'm sure they don't mind too much that you turned it down.

FatPantsSkinnyJeans
11-19-2010, 04:22 AM
rainbowstripe-- Ahhhh, it's tough to be workin' girls! Glad I'm not the only one that agonizes over letting people down.

Now I know in the future to be careful about when I say I'm available.. and also the importance of taking care of myself. We have another 30 years in the work force.... no reason to fret over one day, there's plenty more ahead. hahah! Ughh :)