General chatter - ay yi yi!!




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vatkins22
11-16-2010, 10:34 PM
Question: do any of you have an overly negative person in your life? this isn't a friend, it's a relative.

There is constant griping and never ANY positive statements. it's always something new to complain about... work, the house, friends, co-workers, etc.

This is someone who I KNOW will get very upset and likely not talk to me, or throw out the "well I'll leave you alone because all I do is bring you down" guilt trip if I say anything, ALWAYS resulting in me feeling like s**t!! I've tried bringing positive ideas to the table and they automatically get shot down.

I've already reduced my contact with said person to once weekly and that's even a stretch on my patience! Other relatives are getting fed up and doing the same. I fear this person will lead themselves to be alone!

So... what do I do now?! any advice is appreciated! It's hard to be positive in my own life (weight loss included) when I literally feel weighted down by this...


lizziep
11-17-2010, 03:03 AM
ugh I totally understand. I'm a pretty bad Debbie Downer so when someone gets to ME I know they're bad. haha. I used to get really frustrated with the family member in my life like this, because I thought she wanted advice, I thought she wanted help. But once I learned to let go of that it helped me deal with her so much.
Instead of trying to help her, or engaging in her negative garbage, I just do the smile and nod, try to change the subject, or space out while she blathers on and on about how bad she has it.
Eventually when no one responds she stops. In my case, she's looking for sympathy, pity, maybe a hand out of some sort - when I stopped giving her those things she stopped being such a drag.

Ciao
11-17-2010, 06:34 AM
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg
Sending you much support! :hug:
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg


spixiet
11-17-2010, 09:14 AM
:hug:

I'm afraid I don't have any great suggestions...recently, my roommate has become a major debbie downer. Almost every time we talk, all she does is complain about work (forced job site change)-- I tried to be sympathetic at first, but months later, it's getting old. Especially since most of the things she complains about are problems she created for herself or things that really aren't a big deal-things everyone has to deal with. Almost all of our friends are mutual friends, so I have no one to vent to-

This was therapeutic though-thanks :)

lizziep
11-17-2010, 01:03 PM
the problem with b*tching is that it becomes a habit. Once you start it's very hard to stop again. As I said, I know this is something that I have a problem with myself. It's really hard to control. I have friends who all we do is b*tch back and forth about how awful our lives are and our friendship is solely based on that. Not healthy!!!

But breaking the habit is extremely hard. Also I'd suggest that this is something that comes along with depression, especially in the case of your roommate spixiet. Getting out of the pattern of negative thinking is very hard.

HOWEVER- that doesn't mean it's okay to dump all over your friends all the time. i am aware of my problem with this and i try very hard not to do it all the time. maybe it is time for a talk with that person, a gentle reminder that not everything is bad all the time and that it's hard for you to be around them. It's like they're drowning and taking you down with them when you're trying to save them.

yhahmd
11-17-2010, 01:15 PM
I'm that person... I try to control it though. *I* think I'm nice, but I guess I ***** so much no one likes being around me. Guess that's just one more thing I'll have to change on my journey.

vatkins22
11-17-2010, 01:20 PM
It's like they're drowning and taking you down with them when you're trying to save them.

i couldn't have said it better myself!!!! this person does have a history with depression so i am fearful to say anything deeper than trying to reinforce that everything is not THAT bad.

this person is bored, and it's apparent. this is someone i used to be able to trust with my life, until recently when s/he started trouble between other family members.

i feel like i've listened to it for TOO long!!! my oh my how my blood gets boiling during these convos... but i can't say a word because i know the irrational aftermath! lol.

spixie- glad you're getting therapeutic relief from this as well! :hug:

vatkins22
11-17-2010, 01:23 PM
yhah- the first step is admitting... right? you've realized it and are trying to change. that's great!!

lizziep
11-17-2010, 01:54 PM
yhahmd lets get together! we can have a b*tchfest! :)

it does make a difference being aware of it. it's not always something i can control, but at least it's in the back of my mind that i should try.