[spixiet]

So, originally, I wasn't going to post this...but I've noticed that when others post about their struggles and slip-ups, it gives me confidence that I too can make it through stalls and slips - so here goes -

Yesterday, I binged. I did not "splurge," "go over my calorie limit," or "eat junk food." I out-and-out binged. Actually, nearly everything I ate (nearly) was fairly healthy if eaten in moderate amounts. However, I ate until I was full, and then I kept eating. I ate and ate until I reached that point where I felt so sick, I could vomit. And then, later on in the evening, I ate some more. Multiple times during my binge, I stopped, thought about what I was doing, and decided to eat more. It was not good

So in the evening, I sat down to journal, and tried to think of "why?" or what triggered me...and I came up with a list -

- frustration that the scale hasn't moved in 10 days in spite of being perfectly on plan
- feeling "I've earned it" by staying on plan for about 10 weeks (like binging is some kind of prize)
- self-sabotage...I've just started noticing a difference in how clothes fit, and I can see a difference in my body
- self-sabotage pt. 2... I actually ran (for short distances) during my hike on Thursday- not jogged, ran for the first time in who-knows-how-long
- Received an email from Dad yesterday giving support for a plan of mine he had previously kind of made fun of (I definitely have daddy-issues when it comes to wanted his approval)
- Trigger foods - healthy cereal for breakfast and thin crust veggie pizza for lunch (maybe too many carbs, although the cereal was higher-protein)
- Feeling lonely on a 4 day weekend

I'm really not sure if I can say that it was one of the above triggers, or a combination of all of them. I'm actually leaning towards the last one, just because loneliness and boredom have often been triggers in the past - and the one thing that binging gives me (aside from a higher weight) is a feeling of numbness, a way to block out unwanted emotions.

At one point, I was about to head out to McDonalds to get some real junk food, but I stopped myself. Not because of calories, fat, sodium, or a desire to eat well. But because I've set myself a strict budget in order to reach a highly desired goal by June....and how sad is it that I value my monetary goal over my health and happiness goal? Obviously, I have quite a few issues to work through

So today, I've made a commitment to going back on plan. I will track every calorie, and if I start to feel the urge to eat off plan again, I will leave the house. I've created a list of possible to-do's, and I'll choose off of there and make it happen. I didn't weigh-in today, but my "official" weigh-in day is Monday, and I'm planning to stick to that and update my ticker, no matter what the weight is. I've planned out my foods for the day, including a new recipe - a butternut squash soup with ginger and jalapeno, topped with one crumbled slice of bacon

For those of you still reading (if there are any ), a big thank you to all of the members who've made posts emphasizing the fact that we're not perfect, and one bad day really is just one bad day, if we just make sure to stop there. It does not mean we've sabotaged our entire plan; it does not mean I've gained back 25 pounds in one day; it does not mean I have a reason to quit; and it does not mean I am a failure, and I should just give up now - In fact, I feel completely confident that my ticker will continue to drop over the next few weeks, including over Thanksgiving Break

Thanks again for the all the support these boards provide chickees

[Rosinante]

Phew. It sounds a real roller coaster. Great that you didn't head out for the junk food, whatever stopped you, don't knock it!

I think you did the right thing in trying to work out the headstuff behind it.
I think you're right to view it as one poor day, and not a reason to think it's all a failure.
I think you're right to post it here too, because it's too easy (for me anyway) to think 'it's just one day' this day and the next and the next and helllooooo 89lbs regain.

as you get back on the waggon!

[Lyn2007]

Excellent. Owning up (to YOURSELF mainly, which typing it out here does) is #1, and getting right back on plan is #2. You are making some really successful choices here

[vdander24]

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I am trying to calorie count, and this weekend I have thought about not counting because I am eating so poorly. I know that counting and recording are only going to help me because if I don't record, how will I know how to get better?
I am heading to my Fit day journal to record my calories no matter what. Your honesty is making a difference! Thanks.

[Sunshine73]

You're absolutely right - we are all human and we all make bad decisions, fall into old destructive behaviors, etc. But it's just one day and one day of bad decisions does not define any of us or our journey!

You're getting right back on track and that's the important thing!!!

[FatPantsSkinnyJeans]

There ya go!

I always repeat this TRUE fact to myself, when I have a baaaaad calorie day:

You did not gain ______ pounds in one day, nor will you lose them in one day.

You can apply this to both your binge day and your loss plan. It took you a while to gain the weight, it will take you a while to lose the weight, but either way---- one day does not make a person gain, and one day does not make a person lose.

A person loses weight by being consistent and accountable. (Easier said that done, still trying to work on this myself).

You've got the accountability part done--whew!

Now, you just have to keep going. Done!

[sept15lija]

Good for you for posting, it's great to keep accountable...also you worked through what might have triggered the binge. Identifying triggers can be huge for avoiding other binges.

I love your to-do list idea. Whenever I am feeling peckish and want to eat things I didn't plan for, I pack up my kids and head out on the town! Definitely keeping busy is a great tool when you're having a hard time. Boredom is a huge trigger for me to eating.

[tiffany0809]

I can totally relate to eating out of boredom and loneliness. I have the same thing going on this weekend. I need to STOP but sometimes it's hard. And like everyone else says, just pick yourself back up and get back on track. And I love that you already have a plan for doing that.

[goal4agirl]

Hey girl- the main thing is you are right back on track again. And you are being honest with all of us who are in the same fix as you are. We all want it so bad! It is just so hard sometimes. I have weighed the same for about 12 day's now. I get so hungry I eat red grapes, apples, drink water, ect. anything to try and get my mind off of food. Some day's I'm not that hungry, and some day's I feel like I am starving.
I crawl in bed hungry thinking I did good with not eating too much today...only to get up the next morning and either my weight is the same or I gained 2-4 ounces. It makes me feel so low and sad. I asked my slim husband why can't I make it to onederland? He tells me I am beautiful and feminine and don't really need to lose any more weight. But I am doing this for myself now. I want to feel proud when I go to the doctor and the young pretty nurse weighs me and I don't have to walk away ashamed because she had to move the weight block to a different slot (because I'm over 200 Lbs.) And it's not just my pride...I want to be healthy slim and trim. I want to see a day I can slide those size 14 jeans onto my hourglass shape and wear them proud and breathe and move in them. I just can't quit. I have worked too hard and too long to give up now just because the scale will not move.
I'm sorry spixiet I didn't mean to hijack your thread- just a little bummed because I'm in a bad stall. Thank you for your post. Were all real and this is not easy! Hang in there girl we have a lot of happy dances in our future!!

[fat chick 123]

The most you would gain back would be a pound so don't freak out that much. we all slip up. then loose it again right? so focus on the positive of loosing it again and how good you will feel

cao and congrats on ur overall weight loss

[Jen516]

I feel ya! I had a great week, lost 3 lbs, and topped it off by eating over 3000 cal yesterday!! wtf. I was at a friend's for dinner and I knew I shouldn't be eating the crap, but I did anyways. With this (and with previous slip-ups), I have to remind myself that I'm making a complete lifestyle change. For forever. And that will include over-indulging occasionally. It's not like I'm never going to eat another piece of pizza in my life, so I won't impose that arbitrary restriction for the next year while I'm trying to lose either. I will agree that I didn't need THREE cupcakes yesterday - one would have sufficed... but we learn. I know that overeating yesterday made me feel crappy, emotionally AND physically. Hopefully next time I'll remember that! Good for you for posting and trying to figure out why! It's the why that's tough to adjust!
Have a great week!

[findingfawn]

Getting right back on track is awesome!!

I had a huge flub on Friday night. I KNEW I shouldn't eat those things, but before I made myself understand that Saturday was going to be a new day and I was going right back on plan (which I did). Posting here about it helped so much.

Yesterday I struggled, so I took my dessert calories and ate them in the afternoon. After dinner when the rest of the family ate my 40 calorie fudge bars I came to the computer and read so I didn't give in and go over.

You may not like the scale the next few days, but you may be suprised when it's over. I was stuck somewhat for a few days and this morning had a 2 pound woosh