20-Somethings - I don't want to be rude to my friends, but...

I have a dilemma which I face almost everyday. My two best friends come over to hang out at my house almost every night - nothing special, just watching tv, listening to music and the like. This is usually in the evening around dinnertime. They always want to order take out or fast food every night.
Recently, I decided to change my eating habits because I want to lose weight and be healthy. So far the only thing keeping me back from staying within my daily calorie limit is the eating I do with my friends. I love having them over. I do not want to change that. But something about our eating habits has to change - both for my health and wallet. I thought about cooking a healthy meal for us all to eat every night, which I don't have a problem with - except I am a broke college student and can't afford to feed three mouths every night. (I can't afford take out anymore either.) But I feel like since they are in my home it would be rude to make my own meal and leave them out. I would also feel rude asking for a monetary contribution towards meals I cook.
What can I do? Does anyone else face this same dilemma? :?:

In your place, I would feel that it's my home and I would probably resent the intrusion. I'm really private about this stuff.

Then again, good friends might also understand :)

Since these girls are your best friends, I think that openly discussing your dilemma will clear things up pretty quickly. I'm sure that they'll understand where you're coming from! If you haven't already done so, explain to them that you're trying to eat more healthily, so you would like to stay away from eating takeout and fast food on the nights that you all hang out together and are planning on making dinner for yourself from now on. I think it will also help if you mention that you're not asking that they change their own eating habits if they don't want to, but that you'd be happy to share your dinner with them if they'd like. Then you can go on to say that if they would like to switch to home-cooked meals rather than takeout/fast food, as well, then it would be really helpful if you guys could work out some system for splitting the costs of the meal. Maybe you could take turns bringing the food or maybe everybody could just pitch in a few dollars. Presumably you guys already do this when paying for takeout or fast food, so I don't think the suggestion will surprise or offend them in any way. I think the key is to keep the conversation casual; you're not asking for anything huge or crazy or unreasonable, so don't approach the discussion like it's a really big deal. Just make it clear that you're going to change how you eat dinner, ask if they're interested in doing so too, and suggest working out some fair way of dividing the costs should they wish to do so. Anybody would be open to that, your best friends most of all!

If they're good enough friends to be around your house every night then they're probably good enough friends to have a little chat with them. You could tell them that they are still welcome to order their food (if that doesn't bother you) but for health and financial reasons you are going to start cooking in. If they show an interest in joining you then you can talk about what they can contribute to the meal (doesn't have to be money - one can bring the chicken to cook, someone else can bring the veggies, etc.).

Well, I don't see anything wrong with asking for a monetary donation. They were going to pay for take-out, right? Most college students are broke. Just explain the situation, and I'm sure they will understand. If they don't, then they weren't very good friends to begin with.

Yeah, I agree with thecandes. I don't see anything rude about offering to cook and asking for a monetary donation, especially since you're all close enough that you spend every night together. You don't even have to make this about a weight/health thing if you don't want to...just say you're not in the financial situation to order take out every night, so you want to cook meals in and you'd be more than happy enough to make it for the 3 of you, so long as everyone contributes.

Maybe you could even cook together and it could be even more of a bonding experience!

Thanks for the replies everyone. I have already told them that I'm trying to lose weight. They are supportive.
I guess the next step is to explain that I won't be ordering food with them anymore and will instead be cooking meals. I am just so tied up in being a good host. It's something I learned from my mother. I am always trying to be polite and make everyone feel welcome. Even though they are very good friends, I feel nervous bringing up the subject. I don't want to seem like an ungracious host or a cheap skate.

I would explain the money situation at the very least, because they can probably relate. And then suggest that each of you contribute something small to eat each night, and even if they don't bring something healthy, YOU can make the healthy part of the meal and then either don't eat what they bring or just have smaller portions of it. And maybe they'll bring a healthy dish anyway. :)

My mom was the same way, but in your situation she'd say if they're at your house so much, they're no longer guests ;)

If they're supportive of your efforts to lose weight, they'll be supportive of this :) Don't worry!

Tell them to eat before they come over :carrot:

I have pretty much the same problem. It seems like the only time I eat unhealthy or outside of my plan is when I'm with a group of friends and they want to order take out. I've started to be able to explain that I can't be eating that kind of food all the time, but its still hard. It's weird, for the most part my friends are really supportive but when it comes to situations like this its almost like they think oh come on, one night a week isn't going to kill you, like I'm being a buzzkill or something. I just need them to understand that my body does not allow me to eat that way. I can't eat the way they do and be a healthy weight.

it's your house, and you should do whatever you want to, from the sounds of it, you guys are pretty close, and they should understand not only your money situation, but also be supportive in you efforts to lose weight.

tell them if they want take out they can buy it themselves and bring it over, or if you want to cook them all a home cooked meal, which would be healthier ask all of them to bring something over to help with the meal.
if they're your friends, then they'll understand and be helpful.

Just be up front with them. Tell them you don't want to eat takeout anymore, and want to cook your own food at home. Offer to pool everyone's takeout money together and say you will cook for the group. But here's the deal...you have to be ready to be ok with them saying they will just bring their stuff over while YOU cook for YOURSELF. Will you truly be ok with watching them eat pizza and burgers while you have a salad or whatever? If so, then maybe that's the solution. If not, maybe everyone should eat THEN meet up.

hey purduegirl...i'm a ballstate(grad)girl :)

I'm a penn state (grad) girl. :D

They're broke college students too right? My friends and I are all broke post-grad students and make no apologies for that type of stuff. Cook your own meal. If they want to order take out, that's fine, but you have your own food. If they want to eat what you cook, they can bring groceries.

I agree with what everyone else said. Cooking meals together could be fun. And since they're going to spend money on take out anyway.. they shouldnt have a problem with contributing a little cash for a home cooked meal.

Ditto on what everyone else has said. The girls on my dorm floor have all agreed to pitch in to healthy meals and its a fun way to bond and hang-out. I think your friends would be amped about the opportunity, honestly!

Personally, I would enjoy watching them stuff their faces with lard and sugar and wasting their money while I eat a more sensible meal in the midst of all the disgustingness. It would just prove your will-power to yourself to sit there and know that you are getting healthier while they are most likely getting fatter, and more constipated, and ruining their insides. Maybe I'm just bitter.

You are a broke college student, and something tells me they are broke college students too! It is not rude to let them know that take out is not happening, at least for you. They should understand your need to cook; for the wallet as well as the waistline, and let them know for the money they are spending on take-out, you can make a great meal if they chip in! Good Luck!

you could also have potlucks. Have them each bring a healthy dish and you cook a healthy dish. Or you could just tell them to bring their own takeout or fast food and you cook your own dinner. Just because you're having them over to your place doesn't mean you have to cook for them. If you feel obligated, you could do the potuck like I suggested, or take turns cooking if they're into that.

It sounds like you have a fun thing going for you and I'd keep doing it, just don't get fast food with them.

I would totally do a jamie oliver ministry of food type deal. So people come over and take it in turns to choose a recipe that is healthy to cook and everyone joins in and learns the recipe! And each week is different and you get a lot of variety. You could even ask people to bring one or 2 ingredients each instead of money if you wanted

What about a meal exchange? Every night someone takes turns cooking something and brings enough for everyone. That way you would only have to cook for 3 people once or twice a week and the rest of the time someone else is sharing a meal they made with you. Would that be more doable?

@moon safari:

i love your user name! i've been a huge fan of Air for years.