Weight Loss Support - Still don't truly, truly believe




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RoseRodent
11-07-2010, 04:32 AM
I am here, I am doing this, but I don't really believe it in my heart that I will get there. I believe I will get to 150lbs, but I don't truly believe I will make it to 136, and I don't believe that I will stay there. I am trying to get into my own head and make the difference to really believe in myself, but I look ahead to next Christmas and think wow, wouldn't it be lovely to be slim, but I probably won't be. I don't think success is very likely if you don't believe in yourself, but I don't know how to start believing because if you don't then you don't. How do you start really, truly, genuinely believing?


jigglefree
11-07-2010, 04:47 AM
You start by telling yourself you can and will. You will believe what you say to yourself more than what anyone else says to you. To say it will be nice to be slim and then to say you don't believe you will is counterproductive. You have to tell yourself something over and over, you'll believe it. Just like you have told yourself over and over you don't believe so you don't. YOU have to be able to see if for yourself where you are going. Do you have a plan for getting there? Then stick to the plan! Looking at your ticker it appears that you have lost 11 pounds so keep doing what you did to get that far. Put a plan in place for maintaining so that you don't gain it all back. Determine if you want to have a take action plan if you gain back 5lbs or 10lbs or whatever. Then stick to your plan. Last Christmas I was facing a DAUNTING task but I'm getting there. I'm much smaller than I was a year ago. Getting to any goal has a lot to do with how we think. The battle is won or lost in the arena of your mind.

TERAPET
11-07-2010, 06:27 AM
If you feel it is too difficult to accept that you can reach your goal of 136, perhaps you could try the "fake it until you make it" mentality. Tell yourself you are going to "act" as if you can do it. In time you are going to find out if you make a plan and stick to it, you can and will lose whatever amount you want.


yhahmd
11-07-2010, 09:00 AM
I'm in the same boat. I honestly don't think I'll ever see the 130s. Forget the 120s. 150 seems like a realistic number, because I've been there before, but since I can't remember the 120s or 130s at all it just seems so incredibly unrealistic that I really do think in the back of my mind I'll never get there. I try not to think like that, though, it doesn't do me any good. I guess the only thing you can do is when you start to think like that, tell yourself 'sure I will, look how far I've come already.'

And the further you come you'll maybe start to realise it.

CourtneyDaisey
11-07-2010, 09:23 AM
I feel the same way that you feel. What I am having to do is break it down into smaller mini goals. For example, seeing 135 right now seems completely impossible, but I do believe that by the end of the month I can see the 220's. Once I hit that, then I will start setting a goal for the 210's and so on. Eventually these little steps will add up into one big final goal, where I will probably cry my eyes out and jump for joy...before going on a massive shopping spree to buy new clothes!

JenMusic
11-07-2010, 09:28 AM
Oh, this resonates with me!! :hug:

I have NEVER been thin, even in childhood. I have always, as far back as I remember, been chubby . . . then oveweight . . . then obese. I did various diets half-heartedly (Slimfast as a teeneager, South Beach, "eat less, move more") but eventually just decided I was destined to be fat.

When I joined 3FC in 2007 for another half-hearted attempt, I decided I would put 140 as my goal - it's still 5 pounds above normal BMI, but honestly, I chose it because I didn't think there was a chance in heck I was going to get there.

In early spring of this year, something clicked and I knew I was going to do it this time. I decided calorie counting was the way to go - I can't believe I'd never tried it before! - and used the principles in the Beck Diet book. This morning I weighed in at 139. :) My goal weight is now 135, normal BMI, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to lower that.

I'm living proof (along with many of the fabulous people on this board) that IT CAN BE DONE! The only person who can talk yourself out of it is YOU.

As cheesy at it sounds, practice positive self-talk. Affirm yourself daily. Celebrate successes and good choices. Set mini-goals and long-term goals and even daily goals of on plan behavior. Tell yourself you can do this, because YOU CAN. It's not impossible.

I'm not going to wish you luck, because luck has nothing to do with it. :) You can do this!

TornadoSiren
11-07-2010, 09:31 AM
I graduated from high school in 1985. Much of my teen years has faded into something that, while not quite a dream, feels like it happened to someone else. I remember it all, but it has a kind of hazy quality. It has, after all, been a lot of years. But this one moment i remember quite clearly. I , and a group of my friends right after graduation had a conversation about what the class of 2000 would yell out. Zero zero? seemed odd..but then we started talking about just how far away the year 2000 was. I mean, my god, we would all be 33 years old! It seemed inconceivable. Now it is 10 years past that magic date..
When I started out at just shy of 200 pounds, the idea of weighing 115, which is my current goal, was just as inconceivable as 33 years old was to the teenage girl of my past, so I set my goal weight to 130, which was just shy of inconceivable. I have now adjusted my goal weight to 115, and it is now the 200 pound me who is beginning to take on that hazy dream like state. I remember her fondly, she was a nice enough gal, and had her good points, but I like seeing her through a fog. You will hit that point too, I am sure.

RoseRodent
11-07-2010, 09:33 AM
I don't think I can do it because I don't have a very fixed end goal in mind. It's "easy" just now because I have some surgery coming up and for it to work they need me down to 160, so that's a no joke no option deadline, surgery will be in January, if I'm under 160 I'll be getting a lovely cosmetic result, over 160 and I will be getting the best they can throw together on an obese person, and they will not do the adventurous incision that can make a real difference. So that's my big, fixed motivation, that never wavers.

But after that we get into why should I be any lighter than 160, and that's muddier waters. I am angry with myself and my feminist principles that I want to look smaller but I still secretly do anyway, same as I wish nobody had to shave their legs but every few months I shave mine anyway. I am unconvinced by the data on health for BMIs lower than 28 because the evidence in that area is really quite ropey that it's to do with body weight (researchers cannot separate body weight and lifestyle changes because one causes the other). I've never really been below 140, that's why I set the goal at 136 because I needed the mental break, I must get through 140 to convince myself this is different. Even when I have been very fit and athletic I've still been overweight, I went to gymnastics class 3 times a week, worked out on a trampoline at home, was in the reserve forces and STILL I was 160lbs.

So that motivation to stay slim stays for a few days at a time and then I stop actually wanting it rather than stop being able to do it even though I want it. I don't feel that I should have to be thin so clothes fit better I feel that designers should be able to make clothes that fit sizes other than zero perfectly well, they just don't bother. I don't feel the world should look at only skinny as attractive. I won't be "healthy" or active or doing things I have not done for years, partly because I will still be sick and disabled and partly because I have never believed you had to be thin before you could do things so there isn't anything in my "when I am skinny I will be able to... " because I already do whatever I can do that is physically possible for me to do.

Because I haven't found my long-term motivation I don't have my long-term belief. There are days I'd love to see a thin person looking back in the mirror, but they don't come every day for sure.

sweetnlow28
11-07-2010, 11:23 AM
I understand how you feel :hug: Honestly, I am about half a pound away from my original goal...and I still don't believe I can do it :dizzy:. I think I just kind of faked it all along while telling myself "just do it and see how far you can go." There was no moment of clarity where I felt I could do this with absolute certainty. How crazy is that lol. I guess what I am saying is, it is not entirely necessary to believe in yourself 100% (although it is certainly helpful lol) as long as you just fake it until you make it. Seeing the drop on the scale, and coming here, will hopefully be enough to push you towards the next day. You can make it through one day on plan, just living in that day is good enough. The big picture can be scary but managing the day you are living in, is doable. If you add up enough of those "one day on plan" you will eventually reach your goal.
One day you will be at your goal and look back thinking "WOW, I actually did it!" I am kind of in that shock and awe stage right now. Its a good thing, rather confusing..but good :dizzy: :D

Pudgebrownie
11-07-2010, 11:59 AM
I think believing in yourself is accompanied by having supportive family and friends. This isn't always the case but it certainly helps when those around you believe that you WILL be successful in your endeavour. For example, when I first started my weight loss journey, I felt like, meh, we'll see if I really make any progress. But my husband has been such an amazing support and motivator I KNOW I can and will make this journey. I also think that baby steps are key. Originally, at 160lbs, I felt that if I made it to at least 130-135lbs that'd be good enough and I'd be happy. We'll I'm only a few pounds away from 135lbs (which is actually my half way point) and I now feel the courage and excitement of taking on the challenge to lose the next 30lbs to get to my ideal weight of 100 pounds :] Maybe readjusting your goal might help take a load of stress off of you. Then once you get to that point (through baby steps) reevaluate and push the goal to more weight to be lost.


Best of luck! Everyone here believes in you :]

cornellchick
11-07-2010, 02:38 PM
This is a great thread. I too have often wondered if I could really achieve my ideal goals.

Right now my goal weight is set at 150 - I have been down to as low as 146 within the past two years, so I know I can reach this. It's also 4 lbs. into healthy BMI territory so for me it is a desirable AND achievable goal.

When I get there I want to try lowering it and then see how far I can go. Last time I dieted I set my sights all the way to 145, and though I made it to within one pound, I gained all the weight back over the next two years... and I think it had to do with losing the weight quickly and still having my head in "diet" mode rather than "lifestyle change" mode. This time I want to take my time and dial my goal down in smaller steps to see how far I can really take it, AND so I don't set myself up for something unachievable or uncomfortable and then become disappointed in myself.

RoseRodent, thank you for posting, well done on your losses so far, and here's to more successes in our future!

RoseRodent
11-07-2010, 04:46 PM
I can see the logic in getting smaller goals, but I'm also a bit worried that if I set a halfway goal and such I will just settle, I reached my goal I set for myself, let's just go with that, it's not that fat, right? And 28 days a month I will be happy with that, then those other 2 days will be the ones that *** me right off. I'm a bit scared to think about it in small chunks like that in case they don't become the building blocks of success, they become a place to set up camp.

Incidentally, I lost some weight before I came on 3FC but I put my starting weight as the day I joined here. I keep thinking about setting my ticker to show the total success, but then people have seen it and they might wonder if I'm trying to claim extra weight loss. Silly I know, let's celebrate the whole number, right? I've lost about 9 more lbs than it says, I have to go and convert it over from kg to find out how much it was. I also have to have it in my mind that I've previously suffered with anorexia (I know, ironic, right?) and I have to set an end point to make sure that end point doesn't become 96lbs. Rock, hard place - yeah a bit.

sweetnlow28
11-07-2010, 05:23 PM
Incidentally, I lost some weight before I came on 3FC but I put my starting weight as the day I joined here. I keep thinking about setting my ticker to show the total success, but then people have seen it and they might wonder if I'm trying to claim extra weight loss.

I also lost some of my weight before joining 3FC. I actually lost it almost a year before and I felt weird about taking "credit" for the loss because I lost some of it when I started smoking ( I have quit since). I decided to own my loss because it didn't matter how it was done, it was my accomplishment. I came up with a compromise by putting my highest weight in my stats on the left but I started my ticker below at the weight I was when I joined here. That way everyone can see my progress since joining but it also shows the weight I started at. I swear, no one ever questioned me on it lol. Maybe that will work for you as well ;)

JayLei
11-07-2010, 05:30 PM
I am angry with myself and my feminist principles that I want to look smaller but I still secretly do anyway, same as I wish nobody had to shave their legs but every few months I shave mine anyway.

The type of feminism I was raised with focused on me living to the top of my potential as a human being. It took me a while to realize that as a machine, my body doesn't perform at its optimum at a higher weight.
It doesn't have to be about weight, it can be about health (physical and mental), about skimming the fat layer off your organs so they function better, about lessening strain on your joints so they move better, about finding a place in you where there is balance and you don't struggle with media images vs your own self worth.

Weight is a number, it gives you a nice guideline, but that's all.

thesame7lbs
11-08-2010, 08:22 AM
But after that we get into why should I be any lighter than 160, and that's muddier waters. I am angry with myself and my feminist principles that I want to look smaller but I still secretly do anyway, same as I wish nobody had to shave their legs but every few months I shave mine anyway. I am unconvinced by the data on health for BMIs lower than 28 because the evidence in that area is really quite ropey that it's to do with body weight (researchers cannot separate body weight and lifestyle changes because one causes the other). I've never really been below 140, that's why I set the goal at 136 because I needed the mental break, I must get through 140 to convince myself this is different. Even when I have been very fit and athletic I've still been overweight, I went to gymnastics class 3 times a week, worked out on a trampoline at home, was in the reserve forces and STILL I was 160lbs.

So that motivation to stay slim stays for a few days at a time and then I stop actually wanting it rather than stop being able to do it even though I want it. I don't feel that I should have to be thin so clothes fit better I feel that designers should be able to make clothes that fit sizes other than zero perfectly well, they just don't bother. I don't feel the world should look at only skinny as attractive. I won't be "healthy" or active or doing things I have not done for years, partly because I will still be sick and disabled and partly because I have never believed you had to be thin before you could do things so there isn't anything in my "when I am skinny I will be able to... " because I already do whatever I can do that is physically possible for me to do.

Because I haven't found my long-term motivation I don't have my long-term belief. There are days I'd love to see a thin person looking back in the mirror, but they don't come every day for sure.

Hi Rose,

It sounds to me like you're not all that convinced you want to be below 160. So why not let 160 be your goal and then focus on general health and fitness? If more weight comes off, fine, whatever, but if what you want is to get to that weight for your surgery and then just live healthfully, regardless of weight, why don't you do that?

I do have one question -- I hope it is not too personal or rude to ask -- but with your disability, is there any chance it would be less restricting or debilitating at a lower weight? I ask because my sister has cerebral palsy, and while weight does not affect CP per se, I can see how the extra weight she carries will mean that she is in a wheelchair sooner rather than later. It distorts her body more, throws off her center of gravity, etc.

carter
11-08-2010, 09:11 AM
I understand your feelings, I often can't believe I'll ever get there. That is part of the reason I don't set numerical goals. I don't have a "there." I don't even have numerical mini-goals. Instead, I concentrate on one day at a time - sometimes even just one choice at a time.

Can I lose 100 pounds or more, can I get down to 20% body fat, can I reach the weight I was when I graduated from high school? I have no idea, that sounds unbelievably daunting.

Can I plan a healthy day's eating, avoid a day's worth of temptations to stray from that plan, and drag myself to the gym just this one time? Yeah, that I can manage.

Then I just trust in my plan. Each day all I have to strive for is exercising my plan for that day, making a good choice each time I am confronted with a choice. I don't have to think about huge momentous achievements or impossible-sounding goals that shake my confidence. Each individual choice is something manageable that I know I can do, and over months - over more than a year now - those individual choices are adding up, and the big stuff is taking care of itself.

RoseRodent
11-08-2010, 03:03 PM
,

It sounds to me like you're not all that convinced you want to be below 160. So why not let 160 be your goal and then focus on general health and fitness? If more weight comes off, fine, whatever, but if what you want is to get to that weight for your surgery and then just live healthfully, regardless of weight, why don't you do that?



I think I am shying back from that because I've had these landmark goals before, and whilst I always met them it was always temporary because it had the goal in mind - reach this weight for IVF, that weight for a wedding dress, 160lbs for surgery then gain it all back because the surgery is over. If I don't commit to the whole thing I will probably find myself not committed at all. What's the difference between being a 160lb fat person and 180lb fat person, you still look in the mirror and see a fat person, so it's easier to decide it's not worth holding onto. I suppose that at least it shows something if I am fighting against the idea of stopping halfway then clearly there is something in me that thinks I can do this, and if the same something thinks 160 is a failure then I may as well knuckle down to the whole thing.

It won't make a lot of differenec to my overall disability to be smaller, but I can fit in a narrower wheelchair, which lets you get into tighter spaces, so there's definitely that benefit to have in mind.

caryesings
11-08-2010, 03:09 PM
I did it by setting an initial goal which I was sure I would get to, 210. Would have still been in the obese category but it would have also been my lowest weight in 20 years. When that goal was getting close, I reset to whatever weight would have put me into overweight (I think 190?). Each time I've gotten within 10 lbs of a goal it's told me I can do it and I've aimed for the next number.

When I started the goal in my heart was 165 but I couldn't even bring myself to put it on my ticker. But note what my goal weight is now...

xty
11-08-2010, 03:30 PM
I encourage myself and others to have hope, if not faith/optimism/belief.

Hope is the ability to see the true difficult of the path, even how unlikely victory may be...but to continue on in spite of these factors. Carrying on is hope to me. :)