So my Kindergarten-age son's first-ever semester ended recently and he got his very first report card. I was shocked by his grades. :(
They are graded as E = Exceeds Expectations, M = Meets Expectations, S = Steady Progress, L = Limited progress.
My son had S's in every subject except for Social Studies, Art and Music which he got M's in, and Writing Skills, which he got an L in. I'm talking 5 subjects that he got S's in! Including Speaking/Listening, Phys Ed, Reading and Science.
His Learning skills were also mediocre. He doesn't consistently participate in class, among other things. The only things he was graded "consistently" in was being prepared for class and working cooperatively with others.
I spoke with my husband tonight about it. Our son is incredibly smart. I'm not just saying that. I know he struggles with writing and reading, but everything else... It just doesn't make sense. When I looked at my husband and said, "He's smarter than this! Why is he struggling?!" My husband asked me to think about what I said, and it hit me. I was told the same thing a million times as a kid. I couldn't get it from my brain into the classroom. I had ADD and that's why I struggled so much, even though I was smart and knew my work, I couldn't do it. :(
I stopped putting it off and made his appointment to be tested for ADHD. I really didn't want to. I mean, I did, but I didn't, yanno? The report card, along with 2 separate incidences where the teacher actually pulled me aside after class and said he's struggling... I'm actually pretty upset. I never wanted him to have problems, and I think I can deny it all I want but that doesn't change the fact that something may in fact be going on. Even my husband is starting to come around to it.
I feel like I broke him. :(
11-05-2010, 11:05 PM
You and my sister are going through simlar problems. Her son was held back in the first grade this year and she was devastated. She blamed herself for not working one-on-one enough with him and for not being active enough with him in school activities. But the thing is she was active with him, she sat down with him everyday helping him with homework, she chaperoned the school field trips, and is the den leader in cub scouts. She pretty much did everything she could it just wasn't her fault.
He use to hide under his desk so for a while we though he had behavioral problems but it turned out he has a learning disability in reading and writing. Now that we know this we're able to tackle the problem differently. He has dyslexia so of coarse he would be struggling but now that we know this he is happy in school and is doing so much better. He use to come home everyday from school sad and depressed saying how he hates school and he would tell us that the teacher canceled school for the next month. Now that he is being taught differently he comes home telling us how great his day was.
I'm not sure if telling you this helps any but I hope everything goes well for you and your son.
11-05-2010, 11:46 PM
YOU DIDN'T BREAK YOUR KID!!
11-05-2010, 11:51 PM
Did you hear me?.....:hug:
Kids come in all sizes - shapes - learning abilities......
I am 56 years old and raised a history teacher ~ scientist ~ Americorp worker ~ NAVY tech.....
some were excellent students...some were not......
it can take work as a parent to raise a child to be a good citizen....
that is your goal right?....
it better be....
sometimes there are things much more important than grades in life...
teach your child to put in the EFFORT...
he will be quite all right.....I promise.....:hug:
11-06-2010, 01:01 AM
my boys both struggled in the first couple grades but did better as they got older. My youngest is in the third grade and this is the first year he's working at the same level as his classmates. Some boys just really have a hard time sitting still and focusing on small tasks. I saw my biggest role as keeping the teachers off thier backs while they had time to mature and keep them from feeling like they were stupid.
Pint Sized Terror
11-06-2010, 02:14 AM
LOL, EZ, yeah, I heard you. And logically, you are absolutely right. And I KNOW that, I knew it as soon as that terrible little thought crept into my skull. However, logic doesn't always win out with guilt, and guilt is a sneaky, sometimes powerful enemy. I know that if he actually does have learning issues, it is not my fault, any more than it's my fault that he freckles in the sun.
Cherrypie, you may be right as well. A part of me is super-sensitive about him because I know how much I struggled with school, and I see a lot of the same issues I had within him. Again, I'm actively looking for it, sooo... :dizzy: That's why I'm hoping we'll find some help. He does struggle with paying attention and being hyper, way more than other kids his age. It's a fine line to judge though, and I'm hoping I have the power to understand which is which and what is normal vs not normal.
Thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it.
11-06-2010, 08:28 AM
I got bad grades up until the 9th grade. I always did well in sciences/math which I liked but for subjects I didn't like, I didn't pay attention.
In 9th grade, I figured I needed good grades to go to college so then I worked and ended up graduating with honors and a high GPA. I know my mom was frustrated with me for many years.
I'd say just work with your son, work with his teachers and see where you can make improvements. I wish I had tried prior to the 9th grade because I ended up having to catch up to my fellow students and it was a struggle. I really didn't learn how to write a decent paper until my freshman year in college.
11-06-2010, 08:48 AM
I know you have mixed emotions on this and I didn't mean to imply (if I did) that you shouldn't do anything about it.
I spent many hours at school with teachers...all of us trying to help my nephew, who I raised and has ADHD....
As a parent you need to so you can help your kiddo. If he has an adhd issue there will be those things that work and those that don't. With my nephew we struggled through many good days and bad.
Looking back, I wish I had been more patient in seeing results....
We are a work in progress though.....
Knucklehead, who is 20 and 2 years in the NAVY, came by last night, as he does almost every Friday and over the week-end....
I had a hard day at work....my bil and I were unloading gear from our trucks into the garage....nephew was running off at the mouth with his smack talk (all in fun) and was on his skateboard that was just slamming on the driveway every time he tried to do some trick with it....
years ago I wouldn't have been so patient....yesterday I was....gave him a big hug as he left to visit a girl....he told me he loved me and I did the same...just as we always do....
it was one of those GOOD days....
11-06-2010, 10:05 AM
Kindergarten, first semester, writing skills? They're supposed to have ANY at that age?
The brain is just not ready to learn some things until it matures to a certain point.
I was told my daughter was ready for Kindergarten by everyone. She made the cutoff by two days, so she was the youngest you could be. I had already told her she would be starting in the fall, when I found out she fell in a 4-month age group that could wait a year to start. I didn't wait. She struggled in Kindergarten and first grade, which made no sense because I knew she was smart. She would spend her play time/outdoor time, in another teacher's classroom catching up on her work. When she did get to play, she played with kids in younger grades. She passed first grade. I asked the school to hold her back and have her do first grade again. It was an agonizing decision. It was the right decision. She has excelled ever since, because she was mature enough and ready for the material.
You are doing the right thing for you son by having him tested. The school system doesn't make it easy for you to find out what they can do for your child. Just do you best to find out and work with them in the interest of your child. And once you find out what your child needs, insist, insist, insist on their support. [I say this because a friend has a child with a learning disability that requires tests to be read to her. She has had many teachers ignore this. They've just handed her the test to read herself. The mother has had to go in and insist on the test being redone according to her daughter's learning plan. Just because a plan is in place, doesn't mean it's being followed.]
Pint Sized Terror
11-06-2010, 01:47 PM
His teacher and I speak regularly through notes, face to face contact after school each day and even email if needed. I volunteer as much as I can with his classroom.
Yesterday was a bad day for him. He had gotten in trouble for going off and doing his own thing during class, and making noises (my son showed me the noises he was making, and it was one of his classic "I'm bored" noises, a chirpy-whistle sound over and over and over again) and during lunch he and another boy were kicking each other under the table. The lunch incident is just kids being kids. The rest of the stuff is what makes me worry. Even at home, if we're all supposed to sit down and eat dinner, he'll squirm, sit on his hands, fiddle with his glass, make noises and sometimes he'll just be loud for no apparent reason. He'll get more and more squirmy and all of the sudden he'll just yell or jump out of his seat. We'll be eating or talking or looking at a book together, and he'll start swaying his head and making repetitive noises, often humming or clicking. He'll snap out of it but it's hard to get him to. His teacher says he does these things at school too. He "zones out" a lot. He loves when you tell him a story because he can interject and help with the story line, but doesn't care for being read to. When speaking, he often stutters or gets confused with what he's trying to say. He'll be able to use a bigger word in a sentence, but he struggles with remembering the little ones, or common ones like popsicle. Instead of being able to tell me he wants a popsicle, he'll ask for a freezing juice icer. I'll ask him to explain, and all he can say is it's a frozen juice icer that's freezing. He gets more and more frustrated, and finally I'll understand and ask "Popsicle?" and he goes "YEAH! a popsicle!" and kind of embarrassed, he'll say "I forgot what it was called." It's charming, some of the the things he comes up with, but very frustrating for him when he can't communicate exactly what he wants.