General chatter - Say something, or mind my own business?




yhahmd
11-04-2010, 11:43 AM
I know a friend who recently posted her diet plan on her blog. It's not like I was snooping, it's a public blog and we're both friends on it, and we read and leave comments all the time. Anyway she just recently posted that she's going to start eating nothing but fruit shakes (2 a day) and vegetables until she loses 40lbs, then she'll cut down to 1 shake and 1 full meal.


To me, that doesn't sound healthy. Where's the protein? Where's the rest of the stuff she needs? Should I say something? I have a feeling she's going to make herself either really sick, or not be able to stick with it (it sounds too barren and impossible!), then get really upset with herself.

I mean, I guess (most) vegetarians do well without meat, but something about this plan just doesn't seem safe, and I'm worried about her.


Sunshine73
11-04-2010, 11:54 AM
If she's a friend and you're worried then I think you should definitely say something. Don't be confrontational with her...just let her know your thoughts and concerns in a kind manner and then be prepared for her not to listen to you.

My mother has a long habit of going on crazy "diets" and every time I remind her what she "should" be doing to properly feed her body but I know that ultimately the choice is up to her and all I can do is try to make sure that she has the benefit of what knowledge I have. After that I love her unconditionally and I still worry about her but I have to let her cycle through on her own - and ultimately fail on her own.

lazylioness
11-04-2010, 11:56 AM
Well, I would not bring my concerns up in a public manner (posting a comment to her blog) but I would definitely say something to her in private. Just bring it up in conversation and go from there. If you frame it in such a way that she does not think you are attacking (which I am sure you are not), and she understands that you are genuinely concerned, maybe she will change her mind about this diet. Share with her your success and what you have done.


nelie
11-04-2010, 12:04 PM
You could say something privately but I think most people that do such things figure out for themselves that they don't work over the long term.

Also, fruit and vegetables do have protein in them and really your body is pretty resilient/adaptable. If someone was eating nothing but hamburgers, fries, pizza, etc, would you say something to them and ask them where their fruit and veggies are at? I mean a lot of people live for long periods of time on junk food and that doesn't mean they are healthy.

If you do say something in private, I'd express your concern that she isn't getting enough calories in her diet and that she should look for a more well rounded plan.

yhahmd
11-04-2010, 12:07 PM
You could say something privately but I think most people that do such things figure out for themselves that they don't work over the long term.

Also, fruit and vegetables do have protein in them and really your body is pretty resilient/adaptable. If someone was eating nothing but hamburgers, fries, pizza, etc, would you say something to them and ask them where their fruit and veggies are at? I mean a lot of people live for long periods of time on junk food and that doesn't mean they are healthy.

If you do say something in private, I'd express your concern that she isn't getting enough calories in her diet and that she should look for a more well rounded plan.

If they were trying to lose weight, yes, I would. I mean, I wouldn't be a ***** about it but I'd mention that she should probably eat some fruits and veg. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. Same with this girl. She's got 70lb to lose, though, and I just want to warm her with all the info I didn't have until earlier this year, you know? I actually have another friend like that, but I don't say anything to her unless she talks to me about it.

But that that is a good point.

Shytowngal
11-04-2010, 12:12 PM
I wouldn't say anything unless she brings it up to you. If she asks you about what you thought of her blog post or asks for dieting advice.

seagirl
11-04-2010, 12:23 PM
I wouldn't say anything unless she brings it up to you. If she asks you about what you thought of her blog post or asks for dieting advice.

This. How many posts do we have on here about how people hate unsolicited advice from "well meaning" friends? Lots.

Mind your own business.

kaplods
11-04-2010, 02:37 PM
If they were trying to lose weight, yes, I would. I mean, I wouldn't be a ***** about it but I'd mention that she should probably eat some fruits and veg. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to. Same with this girl. She's got 70lb to lose, though, and I just want to warm her with all the info I didn't have until earlier this year, you know? I actually have another friend like that, but I don't say anything to her unless she talks to me about it.

But that that is a good point.


Why would you only mention it if they were trying to lose weight? Is it ok to eat unhealthy as long as you're not trying to lose weight?

Is it about health or weightloss? If it's about health, it's just as unhealthy (probably more so) to eat junk food and no fruits/vegetables than to eat only fruits and vegetables. If you wouldn't say anything to someone eating no veggies and fruits (whatever their reason), why is a dieter fair game?

I think this is what makes people so unreceptive to unsolicited advice, it is so unevenly applied. If you're overweight or dieting, you get more than your share.

If you really decide you have to say something, why not ask her "what are you doing to include protein and healthy fats." There are fruit/vegetable sources of both, and if she's getting them her diet could be extremely healthy. Protein doesn't have to equal meat.

ADelish
11-04-2010, 05:45 PM
Hmmm this is a toughie. Look at it from the reverse, how would you take it if someone said something to you about it? I don't think anyone likes to be criticized, even when wrong, but once we get over the initial "shock", we usually come to see what the other person was talking about. Does that make any sense at all?

If it's a genuine concern, bring it up in a private conversation, and ask her to explain the nutritional aspects of it. Don't be confrontational about it though.

Ciao
11-04-2010, 05:58 PM
If it's a genuine concern, bring it up in a private conversation, and ask her to explain the nutritional aspects of it. Don't be confrontational about it though.

http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg
Agreed.

Truth is, she's going to do what
she wants anyways. I wouldn't
make it confrontational.

It's okay to be concerned about
someone else. I know others would
talk to me if they had something
they didn't agree with, just as
I'd do the same to them.

People find different ways to
go through their WL. Maybe
you could ask her exactly what
her diet consists of. Which fruits,
which veggies, etc.

I hope all goes well. :)
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg

WinterJinx
11-04-2010, 08:47 PM
I think you should let your friend go ahead with her diet plan. When I first started dieting I did a crash course hard core diet. My goal was to only eat 1000 calories a day and exercise everyday. In the beginning it helped me because I lost weight quickly and that was what I needed to see at the time. And then after a while I gradually changed my eating habits but continued to make healthy choices. I don't mean to be preachy but I think your friend will be fine she is just trying to train her body to eat less and be healthier.

krampus
11-04-2010, 09:44 PM
Let her make her own mistakes. If she's not eating the right stuff her body will let her know it needs something different!

milmin2043
11-04-2010, 09:50 PM
If it were me, I wouldn't say anything.

leopardtuks
11-04-2010, 09:56 PM
I have a friend like that, he wont listen. So I've stopped trying.
So no, dont say anything.

Shmead
11-04-2010, 10:15 PM
I might talk about my own diet a lot, especially my own struggles to get in protein or whatever.

oodlesofnoodles
11-04-2010, 11:33 PM
I honestly wouldn't say anything. I've learned people are going to do what they want to do no matter what you say. However if she asks for help.. or expresses curiosity on how to lose weight, then is a good time to add your two cents. That's MY two cents on the matter haha.

penmage
11-05-2010, 05:45 AM
I wouldn't say anything, and if I was your friend, I wouldn't appreciate the advice (no matter how helpful) if I didn't ask for it. But ultimately, you know your friend better than we do, so do what you think is best.

socalfelicity
11-05-2010, 06:19 AM
i wouldn't say anything. most likely, she won't be able to stick to that diet for more than a few days...and even if she CAN (unlikely)- her body will start to tell her pretty soon that she needs to eat other foods. there are people who live off far less for a lot longer who do fine...so i don't think she'll necessarily be hurt by the diet.

i have one friend who did the master cleanse for a LONG time (over a month)- and then of course, gained it all back!!!

yhahmd
11-05-2010, 10:57 AM
I guess I won't say anything about it then unless she asks me.

sweetsmmr91
11-05-2010, 11:23 AM
I'm on a vegetarian diet, but before I got into the balanced one with MRC, I did kind of just a regular fruit and veggie like this one and lost a lot in like a month. Then I just knew it wasn't something I was going to stick with so I went to get help with it. I would just let her figure it out on her own, unless she seems like she's not healthy when you're around her. I don't like unsolicited advice, I usually just roll my eyes and say "I've got it under control." Soo, yeah... I wouldn't say anything unless you see evidence that it poses a risk to her health. I struggle with this with my skinny best friend who's gained like 50 pounds in the last year eating fast food every day, do I give her diet advice when I see her upset over not being able to fit into her old jeans... or do I keep quiet? It's hard.

KenzideRhae
11-05-2010, 10:17 PM
Depending on what kids of fruits and vegetables she's eating, and how much, she could actually be getting all the nutrition she needs. You can get protein and plant-based healthy fats from vegetables, and fruits and veggies are very filling. I'm not saying you're wrong to worry, but I wouldn't say anything unless she specifically asks or if she says anything about feeling ill because of her diet. What looks weird to you might look perfectly normal to others.

MindiV
11-07-2010, 09:52 AM
I would have never learned HOW to lose weight if I hadn't tried and failed on my own. Never listened to anyone saying "count calories" until I tried the pills and the fads. Came to my decision by trial and error. You may lose a friend if you stick your nose in...

olfea
11-07-2010, 11:56 PM
sometimes people are contented with their weight so it's better for them to realize what makes them happy

if however it's something that bothers and affects other people then it's time to speak up