I really do hate to ask for help, and I rarely ever do, but I really need some help and encouragement right now. I have been on plan for the past 5 months. I'm not exactly sure what happened, but yesterday I started eating more and feeling just yucky.
This is the point, in my past weight loss journeys, that I would have just given up and started eating my way back to obesity. I have read tons of information on this site and I have formed new habits that have been carrying me through, until yesterday. I haven't even really been craving things that would normally derail me.
I didn't eat any unhealthy food yesterday, just a lot, LOT more than usual. Today I went to Albertsons and got some Planter's almonds, dark chocolate almonds and cranberry mix. It is 170 cals. for a 1.4 oz serving with 10 g of fat per serving. I figured, ok, I am having cravings, so I will eat just 1 serving. After eating the 1 serving, I could not leave it alone. I ate at least 3 servings, started crying and threw $7.00 worth of food in the trash so that I would leave it alone.
Honestly, what the h*ll is wrong with me? I really wish I understood the psychology behind cravings and binging. I have done so well. I haven't been depriving myself or starving like in past attempts. I haven't used crazy supplements or tons of exercise. I have been so proud of myself until yesterday and today when I realized that the fat, out-of-control girl is still waiting, quietly, under the surface, ready to attack my willpower and confidence when she gets the chance.
I don't mean to be dramatic, I really don't, but that's exactly how I feel. I've never been very good at understanding my own feelings either. I have never been able to relate binging to feelings, no matter how hard I try. I have always been a tough person who just believes in laboring forward.
What do I do? Help.
11-03-2010, 09:45 PM
My dear, there is nothing wrong with you; you are human. We all have bad days. Part of the lessons we have learn while losing weight is how to get back on the wagon again. I eat nuts several times a week and I've learned to have just one serving, but there were days where I ate more until I learned. If you like chocolate covered almonds, I recommend Almonds cocoa almonds.
11-03-2010, 09:47 PM
Do you have access to a therapist? Or some books on disordered eating that you can read?
If it's anxiety that leads you to eat more than is comfortable, this book and the accompanying CD have been a godsend to me:
It is really good for dealing with anything that you use to "cope" with anxiety or uncomfortable feelings - eating, drinking, avoiding, self harm, etc.
11-03-2010, 09:52 PM
Even the best, most dedicated people fall off plan every now and then. Don't beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you're counting calories. So why not go ahead and buy these things (the almonds and such) divide them into single serve portions and put into seperate baggies? The individual bag will help remind you of the amount you are eating. There is nothing "wrong" with you except that you are human like the rest of us. I have fallen off plan myself, got pissy about it, then dusted myself off and started again. Losing weight is a challenge. You CAN do it though :) Look at how much you have accomplished so far :) Give yourself a break :hug:
Judy ...BTW..another Texas chick here :)
11-03-2010, 10:35 PM
I think that's something anyone who has been overweight or obese has to live with...that old habits lurk right beneath the surface. Sure I'm doing fine today, but that doesn't mean I don't want a f!cking cheeseburger 24/7. Chocolate covered almonds are one of my trigger foods that I just have to avoid at all costs.
A couple days of overeating won't derail your progress, but you have lost SIXTY POUNDS - don't throw it away! You know that this is a crucial point in your weight loss journey and that in the past you would have given up. Make this time around different!
11-03-2010, 10:37 PM
As everyone else has said - there is nothing wrong with you! It is totally normal, especially at this point in your weight loss journey to have an off day!
And its great you didnt even eat bad foods. That is a *win*.
Remember every other day you did well, think of this as the blip on the radar that it is, and go back to your new normal tomorrow.
Let us know how it goes tomorrow, k?
11-04-2010, 01:20 AM
[...]. It sounds like you're counting calories. So why not go ahead and buy these things (the almonds and such) divide them into single serve portions and put into seperate baggies? The individual bag will help remind you of the amount you are eating. [...]
I did this with Baked Ruffles. I was buying the big bag and would end up eating the whole thing in just a day or two. So this time around I was very mindful of what I was doing. I bought the bag and divided it into 9 servings like the bag says, put them in individual baggies and put them all inside the big bag. I didn't eat any the first day (yay me!). The second day I ate one and although I enjoyed them they didn't taste as wonderful as I imagined they would. For me, I think being mindful of them and separating them into individual bags took some of their power away for me. It's been 5 days now and I still have several baggies left. What this proves to me is that when I have a problem area in my life, I need to find a way to manage it and make it work for me. I hope the OP can do the same. :)
11-04-2010, 01:30 AM
Hey Belinda that's great! :)
We can't beat ourselves up when we stumble. We just have to figure out a way to make the negatives a positive :) I know that milmin2043 can do this. She's already lost 60LBS!!! I think that's awesome in and of itself :D And you've done a great job yourself Belinda! It's all about controlling the food, instead of the food controlling us ;)
11-04-2010, 01:30 AM
Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I think the hardest part for me is not only asking for help and understanding from others, but also figuring out my own behaviors.
I have been depressed the past few days, although I really couldn't tell you why. Nothing new has happened to stress me out or make things more difficult. Chocolate is a big trigger for me, so I have completely left it alone until today with the chocolate almonds. I ask what is wrong with me because I know that chocolate is a binge trigger, so why would I even bother to buy it and bring it in the house? Insanity at it's primal best. :)
I always take everything that everyone says to heart and I will incorporate what you all said, it was excellent advice. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
11-04-2010, 07:00 AM
Hey milmin2043! :wave:
It is much better to throw away food like that than to try to keep it around when it's starting to seriously call your name. You did good.
You picked those chocolate almonds up in an attempt to comfort yourself. I think that many times, these choices happen on a non-verbal level, which is why it's so confusing when we get to thinking about it.
The trick is to catch yourself when you are in the act of picking up the package and carrying it to the checkout counter. Just a simple question like "Why am I buying this?" can be enough to give you a moment of choice to work with. You may still buy it, or not--but at least you have had a chance to THINK about it and make a conscious decision.
You can also use the "hunger test." Basically, if you think you're hungry and a friend offers you an apple, you'll eat the apple if you're really hungry. If you're not really hungry but having a craving, then the apple won't do--you'll want that "other" food. Again, this just gives you time to evaluate what's going on.
Good luck! Hang in there!
11-04-2010, 05:18 PM
Glad to hear a mini-update from you :)
It is a hard thing to be introspective, to want to improve oneself. The rewards are mesmerizing, so dont give up and try not to be too hard on yourself along the way.
11-04-2010, 05:54 PM
Oh my goodness, that fat girl under the surface is my recurring nightmare. I have time and again lost and re-gained weight--trying to lose again now after hitting my highest weight. It's really entirely personal learnign to cope with your triggers and stay on track, and something that may work like a charm one month just doesn't cut it the next month. But one thing that I've noticed on my way to the ground while falling off the wagon is that there is usually a pivitol moment. Everyone who is dieting and has been overweight has days where they are dying of cravings and can't stop eating, true story. The difference is the next day, or the day after that. Do you write down everything you ate even if you're ashamed, and switch back to good habits as much as possible right away, or do you give in, lay down, and EAT???? (definitely the first one, though I've had plenty of experience with the second one.)
This bump in the road is absolutely NOT worth surrendering! You have come so incredibly far, and you are such an inspiration. I don't think any of us will ever live completely free of that nagging desire to eat until we're sick, but we have to remember that we are WORTH more than our worst habits, and also remember that one day of debauchery doesn't mean spending the rest of your life that way. Just try not to stress over a couple of days of craving, and instead turn your eyes towards the prize again. Easier said than done right? Good luck :)
11-04-2010, 08:10 PM
Thank you again so much for all the comments and answers. I had a long talk with hubby last evening after getting back from the gym and through talking about everything I realized what is really bothering me. I have told the story here before about having early onset Parkinson's disease and having had a stroke last year. Well, since I have been running and exercising, I feel like I can't let up even a little bit. I metaphorically feel as though I have a devil chasing me and if I slow up it will run right over the top of me.
I think I have been slowly undercutting my attempts to get healthier and stay that way because I have got to stay on top of things all the time or my muscles will atrophy and wither. I haven't really had anyone to talk to these issues about because I am in a family of men who just want everything to be better and don't really get the feelings side of things in general.
In the past, sugar and chocolate and fat have been my drugs of choice when I don't want to think about stuff. Now, without those to fall back on, my emotions are right on the surface, raw and sore. I was feeling so scared and lonely and sad yesterday, and the day before that, I couldn't look at any of this in prospective, no matter how I tried.
BUT, thanks to many kind people here, I realize that I just have to wake up every day with a renewed sense of sticking to my exercise and eating plan. There are no simple answers for any of us here, I suppose. If there were, none of us would have ever been overweight/obese, and we certainly wouldn't have bounced back and forth. Right?
Also, I am running my first 5k in over 10 years on the 13th and I've been trying like crazy to talk myself out of it. You're too sick, you're too old, you're too slow, you're too fat. I want to replace these thoughts with positive talk, so I guess I need to get on that.
11-05-2010, 01:46 AM
You are doing the best thing you can do by writing it out. Talking and writing and thinking are good ways to work through the emotional and mental reasons for food abuse. And the other thing is, you have a fresh slate right this minute. Use it to your advantage!
11-05-2010, 10:41 AM
It could be hormones. Since I have been calorie counting, I have noticed a very definite trend of "no control" just after TOM (ovulating). During that time, I am much much much more likely to have the "I can't stop" thing. And those trail mixy type things are designed to make you want more. I often buy little snacky sorts of things from Costco for my work lunches, but the test for that is whether it lasts more than a week in my house (usually I know by day 2 whether it will be a problem food). If it starts disappearing fast, the rest gets thrown away or given away. Good: bunny grahams (8/24 bags left after 6 weeks) Bad: Cheezies, anything chocolate (disappears after 2 days!)
11-05-2010, 07:29 PM
i just want to say, milmin, that i am inspired by your story. you've made such amazing progress in the face of difficult obstacles. thank you for sharing and reaching out for help, because that helps the rest of us, too. you are going to rock that 5K, no matter what your time is!