100 lb. Club - Cruel Sister




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Asherdoodles87
10-31-2010, 09:19 PM
My sister has never been obese, but she is not stick thin either. She came home with fast food. I cannot control what she chooses to eat. However, she walked straight into my bedroom, put the food over my nose, and laughed that I couldn't eat it. No one else in my household thinks that this is cruel. I am really trying to change the way I eat and my behaviors. I am hurt that she finds that funny. I am also hurt by her husband who was rude to me about it as well.

I have got to get this weight off and prove to everyone I am not some fat slob. No one thinks I can do it. I just want to be "normal" and healthy.

I got upset and cried about it. I was hoping posting here would make me feel a little better.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this if it arises again?


chickybird
10-31-2010, 09:28 PM
Wow, that is so rude! Do you live with them? I would say talk to her about it, but I don't know how receptive she'll be. If it were me, I'd just keep refusing it and make her eat her words when you are healthier and hotter than she is!
*hugs*

Onederchic
10-31-2010, 09:29 PM
Umm punch her in the face? :/

No, I know that is not the answer and I don't have any suggestions but dang, that made me sad and mad and here's a :hug: for you. I am sure these lovely ladies (and men!) will have some real solutions for you.


KoriHallelujah
10-31-2010, 09:31 PM
My brothers used to do that to me all the time. My mother put me on diets since I was eight years old, and they would get junk food (cheeseburgers, pizza, chips) and get to eat it in front of me while I was forced to eat fish and vegetables. A good way to think of it is: she's eating that crap and getting fatter while you are abstaining and getting healthier.

Karma's a *****! Keep it up for a while and see who ends up fatter, I bet you a hundred bucks it's not going to be you.

Feel better, girl!

Asherdoodles87
10-31-2010, 09:32 PM
I live at home with my parents while attending college, and she lives here as well. She apologized after she realized I was upset, and claimed it was only a joke. But, still I don't see how a person could find humor in that knowing that I used to eat fast food all the time.

It is really hard to change behaviors. I am trying. I do not need someone to laugh at me while I am trying to improve myself.

krampus
10-31-2010, 09:32 PM
Wait, she's old enough to be married and does this sh!t?! Unacceptable.

Maybe if she saw you in tears she would realize what a jerk she's been. A lot of people never realize how hurtful they are being until they see their victims at a weak point.

What did her husband do?

liway
10-31-2010, 09:51 PM
I'd find a lock for my bedroom door - STAT!!!

Sheesh - I'm sorry this happened to you - how completely rude and insensitive!!! Sorry that you were so upset by her cruel remarks. Hang in there - you're doing great!!

spixiet
10-31-2010, 09:57 PM
If it happens again, I'd suggest saying something along the lines of, "I'm going to assume you're being a ***** because you're threatened by the fact that I've lost 40 pounds. You're welcome to keep eating that garbage...and I'll look forward to the day that you're fatter than I am." You're obviously welcome to leave off the second part; it's not exactly filled with sisterly affection :) Honestly, she'd probably make some incredibly hurtful comment in reply, but she'd likely back off the food comments.

The fact that she apologized when she saw how bad you felt is somewhat redeeming, but the fact that your family members seem to regard your efforts to lead a healthier life as a joke must be incredibly frustrating and hurtful...I wish there was a quick way to gain their support, but I'm afraid I don't have a real solution for you, other than point out when they're making you mad. I'm very sarcastic, and a bit passive-agressive, so I would tend to say something like "God, I just love how supportive my family is of my attempt to lead a long, healthy life...I'm just bathing in the glow of your love right now!"

No matter how they treat you though, just know that you are actually bathing in the love of the people on this site...people who understand how hard it is to be successful at weight loss, even without family members that seem to want us to fail :hug:

JoJoJo2
10-31-2010, 10:05 PM
The best revenge is your success. Keep right on eating healthy and losing the weight you want to lose.

That'll show her!!!

JackieHollow
10-31-2010, 10:28 PM
If it were me, I'd probably have knocked the bag out of her hand and onto the floor, then stepped on it. Laughed and said "Now aren't you mad you can't eat it either??"

<HUGS> I know how hurtful it must be for you to be in a household that doesn't support you. I give you the highest praise that you've lost 40 lbs in that environment! My hats off to you. Keep it up, and know you are in good SUPPORTIVE company here.

xDxxTx
10-31-2010, 10:45 PM
I'm glad she apologized, but hopefully this kind of behavior will end. Be proud of yourself, though. You resisted the temptation, and you've made yourself a better person by NOT smacking her.

summershine
10-31-2010, 10:57 PM
I suggest feeding her while she sleeps and then giving her all your too-big clothes :D

ok not really, but thoughts like that keep me smiling when my family are being lame. 40 pounds is a megahugeawesome achievement, and you should be seriously proud of yourself, even if your family don't seem to care :)

Ursula745
10-31-2010, 11:03 PM
I would have grabbed the bag and dumped the food in the garbage. Like turn the bag upside down so it falls out the bag into the trash. She wouldn't do it again, that's for sure.

AZ Sunrises
10-31-2010, 11:42 PM
My brother would do things like that when he was five-ish. I got tired of it and licked whatever it was that he shoved under my nose. He never did it again. I'd say that coughing on her dinner would have a similar effect.

Eliana
11-01-2010, 05:21 AM
Quietly lose weight, pass her weight (since you said she's not "stick thin"), and rub your new size smaller-than-hers in her face. :D

shannonmb
11-01-2010, 05:30 AM
That would make me PO'd enough to hit below the belt. I'd probably say something like "Huh, why don't you and your hubby start saving some of that fast food money so you can move out of Mommy's house?" :mad: And then I'd probably add "Karma's a b^&$^" as she storms out. You do realize, right, that even though she's not that big yet, that fast food is going to catch up with her. I know she is your sister and you wouldn't wish being fat on her, but once she is, she'll probably remember how cruel she was and really feel sorry about it.

DixC Chix
11-01-2010, 09:35 AM
Hugs :hug: for the awful way you were treated. Family does the darnest things.

As my dad used to say, "She only does it to annoy because she knows it will". In other words, she does it because it bugs you. I suggest that you keep mum on any fast food cravings have and take away her ammunition. If and when something like this happens again (a leopard cannot change her spots), curl up your nose and say "Eh, I don't really want any." (Even if you do.) Try to work up a good nauseous feeling and mean it.

findingfawn
11-01-2010, 09:55 AM
If it happens again, I'd suggest saying something along the lines of, "I'm going to assume you're being a ***** because you're threatened by the fact that I've lost 40 pounds. You're welcome to keep eating that garbage...and I'll look forward to the day that you're fatter than I am."

This is perfect (or in my opinion it is anyway ;) )

:hugs: OP

NiteNicole
11-01-2010, 10:23 AM
My sister has never been obese, but she is not stick thin either. She came home with fast food. I cannot control what she chooses to eat. However, she walked straight into my bedroom, put the food over my nose, and laughed that I couldn't eat it. No one else in my household thinks that this is cruel. I am really trying to change the way I eat and my behaviors. I am hurt that she finds that funny. I am also hurt by her husband who was rude to me about it as well.

I have got to get this weight off and prove to everyone I am not some fat slob. No one thinks I can do it. I just want to be "normal" and healthy.

I got upset and cried about it. I was hoping posting here would make me feel a little better.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this if it arises again?

First, I'm looking at your stats and you have already proven that you can lose weight. That's a fact. You've done it and you are doing it.

Second, you're a grown woman. You can eat whatever you want. You are MAKING A CHOICE and that is different from "can't have" - maybe if you see it that way, it will take a little of the "power" out of her taunting. She's teasing you with something you've already decided you don't want? So what! If you can take on that attitude, you've sucked the fun out of it for her.

Third, don't react. You have every right, but she's doing it for a reaction and every time you get upset or seem to want what she has, she's getting exactly what she wants. Next time she does that, just say something like, "wow, again? Ok. Can you close the door on the way out? The smell is kind of turning my stomach. All I can smell is grease" in as neutral a tone as possible. Every smart remark, throwing it at her, is just feeding into it. It lowers you to her level, encourages her to keep it up, and gives her the reaction she is looking for. I say this as a fat kid who never got bullied - it's no fun to pick at someone who honestly does not care.

Living well really is the best revenge. Having no reaction is the best revenge. She no longer has something you want - food you choose not to eat, or a smaller size because you're getting there. Just sigh like you would at a small child who put yet another frog in your chair and go back to what you were doing.

Gale02
11-01-2010, 10:27 AM
I agree with NiteNicole, treat her like you would a small child who is trying to get under your skin. The retaliatory comments (although absolutely satisfying momentarily) will just make her do it more.

You are doing an incredible job, keep on keeping on! You have proven that you can lose weight and you are CHOOSING to make different choices than fast food. Good for you! :)

lazylioness
11-01-2010, 10:29 AM
Oh man, that is horrible Sorry your sister is acting that way. As a child that is bad, but as a married adult that is even worse! Like previous posters have suggested, just ignore her and let her behavior spur you on. It will not be long before you are the "skinny" sister and you can go shopping, put on a killer dress and strut around in front of her. To take it one step further, once you are there, and she and hubby are getting ready to go out somewhere nice, you can offer her your new dress, and then say "oh sorry I just realized this won't fit"

Meanwhile, do not let her (or anyone else) take your accomplishment away from you.

caryesings
11-01-2010, 10:49 AM
Use it as an opportunity to build your "won't" power. You're always going to be tempted by fast food, especially as a college student but now you can use the "pissed at sister, not going to let her win" feeling to help you resist the siren call of french fries.

At least for me, the stubborn streak won't eat a donut a co-worker brings to the desk to tempt me, but if they're sitting in the break room all day then I'm just fighting my own sugar demon alone. Hope this makes sense.

Charms
11-01-2010, 11:03 AM
As difficult as it may be, ignore her. When she doesn't get a reaction out of you she'll move on to torment someone else.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Remember that you are beautiful on the inside and she is certainly showing she is not!

mmel3283
11-01-2010, 11:45 AM
Yeah...she would have gotten cracked right in the face for that...

Sonata
11-06-2010, 12:01 PM
She's being very childish. I suggest taking the approach that Gale mentioned, of treating her like a small child. In a very neutral voice, like a psychiatrist, dully say, "That's inappropriate behavior. Go to your room." Or something to that affect. Or just act like she isn't there.

I'm not childish with people outside of my family, but if that were my sister, I would walk past her while she's eating it and fart on it. I'm not recommending that, and it probably isn't a good choice, but there you have it, haha.

literaturelover
11-06-2010, 07:59 PM
Looking at your progress, how could anyone think you couldn't do it? I'm sorry about your incident, congrats on all your hard work!

Ive Had Enough
11-08-2010, 04:02 PM
Sisters can either be your greatest supporters or your greatest tormentors.

As for your sister, while my better half agrees with the people who said don't react to her, my not-so-better half loves the idea of making her fast food unappetizing to her in some way. :devil:

ghost
11-08-2010, 08:21 PM
ahhhh, sisters.
I'm with the fart on it plan. Nothing tastes good knowing its come in contact with someone's arse gas.

Fit4Lyfe
11-08-2010, 08:56 PM
Yea, I would slap my sister, but I don't think everybody reacts the same way I do to everything (and her husband? Girl, he can get cursed out with the quickness! But I digress) but what you can do is inform her that while she sits on her fat a** and eats all that junk, you're working your way to a healthier you and that she will see where you are in a few months...heffa. lol...okay, you don't have to call her a heffa.

Ciao
11-08-2010, 09:12 PM
The best revenge is your success. Keep right on eating healthy and losing the weight you want to lose.

That'll show her!!!

http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg
Agreed. :smug:
http://i845.photobucket.com/albums/ab15/JeMappelleSierra/Photography/divider-2.jpg

shcirerf
11-08-2010, 10:23 PM
:hug:

She's does doing it to get a rise out of you. Don't rise to the occasion. Just raise an eyebrow and say something like, "really, fat, salt, cellulite and heart stints?
That's my good side.

My bad side might take it, unwrap the burger and rub it in my armpit!

elinor1
11-09-2010, 02:55 PM
I am so sorry to hear that your sister is mean to you about it! She should be your biggest fan!! But I completely understand how it feels to have a sister like that. Fortunately for me I have one sister that is partnered up with me and we are both trying to lose weight together.

The other day my "MEAN" sister who probably outweighs me by 20-30 lbs said something really mean to me in front of a big group of people. Someone commented on my pants being to big and she said yeah, Elinor but have you washed them?? Oh, yeah I always wear dirty jeans so they look to big for me!! I was so embarassed that she said that I had to walk away.

In some soul searching I realized that not so long ago she was smaller than me but quickly gave up and went back to her old ways while I continued to lose weight so now there is quite a difference in our sizes. So the jealousy kicks in....My advice to you is ignore her and sometimes people try to sabotage our successes to keep their own place safe. If she is smaller than you and has been for most of your lives it may be uncomfortable for her to see you doing something to change your life that may actually make her the "bigger" sister rather than the little one!

Keep moving forward and I have found great support here on this forum from people that face many of the same challenges as you. Good luck and don't let anyone hurt you by trying to sabotage you!

kateleestar
11-09-2010, 03:11 PM
Umm punch her in the face?

Dear God, that would have been my reaction. Or the stomach, if I was sitting. What a jerk!

If your Mom/Dad whoever won't do anything, I would try to beat her in the best way possible: End up looking way cuter than her. It's the best revenge possible!! :D

boots
11-09-2010, 03:19 PM
A. be confident in your feelings, if YOU are hurt by it, it doesn't MATTER if anyone else in the house thinks its mean. YOUR feelings are important, can they respect YOUR feelings?

B. Set up boundaries. Tell her if she wants to be rude to you, she's not welcome in your room.

C. Tell her husband that if he "can't say something nice" you're not interested in what he has to say at all.


You don't have to be mean or rude back, just RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS, and stand up for yourself, and if people hurt you on a regular basis-you don't have to interact with them-even if they're family.

Too often I've seen people continue to suffer at the hands of their family who make mean jokes, mean comments, rude remarks, and they think they HAVE to suffer because "its family, ya know?" But thats not the case. Respect yourself, and if people hurt you, do yourself a favor and avoid them. I'm serious. Just because you love them doesn't give them a right to hurt you over and over and over again. Even if you live with them, you can still establish boundaries to protect yourself, like "Stay out of my room!"

Your sister apologized, so thats good. But if she does something like it again then you know she doesn't respect your feelings. From what I've experienced then, its a good time to take a step back and give yourself some space.


Some of my family members and my inlaws like to "make funny jokes" that are actually insulting and hurtful, like what Elinor described. I've realized I don't want to subject myself OR my kids to that kind of insulting and put-down behavior. I've made "Verbal Boundaries" with them now and tell them I don't appreciate that. If they cross those boundaries I stick to my boundaries and I back off for awhile. No need to abuse my kids because these people are "family". If they were beating them with ball bats would that be okay because they're "family" ?? NO! So verbally abusive or emotionally abusive is not okay either just because they're "family" !!!

twinmommaplusone
11-09-2010, 04:58 PM
See, Honey I think differently.

I think I'm the sorta person that would totally LAUGH MY BUTT OFF! WHY?

Because the funny part is the IGNORANCE they have about killing themselves through CRAP FOOD! I would be like "do you know you are trying 'tease' me with loaded gun! You are simply ingesting food that is only clogging your arteries with saturated fat, sodium and tons of calories that are going to be stored as FAT!

Tisk! No honey, you stand up to yourself and feel free to degrade them for being so STUPID for acting like CANCER, HEART DISEASE, STROKE is such a joke!

vdander24
11-10-2010, 12:16 AM
I am So sorry for you, as well as angry!!! Believe me I know how you feel.
I too have sisters, and some people just are the way they are. I get crap all the time for being fat, because I have the highest number.
Two of my sisters are less than 5'4" one weighs 190 or so, the other weighs close to 210. The other sister is 5'6" and is roughly 215-220 if I had to guess.

My WHOLE family is overweight, but because I am the highest, numerically speaking, I get all the clothing doesn't fit jokes, the eating jokes, etc...
To top it off, I am not only the tallest person in my family at 5'9", I am by far the strongest. So I am the one doing all the physical things. They all have health issues which prevent them.

Unfortunately, I think you would have the same problem if you were at goal, and she was even 5 lbs less. I also have a feeling that it probably happens with her with plenty of things, not just weight.

To deal with them, I started to stand up to them by telling them very directly things like "That is NOT funny. DON'T do that again" It sounds kind of therapy-ish, but after a while they are starting to understand that whatever else, I am not the comedic outlet... not with them, and not with my weight. Since I threw it out, I will also say that you don't want to say anything else, don't engage, and try to sound neutral about it (I still struggle with that one)

In the end, know that we never had a say about our family, but we should get along just the same (That's what I keep telling myself, anyway) I think after a while, your sis may see that you are serious, and will respect you. At any rate, you should Keep doing what you are doing and you will respect yourself... even more important!!!