20-Somethings - Having a hard time accepting myself, just wanting tomorrow to be over...

After a week of not really calorie counting and my work outs being minimal (just not enough time!) I was pleasantly surprised to discover that my scale didn't go up...it actually went down :D It was only a pound, but still, I was bracing myself and it turned out to not be that bad.

I was talking to some of the medics in my unit today at drill. I'm still having issues with being as heavy as I am and being in the army. It's not like the weight gain happened over night. I mean yeah, it happened quick with the last twenty pounds hitting me in the matter of two months while on prednisone, but I feel so ashamed of myself.

The doc today asked me if I was going to pass my pt test tomorrow morning. I blushed, looked down, and said I'd improve from last month, but that's all I could promise. Such a cop out.

I guess thats where the issue today started.

I've been told that I have to accept myself before I will be able to lose weight, but it's so hard. And every time I get down I just want to eat comfort food. Oy!

I don't want to accept myself, I just want the weight gone! I know I'm venting but I'm a little frustrated tonight. I hurt and I get to get up early to go take a pt test that I'm going to fail.:?:

I guess I should be optimistic, I'm getting better, and I'll lose the weight in time.

Do you have a hard time accepting yourself? How are you working to overcome it, or how have you overcome it?

:badbat:

Predisone did a number on me a few years ago as well. I feel your pain in that regard.

As for the self esteem stuff... Yeah, been there too. You just have to get to a place where you understand that you're not happy how you are but you WILL be. Trust me. If you keep at it you will find yourself at a place where you CAN accept yourself.

In the meantime... comfort foods will not solve your problems. Wouldn't life be easier if they actually did? You need to find another outlet for that frustration. I've been known to grab my keys and go for a walk. Get up from whatever I'm doing and just GO. It keeps me from doing something destructive. It drives my kids and husband crazy at times but it's much better than the alternative!

Make a commitment to yourself to stay on your plan, whatever it is, and don't make excuses for yourself! You CAN do it... It's a one day at a time battle.

Here is how I look at it: You don't have to absolutely be in love with things that you hate... You just have to accept them. Loving yourself doesn't mean you think your stretch marks are RAD and ya just adore how awesome your pimples are (kind of projecting here ;) ) What it means is that you accept those things. Learning to love yourself is actually one of the most important steps toward losing weight because it means that you want to take care of what you have.

Do you want to do that? Do you want to be a better person, not for anyone else, but because it's doing something good for YOU? That is the first step. Nobody is going to blame you for having little self esteem, I don't know a woman who hasn't blamed some flaw for holding her back.

However, life is too short to spend every minute worrying about it. Think of it this way... You are one person on a planet of over 6 billion, floating around on a rock that is merely a speck of a universe so large it's taken billions of years to expand to its size... and it's still going. Do you REALLY want to spend the infinitesimal time on this earth hating who you are and missing out on all of the awesome things life has to offer? Hells no...

You have this moment to start to change. Getting to your goal doesn't have to be a matter of 'if,' but 'when.' Every time you turn to your comfort food think of how much longer it will take to get to the end point. Eventually... it's going to happen. Whether it's a year or 100 years down the road, you're going to lose parts of your body. Will it be fat now, or everything later? Is a bowl of mash potatoes going to make you happy tomorrow? What about a week from now? What about a year?

Sorry... Rambling! Just hope something makes you go "aha!" Building confidence takes work, loving yourself takes work. Doesn't have to happen overnight but it really helps with losing weight eventually. :)

Thanks :o

It's just been one of those weeks...

I have resisted the comfort foods, no matter how much I want my grilled cheese and tomato soup right now...I already ate dinner hours ago and I'm not hungry

I almost cried reading your posts. It's been such a roller coaster over the past year. I keep thinking that losing weight will fix everything...but maybe somethings I have to get straight in my head before my body follows...

Your words are really encouraging and I really appreciate them.

I just need to take the pt test as a stepping stone...I just hate the feeling of letting people down when I fail.

I was talking to a friend of mine who used to be a personal trainer/body builder and screwed up his ankle during deployment and is now going to school as a dietitian. (I had to give him his flu shot :p) He emailed me soon after I posted this thread (totally random--God sent?) and offered to help me out because he's in a bit of the same situation right now too, gained a chunk of weight in a short period of time. He's managed to take it off though.

It's nice to know that in my lowest moments that people care.

the self esteem improved a little at a time. mostly, with work outs. when i pushed myself, and eventually, i could do routines i would've thought too hard. try to write down and think about what you are thankful for, good at, improvements, nsv's. evennsaying no to the comfort food is a victory! 1 choice at a time.

first thing to be thankful for: you've decided to make a change now. we are almost same ht. my highest was 230. if i had stopped gaining at 195 and got it together, i would have so many years back. my oldest is 10 this nov. he doesn't even remember me ever being under 200. untill now.
be proud of those improvements in pt scores!

Stucky- hang in there! I totally know where you're coming from. At the very least, know that we are all in this together!

I constantly have to remind myself, "I am bigger than the food" haha!

My husband is in the Army (We're at Detrick) so I know the pressure you're under over the PT test. His is coming up too infact. :p You just have to do your best and show them that you're improving. Hopefully that will be enough for now. If your unit is anything like his, it will be.

The longer you work at this, the easier it will get. You just have to remember not to give up when you have tough days or the scale decides to be difficult.

Chin up. :hug:

Stucky- I have read your post and the comments and I just have to add something here and if you don't mind a little story, I will explain below how I can relate to you here.

I wasn't thin in highschool but was somewhat happy with my figure. I mean I was attracting boys, I was in track and doing well with my coach's PT test for me. My body was far from perfect but I pushed myself to get there. I was also the team captain for my basketball team and we had just champed city and were heading to state. During our pre game for state, I had a team captain friend from one of the other school's teams convince her team to practice with us. Anyway, one of the chicks on her team absolutely despised me (supposed foul on my part during one of our past games). As I was going for a layup, she got underneath me which made my landing dificult and somehow we switch positions and she landed right on top of me full force as my knees went directly into the cement-also full force. This was not a small girl-big island girl. Anyway, needless to say my basketball and track careers were over. They were everything to me. I lived to dribble that ball and pass that baton. I became incredibly depressed through my surgeries and immobility. I gained weight slowly at first but then I got really sick and my doctors put me on high dosages of steroids for about 2 years. I gained 120 lbs it seems over night.I didn't really see it at first since I began to discover stores that actually had decent looking clothes for the plumper ladies. If something didn't fit I would shrug and just grab the next size. It took one picture from a party in the middle of winter for me to not recognize myself. I looked pregnant. My face wasn't mine anymore-it was like a puffed marshmellow. I had died my blonde hair black and had WAYYY too much make up on. I was not me anymore. I let myself slide, and slide.......and slide into someone unrecognizable. After I saw that picture (about a year ago) I decided I was going to get myself back to ME as best I could. It took a long time for me to accept that I had allowed myself to change. A REALLY long time! You see, I saw myself changing as I was gaining but my friends never said anything nor did my ex so I didn't think about it. Then my ex left and my friends began to question my struggles to do everyday things we use to love...ie hiking, swimming, walking, going to the gym. Eventually they just stopped asking me because I would complain the entire time. I became that party pooper friend that b!tched about everything. Well since then I have begun to see little bits of the old Shelly coming out. I got my hair back to blonde, I toned down my makeup (often times none at all) and have begun to repair my friendships again. Before I could do all this, you see, I had to accept that I was fat. I was heavy, unhealthy, depressed, lonely, b!tchy, and on one aweful road to ****. It was HARD as **** and I still struggle to see my overall goal but this site really has helped me. I've stopped looking at success stories as "UGH, why can't that be me!!" and now tell myself, "That IS going to be me soon and then I'll have dozens of responses congratulating me too!" Again, I'm still struggling with keeping positive every day but I've gotten over the 'ugh I'll never do its'. Thats self pity and I am not letting myself self pity over my weight again. I am doing this full force or not at all. Whats the point of being unhappy, fat , and unhealthy. Life wasn't meant to not experience everything and I want to do that again.

I absolutely love MadameZombie's response by the way!

I thought I'd let ya know how the PT test went... I guess I should start with last month- 14 push ups before the pain was too bad and that was it. This month 17 push ups- passing, I felt like I could do more but I didn't want to use all my energy on it. Sit ups I did 25 before I had to stop. Luckily my grader helped me up :) the run was 25:06 for two miles. Everyone was really proud of me too... Apparently more people knew about my medical issues than I thought.

My weight... Not so good, but one step at a time. I'll meet their standards eventually, as long as I keep losing and improving they won't push to have me discharged. Whoot!

i think that's a great 2 mile time! good job!

I thought I'd let ya know how the PT test went... I guess I should start with last month- 14 push ups before the pain was too bad and that was it. This month 17 push ups- passing, I felt like I could do more but I didn't want to use all my energy on it. Sit ups I did 25 before I had to stop. Luckily my grader helped me up :) the run was 25:06 for two miles. Everyone was really proud of me too... Apparently more people knew about my medical issues than I thought.

My weight... Not so good, but one step at a time. I'll meet their standards eventually, as long as I keep losing and improving they won't push to have me discharged. Whoot!

I was going to say, 17 pushups should be passing. Thats great!!! Situps are 50 if I remember right. Depending on your age I guess. I don't know if I could do 50 sit ups right now!! The 2 mile needs to be within 19:30 right..for passing? I think 25 is great and soon enough you'll pass that no problem! they shouldn't discharge you unless you completely give up. Although you probably have to do the whole camp over again..within 3 months? I think they have become more lenient over the last few years so it could be different. I don't remember.

The way it was explained to me is that I'll be ok as long as I continue to improve and the unit doesn't decide to take it up. You are right on all the minimum requirements (21-27 i think is the age group covered by them). It's a little rough having used to be a cross country running with my two mile under 17 but a lot has happened since then.

I get to take it again next month, though I may try to schedule it outside of drill since I'll be out in Pittsburgh all day Saturday for flu shots and PHA's and driving is killer on the back in general. It'll be strike three for me though if I don't pass so i've got some serious working on it to do.

I'm actually kind of excited though. It's a **** of an improvement on the last time I timed my two mile (took me 30:20 ish) And my first mile split this time around was 10 minutes, so endurance building will help out a lot with it too. :D

It's definitely motivation to work at it more:carrot:

Keep at it! You got this!