I found 3FC about a year and a half ago, and the biggest thing I've learned is that there is ALWAYS someone to offer words of encouragement, support, or who can relate to what I'm going through. I'm not alone.
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. We live(d) together. He's staying elsewhere at the moment and I asked him to have his stuff out by the end of the month. There has been lots of fighting and screaming. I never thought it would end so terribly.
The big problem is his work schedule. He manages a restaurant in NYC and gets home at 5 or 6 in the morning, works 6 days a week, sometimes 7. We go for weeks at a time without seeing each other and I feel more like his maid than his girlfriend. I feel like he's lost all respect for me and just expects me to take care of our home while he messes it up and mooches off of me.
For the most part, there's no change for me. I was always home alone anyway. The only part that's hard is waking up alone in the morning. He was unconscious, but at least there. He'd sleep all day then go to work at 4.
So I'm lonely. I don't miss him. I miss the idea of having someone and having a future with that person. I'm very shy and meeting people is hard for me. I have a TINY circle of friends and just don't go out much. I'm trying to find ways to get out and do more, but it's hard. I live in NYC so there's endless opportunities but like I said, I'm shy.
And if one more friend/family member tells me how beautiful, intelligent, or funny I am and how much I have to offer a man and that I'll find someone, I think I'm gonna puke!!!
Can you have a pet in your place? Having a cat or small dog to come home to would help tons. They love you no matter what and are always glad to see you! Plus if you have a dog, it's more motivation to get out and walk, the dog needs walked you know. And walking your dog is a great way to meet other dog people! Take it to an obedience class, the dog park, etc.
Most pets love to sleep with you as well! Although they can snore and pass gas just like a man.
My sister in law has a great time with Events and Adventures. They have an office in NYC (we live on Long Island). Check it out, it's for meeting friends, dates or long term love.
I know it's hard, but it will pass. Keep busy, find new hobbies, and talk to friends and family (3FC too!).
Tiffany, how is it going with the break up? I know when I went through mine a year ago, it was SO hard... I moved out of our house and in with a roomate(a male), ... and I literally would have him leave clothes for me to wash, for comfort because thats what I used to do when I lived with my BF. I too felt more like a maid and that he had no respect for me what-so-ever, so it was my choice to leave, but that didn't make it any easier. The best advice I can give is that with time, it WILL get better. I didn't think it would, I would drink, or bury myself in my room for HOURS watching movies ALL day long with carrot cake. With alcohol and cake day after day, I managed to gain back 15 lbs! Hope everything gets better!
Just hang in there, I'm sure you'll feel less lonely as time goes on and you get more used to not having the idea of him around. If you ever need somebody to talk to, feel free to PM me and I can give you my messenger or email address or something
hi tiffany i know breaking out after 5 years is not easy but you need to get overt it i live in NY to pm me any time leave me your email and we could chat or even get together to have some fun.
yup. nothing to do but let time go by and heal you. i think in the end you'll realize that you did such a good thing for yourself. it doesn't sound like it was a very healthy relationship.. more like the ghost of one. and when relationships (especially long ones) end, the worst part is missing that presence that is supposed to be there and isn't anymore. i remember, during the worst breakup in my life, the week right after, i used to freak out during my breaks at work because i always used to call him while i was on my break and now i couldn't so i was completely at a loss.. eventually you get over it though... *sigh*
in the meantime, take care of your kitty!! and spend lots of time with your friends and family.
yup. nothing to do but let time go by and heal you. i think in the end you'll realize that you did such a good thing for yourself. it doesn't sound like it was a very healthy relationship.. more like the ghost of one. and when relationships (especially long ones) end, the worst part is missing that presence that is supposed to be there and isn't anymore. i remember, during the worst breakup in my life, the week right after, i used to freak out during my breaks at work because i always used to call him while i was on my break and now i couldn't so i was completely at a loss.. eventually you get over it though... *sigh*
in the meantime, take care of your kitty!! and spend lots of time with your friends and family.
It was definitely the "ghost" of a relationship. You totally got it right.
So far I've been able to keep myself busy, but it's nice when I'm the only one that I have to clean up after and even though I'm lonely no one is disrespecting me anymore. It's a tough mindset because it's both good and bad at the same time.
The mornings are getting better, which used to be the only time I would see him. It's hard at first but once I get my day going I get out of the funk.
Tiffany, how is it going with the break up? I know when I went through mine a year ago, it was SO hard... I moved out of our house and in with a roomate(a male), ... and I literally would have him leave clothes for me to wash, for comfort because thats what I used to do when I lived with my BF. I too felt more like a maid and that he had no respect for me what-so-ever, so it was my choice to leave, but that didn't make it any easier. The best advice I can give is that with time, it WILL get better. I didn't think it would, I would drink, or bury myself in my room for HOURS watching movies ALL day long with carrot cake. With alcohol and cake day after day, I managed to gain back 15 lbs! Hope everything gets better!
I had the same problem after a break up a while back (I think the one before this, lol). I drank WAY more wine than I should have and it went on for a while, every night. I felt like the only way to deal was to feel like I wasn't even in my own body. Thankfully that stopped and I haven't felt the urge to do that again. I've been keeping myself busy cooking (new healthy recipes, of course ) and exercising.
I know it will get better with time. But I hate that nagging feeling that I'll be alone forever! I know that's such a girly thing to say
Struggling (but not with my weight)
