20-Somethings - Husbands....weight loss and smoking

My husband, through calorie counting, has gone from 285 pounds to 220 pounds over the past year. Yay for him, right? Then 12 weeks ago he decided to quit smoking using the nicotine patch. He did great at first, then all of a sudden, on the lowest level patch after weeks and weeks of good work, BAM - started substituting food for cigarettes.

And the doctor he saw a week ago told him he'd rather that he went back to smoking than gain weight. Seriously? Obesity is bad for you, but so is smoking. And the doctor would rather he smoke. He doesn't want to smoke, but he is going to gain back all the weight then some at the rate he's going. He was at or over his calorie total today before 6 am, after having cereal, a pack of donuts and a deep fried breakfast burrito. He still has lunch and dinner.

The snacking was bad before, but not nearly as bad as it's been since he "received the doctor's blessing" to smoke again. And he's smoking today now, because "he doesn't want to gain weight." He hates the taste of cigarettes and hates the way they make him smell and feel. But he's using them now as a tool to maintain his weight.

:mad:

Just ranting...it's not my decision in any way, shape or form. My mom died from complications of smoking, and I HATE to see him smoke. I hate smelling him as a smoker, and rarely even kiss him. It's been SO nice not having ashes all over the place and the smell of smoke in his pickup or my car, or on his clothes. But before he stopped smoking, after the weight loss, he was just a happier person all around. And mentally, he's determined now to be fat and be a non-smoker, or be a smoker and be thinner and more healthy for now.

I'm at a loss. :(

Can't he just up the level of the patch?

The withdrawal and sugar cravings are just part of the package. Lots of people gain weight after quitting but there's no rule saying you have to be part of that majority. Without sounding insensitive, he's a grown man who knows what's at risk - surely he can just push on through with minimal weight gain?

He's been through all the patches, 21 mg, 14 mg and now he's been on the 7 mg way too long. Next step is no patch, and he doesn't think he can do it. I think he's also started his whole weight loss journey with a bad compulsive eating issue that he got under control, and now it's back to the beginning. When he wants to smoke, he eats.

Maybe he's just not meant to NOT smoke. Even 1 day without a patch and he's got unbearable anger issues. He went three days when he took the step down off the patches and thought he was literally losing his mind - that's why he went to the doctor, and received the "blessing" to smoke again.

I keep telling myself he's a grown man, he can make his own decisions. But he's well on his way to becoming an overweight smoker again, and when he was both, he was totally unhappy and unmotivated.

this may sound REALLY stupid coming from someone who has never smoked, but I've heard that a lot of it has to do with constantly having something in your mouth...cuold he try reachign for a sugar free sucker or something ever time he wanted a cig?

There HAS to be a way around both of these issues....I'm sure it isn't an easy way, but it sounds like he needs to mentally believe he can do it first....

He's been using sugar free candy, gum and even toothpicks as a crutch for weeks, and it's stopped working for him. I think it IS key that he has to believe he can do it....and he doesn't think he can.

I wonder if it's not too much for now...the weight loss attempt, stop smoking attempt AND the job stress he's having. I hate for him to start smoking again and try again to stop later. He's been through a lot already and I hate to have him start all over with the withdrawals and more. But to me it's harder on the body, maybe, to gain back a lot of weight and lose it again? I'm not a smoker either, so I don't know....I feel like I can't give advice because I haven't "been" there, you know?

I think you have to be hard on him in this situation. I hate to sound mean and insensitive, but what good are you doing by enabling him to go back to unhealthy ways?

There are times in life where we have to put our big girl/big boy pants on and just get through it. Excuses now, will just lead to excuses in the future. I totally believe that it may be necessary for him to take baby steps. Maybe focus on only losing 1lb per week and continue to lay off the cigs.

He's gone so far as to stop trying to lose, and focus just on maintaining. And up until this week he'd been ok overall. It's just out of control. I'll talk to him tonight and we'll see...I think he can do both. But he has to believe it to, and if he's giving up there's nothing I can do about it. Wish there was...

I guess the best thing you can do is be a supportive wife (which you are obviously already doing) and tell him that you believe he can do it if he really puts his mind to it!

I know my hubby loves to hear that I believe in him when he is trying to do something he is unsure about....

:hug: I hope everything works out for him and that he continues on a path to better health.

He just called me....bought a pack to smoke and hates it. Looking into other options to help him quit. He's thinking about maybe using those electronic cigarettes as a crutch to stop the patch...no tar, etc., but still a little nicotine for those "have to have a cigarette" times like 1st thing in the morning or after meals, when he's been prone to binging.....

I wondered about those electronic things. I hear about them on the radio all the time! THat would be so great if it could help him!

EDIT: Whoops! Maybe I should read the whole thread before posting next time! :lol: How embarrassing!

Original post: Mindi, has he ever considered electronic cigarettes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_cigarette)? I'm not a smoker or even an ex-smoker, but I do know some people who have happily used electronic cigarettes to help them quit. Although I'm obviously inexperienced with them, I can see how handling a substitution cigarette could be comforting in stressful situations for someone who is trying to quit.

Not really on subject, but ...how do you feel? Do you smoke? Maybe make him see that smoking is affecting your health, because second hand smoke is bad too?

When I was dating my husband, before we were even engaged, I flat out told him that I would never live with a smoker, even if he always took it outside. No way, no how. It took him 6ish weeks, but he did it, without assistance. I think him thinking about how I saw it helped, how I didn't want children picking up the habbit... And he's better for it. (His dad smokes, even after a battle with cancer and his doc telling him to stop.. sigh.)

Also, I cant believe his doctor said that! Lung cancer killed a lot of my family, specifically from smoking, and... that is... shocking! Wow. WOW!

I wish you luck. :D

I know...I can't BELIEVE the doctor said that!!!

Right now still researching the e-cigarettes as well as "E-Z Quit" cigarettes, that contain no nicotine at all.

Has he tried Chantix?

Has he tried wellbutrin (zyban) to quit? I know people who have had a lot of success with it, and one of wellbutrin's side effects is weightloss. It actually has helped me a great deal with binge eating and I've lost nearly 100 lbs since I started taking it. Obviously, the weight loss isn't all from Wellbutrin, but it's helped a lot. I sympathize - my husband is a smoker, too.

I smoked all through losing weight. My (stupid) rationale was that I NEEDED some sort of crutch. I couldn't wrap my head around giving up my two biggest vices, overeating and smoking.

I had to be comfortable with maintenance and losing to let go of the security blanket. The biggest motivators in quitting smoking was: my DH and the fact that I took up running. Suddenly, being able to run and climb mountains became more important than smoking. I just didn't like being a smoker anymore.

It's really a mental block that he hasn't found a way to get over yet. And frankly, I can't believe his doctor told him to start again!! Outrageous!

Eclipse...the doctor told him he shouldn't try the Zyban/Wellbutrin. He's already on Paxil for depression/anxiety, and would have to be weaned off of those before starting the Zyban and the Dr. said that was a process that would take a long time and maybe be pointless if the Zyban didn't work. That was actually why he went to the doctor....

Junebug...luckily he still hates the smoking. The doctor DID tell him to start exercising, though. Working on that one...

~sigh~ I have been on my hubby's case to quit. It makes me so angry b/c he has quit over and over (for like a year at a time) and never has withdrawls. He stopped this weekend and actually had withdrawls earlier this week. I have no words of advise - just wanted to offer my sympathy. I DID get him to switch to "American Spirits" which are 100% tobacco. Obviously - still a cancer risk and all that, but I figure, at least they don't have floor cleaner and whatever else in them like other cigs.

And his Dr telling him smoking wasn't as bad as gaining all his weight back: When I was PG, I gained a bunch of weight one month. I explained to my Dr that it was all the donuts, mini PB cups and bagels that I had been eating. She told me that SMOKING would be LESS harmful that what I was doing. that smaked a bit of sense in me to eat better.

As a smoker who has been losing weight for the past two months, let me just say, no one WANTS to smoke.

Just like no one WANTS To be overweight or overeat.

I know I have GOT TO quit smoking. And I'm going to, after I can get my weight under control. One thing at a time.

The thing that is REALLY helping to motivate me (because smoking too is ALL IN YOUR MIND, no amount of patches can overpower what is in your MIND) is the fact that my endurance is not where it could be if I didn't smoke. I feel gross and weezy after running sometimes instead of how I feel if I don't smoke for a few hours.

I don't know if he is a runner, but if so, maybe you could talk to him on that level.

I smoked all through losing weight. My (stupid) rationale was that I NEEDED some sort of crutch. I couldn't wrap my head around giving up my two biggest vices, overeating and smoking.

I had to be comfortable with maintenance and losing to let go of the security blanket. The biggest motivators in quitting smoking was: my DH and the fact that I took up running. Suddenly, being able to run and climb mountains became more important than smoking. I just didn't like being a smoker anymore.

It's really a mental block that he hasn't found a way to get over yet. And frankly, I can't believe his doctor told him to start again!! Outrageous!

Wish I would have saw this before I posted. This really made me smile. I'm hoping I can get to your level someday SOON! =) Thanks for posting!

He's been talking about going to the track and walking/jogging and/or running the bleachers on Saturdays or Sundays, just hasn't actually done it yet.

I'm trying to be supportive, but at the same time let him make the decisions for himself. I don't want to be the one "at fault" for making him feel so bad, if that makes any sense. It's hard enough being the one he takes it out on when he has withdrawal symptoms - and believe me, when he has them it's BAD. Nearly left to spend the night at his sister's house last night his attitude was so bad.

I know what you're going through :hug:

First the bad news and you probably don't want to hear this - but your doctor is 100% right about the smoking verses weight gain. Dr. Mercola (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9DZBzKppHQ) has something to say about this.
Ditto for the Zyban/Wellbutrin (my husband got suicidal on Zyban)

Smoking is better for your DH then gaining back his weight.

Now to the good news.

It is possible to quit smoking. I know because I used to smoke. I haven't had a cigarette in almost 30 years.

Every time your hubby quits the odds are greater that he will stay off them for good. He sounds like he has the desire to quit (unlike my DH) and that's half the battle.

I don't have a perfect marriage - but I do have a strong one - over 22 years.

What I do in my marriage is pay his life insurance premium without fail, and I don't allow my husband to smoke in the house or in my presence.
He knows how strongly I feel about this issue, and I have told him that if he smokes in the house or in my presence I'm moving out.
And I mean it.

For me, his smoking is about a lack of respect for my feelings and fears. He knows that I can't change him or what he does, but I'll be damned if he'll throw the smoking issue in my face! I also almost never kiss him - very sad :(

But the fact is, he has picked smoking over me and that was a hard thing for me to admit to myself.

Smoking is just like any other addiction (mine is food). It is possible to control addictions. And unlike a food addiction, a smoker NEVER has to smoke again - never. For us food addicts we walk the tiger at every meal.

Your husband can do it if he wants too bad enough. And you can find a way to live with him happily in spite of it.
Good luck.

Wish I would have saw this before I posted. This really made me smile. I'm hoping I can get to your level someday SOON! =) Thanks for posting!
Aww, thanks :^: I'm not condoning smoking, but it really is hard when you're changing your lifestyle. It was just too much for me. Smoking is terrible and I knew that, but I had to go at my own pace. Some people just give it all up. I hung on for a little longer, but I had to mentally let go, first. You'll get there :)
He's been talking about going to the track and walking/jogging and/or running the bleachers on Saturdays or Sundays, just hasn't actually done it yet.

I'm trying to be supportive, but at the same time let him make the decisions for himself. I don't want to be the one "at fault" for making him feel so bad, if that makes any sense. It's hard enough being the one he takes it out on when he has withdrawal symptoms - and believe me, when he has them it's BAD. Nearly left to spend the night at his sister's house last night his attitude was so bad.

Well hopefully he will see that the running will be impacted by the smoking. He just has to make that connection that running feels better than smoking does. I think it's a step in the right direction!

I have used the E-ciggarettes, they worked well for the quitiing smoking. It was the depression that made me cave again. I went to the doc and she gave me wellbutrin to help with the quitting and the depression that comes from loosing the smokes.

I have my e-ciggarettes all charged and ready to go. They are an expensive start up but worth it IMO, also the menthol works better for me, they seem stronger and make it feel like your smoking cause there is a flavor.