100 lb. Club - Robbed of the satisfaction...argh.




calluna
09-22-2010, 01:24 PM
This set of thoughts has been stewing for several days and I figured that since I'm sitting here on my duff doing very little I should take the time to articulate them. I'd appreciate thoughts and comments.

I've worked hard this year and had lost 86 pounds up to the first week or so of September. I work out, eat well, drink water, all of it. I've complained, celebrated, posted my little heart out here on 3FC...many of you understand that. At the end of the first week of September I was just 13 pounds from 100 lbs lost and BMI<25. That's not where I was planning to stop because I don't know yet what my "ideal" weight will be, but it was certainly the first and primary goal - healthy weight class.

Okay, so the last couple of weeks. I had emergency gall bladder surgery which, by itself, really isn't that big a deal. But then there were some serious complications that resulted in medevac and two more procedures. Needless to say, I ate virtually nothing for probably ten days. I'm home now, the dangers appear to be past, and I'm on the mend. I step on the scale once each day - not to see progress, really, but to keep track. I can't really be in a weight-loss mode right now.

I've dropped ten pounds, have reached nearly the 100 lb lost mark (96.2 lbs) and BMI<25 (currently 25.5). I'm sure I'll see 169 very soon as the swelling continues going down and the healing continues, and I find myself very angry indeed. This is NOT what I had in mind! How can I possibly celebrate reaching my primary weight-health goal? This has been a terrible experience and is a terrible way to lose weight, and I find that it completely robs me of satisfaction at being where I am. I worked HARD, dammit, and didn't plan to cross this particular goalpost on a gurney.

There's really not a lot I can do about it, though.


chickybird
09-22-2010, 01:30 PM
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well and are so frustrated. I understand where you're coming from.
I know it's hard to think about, but you have made amazing progress and you should be very proud of that.
What you can do is keep losing and then maintaining. That in itself takes more hardwork and willpower. I'm so proud of you for sticking to your plan, and I hope you feel better soon!

xty
09-22-2010, 01:52 PM
First - as a newbie not having seen your journey here, congrats on your amazing success. You should celebrate each and every step you took, calorie you didnt eat, and choice you made to get into better health!

I know you arent reaching your goals the way you expected and that it can be sooooo frustrating, but remind yourself that expressing compassion towards yourself as you mend is actually a mere extension of all the self-care you so diligently worked for as you lost the weight.

Health is an every day endeavor and you are working hard, dont beat yourself up :)


Coondocks
09-22-2010, 03:15 PM
I think you should celebrate it regardless. You've come so very far in a year and have improved your health tremendously and that is absolutely something to be celebrated.

I can understand the frustration of it for sure, but if you can put a positive spin on it - look at what you've accomplished to make your body so much more efficient and heal in what I'm sure is a lot less time then it would have been a year ago!

:carrot: :carrot: you deserve many many dancing carrots! :carrot: :carrot:

:hug:

carter
09-22-2010, 03:16 PM
I'm sorry you're going through a difficult medical time - I do hope the worst is over and your healing is uneventful from here on in.

Having said that - as for the weight loss, take it any way you can get it! ;) I know I'm being flip but - lots of people have health issues that require them to take medicine that leads to weight gain. If you had to have a medical issue, hey, better for you to come out with a little less extra weight. ;) again

You could look at it as your body's twisted sort of gift to you - like a bulk discount where you buy a dozen and get one free. You worked hard for 75 pounds of weight loss so your body tossed in another 10 without consulting you.

Being flip again, I know. But I hope you can turn the situation around and see the brighter side of it as you continue to heal and feel better. Nothing about this terrible experience detracts from the hard work you've done to get where you are, or makes your achievement less remarkable! And think how much worse those complications might have been if you were still obese ...

jkinboston89
09-22-2010, 03:24 PM
I think you achieved your goal perfectly. That being HEALTH. You've worked hard to get healthy and that's all that matters. You've made your life a healthy one. The thing is, many people experience health/medical/surgical complications at one time or another. These things happen, unfortunately. However, they do not take away from your efforts toward a healthy life in any way.

You really ought to celebrate. You deserve it! I've done what you're doing to myself as well; beat myself up for something out of my control, made excuses for why my successes weren't as good or important as another's. It's really counterproductive! Anyway, enjoy your success!! :)

WebRover
09-22-2010, 03:53 PM
You certainly need to take the credit for the 87 pounds that made this 10 pounds add up to "almost 100:. Without the hard-earned 87 pounds, this would just be 10 pounds or the first 10 pounds. You get to cross the "finish line" with the next 3 pounds lost the same way as the first 87! Or celebrate when you get to 110 lost. Then the 10 are a bonus on top of your achieved goal!

Shytowngal
09-22-2010, 03:56 PM
Maybe make a "new" goal. Not a new weight but something like:
1. I will celebrate and actually count the achievement when I have successfully kept it off for 3 months or:

2. Reach X% of body fat by continuing to eat right and work out.

MoveMoveMove
09-22-2010, 05:00 PM
I worked HARD, dammit

And you know it. THAT'S where your satisfaction should come from. That 10 is good but it's that beautiful 87 that rocks!

Terre
09-22-2010, 05:09 PM
You doing what you have done this year is what has got you to goal...DO NOT think that all your hard work a determination was for nothing. You have done an amazing job!!! I can vouch for that. I started in Jan too...so I know exactly how hard you have worked. I am at 90-93lbs lost depending on the day..lol Its not your fault that this bump has happened. And it doesnt mean that your hard work isnt what took you over the finish line....

I hope you feel better.

You go girl :) I hope to see you 100lb lost post soon :)

Rosinante
09-22-2010, 05:56 PM
This is not meant to sound flippant but ~ if it helps, as you recuperate and start to eat again, you'll probably regain some of that 10lbs and have to re-lose it the hard way again.

I do understand how you feel but you should definitely celebrate All that you've lost. And celebrate that without having lost the 87 already, your gall bladder surgery issues could have been far, far more dangerous.

Sorry you've been ill, and hope you're back to 100% soon.

renstwin
09-23-2010, 10:20 AM
I think you should still celebrate your victory regardless. Don't let a medical issue keep you from feeling a sense of pride in your accomplishments!

May you continue to mend, meet your goals, and inspire others! :)

SCraver
09-23-2010, 11:00 AM
I am learning that in life, things rarely go according to plan. They just don't. All you can do is make a plan, and then adjust as necessary.

I am sorry about your medical issues. I guess you COULD look at it as these last 10 pounds really WEREN'T easy. I mean, it sounds like you went through some medical complications to lose them.

AND I thought the same thing carter did - about how much harder this would have been for you, medically, if you hadn't lost those 87 lbs!

Take your moment to be angry/upset/disappointed. Then re-focus. Make new goals. And celebrate anyways!

calluna
09-23-2010, 11:12 AM
Thanks, everyone. Good thoughts! And you're right that those 10 pounds weren't easy...they just weren't how I thought they would be, I guess.

Every doctor and nurse I saw (who knew about my weight) told me that things would have been much, much worse with those extra pounds tacked on.

The docs told me that it is not uncommon for people who have lost large amounts of weight in a relatively short period of time to develop gallstones/ gall bladder infections. Also, did you know that the bile of obese people is supersaturated with cholesterol and thus very likely to form gallstones? My poor body...I abused it so during the years of obesity. I'm grateful that it is forgiving me as much as it is for not taking better care of it.

Eliana
09-23-2010, 12:03 PM
I liken your story to that of mothers who have birth stories. Neither of mine quite went as planned. Many mothers whose birth experience didn't go as planned grieve that for a while. But now, 10 years later, I have a beautiful healthy son and his birth story is just a story...a blip in his life, really. But a woman is pregnant for nine very long months in which her mind is preoccupied with little other than the baby.

In the same way, you have thought of little other than weight loss for how long now? You've envisioned that 100 pound mark all this time and this isn't how you saw yourself crossing that finish line.

So I get it. But in the end, you'll have crossed that finish line regardless. How you did it WILL eventually be a blip...a story...and part of the past. ;)

Congratulations on the "birth" of the new you! :D

calluna
09-23-2010, 12:13 PM
Thank you, Eliana!!!! I really needed that. That is EXACTLY it.

This has been a heck of a long labor!

LiliK
09-23-2010, 02:55 PM
Well, I think you did GREAT!!! And I get where you're coming from, but I'm thinking I'd probably still be doing the happy dance (and believe me, I'm going to when I hit my 100-pound mark!) no matter how it got there. You've worked SO HARD in such a consistent manner that I think you should celebrate like crazy--celebrate both the achievement and the mental and physical toughness you've developed over the time you've been working toward the achievement.

I'm feeling very humbled by the way our bodies stick in there, even when we mistreat them for years. I am really glad they do seem to be able to heal and forgive us once we begin eating right and exercising, and I'm seeing those changes in my own self-abused body right now.

Congratulations on your fantastic progress!!!!

JayEll
09-23-2010, 03:21 PM
Coming in late--but let me give you yet another perspective.

Be glad you're alive. Be glad you live in a country where you have a chance of getting sterile surgery from a highly trained and experienced doctor. Be glad that medivac exists, and that you were able to get help when you needed it.

Sometimes we get so tangled up in our weight loss plans and stories that we forget there is more to life than what the scale reads.

Congratulations on your weight loss and your return to health.

Jay

Beverlyjoy
09-23-2010, 03:31 PM
I am sorry you are feeling so disappointed.

I am so glad you are past the scary part and recovering well. We just can't change the past. Perhaps you could rejoice in getting through your illness and consider the weight loss as part of it. Set new goals. As was mentioned your body may or may not gain and lose alot as your body and GI system get's used to digesting your food without your gall bladder.

Hang in there and concentrate on all the positives in this, if you can.