General chatter - Need help with a guy !! IMMEDIATELY.




RockingBird
09-12-2010, 11:57 AM
Alright, here's my story..
(And just a disclaimer, I don't use facebook to meet guys or anything, lol! I meet plenty of guys irl, but these stories below are my Facebook experiences that have gone wrong, haha.
I've gained a lot of weight in the past 3 years. I remember the first time a bad situation happened.. I talked to a guy on Facebook and he was interested in me, one time he saw me in real life, and yes I know this will sound crazy, but he actually MESSAGED me the same day and told me "You were kinda fat in real life, you looked better in your pictures" Yes, I got over that whatever! But I still remember it.
That was 3 years ago, when I was 150 lbs. Now I'm losing weight, I started about 2 weeks ago, and I'm down from 181.4 to 176.
The second guy I was talking to use to know me about 2 years ago, when I was about 155. He goes to my school now, I talked to him on Facebook over the summer, and we talked maybe twice in real life, and then he stopped talking to me.
The problem is, I have a VERY skinny face! I don't gain weight in my face. So on facebook, even if I saw myself, I'd assume I was maybe 120 or around there, and I feel like I'm somehow cheating people or tricking them or something. I don't like edit my pictures, or take weird close ups of just my face, or myspace angle it or anything. But if I'm not happy with my full body right now, why should I put a picture of it, right?

Well, here's where this guy comes in. I started talking to him a while ago and to my suprise, I actually really like him (and I'm barely interested in ANYBODY, I'm very picky). We've been talking on the phone almost every night and he told me he actually does like me, last night. No, we haven't hungout in real life yet but he wants to.

I don't know what to do! Trust me, I'm not sad or offended to admit that I am, right now, one of those people that looks better online than in real life! And to me this feels like SUCH bad timing. I know I will lose all this weight, but the problem is, I STILL haven't! And I don't know what I'm suppose to do, since he wants to hangout.

I've had my share of experience with guys that look much better on myspace/facebook too when I was younger, so I know how awkward it is when you actually go out with them and they're a completely different looking person!
So don't worry, I don't think it's a shallow thing, because I think it's partly my fault. If you're interested in a person's personality AND looks, it would suck if you met them and they looked completely different than you thought they did.. As much as I'd like to believe the "If he really likes you, he won't care about your looks!" we all know that's not fully true, or else we wouldn't be trying to lose this weight. I'm not happy with my weight, so I don't expect him to be either, especially if I go out with him and he's completely suprised and caught off guard by what I look like.. I don't want to do that to myself, or to him.

So.. any advice?


FreeSpirit
09-12-2010, 12:00 PM
Post some full body pictures? Ask him if he wants to skype with you?

JessLess
09-12-2010, 12:20 PM
Be honest with him about it and tell him why you are hesitant to meet. If he's a jerk about it, it tells you tons about him. All good relationships are built on honesty.


TornadoSiren
09-12-2010, 12:22 PM
This is always a rough one. I think total honestly would not necessarily be a bad thing here. You don't have to send a full body picture if you really don't wish to, but telling him that you have recently begun to be very unhappy with your size, and have begun working hard to improve it might not be a bad thing. Not to "warn" him. But honestly, it is a big part of who you are at this moment, and if a relationship will come of this, it is just another way of him learning who you are and what you stand for. You can even almost do it casually. If you are talking about just stuff, maybe throw in the workout you did today when telling him about your day, and adding that you are trying to get yourself back into shape. It's not like you have to say "okay, look, heres the deal..."
these things can easily be thrown in in regular conversation without it seeming as though you are fishing. You ARE, of course, but it doesnt have to be obvious.

RockingBird
09-12-2010, 12:27 PM
Thanks guys! :)
I agree, I should just throw it in there. He knows I go to the gym, but never asked if I do it to lose weight or stay in shape or anything.
And it's really not hard for me to say those things in real life, lol! I've always been straight forward with friends/guys in real life that I'm trying to lose weight, and I'm not ashamed or embarrassed by it. I guess it's just different now because people I've met in real life already know what I fully look like, and I think he might have some kind of a different idea of what I look like, and he might stop talking to me when he "finds out" (lol, like it's some dark secret) that I'm actually bigger than I seem.

Passionista
09-12-2010, 12:40 PM
What she said: Be honest with him about it and tell him why you are hesitant to meet. If he's a jerk about it, it tells you tons about him. All good relationships are built on honesty.

I have the ability to look thinner in face pictures too (see my avatar, doesn't look like a 300 pound woman, does it?) and people have been surprised that I am as fat as I am too when seeing me IRL.

walking2lose
09-12-2010, 02:35 PM
Post some full body pictures? Ask him if he wants to skype with you?

That's exactly what I was going to say - just be real and post several shots that show your whole body. Then it's up to the guy to take it or leave it.

emaline29
09-13-2010, 06:27 PM
I just had to pop in here - are you really so sure that you are so awful looking? In my calculations your weight of 181 (pounds?) in my world is just on 13st which for you height is not at all awful!!
Methinks the young world today is so concerned about being ultra slim (thin) and lots of men do like someone with a little bit of meat on them. Sounds more like you need to get a bit more confidence and just be you.
All the best anyway in your search for a beau.

RockingBird
09-13-2010, 08:32 PM
Lol, okay guys I kinda did the typical teenage thing and got him to come to my house during the night for like 5 minutes and we talked, SO HE SAW ME!! And he said I looked familiar, and he thinks he's seen me around school last year. (he's graduated)

And now he's been talking to me more, and already admitted he really likes me. :)) I might be seeing him again tonight. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR HELP! Really. If it wasn't for this thread I would have probably ended it all before he had a chance to see me.

Joplin
09-13-2010, 11:36 PM
I hope things work out for you & you get want you are looking for. I've always been a big girl and have NEVER had a problem meeting men......the good, the bad & the ugly! LOL
I think Emaline was right, build up your confidence. Self-confidence in women is viewed as sexy by men. Good luck Chickie. :)