General chatter - Why is this so hard to understand?




Beach Patrol
09-11-2010, 06:32 PM
Ok, maybe I'm shallow, or maybe just pathetic. Either way...

I was a fat kid. VERY chubby baby (of course it's *cute* when you're a baby!) and a rather chubby kid, up until about 7th grade, when I lost my "baby fat". Then I was a very thin teenager. TOO THIN, at some point... I was nearly anorexic. But during college & early adulthood (20's and early 30's) I was not thin, but I was healthy. Athletic. Held my curves well. If I gained 5 or 10 pounds, I could get them off without too much whining. :o

So without all the boring details, I gained weight as an adult. Around 34 or 35 years old, I started gaining/losing/gaining/losing. You know: YoYo-ing! Well, for the past three years, I've been completely disgusted with myself, reaching a high of 192, and right now kind of bouncing in between 175 & 180. I'm going thru "the Pause" - which I contribute a great deal of my weight gain due to whacked out hormones. I've never felt so crazy in my entire life. :?:

ANYWAY - I have this FRIEND... someone I've known since we were 5 years old~ and now we're 47. So literally, all my life I've known her. We live far apart and try to visit each other at least once a year.

HERE'S MY GRIPE! - every. single. year. she. comes. to. visit.... she has to take "pictures". Ok, fine then. Except she ALWAYS posts them on her dang facebook!!! - And I've begged, pleaded, etc. for her to NOT post the pics because I am clearly not happy with my body and I just don't want to see fat-so me splattered across the internet like that. Then she gets annoyed & even angry when I ask her to please DELETE the "fat" pics of me.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND? :mad: She's still as thin as she was in college - no more than 120 pounds, and this after having 2 daughters. Why can't she just understand that I don't want FAT ME on her facebook??? I don't post pictures of ANYONE on my facebook without asking them first! - Nobody likes to see unflattering pictures of themselves... especially spread all over the web for everyone to see.

So maybe I am shallow, or even pathetic... but I just don't get why SHE doesn't get that it upsets me. And why she continues to post pictures every year, after I always ask her not to... and then she gets persnickety when I ask her to delete those of me .... I just don't get it. :(


emaline29
09-11-2010, 06:40 PM
Hi Beach Patrol,
If I were you I would refuse to let her take the pictures in the first place! Why do you pacifully put up with being photgraphed when you know only too well what will happen next? That is the only way you will get it over to her. She is being very unkind and not what you would expect of a good friend.

emaline29
09-12-2010, 09:12 AM
It's one thing wanting to have a photo of a friend for your own collection but to then put it up for EVERYBODY to see against the wishes of your best buddy is not on! Riding roughshod over another persons feelings is tantramount to sabotaging that relationship. I really don't understand how this so called friend can be so malicous. The fact that SHE doesn't mind the way you look is great but then not to take into consideration your feelings is awful, to say the least!


RockingBird
09-12-2010, 01:15 PM
My friend has also done this before. When I was unhappy with a picture or my weight, she'd even promise me she wouldn't upload a certain picture, and then she would do it, because SHE looked good in the picture.
And if I ever make it a big deal, she would get so mad and sometimes no matter what keep the pictures on there.
I'm not saying YOUR friend has the same reason, but my (now ex friend) friend kind of liked the contrast of it, when I either looked really fat or really bad in a picture of us together. She would never upload any in which she looked bad, and I looked good, or in any that I looked better than her.

But yeah, either way people mostly care about what THEY look in their pictures! If you looked bad in a picture, but your friend looked gorgeous, you wouldn't upload the WHOLE picture for her case, will you? You'd either not post it, or crop yourself out! If a friend of mine wants me to post pictures of a night together, I'd usually post the good ones, and if she wants a certain one that I dislike, I'd crop myself out, lol!
Just ask her to do that, since it makes you uncomfortable, and tell her you'd never post pictures of her that she dislikes, and you expect the same in return.

Beach Patrol
09-12-2010, 01:50 PM
I've definitely let my feelings be known about the "facebook" picture postings... for 2 years now! Oh, and she did finally "crop" like I'd requested.

But see, I wouldn't post ANY picture of my friends on facebook WITHOUT their permission FIRST! - no matter how good/bad any one looked. If she wants a special picture of us together (such as the one she posted on facebook), then she should print it out,& put it in a 3-D album, or frame it & set it on her mantle or something.

Even when I'm "thin"(ner) if I have a stoopid look on my face (eyes closed, mid-yawn, whatever) WHY would ANYONE want any bad picture on FACEBOOK for the entire world to see????? :nono:

If I'm petty for this, then fine. I'll be petty. But for the record, these were ON THE BEACH... wearing SWIMSUITS... ugh! ...she also had one up of "just me"... in all my fat glory, double-chins, etc. IN A SWIMSUIT. I mean... OMG. :?: I was just mortified. :fr::stress::tantrum::faint::no:

dragonwoman64
09-12-2010, 02:00 PM
I don't know your friend, or even have a guess at her motivations/reasoning. I will tell you I have an aunt (in her 60s) and her daughter (in her mid 40s, near my age). they're both about 5'2 or in that range. both are in good shape and are athletic (do rock climbing and other sports), nice looking women (not to mention very good people). I'm much bigger than the two of them. to say they hate having their pictures taken (both of them) would be a massive understatement. they get manic about it.

I love them, think they're great people and want to have pics of them. it IS hard for me to understand the pic thing (and it's a little distressing, since I care about them). I don't post the pics on facebook or anywhere on the internet. your story made me think about them.

emaline29
09-13-2010, 06:41 PM
Hi Beach Patrol, glad you are trying to get something done but in my estimation you are still being too lenient. Are you so frightened of really putting your foot down very decisively as you so have the right. Perhaps you don't want to upset her too much. You know the proverb "Love others as you love yourself" well, the SELF bit comes first! You are not being petty but rather wanting to protect yourself from any sort of come back from others commenting on what you look like. You have a RIGHT to do that.
All the very best.:)

Lori Bell
09-14-2010, 02:42 PM
This is my take on the situation. The majority of people on Facebook do not know you. They don't care about who you are and you are just another "Face" in a sea of millions. The people who do know you...well, they know you are overweight. They know it. They see it, and it's not a secret. I totally agree with Brown's theory in that your friend loves you just the way you are, and it doesn't "click" to her because she thinks you are great the way you are.

I guess you have got a few choices here.

1. Never ever go to the beach again with this friend, and only agree to see her if you are at your ideal body weight and are dressed the way you would wish to be photographed...or

2. Play the game you "think" she is playing with you and follow her around non-stop with a camera and take the most unflattering pictures of her imaginable and post them...Oh, and sure, make sure you ask her first..."Hey friend, I have some cute pictures I'd like to post of you on facebook, do you mind...?" When she agree, post the one of her picking her nose..."oh, you don't like that one?...I thought it was adorable!"

BerkshireGrl
09-14-2010, 11:55 PM
I've, uh, deleted my name tags out of unflattering photos others posted of me on Facebook ;)