Am I Going Crazy or Are the People Who Were Once Supportive Becoming Resentful
When I started out my weight loss journey I had a ton of support. I was 278lbs and there was no denying the fact that I needed to lose weight, so I stuck to it, started adjusting my food intake by making healthier choices. First I cut out ordering pizza, then soda, then drive thrus, junk food ... all the time thinking I was making very healthy choices.
The pounds came off, and then I added an exercise routine and the pounds continued to come off. Now I'm under 200lbs finally, and moving down to what is considered a healthy weight, but I've been losing motivation. So what do I do? I go to my friends who have been the most supportive of me, my mother, my therapist, my family... only to find the support isn't there enough.
Yesterday during therapy [my therapist also struggles with her weight] I mentioned my feelings and she said to me "Well the way you've lost the weight isn't very healthy." WHAT?
WHAT?
I'm sorry, I thought I was doing this right, I lost LESS than 100lbs in a year, which averages to 7.5lbs a month...which is less than two pounds a week.
I don't understand.
Then there's my mother, she used to be amazingly supportive of my weight loss but now as I get thinner, that's changing. She encourages me to eat more unhealthy choices and openly mocks my healthy decisions.
It wasn't like this before and I don't understand why everyone changed. Has anyone else gone through this and how did they deal with it? I want to be successful but it's hard to do that when the people you thought were the most supportive of you, well, aren't anymore.
First, hugs to you honey. You have done a great job and it doesn't sound like you have been unhealthy at all from what you have said here.
People often have trouble with change - family especially. Maybe your mom is jealous? Maybe she is worried and doesn't know how to express it? Now, your therapist is another story, though just because she is a therapist doesn't mean she is free from her own issues. Could it be that she believes that you have lost i an unhealthy manner from things you have said in your sessions?
Wow Audrina!
So sorry. You're doing an AWESOME job by my book !
It sounds like your therapist needs their own
Some people just can't accept when someone decides to take control of their journey instead of letting the journey control them.
I think you ARE doing it the RIGHT way. for all your hard work
Keep it up!
Last edited by islandchick1; 09-09-2010 at 01:04 PM.
Im sorry to see you going through this but I hate to say that when you start doing something good for YOU sometimes it happens some people tend to be jealous, they wish they were doing what you are etc....see thats one huge reason why I come here for MOST of my support because in one way or another we are all on the same journey. Some people cant be happy for you when they arent for themselves. Hope this makes sense.
First of all , you are not alone, i think sometimes people CAN be resentful and not even realize
that's whats bothering them. so instead of the support they are kinda irritated . it was fine in the beginning (paraphrasing here) cause we want you to be healthy and happy (and they truly do) but now you are just getting obsessed crazy with it. its almost like they think you think you are better then anyone else, at least that is how it seems to come across, but i think what it is is that their own insecurity's are rising to the surface as you are doing better and better and are getting happier and happier. this is the case a lot of times when the other person struggles with weight as well. in other words its not you its them.
when i was starting to get to a healthy weight a couple years ago my mom kept saying i was too skinny and i was like 165!!! i am built like my mom and i was looking at pics of her at my age and she was HOT but also very thin maybe 120 130 and im like mom how can you say that im like 30 more pounds then you at the same age!! my mom has always been thin till about 5 years ago and now shes around 200 lbs partly from disease and depression she deals with, and she hates the fact that she weighs that much but its hard to get her motivated and to stay committed . sorry babbling again.
what im trying to say is i really don't think they know thats why they are being that way, but i think it is.. you said it yourself you cut back started working out and changed your lifestyle then shes going to say you dident do it in a healthy way??? come on don't let that get to you. you are doing beyond GREAT!! motivate yourself if you have to cause you are worth it anyways, and come here and get lots of support!!
can you sit down and have a heart to heart with your mom? i mean like to tell here when she say/acts like that this is how it makes you feel? or will she get defensive? im sorry all i can say is im here..... even though i know theres no replacing mom.
First, hugs to you honey. You have done a great job and it doesn't sound like you have been unhealthy at all from what you have said here.
People often have trouble with change - family especially. Maybe your mom is jealous? Maybe she is worried and doesn't know how to express it? Now, your therapist is another story, though just because she is a therapist doesn't mean she is free from her own issues. Could it be that she believes that you have lost i an unhealthy manner from things you have said in your sessions?
I'm not sure if my mom is jealous or not. She weighs a lot less than I do and while she struggles with weight loss too, she's not heavy by any means. She was always the one who encouraged me when I lose weight. Even now when I celebrate that I've lost a few pounds with her, she tells me how lucky I am. I want to tell her, no, I'm not lucky, I'm working really hard.
As for my therapist, I'm not sure if I've lead her on to think I'm not losing weight in a healthy way. There are times when I've told her that I've lost my appetite for a week or so - but that HAPPENS to people, all people, not just people who are trying to lose weight.
We frequently discuss how I'm losing the weight, that I was counting calories, but I decided to stop because that's no way to live an entire life and I'm trying to make LIFE changes, not just temporary ones. She was very encouraging, but now and again she makes these comments with such a cruel tone -- and says things like "well now you're thinner than me."
It's just discouraging to me, I know I'm still NOT happy with my weight loss, but I need some gentle encouragement from the people who are supposed to be looking out for my best interests.
Oops, it took me so long to write that post that others had responded. I did challenge my therapist and she said that I was starving myself.
I'm NOT though. There were a few weeks where I realized I was eating between 900 - 1100 calories a day, I wasn't making an effort to eat that little, I was just eating mostly veggies and couldn't get my calorie intake up because I was FULL all the time. As soon as I realized this though - I corrected it.
I'm not denying the fact that in the past I have had very disordered eating. Whether it be the binges, or the crazy elimination diets that I was trying to basically force myself to lose weight. But it hasn't been like that in years, and as a result of me making healthy changes, I'm successful in my weight loss for once.
Thank you so much everyone for your feedback. Nicole, I really understand what you're saying. People tell me how thin and what not I look, but then complain about their own weight, and stepping on the scale in front of me they all weight at least 40lbs less than me. Well gee.
I just don't know if I can take what anyone says to me for what it is anymore. I've worked hard and made some really good changes, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about it. The truth is, if I can do it - they can too. It's just about having commitment and determination. Mind over matter. I know what it's like to diet and diet and fail, but it doesn't have to be that way. Shouldn't they see what I've done and am doing as proof of that instead of making it be negative?
JEALOUS! Of your commitment to yourself and your success. I really think that's IT! Your therapist is a professional, but at the end of the day she is just a fat chick at heart like the rest of us, with a lot of experience in and a license to practice psychology.
Someone else said on here once that people can start to get resentful because as long as you are fat, there is always someone "worse than them". When you start to lose weight and get healthy, you give up the "fattest girl at the party" title, and someone else gets to fill that role. No one else wants the job! So even though I am sure the people who were supportive in the beginning truly love you and care about your wellbeing and happiness, it makes them squirm.
You just keep going, girl! You are doing WONDERFULLY!
It's just discouraging to me, I know I'm still NOT happy with my weight loss, but I need some gentle encouragement from the people who are supposed to be looking out for my best interests.
So you need to find new people
Or at least drop the old ones!
Again, I stopped talking about my weight loss TOTALLY, except for my H and ONE diet buddy. Everyone else can just take a hike
There must be some fitter, healthier people you know who you NOW have more in common with? Make some new friends? Rely on this forum, more?
I don't think we'll ever know why people are that way, but it seems to be universal.
I think it's not just about the weight loss, but that YOU (me, anyone) is doing SOMETHING with their life, as they sit in the same place they were (a year ago, whatever).
One persons evolution only magnifies another's stagnation.
Seriously, I'd not PAY a therapist to say such things to me. YOUR FIRED!
You need to challenge therapist occasionally, it's a sign of growth
I can see the notes in the chart now!! That's a good one.
I think jealousy is the key word here. It grows ugly horns. I haven't experienced it too terribly much, but I don't really seek approval or advice in the real world either. I come here for that. I don't feel like it's anyone's business but my own to pick on what I eat. Besides, who can pick on a plate full of veggies...with chocolate chips on the side?
I'm going with the jealousy thing too. Heck I'm even a little jealous of you. I'm not sure how much effort it takes to do what you've done, as I have not reached that level of self discipline (yet).. Not even going to tell you what I ate for breakfast haha, but I can say it's not going to move my weight in the right direction.
I lost weight before when I was in my late teens. All my skinny friends were super nice and supportive at first, but then as I got into a normal zone they all turned on me. I think they felt threatened.
But *high five* to you for all your great work. And don't take it personally how they're behaving. Your mom will come around, it might just take her a little while. I think that was pretty inappropriate of your therapist, because if anyone should know better it's her. If you have an otherwise good relationship with her you could tell her how it made you feel when she said that. She might just not understand? But if there's lots of other issues that you've had with her then maybe it is time to find a new one.
Good luck though, and you've made amazing progress, don't let anyone bring you down.
Yeah, not sure about your mom, maybe you need to have a heart-to-heart with her? I'm assuming there is some other reason for her attitude, but I am also assuming she's got your best interests at heart. Talk to her!
As for your therapist, yeah, maybe you need a new one for your new body. I'm not a therapist myself, but it seems to me that you don't see a therapist to get that kind of 'treatment'. Even if she is jealous, she is a THERAPIST and it's her responsibility to help you work on your issues. Sounds like she's just giving you more issues to deal with. I would drop her! Find a new therapist who is more in-line with your new self. You're paying for her help, not her jealous attitude.
And congrats to you darlin! That's a lot of hard work and dedication, and if you know in your heart that you've done it the right way, then screw the others. Be strong for yourself and your new life!!
I agree with the others; it's time to start keeping your eyes open for some new friends. I'm not suggesting that you tell your current friends/family to go pound sand, but rather you stop looking to them for support they are unwilling/able to give. Find new friends for that. I've had to do that with my own journey, because my BFF has never been more than a couple pounds overweight in her life and cannot empathize with me and my weight loss journey. When I celebrate a small victory she nearly always talks about how she needs to lose 10 pounds. She's always on and on about how "I KNEW you only needed to change your eating" "You see? I TOLD YOU that exercising would help - why won't you join my gym?" "WHEN I changed my diet (food allergies) I felt sooo much better - thank goodness you are finally listening to me!" "I KNEW there was nothing wrong with you besides your weight!" On and on and on.
Well, honey, "I TOLD YOU SO" gets very old. Everything I try to share becomes about her, and she DOES NOT get to take credit for my weight loss. Sorry, BFF, but this one belongs to ME. She just doesn't get it, because she can't relate to this part of me. So I made a new friend who is also on the weight-loss journey - we walk and go to Zumba together now.
As for your therapist - I would tell her flat out that her own issues with your weight loss seem to be getting in the way of her doing her job. If she can't change her behavior I would replace her. Seriously.
You are doing awesomely well and deserve every kudo you can get. Way to go!!!
Am I Going Crazy or Are the People Who Were Once Supportive Becoming Resentful
!
for all your hard work 
, you are not alone, i think sometimes people CAN be resentful and not even realize
even though i know theres no replacing mom.
One persons evolution only magnifies another's stagnation. 
I can see the notes in the chart now!! That's a good one. 
On 
Sorry, BFF, but this one belongs to ME. She just doesn't get it, because she can't relate to this part of me. So I made a new friend who is also on the weight-loss journey - we walk and go to Zumba together now. 
