[mkendrick]

As a fairly new maintainer, I'm still terrified of gaining the weight back. Yes, I know how to make good decisions, in many cases the good decisions are now habits, and I know that I like being thin far more than I like the taste of eating any food. It seems silly that I am afraid of something that's entirely within my control. But at the same time, it seems equally foolish to promise myself that I will never gain the weight back because I can't tell the future. I simply cannot guarantee with any certainty what I will weigh in a month, a year, 10 years, etc. I can only control the choices I make right now. So in a way, I think a bit of paranoia about it is healthy, I want to keep my guard up.

That being said, I also have to acknowledge that I have several major life changes coming up. My fiance is coming back from Iraq and will be living with me. Suddenly I'll be cooking for two instead of just me, and while I'm happy eating baked chicken breasts 85% of the time, I doubt he will be. I am graduating college, I'm getting married, going on a honeymoon, and we're moving to a new state. All in the next five months. My routine isn't just going to be shaken, it's going to be shattered. So yes, regaining the weight is a clear and present danger, so to speak.

I would really appreciate if anybody who has lost weight and has regained some, all, or all plus some could share some insight based on your experience. No matter where you currently are in your journey now (back to maintaining, starting over, on the way back up or down, etc), I'd love to hear your thoughts on any or all of these questions.

- How long after reaching goal did you fall off the wagon and start spiralling back up?

- Was it a specific event or situation that knocked you off the wagon or did you just get gradually looser with good decisions?

- I know this is a broad question, but were there any reasons that stand out that caused you to regain the weight? Losing the weight with an unsustainable lifestyle, change in routine, etc?

- Also very broad...if you could travel back in time to visit yourself when you were first starting to regain the weight back, what piece of advice might you give yourself?

[Eliana]

Some of that is easy to answer. Some of it is very difficult.

At your age, I was a yo-yo, pure and simple, and losing weight meant moving a LITTLE more and eating a LITTLE less. That changed over night, I swear the day I got married. I think the difference was that when I was in college I walked a whole lot more than I gave myself credit for. When I got married, there was no reason to walk and I got very sedentary. I didn't know that then.

Then I had two babies and the weight just started to pile on. I lost some, never all, and always gained it all back plus a few. That continued until this time. My previous weight loss attempts never brought forth more than a 30 pound loss, so I consider myself successful this time. I could be at maintenance if I wanted to be because I feel quite happy about where I am now.

The change for me is that I weigh every single day. Judging by how clothes fit didn't work because I'd play mind games. I'd tell myself the dryer shrunk the clothes and then I'd never put them on again. Or I was just bloated that day, but the next time I'd eye those pants in my closet, I wouldn't put them on just in case they didn't fit. That's call burying your head in the sand! By weighing daily, I don't see how I can ever do that again.

The other thing I will not give up is exercise. I have got to move more in order to keep the pounds off and it's just plain good for the body.

I live in fear of a regain too. I think that's normal. But I'm also fairly confident that with those two strategies I should be ok.

[My Michelle]

Oh yes, I've been to this party before. Here are my answers.

- How long after reaching goal did you fall off the wagon and start spiralling back up?

After about 6 months after goal the food creep started, and after about 3 months of food creep and feeling progressively bad about it (but doing nothing positive to arrest the creeping) the food avalanche started (regular binges). Within a year all the weight was back.

- Was it a specific event or situation that knocked you off the wagon or did you just get gradually looser with good decisions?

No, it wasn't a single event; it was monthly, then weekly, then daily, then several times daily, bad choices. Apparently I gradually removed my frontal lobe with a melon baller.

- I know this is a broad question, but were there any reasons that stand out that caused you to regain the weight? Losing the weight with an unsustainable lifestyle, change in routine, etc?

What stands out it that once I tripped a few steps I literally threw myself down the rest of the stairs. I allowed binge eating to get control and I constantly despaired of "being perfect". By which I mean that every time I messed up I used it as an excuse to mess up some more "until Monday when I'll get it all back together" because the day/week/month was already so imperfect. Yet Monday would come and I wouldn't get it all back together again. Monday, and Monday, and Monday.

- Also very broad...if you could travel back in time to visit yourself when you were first starting to regain the weight back, what piece of advice might you give yourself?

I would like to travel back and beat myself severely with a wiffle ball bat. After that, I think the number one thing for me to realize is no matter how thin I may be at a given moment, I will always be a person with a disordered relationship with food and it is going to require focus and conscious effort to keep bad habits in check. Bad habits are always lurking and vigilance is required. Wearing a size 6 does NOT give me permission to "eat whatever I want just for one day", because I have proved to myself time and again that I simply can't do that. Once I open the door to overeating, it is all over but the shouting. Now, some people can do "free meals" or "free days", and be just fine. But I have proved repeatedly in my laboratory of one that it does not work for me. I need to accept it and move on already.

I would also point out to myself that you can't exercise away a bad diet, period, and I know because I tried. I just became a very athletic fat person.

[cb1]

That being said, I also have to acknowledge that I have several major life changes coming up. My fiance is coming back from Iraq and will be living with me. Suddenly I'll be cooking for two instead of just me, and while I'm happy eating baked chicken breasts 85% of the time, I doubt he will be.

I had this problem too because I am married. I also have 2 kids to boot. they just are not interested in eating my diet foods all the time.

I find the easiest thing is to make sides that we can both have (steamed veggies or rice or potatoes), and then if dh wants a steak he can grill steak for him and the kids and grill a chicken breast for me, seperately. And i will just take less of the potatoes or rice. It's not that hard to throw a burger on, either... or whatever type of meat he would prefer over chicken.

Occasionally, I find myself making 2 different meals - spaghetti squash with mushroom marinara for me, and whole wheat pasta with meat sauce for dh and the kids. It's a little more work but you can make sauces in advance and just heat them up.

Also sometimes I'll make regular sides for them, but just throw my meat (whatever it is) over the salad and skip the other sides.

When I got married I had to do some changes to my diet even though I wasn't losing weight just because it was kind of a "find what dh and i both like to eat" thing... you'll end up doing that anyway, because he might not like something and you might not like something, etc, that the other likes. but you CAN keep it within healthy parameters if you set your mind to it. i am sure there are plenty of healthy foods your fiance likes to eat...

breakfasts are fairly easy because i can just throw in cheese and meat in their omelettes and add toast, while i just eat a 2 egg omelette with JUST veggies... so everyone gets what they want and i haven't broken my diet... or we all have oatmeal and i just measure mine out and don't put too much honey or milk...

lunches are usually sandwiches and cold veggies and fruit (carrot sticks, cucumber slices, apples) we might mix it up by making hot sandwiches one day and something like chicken salad the next.

I guess the real question is does your fiance expect to eat like a king every single day or is he happy with regular, easy to make plain meals? lol

[saef]

I maintained my weight loss for three years before I started to regain weight.

I believe the weight that I decided to maintain at was too low to sustain when my life became fuller & richer & when I had numerous other projects to work on.

I should have settled about 10-15 pounds higher, at a weight that I could maintain without two to three hours of exercise a day. Then I wouldn't have had to keep such a tight rein on myself, which wouldn't have led to bingeing, and overexercising in an attempt to compensate for the binge.

There was too much all-or-nothing thinking: If I can't stay a 4/6, when I may as well be a 14. Then a 16. Then an 18. Then a 20.

I got into a non-virtuous circle where I binged, overrestricted, then binged again. "I'm just going to be more strict with myself & do it absolutely PERFECTLY from now on." To break that cycle, first I stopped overrestricting, and binged without consequences. That meant weight gain. But it did eventually end the bingeing. I just turned into a plain old regular overeater.

Also, I took on too many responsibilities. I let my life become unbalanced in what seemed like the short term, in order to obtain worthy long-term gains. I worked all day while writing freelance feature stories at night & then also attending night classes, which helped me assemble a portfolio to apply for masters degree programs. That left me less time to cook & less time to exercise. For me, that's never good. I've learned that I need to prepare most of my meals & I need to remain active.

Another contributing factor was that I moved out of a career & environment in which being thin & well-dressed & projecting a certain image (corporate law) was very important, into one where schlubbyness was sort of admired, because then you weren't a corporate slave (journalism, then writing) or a superficial Real Housewife type. When the peer pressure ratcheted down, I readjusted my priorities accordingly.

If I could do it again, I probably would have tried to reinstate healthy habits during grad school, rather than living mostly from the neck upward & being so consumed by the grand project of finishing my masters thesis & my degree. I seem to fixate on one grand project at a time, and weight loss definitely wasn't it.

But, you know, I doubt I'd be where I am professionally if I hadn't been so myopically single-minded.

But I would be healthier, without loose skin, stretch marks & precarious blood sugar, all relicts of my former weight.

Anyway, I traded off my health for some achievements. A devil's bargain. I'd give you a different answer every day on whether it was worthwhile. Maybe every hour.

[kaplods]

Most of my life, I was either rapidly losing, or rapidly gaining. There were a lot of reasons, but ultimately, it boiled down to living for the moment, and not for the long-haul.

I was either focusing on getting the weight off fast, without thought to how I was going to sustain the weight loss, or I was choosing to eat what I wanted without thought to consequences.

It's cliche, but true that "lifestyle" really is the key. I have to remind myself of my long-term goals. It's not just about today, this week, or even this year, it's about the rest of my life. It seems overwhelming, unless you realize how many things we do all our lives, like brushing our teeth, combing our hair, bathing...

[My Michelle]

Originally Posted by kaplods

It's cliche, but true that "lifestyle" really is the key. I have to remind myself of my long-term goals. It's not just about today, this week, or even this year, it's about the rest of my life. It seems overwhelming, unless you realize how many things we do all our lives, like brushing our teeth, combing our hair, bathing...

Grown-up behavior, yup! Very important!

[sf40]

I never really had a weight problem until I was in my mid 30s, about 10 years ago. As a younger woman, if my clothing started to feel a bit tight, I just cut back on fast food and/or exercised a bit more. Problem solved. I can almost pinpoint the moment when this method no longer worked and I continued to gain, no matter what I did. Looking back, I did a number of dumb things regarding my eating habits, but that's for another day.

To answer your questions:

- How long after reaching goal did you fall off the wagon and start spiralling back up?

I actually never reached my goal. I struggled for about 10 months, losing about 15 pounds and dropping only one clothing size. I don't know if I actually fell off the wagon, but gave up because what I was doing was not sustainable for me.

- Was it a specific event or situation that knocked you off the wagon or did you just get gradually looser with good decisions?

A little of both. I was overtraining and developed a stress fracture, which really de-railed me. I continued to eat as if I was working out constantly, but I had just started a new job and needed the food to keep up my performance (I lost weight when I was unemployed). Also, to make friends with my new co-workers, I ate out more and probably got a bit looser with my food decisions. When the stress fracture healed, I did get back into exercising, but not at the intensity I did before, because I realized I just didn't like it.

- I know this is a broad question, but were there any reasons that stand out that caused you to regain the weight? Losing the weight with an unsustainable lifestyle, change in routine, etc?

For me, it was an unsustainable lifestyle. Keep in mind that we are all different, so what was unsustainable for me might be perfectly fine for someone else. I was eating pretty low cal and low fat, and was hungry all the time. It affected me at work. I did not have the desire to spend hours at the gym, so I just stopped going. Also, I did not understand the concept of maintenance. Most of my adult life, if I gained about five pounds, I could easily diet if off and go back to normal eating. It really never occurred to me that this time it would be different. Stupid, I know.

- Also very broad...if you could travel back in time to visit yourself when you were first starting to regain the weight back, what piece of advice might you give yourself?

Looking back, I don't think my plan was very good for me. This time around, I have taken a completely different approach. It's working so far for me, fits with my lifestyle, and I enjoy eating and exercising a lot more. One thing I learned, for me, is not to rely on exercise for weight loss. For me, weight loss is all about eating. I exercise for other health benefits and if I burn added calories, well that's just a bonus. I had to learn this myself.

Because you are thinking about this now, I think you are in a very good position to successfully maintain your loss. You are light years ahead of me and an inspiration to many on this board, including me! I am sure you will do just fine through all of your exciting life changes!

[joyc21]

For me personally, I can say that I've lost probably about 500 pounds over the last 8 years if you count all the times that I've regained and lost the same weight over again. I did have some pregnancies thrown in there, but even with my pregnancies I gained much more weight than necessary b/c I had the mentality of "I might as well eat what I want if I'm going to get fat anyway".....

After having my 4th and last child I was 225 lbs. (my highest weight ever). I was very motivated to get the weight off and I got down to about 179 within about 4-5 months. During the time I was losing I worked out like crazy and was very careful about what I ate. But after awhile I started slacking off on my good habits.

For the next 2 years I yo-yoed back and forth between about 200 and 185. I was on an endless cycle of eating whatever I wanted til I got close to 200, then cutting back on everything til I got back down to 185. I did this more times than I can even count.

Then last year, all 3 of my daughters became involved in cheerleading. From August through October I was out on the football field every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for practice and every Saturday for games. During this time I was barely working out at all because I had no time. And I was eating nothing but junk (chips, fries, soda, fried chicken, fish,....whatever they served at the concession stand). These poor habits carried all the way through the holidays and by the end of the year I was back up to 212 lbs.

Everytime I started gaining weight I would tell myself not to worry because I knew I could lose it just as easily as I had before. I think I never really approached it as a lifestyle change but more as a temporary solution to a problem....If I could go back to when I was regaining the weight, I would tell myself to nip it in the bud.

I've recently restarted my journey but this time I'm approaching it more as a lifestyle change and trying to make the best decisions for my overall health and well being. I'm just hoping it sticks this time.

[ringmaster]

I'm starting over. The last time I started at about 245 (highest weight ever) and I got down to about 158-160lbs which isn't too bad for my height. What threw me off was I started dating someone and the going out to eat and for drinks all the time and not having time to workout. The bf at the time could also eat alot and not gain any weight, so it's like I felt I had to eat when he did. I think if I was smart then, I would of still counted my calories despite going out to eat all the time. I even jumped on a scale at his house and read 170lb and I was like whoa...I'm gaining... but I didn't do anything about it.

Then we broke up, my mother got sick...and I just threw in the towel completely and I'm back to 200 or so now. It took about 2 years to get back here, really sad, huh? What gave me a wake up call is that my pants barely fit anymore. No way am I going back to plus sizes, I'm determined to get myself back down into my size 10s atleast.

Before that, there was a time I got down to 135-140lbs, only reason I can think why I gained it back was, you guessed it, not counting my calories anymore and going off my 'diet' I was on at the time. I started having little slip ups, ignored them and the weight came back on.

I think for me, I have to learn to always be conscious of what I'm eating. Not having too many cheat meals, because they do add up. If events happen in life that cause me not to be able to exercise, I have to learn I can still control my food. I don't have to do 1-2 hours of day of exercising, even 20 minutes IS better than nothing. I might not always be able to eat with the crowd or what everyone else is eating. I always know that, but in the past I just ignored it, so those are things I would of changed then.

[sacha]

I regained because of pregnancy. Since you say you have a fiance, I assume you might be thinking about having a baby in the future? This is something to keep in mind how that can affect maintenance...

Originally Posted by mkendrick

- How long after reaching goal did you fall off the wagon and start spiralling back up?
Maintained for 6 years @ 125lbs, in Sept 2009 started gaining and had the baby (163lbs) in June 2010

- Was it a specific event or situation that knocked you off the wagon or did you just get gradually looser with good decisions?
Pregnancy.

- I know this is a broad question, but were there any reasons that stand out that caused you to regain the weight? Losing the weight with an unsustainable lifestyle, change in routine, etc?
I had spent so long in maintenance and got it into my head that "oh you're pregnant, who cares!!" that I ended up gaining 2x the amount I was supposed to (as per the doctor!). I gained over 40lbs. I also went to the gym daily, so you can only imagine how much I would have gained if I was inactive. Restaurants every night, etc.

- Also very broad...if you could travel back in time to visit yourself when you were first starting to regain the weight back, what piece of advice might you give yourself?
Eat for the baby but keep it within reason. Gaining too much in pregnancy can lead to gestational diabetes. My baby was over 9lbs and quite large - it caused a complication at his birth that could have left him with brain damage or dead (shoulder dystocia).

Do not get complacent or cocky about maintenance

I'm back down to 136lbs now but it is very difficult this time around, especially now that my stomach is very ugly with stretch marks. Sleeping 2 hours a night and getting 5 minutes to go to the bathroom makes it near impossible for the gym. It can kill motivation. I'm still doing it - but it is hard.

I drink diet coke when he drinks beer :P

[thesame7lbs]

Megan, thank you so much for starting this thread. I am in maintenance (for all of 8 weeks now I think) and I am becoming less and less disciplined. I need to focus now because I WILL NOT GO BACK!

[ncuneo]

I also wanted to thank you for starting this thread. I too live in fear of regaining. I think that may be part of the reason I've lowered my goal weight. I also plan on having another child within the next 2 years and I gained 50 lbs with my first. I guess technically this was regain since I lost 70 lbs before I got pregnant, and 50 lbs was more than I should gave gained at that point. Even though the gain was necessary the mental issues were the same. I basically allowed myself to eat whatever and as much as I wanted, which was of course the way I gained it in the first place. I hope to avoid regaining and keep pregnancy gain under control by continuing the habits I've learned for the rest of my life. There are things we must do everyday (i.e. Shower, brush our teeth) and we don't even think about it. Exercising is already one of those things for me. I don't even think about it it's just part if my day and the way I maintain my stress. Calorie counting is also just part of my day. It's only harder when TOM is near or I just want to overindulge. But as long as I keep going back to my plan any gain is temporary. So that's the plan...I just don't think I could handle the humiliation I'd feel from regaining. My mom is a yo yo dieter and I feel like she's just waiting for me to regain and I just want to prove her wrong. I know that's ridiculous, but it is what it is. I also hope to show her, she doesn't have to yo yo. Her problem is she's never had a maintenance plan and just done fad after fad. Good luck on all that is going on in your life. Enjoy ever minute of it - it's a very exciting time - embrace it!

[fatmad]

I am glad too for this thread. I lost weight a couple of years ago , and put it back on during a time of great stress. I turned to comfort foods that were not appropriate food, no matter what. And ate way too much of them.
SO, my goal when I get to maintenance is to find ways to deal with stress that does not include eating. I meditate, and much of my exercise is moving meditation, (yoga and tai chi, not aerobics) to help with that.
I also feel much better when eating right, so that helps. (I recently had a planned cheat, at a wedding and found I felt so foul the next day, I didn't go through with the planned cheats I had on the agenda then next day, at a family gathering. I stuck to my regular plan and felt better as the day went on)
Since I am prediabetic, I hope that watching my sugars will be a life long thing, even if I lose a lot of weight and my pancreas recovers fully, I think I will be doing periodic testing and that will help me stay in line.
Also, what is working now may not work later. Sad but true. I could do low fat and lose weight before. But not now as a pre-diabetic. ONLY carb counting helps me both lose weight and keep sugars in control, and it was very hard to get into it. I gained a bit of weight at the beginning of my "diet" that was due to me working out how to eat and keep my sugars in line, but lose weight too.
THis might happen after a pregnancy or even as you say, a marriage. You will make some changes in how you eat, what you eat, when you eat, and sleep too, so a new strategy will be needed. I think you need a year in your new lifestyle to be able to maintain it over time.
good luck, great thread

[Matilda08]

Ive never reached my goal I had lost 35 lbs in 2008 gain 30 back and just started back losing again. My problem was finding balance my life is so busy that I put everything before the weight loss journey now Im different I think I will make goal. GOod luck and congrats on making goal