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Findmyself
09-06-2010, 05:31 PM
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midwife
09-06-2010, 06:18 PM
Ummm....they are pictures of you! You do look like that. What are you waiting for? You posted your best pictures, I bet he posted his best pictures. Email him. And meet him in a public place, be safe, yadda yadda yadda. Go for it now!!! Carpe diem and all that stuff.

AmberD
09-06-2010, 07:20 PM
Ummm....they are pictures of you! You do look like that. What are you waiting for? You posted your best pictures, I bet he posted his best pictures. Email him. And meet him in a public place, be safe, yadda yadda yadda. Go for it now!!! Carpe diem and all that stuff.

I agree a billion percent!!!!!!!! GO FOR IT!!!!!!!!


DaughteroftheKing
09-06-2010, 07:43 PM
back in the day I did the same thing- probably 8 years ago now- I lied, I ACTUALLY lied unlike you- and when I realized how awesome he was I too felt guilty & told him the truth- and his response "I love you" - aw so cute; turned out not to be the man for me, but I learned a lesson... He thinks you're his soulmate, you think He's the man of your dreams, so how better to start a good relationship than OPEN COMMUNICATION!! TELL HIM "The reason I wanted to take a break is because I was insecure that I look better in the pics I posted than I do in real life. They are real pictures of me, not photoshopped, etc, I just really have feelings for you & I dont want you to be disappointed" I am a HUGE fan of laying it all out on the table. You've already done a great job with you weight loss, and having a man in your life always helps me with the motivation to keep on loosin :) But if you really do want him to be the man you will spend the rest of your life with, you need to have effective communication!
And I really believe with the feelings you both have for each other it will all work out! You never know... you may regret those three months horribly years from now, wishing you had more time with him...

winning the war
09-06-2010, 07:45 PM
I also agree! It's not like you put your face on someone else's body! The pics were you. You are not a liar at all! I hope you don't let this opportunity pass you by!

DaughteroftheKing
09-06-2010, 07:45 PM
PS were exactly the same height, how cool :)
I cant wait to get down to your weight!!!

Gamecockgrrl
09-06-2010, 07:48 PM
I actually have several things to say, so forgive me if this gets looooong and sort of jumpy, but here goes...

First, I met my husband online. Like you, we corresponded for a long time before we met...4 months in all. I sent him my best picture first, and then after we had been emailing for a bit, maybe a month, I sent him another, more candid, shot. And by candid, I mean I was laughing and looking a bit like a horse. I thought, if he likes me it won't matter if occasionally I look less than perfect. He told me much later, after we were engaged, that he thought it was great I sent him the second picture, it made him feel more comfortable and that I wasn't "deceiving" him. He had a rule that he would NOT respond to any profiles that had glamor shots on them because women don't look like that all the time and it indicated a certain insecurity in his opinion. So after he relaxed, he felt like he was much more open to accepting I was a person he really liked for what I had to say, and less about what I looked like. Don't get me wrong, looks are important, but you can only look at someone for so long until you have to have an actual conversation.

Second, I have a good friend who used a glamor shot for her profile pic. The shot was from 5 years earlier and she had gained a significant amount of weight since. She was being deceptive. She emailed this guy in Alaska who was moving back home after he left the army and she really liked him and thought he felt the same. When he came back and saw her, he brought her home early from their date and then stopped returning calls. I think it would have worked out for her much better if she had been more honest, but as it were, he felt deceived. Plus, you want someone who acepts you, not an image you try to portray because you can never keep up an image that isn't true.

Now, why do I tell you this? Because I DON'T think you are being dishonest. You posted a current picture, at a heavier weight that reflected you in the best possible light...but not an unrealistic light. I'm sure he did the same. I think maybe you should be a bit more up front and tell him you friend sort of freaked you out because she said what she did and then email him another more current picture. I'll bet he is not nearly as shallow as you think.

Oh, and get a more supportive friend.

Kitsey
09-06-2010, 09:00 PM
Aww!!! I totally agree with DaughteroftheKing-Go for it!!! Tell him why you are feeling apprehensive and have that heart-felt conversation with him, then-go meet him! He sounds like such a sweetie, I'm all excited for you! :D

taliee
09-06-2010, 09:44 PM
I really, really think you should go for it NOW! If he already considers you to be his "soulmate," then he shouldn't care if you're a little heavy (and by looking at your ticker/height, I'm going to assume you're not as big as you may think you are!).

Just be straightforward--I totally agree with Gamecockgrrl, about the whole deceiving thing. Trust me, if he's really that into you, he's going to think you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen--even at 212 pounds! And if not? Then he's not good enough for you.

Have some confidence! :) Best of luck. <3

sacha
09-06-2010, 09:55 PM
I got messages from a couple of cute guys, met one of them for a date (first one), got a condo, got a dog, got engaged, got a 3 month old baby! We've been together for years. We are 26 and 32.

Worked for me!

Oh, and my picture was using a cheap digital camera in the bathroom mirror.

kaplods
09-06-2010, 11:30 PM
I met my hubby through a newspaper/online personal ad (it appeared in the local newspaper and on the newspaper's dating site).
I almost didn't give him a chance, because most of the responses from the ad were rather odd (but really not that much odder than you meet in a bar or on a blind date. It just feels like more, because they're coming all at once, not every few weeks/months).

I think you're probably drastically overestimating the discrepancy between your photograph and the in-person you. I think you're probably also overestimating the perfection of this guy. You're idealizing him, and trashing yourself - STOP IT! (LOL, if only that helped, right?)

Online dating isn't that much different than in-person dating. Everyone says "be yourself," and almost no one really is (at first). Instead, we not only put our best foot forward, we hide as many of our flaws as we can and slowly bring them out one at a time, hoping that we can "hook" the person with our good qualities and that they'll eventually find our quirks "endearing" or at least not so disturbing that they run for the hills.

And the guys are doing the same. So Mr. Perfect, isn't perfect he's just like you - putting on a good face to meet the best possible woman he can convince to date him.

And I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but one thing that does concern me a bit is that Mr. Perfect played the "soulmate" card before meeting you in person. That's a bit of a red flag (I'm talking as a psychologist and as a sister to a stalking victim). Now, I don't know what it is a red flag of. It just shows that he jumps into an emotional attachment pretty hard and fast. That's not necessarily a horrible thing, but it is a red flag to be aware of. "Normally" a person, male or female would wait until meeting before making such a declaration (even if they were secretly thinking it).

Also, if someone told me that they had to work some stuff out - I would assume they meant they were involved with someone or married, or in legal trouble, or drugs.... Far worse demons than a few pounds. The longer you wait to make a connection, the more it seems like you've got serious emotional baggage that he'll have to deal with. That he's willing to wait (if that's the truth), that's a bit unusual. Not wonderful, not horrible, just a little odd. But if he's the kind of guy that's ok with waiting for you to "work out personal stuff" that doesn't sound like a guy who's going to be put off by a few pounds.

That he's promised to wait, along with the soulmate thing... well it might mean that you connected so deeply that he really does think you'll make such a great couple he's willing to overlook some serious stuff (or he realizes you may just be nervous about meeting). It also could mean that he's got some serious baggage himself, and you've got to prepared for that too.

Everyone has baggage, and finding someone isn't about hooking the most perfect catch you can land, it's about finding someone who's baggage you can live with. Do you want someone who would throw away "soulmate" for 30 pounds?

Also, how are you going to tell him that you didn't trust him enough to accept you as you were? That you thought he was so shallow that you couldn't hook him unless you were a specific weight? If he's a guy of real substance, as perfect as he seems, I think he'll be offended. And if he is that shallow, is he Mr. Perfect after all?

What if you told him your concerns, that you feel your photo made you appear slimmer than you really are, and see what he says. Remember, he's going to know that this could mean that you weigh 5 lbs or 100 over what the photo indicates.

Have you considered at least trying to get a flattering, but more representative photo. A glamour shot, but one that's at least 3/4 body length? It might make you feel better.

But really, if appearance were really important to him, he would have asked for more pictures. In my experience, the guys who are hung up on looks tend to request a lot of pictures (it's creepy even), because they aren't dumb and they, just like us, know that one photo can be very misleading.

I think your odds (and the odds that he's not odd) are better if you're honest and don't wait. The longer you wait, the weirder it will seem to him. And the longer he's willing to wait for you, could mean he's very patient, or it could mean he has some demons of his own.

I'm really not trying to spoil your image of this guy, but I do want you to go in with a clear head, realizing that you have just as much to offer him, as he might have to offer you. In fact, if you don't believe that, he's not the right guy for you. You do not want to be in a relationship in which you think you're with someone out of your league - those are the relationships that tend to become very dysfunctional. You'll either overlook bad behavior or abuse because you feel "lucky" to have him, or you'll be constantly jealous and fearful that he's going to one day realize he can do better.

Remember you don't just have to impress him, you have to expect him to impress you - be looking for his weaknesses too - and if he seems like a guy too good to be true, it's very possible he is hiding something (now whether it's something you're ok with, that's a different story, but be looking for it - and be planning ahead in terms of knowing what you will and will not accept. Keep your head).

Dating is a lot like a job interview. There are a lot of people who end up with jobs or partner that are very wrong for them, because they focused so much on being the right person for the job/person they weren't using the interview/dating process to make sure the job/other person was right for them. Remember you're not just interviewing for the "job" as his girlfriend, you're interviewing him for the job of being your boyfriend. If it doesn't work, it wasn't the right fit. It doesn't mean there's anything horribly wrong with either of you.

Good Luck.

Thighs Be Gone
09-06-2010, 11:57 PM
Well, I hate to say it but Kaplods has nailed it. I can add nothing except that I agree with her response damned near 100%.

Mommysince21505
09-07-2010, 12:22 AM
I agree with Kaplods too. I want to know an update on whatever you decide to do!

Expunge
09-07-2010, 01:11 AM
As usual, I agree totally with Kaplods. (Seriously, I lurk a lot and I don't think I've ever come away from reading one of her posts without feeling like I gained some sort of wisdom from it.)

You are who you are right now. Love yourself as you are (sooooo much easier said than done), and let someone else love you as you are. Don't wait and hope that you'll someday be "good enough".

DaughteroftheKing
09-07-2010, 02:21 AM
Kaplods- wowza! You're awesome!! Do you do free therapy sessions online?? lol :)

Serval87
09-07-2010, 04:33 AM
Internet dating can turn out good. I should know ... i met my husband on a chat room. Then we chatted/talked on the phone for almost two years. I was around 17, and he came all the way from CA to TN to visit me once I was almost 19 (about 4 months til)-- then we ran away and got married, but, hey, it all worked out. Come this November it'll be 5 years married. My parents were pretty ticked when I ran off, but they are completely happy for me now. I think you should go for it. :)

kaplods
09-07-2010, 10:19 PM
Kaplods- wowza! You're awesome!! Do you do free therapy sessions online?? lol :)

LOL! Sorry, I'm flattered, but my master's degree is actually in developmental psych, not clinical/counseling psych, so I'm really not qualified. I had to do some career and life counseling in several past jobs (probably the most as a probation officer), but it was all informal, seat-of-my-pants stuff, and for any serious issues I referred clients to the professionals.

Findmyself
09-08-2010, 06:02 PM
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Twiddlebug
09-08-2010, 08:53 PM
UGH! I just posted some pictures for someone I have recently reconnected with. I am a few inches shorter and a few pounds heavier than you...you are totally making me question if I should have done that. The last time he ;) saw me was 20 years ago, in college...

eyks
09-09-2010, 05:21 AM
I LOVE this thread!

First, I think it's too bad that many people consider internet dating to be taboo when in reality most single friends I know are on multiple dating sites. My recently divorced parents are also on dating sites! And I know of many happy couples that met online.

I confess that I met my husband on a dating site (militarysingles). Because at the time I met him there was a bigger stigma attached to internet dating, I chose to lie to most people, including my family, about how we met. It's silly, I know, but I come from a family that LOVES to tease and this is one subject I don't need to be teased about or judged by.

How did I get into online dating? My bestfriend has always been obsessed with guys in uniform and found militarysingles. She came home one day excited and nervous to make a profile and asked me to do it too so she didn't feel like a dummy. I was matched with a few guys and went on a dates with them. Then I was matched with my now husband and we talked on the phone everyday for about 3 months before we met. We've been married for almost 3 years now!

As for profile pics, here is what I looked for: An honest picture of that person. That means it's been taken within 6 months, isn't altered or blurry, or taken on a special occasion like Halloween or a wedding when they're all dressed up or looking their best. I always asked for a few more pics in their everyday clothes. I learned this the hard way after showing up for a date and the guy looked completely different from his head shot because most of his face was shaded from his hat and the other pic was a wide shot with him in the pic but he just looked like a body.

ThicknPretty
09-09-2010, 09:49 AM
I’ve had quite a bit of internet dating experience over the past year. It still makes me nervous. To me, the difference between online dating and meeting someone in person right off the bat is the expectations. Think about it…that could be your best/worst picture, it could have taken him 45 minutes to write that witty, charming e-mail (lots of backspacing and spell checking), either of you could be exaggerating lots of things…smoke and mirrors are commonplace with online dating, in my opinion. And by the time you meet someone, you already have this idea in your head of what they’re like in person and how things will go and that can set you up for a lot of disappointment and deflation.

I’ve been pretty lucky so far….the guys I’ve met liked me and I liked them. However, that’s not always going to be the case and it’s important to remember that that’s okay. That’s the way it is in “real” life, too. I don’t like the pressure that sometimes comes along with online dating…it’s like, “Our profiles match, we’ve exchanged some amazing messages and I love your pictures, we’re meant to be!” It’s not always going to translate into real life.

One thing I would caution against (and Kaplods touched on this): don’t move too fast. Don’t get your hopes up or build this guy up to be just the most amazing man on earth. Take it slow, be rational, be casual, keep your wits about you. Remember that there are probably a lot more things that you don’t know about him than you do and at this point, some of the things you “know” might be completely fabricated. I don’t mean to sound like a downer, but I’ve made the mistake of moving too quickly and then I had to clean up an awkward mess. I’d be very leery of a man who called me his soul-mate so soon…how could he possibly know that? And the fact that he’s stopped looking indicates that he is expecting a certain level of commitment from you, as well, and what happens if you decide you aren’t ready for that?

Have fun with it…talk to lots of different people and keep it as light and fun as possible. It doesn’t have to be a soul-mate thing. When I talk to someone online, I remind myself (and sometimes the other person) that even if things don’t work out romantically, there’s nothing wrong with just making a new friend. I try to refrain from pinning too much hope and anticipation on one person. You have the right to mingle and be choosy!

annie175
09-09-2010, 10:06 AM
Go for it, don't wait, it might be too late when you do decide to meet him.....

naijachica09
09-09-2010, 01:42 PM
I like to consider myself a online serial dater after going on about 10 dates or so within the last year. I've done everything from match.com, to pof, okcupid, and yes craigslist. Craigslist is actually my favorite because you can be specific about what you're looking for and you don't have to put up your picture so it's a bit more discreet. The guys who are interested will send emails and if you're interested you can reply and take it from there. Anyways, I digress.... I am currently struggling with a similar issue at the moment. After going on several dates and ending up with lunatics, a relationship gone sour, and somewhat of a broken heart it's been hard. There's one guy from craiglist that I really like and is super cute. In the ad I mentioned I was a "curvier" female so that got that out of the way. He replied with his pic and since I was interested I sent a pic back with a really cute picture of myself. My friends continue to assure me that the pic looks like me and is not too glamified, but he keeps telling me how beautiful I am and it's putting so much pressure on me! To the point where I stopped sending emails back and ignoring his phone calls. I recently decided to give it a try again to at least meet him and I think you should too. You don't want to look back and wonder what could have been. Who knows when love or a new friend is going to pass you by. Take a plunge!

kaplods
09-10-2010, 05:48 PM
. He did say that after waiting for me for three months, and we only turn out to be good friends (only) it will be totally worth it. He said that he is use to being single and another three months will not make a difference in the bigger picture.

Oh, he sounds like such a keeper! I brought up my weight a few times during our emails. I told him that the 'a few extra pounds' were not a typing error. He replied by saying that as long as I don't have to go though the door sideways, he will not be bothered!...


My husband said something very much like this in his response to my ad. Our first dates were terribly awkward. We could talk on the phone for three or four hours and only have to quit because our voices were sore - then we'd meet in person and have nothing to say.

If we had met as a blind date, there probably wouldn't have been a second date, but we both knew that we liked each other so we kept meeting, kept having bad dates, and kept calling each other as soon as we'd get home and talk for three hours - or write each other 1000 word emails.

I've never had a problem with confidence, except when it comes to dating, and that wasn't confidence as much as fear. I was confident that I didn't want to date someone just because they wanted to date me, but I was afraid of rejection. That meant I was very picky about who I would go out with. I only went out with guys who met requiremkents, and guys who made the first move (and they couldn't be subtle, because I wouldn't pick up on it, or I'd be afraid that I was misreading signals and would ignore it).

You have nothing to lose here. There's not a chance in hades that this guy is going to be worried about your weight or your height (most tall guys love tall girls, someone they don't have to look down to).

He's made it so clear that he isn't concerned about your weight, that I don't think this is about your weight at all, or even confidence. It's about fear of rejection and abandonment, and that fear doesn't go away, because even the most confident people in the world still have those fears. Only psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists and people with other personality disorders lack those fears.

If you lose the weight, you're going to worry about your hair, and if you change your hair, you're going to worry about your clothes. If you buy a new outfit, you're going to be worried about your height - and you can't change your height.

Do not put this guy on hold. Keep talking to him - even if you refuse to meat him yet. Keep talking. Write emails, talk on the phone, send more photos. The only way you're going to get over this fear is to get to know him - and even then you're going to eventually have to take a leap of faith.

The longer you wait for the "perfect moment" the bigger the let-down is going to be when you finally do meet. You're going to disappoint yourself, just because you built it up in your head for so long.

Pop psychology tells us that we have to love ourselves before we love others, and while there's a tiny bit of truth to that, it's also a lot of crap, because by love ourselves we often mean feel confident, brave and bold.

My beautiful (and much thinner) sister is extremely shy. If she waited until she felt bold and confident, she would never go on a date ever (as it is, she doesn't date much unless friends set her up).

She's also extremely funny, but you won't know it until you've known her for three or four months. She doesn't let her guard down with new people.

I don't think loving yourself is your problem (because you were able to list your good points). This isn't about love, it's about confidence and fear, and the cure isn't waiting for and making the moment perfect, it's about jumping in and getting your feet wet.

As much as I love my husband, I don't believe in the "soulmate" concept at all. I think there are thousands of possibly wonderful mates for each of us. So, if we miss the opportunity for one, there are dozens more out there (and online daiting makes them easier to find), that we can have amazing, wonderful lives with.

But even though thousands are out there, you won't connect with a single one, if you don't meet any of them. And this guy has set the stage as perfectly as it can be set. Even if your weight wasn't at issue, there's not going to be many guys that set up such a low-stress meeting. A guy that's willing to be friends, even if there's no "love connection," is a guy that will give you both a lot of time to develop one. You can date him AND continue to lose weight.

kaplods
09-10-2010, 06:01 PM
One thing I'd ask you to consider - If you looked like a model thin, you still look like a model with a little extra padding. Guys go crazy for that look. Most men tend to like women a lot more curvier than women want to see themselves. So a woman looks in the mirror and sees fat, a guy looks at her and his mouth drops open and he loses the ability of coherent speech.

Even 211 lbs tends to look pretty damned good on a woman almost 6 foot tall. I've known a lot of tall women between 5'10" and 6'2",between 190 to 230 lbs, and instead of looking fat, they look like plus-size models (which anyone who knows modeling, knows that plus-sized models aren't plus-sized, they're average sized - but far from average looking. In many ways, more stunning than the typical model because they look like a beautiful woman, not a half-starved stick).

I don't think your picture didn't look like you, I think it did you justice. Get a few more photos taken. Not just Glamour Shots from the mall, but candid shots from friends and family. Post them on your walls in every room until you see the beauty that everyone else has to be seeing.

HaleyisLove
09-11-2010, 09:28 AM
Ok did no one think this guy was a little bit creepy??????

I'm sorry the whole soulmate thing is creepy... I've met a lot of D-bag guys online... I've heard them say a lot of stuff....they say all kinds of stuff that sounds sooo perfect... some of these guys do this as a game...just as they would in real life...

Also yes you stalked his facebook... Guys know that us females are stalkers...he knows you're going to check on him... I just find it a bit creepy...but thats my two cents.

AZ Sunrises
09-11-2010, 02:15 PM
But I still can't get myself to meet him. He sounds so good to be true, that I really do want to be 'at my best' before I meet him.

You're solo now. If you meet and don't click, you're still solo. The worst that can come from meeting him is being in the same situation you're in now. :) Stop using your weight as an excuse to prevent yourself from making the attempt to find happiness...you'll actually be genuinely happier by doing it.

CanadianCutie
09-11-2010, 02:28 PM
Internet dating is just like "normal" dating, guys can be liars, players, or just your average guy, or your dream guy. I met my boyfriend online, but not on a dating site (he met his ex on one though). We met playing a MMO, were friends first, then decided to meet. Scariest thing I ever did was getting on that plane, but also the best.

dragonwoman64
09-12-2010, 01:50 PM
I’ve had quite a bit of internet dating experience over the past year. It still makes me nervous. To me, the difference between online dating and meeting someone in person right off the bat is the expectations. Think about it…that could be your best/worst picture, it could have taken him 45 minutes to write that witty, charming e-mail (lots of backspacing and spell checking), either of you could be exaggerating lots of things…smoke and mirrors are commonplace with online dating, in my opinion. And by the time you meet someone, you already have this idea in your head of what they’re like in person and how things will go and that can set you up for a lot of disappointment and deflation.

you've already got tons of good advice. this entire post rang true to me. it's very easy to get into an idealization/fantasy mode with the internet.

I'd say don't put too much pressure on yourself or the outcome of a meeting with any one person. remember you're in control of your own brakes and speed. don't feel desperate, and trust your instincts -- about him and about what you want.

LiLLy19
09-23-2010, 04:50 PM
I met my husband online also, through MySpace. After a couple weeks of messaging back and forth, we started texting, then webcam then he started calling. Two months later I was in Texas for the weekend to meet him. That time that I met him in person, I was the heaviest I ever was in my life! I was 187 pounds and although I was secretly freaking out that he was thinking that I'm too fat I wouldn't let it show. He is this super fit military man. I was myself the whole time, from when we started talking to when we met. He still wanted to be with me and now we're married.

Not all internet dates work out successfully, but once in a while they do.

fitkristi
09-23-2010, 07:40 PM
I met my husband on a internet dating site, when I was at my thinnest (145lbs) - and he's stuck with me even when I more than doubled my body weight. If its the right guy, it won't matter.

GeeDee
09-23-2010, 07:58 PM
Girl you better email that boy! Seriously.... he sounds like a really nice guy.... I agree with what others said... I'm sure he posted his best pics too! WHO DOESN'T! GOT FOR IT!!!!!

MeganTheMushroom
09-23-2010, 09:51 PM
I expected him to tell me to go to you-know-where... but he emailed me back saying that he has been saving all my emails under a folder called 'soulmate' and that he will be there waiting for me to fight my own personal battles, and that I should contact him before the end of the year.

That is soo sweet!!


I sotra dated online... >.<
I don't regret it, but Im not proud either- I was still overweight then, plus had horrible acne! And I only showed him one picture, and it was okay,
but it fell apart, so, whatever :p

But, maybe you should be honest with him??
He seems like he really loves you! And I'm sure he would want to help you, and support you :D

creative mom of 2
09-23-2010, 11:27 PM
If anyone has experience with online dating, its me...

First - I married someone I met on a chat line. We also separated 3 months after marriage. He was still meeting other women all along and I found out about it a couple of times and let it go because he promised he wouldn't do it again. I married him anyway and then found out once again that he was still up to it, so I called it quits.

second - I met someone else, we ended up moving in together and I got pregnant. It all happened so fast. I regret it so much because I really didn't know him enough to jump into things so quickly. Needless to say, we aren't together anymore. I love my daughter and have no regrets about her.

Third ones always a charm! I'm not remarried or anything but I have been with my current boyfriend for 5 years now. I also met him online, except this time was a fluke! Somehow I had him on my msn contact list and he had me on his. Neither of us knows how the other ended up there. But we chatted for a little and then met in person and became friends for a few months before we actually started dating. We now live together and have a baby boy.

So its always a matter of making sure you look for little red light indicators because this is a 50/50 chance you are taking; so many factors to consider.

I've written a page about my past on my blog site (you can find the link in my profile), It explains deeper about my second online experience.

On another note; I don't think anyone should feel ashamed of showing who they really are. Pictures of you are pictures of you (they aren't a lie). Everyone posts their best pictures it's very common. It's not a one way street. This guy might not be all he says he is either. Rather than counting on how you look, try to keep your focus on who you are because that is definitely more meaningful.

fitkristi
09-24-2010, 02:01 PM
I would also like to add something as a photographer - camera angles are one of the easiest ways to make a overweight person look thinner and a fit person look fat. If you were fit and thinner, but had a picture taken from a terrible angle where you looked wide and stout, would you feel bad about posting other pictures where you DIDN'T look that way? Heck no! As a photographer, its my job to make people look their best, even if that means angling them into the frame in certain ways, to disguise "flaws" and to make them appear their best. I don't feel bad about that, and neither do my clients - so you shouldn't either! Just sayin! :)

moonkissed
09-24-2010, 02:37 PM
I met my husband online but not through like a dating service or anything. Neither of us were looking we just started talking and hit it off right away. It was love at first type lol!

We have known each other for over 10 years...been married 3 and I think living together 5 if my math is right lol

When I first met him I thought it was kindof crazy & other people sure thought that lol but then I realized all we did was talk. We talked more then people in face to face relationships did for sure since that is all we could do! We would spend hours chatting online and then at first every weekend long talks all night that turned into every single day! So glad my cell phone had free calling after 9 back then lol

At first we had no idea what each other looked like. Idk if one of us had been super horrid if it would have made a difference or not lol But we love each other. I remember once my sister sat down and confided in me that she always thought it was strange that I was attracted to him because he seems the total opposite of what I always liked- one aspect being ultra skinny guys & my DH is not really big really but bigger then I am (he says he is like 300lbs idk though he doesn't seem it) but the truth is I think he is perfect. Love does that I think. It makes people look different to you in a way. It isn't that you see past it or anything it just is hard to explain you love them all of them :)

Anyways I do agree with what everyone else said. Part of me says though it is hard to love others if you can't love yourself. But to get to love yourself you probably shouldn't be trying to lose x weight in order to meet him but instead focusing on how you can love yourself in your own skin no matter what. (ofcourse way easier said then done lol)

I would say go for it right now. It is like a movie love story here lol he might be the real one and you might just be letting him go and there is no rewind to go back and fix it :( Sometimes you have to be foolish and just jump in.

But most importantly if you wait - lose the weight & do get with him, there might be some left over yuckiness that is always in the back of your mind wondering if you hadn't waited would he have still gotten with you? Can you live with that always being there? If he truly loves you then he would be there forever through thick and thin and all in between no matter what. And being honest and showing your true self right away is the best idea I think.

Plus you will never be perfect. There will always be some flaw. And if you keep putting it off until you are perfect, or for the perfect time you will wait forever :(

I so wish I could take my own advice lmao Goodluck though!!