Lately, I've been feeling like I never learned some things that all other women know.
Some of these may be weight-related, but not all. For example, I finally broke down and had a bra fitting recently, and was unsurprised to have drastically changed sizes. But, because I'm still losing weight, I told the clerk helping me that I only wanted 2 bras at this point, a black one and a white one. She immediately corrected me, telling me I really should get a nude/flesh-toned bra instead of white, because white shows under clothes, but nude doesn't.
Huh? I'm 32, have been wearing bras since I was 10, and never knew that. Whn I mentioned this to some girlfriends, expecting them to be amazed by this little factoid, they all just looked at me with a "Duh, everyone knows that" expression on their faces.
In the more weight-related realm, I've also had to learn how to get in and out of cars in knee-length skirts. I'm NOT naturally graceful, but you'd think I would have learned this before now.
We won't even start discussing how little I know about flirting.
Sometimes I look at other women and wonder HOW they know things about style and fashion and femininity (um, please don't tell me to get a subscription to Cosmo! :)).
Anyone else feel that they must have missed the special assembly in middle school where all the other girls were taught these things? ;)
09-03-2010, 09:46 PM
Anyone else feel that they must have missed the special assembly in middle school where all the other girls were taught these things? ;)
Every day of every week! :D
I'm 40 and have been self educating myself in femininity for the last few years, but I always wonder how other women make it seem so easy. I can't do a thing with my hair, I can spend an hour applying makeup and it vanishes within an hour, if I polish my nails it looks like a 5 year old did it, I'm anything but dainty in a skirt, I don't know how to cross my legs, I just had my first bra fitting 2 weeks ago, and I've never had a subscription to Cosmo!
Yeah Jen...I'm right there with ya...;)
09-03-2010, 10:24 PM
Today I was told I'm a tomboy. I can't disagree with the statement. I've been trying to get more girly recently (I realize that guys actually like this). So I'm playing with makeup. But hair? Forget it! And I just recently learned how to walk in heels and got used to wearing them for prolonged periods of time. I wear cheap bras right now (bc I'm 90% sure I'll have to buy a smaller size soon) and they're incredibly loud colors and prints. As a result you normally can see them under clothing. So I wear a white sports bra over the other bra. Haha. It actually works out well for me because it gives me more cleavage :).
And I've also noticed I think like a boy. By that I mean: I hate PDA, I don't understand talking about my emotions (don't like to either), I don't ever think to give people hugs (it makes me uncomfortable actually), I don't like to show emotions in front of others. Haha..so yes, I feel like I missed that class too!
09-03-2010, 11:56 PM
if there was a class for that gross stuff- i'm glad i missed it. haha.
you guys - erm i mean gals- are not alone! frankly i don't even want to learn most of this stuff. i shave my legs and sometimes put on make up. i get rid of stray wandering hairs. good enough! :D
so what if my dress shoes are Doc Martens and i am using make up i bought when i got married in 2002!? pfft.
09-04-2010, 12:27 AM
Absolutely! I'm slowly getting better, but I'm still pretty clueless.
I don't know what makeup to buy, I don't know how to put it on, I don't know how to make my hair pretty, I don't know which clothes are "cute"...nevermind the fact that I'm too cheap to buy any of this stuff.
Even when I do spend time to make myself pretty, I just don't look as polished and "girly" as the other girls. That's not a weight thing, it's a clothes, shoes, makeup, hair thing.
I wouldn't really consider myself a tomboy, because i unfortunately LIKE to look pretty. I LIKE wearing dresses and make up and pretty shoes. I love when my hair looks good, but lord knows I can't make it pretty myself. I like shopping and chick flicks and girly stuff. So it's not that I don't care about my appearance or am totally void of femininity...I just never learned how to be girly properly.
09-04-2010, 03:34 PM
I find myself being more girly lately. I even bought a strapless dress (granted I won't wear it out without a shrug/blouse/scarf over it). I think with losing the weight the confidence amps up a bit at least for me. I own more dresses now, than I have since I was a little girl and my mom still had control over what I wore. I like being able to fit into every situation, be it jeans and a t-shirt or blouse, dressy, or formal. I find I am a lot more able to now. I'm a trained in esthetics and I can tell what will look good on other people as far as makeup, but not so much myself. I don't own a hairdryer or a curling iron. I try to keep my nails polished, even with just clear or pale. I wear at least mascara and lipgloss when I go out or I look too tired.
Btw, I would never suggest cosmo to anyone. The "tips and tricks" and 10 ways to drive your man wild articles are the same old, same old, and down right stupid for the most part. (sorry I hate cosmo)
09-05-2010, 01:25 AM
For me... it's not as much a lack of "girly" ability as much as a lack of "social" ability.
I can't flirt. I have no idea what flirting is, or anything.
I rarely react to teasing or pranks. Especially pranks. At work, pranks are constantly being pulled. Since starting there (a week and a half ago) I've had two pranks pulled on me. The first one, I just kind of smiled and stared at the person who jumped out at me, and went on with my business, and the second time, I screwed the spout on the water back tight before anything even happened, just thinking that it was randomly loose, not realizing until everyone went "aww, you ruined it" that it was done on purpose. >.<
I just can't react to people.
I never know what to wear. I dress... weird. I have no style. It's whatever I feel like wearing today. Who cares? They're clothes. If I want to look nice... I'll look nice. If I don't... too bad. ;)
Plus all of the things already mentioned here. :p
09-05-2010, 01:52 PM
haha what type of a place do you work at, serbrider?
I'm totally clueless. Sometimes I remember to shave. that's about it lol
09-05-2010, 03:49 PM
I work at a fast food restaurant... a burger joint. So... yeah... :p
09-07-2010, 02:05 AM
Completely!!!! I grew up in an extremely conservative, religious household and NONE of that was taught to me and now that I am not conservative or religious - I know a lot about those teachings but nothing about painting my nails!
I didn't wear a shred of make up until I was 20, had very little idea of hair care, shaving, waxing, etc... ****, I was 22 before I started to wear clear deodorant! Even now, just figuring out fashion is a big effort. Why can't I wear flip flops, jeans and a tank top all the time??
Around 21 years old, I started buying magazines to look for advice and basic examples to follow. I even started keeping a list of products that I saw advertised to try out.
09-08-2010, 11:19 AM
I wish I knew how to style my hair. Everyone else seems to know how to do it without blinking..but I'm totally clueless at it. I just use a flat iron, and leave it at that. Whenever I try to curl it, the front looks pretty, but the back is a horrid mess.
09-08-2010, 01:03 PM
I've been told I behave like Eliza Dolittle (before the makeover) I'm clumsy, clueless, have NO style whatsoever. Getting me in a dress makes the rain come down in my town. And how the heck do you do "charming?" I keep hearing this word, how girls are "charming" I've already accepted the fact that I'm considered more "cute" rather than "sexy" from a previous thread I did, but NOPE, never got girl 101. Glad I'm not alone.
09-08-2010, 01:12 PM
I have a 24 yr old daughter to keep me up on things, but I am such a girly girl that I don't need much help.
09-08-2010, 03:20 PM
See, with me, I finally feel I'm within my element. Now I can speak the same language as all the women around me.
I watched them expressing themselves in all kinds of clothing & grooming & gestures, and it was like I was only comfortable using a few of the words, here & there. Sometimes, if I tried something that looked good on them, it looked wrong on me. There are a lot of looks that don't translate well into plus-size. (And sometimes I wish they wouldn't even try.)
Now I've got the whole language at my command. And I find my tastes are very decided & emphatic. All along, I had an idea of what I was supposed to look like, and what I was supposed to be wearing, but I never achieved anything near my ideal. It's like: Look, I'm speaking their language now. Finally, I can pass as one of them; strangers will take me as a native of girl country. Well, not girl country exactly. My look & demeanor is not girly. Womanly. In the best way.
09-08-2010, 03:31 PM
I always felt like a clod, so I made it a project to 'fix' myself. I always felt like I never learned what everyone else seemed to just know :(
What Not to Wear helped me a ton! Now I wear long, flared jeans, v-neck shirts, jewel tones, invest in shoes, better purses. If it wasnt right, I didnt buy it. I took my H and some GF's to help me shop, at first. Now it's easier w/o them. I also buy things AND RETURN them! This was a new thing for me, if I got it home and didnt like it I returned it w/o guilt!
I got several free make up demos at various department stores. Watch shows on make up, YOU TUBE has everything, now. WNtW also has a makeup segment that helped.
I asked around and found a great hair stylist and had him show me how to do my hair.
Research, then trial and error. It did not come naturally for me, but it did come! It took an investment of time and money! It can be done!
09-08-2010, 03:39 PM
I've been a tomboy my whole life and I'm totally clueless. I don't know how to wear makeup, I don't know how to do anything with my unruly curly hair, I clip my fingernails short because I don't know how to shape them properly...I could go on and on. My girly-girl best friend laughs at my shoes. LOL. And since I gained weight, I have people constantly thinking I'm gay. Not that it's a bad thing, but I'm not gay. I went to dinner with a girlfriend (as in, she's a girl and a friend, haha) and this guy called me a Dike in the parking lot. I really wish I knew how to be more girly-girl. I'd like people to look at me and think I'm pretty, not a boy.
Oh- and I didn't know about the nude color bra either. I've always had one black, one white and figured that covered it.
09-08-2010, 04:21 PM
Start small, ERD!
My wardrobe was DULL. My closet was full of solid, bland colors, so I started buying brighter, 'cuter' shirts.
One of my NEW rules is that if it looks like a MANS piece of clothing on the rack, then I dont buy it. I needs to look like a woman and only a woman could wear it. It needs a SHAPE that is not square (v neck, cinched a little at the waste).
How about buying one pair of cute, flat shoes? Shoe that in no way could be considered mens. To me, shoes were the easiest way to experiment.
Finding a hair stylist?
Colored lip balm?
Where do you want to start? :)
09-08-2010, 05:17 PM
Those are good suggestions, BlueFlower.
As I'm losing weight I'm finding that everything I own is starting to hang on me, so this would be a good opportunity to buy some cuter clothes.
Shoes are harder. I have massive hereditary bunions and so I have to buy flat shoes in a wide. Mostly I wear Merrill leather shoes that are unisex. They fit my foot, and most girl-shoes leave me in agony within 15 minutes. My one nod to girl-shoes is at Christmas when we go to my fiance's office Christmas Party but I spend most of my time at the party sitting. Dancing is out of the question in those shoes.
I think I'll start with cuter clothes. :)
09-08-2010, 05:43 PM
Yeah, my shoe size is a 10-11 wide, I know what you mean, that's why I suggested a cute, flat shoe. ;)
When I said shoes were 'easiest', it was because when I find them, they fit, no matter where my weight was at. I find them less intimidating than a dress or skirt (still working my way up to those). I was fighting the lesbian lumberjack look, too. But, damnit, it sure was comfortable!
I'd say over the last five years I've totally transformed my look. FIVE YEARS... I did not happen over night!
You also have to donate/throw away the worst offenders. I was really bad at that.
I was also (suprisingly) comfortable with jewelry (not expensive). I've really gotten into ear rings and neck laces... they're a fun, easy way to dress/girly up an outfit.
Good luck on your journey! :)
09-08-2010, 05:47 PM
I looked up the Merrill shoes, yeah, pretty manly. But they did have some in cute colors; orange, pink. You might be able to get away with it if you stay away from the brown/black/grey colors.
i have actually had hairdressers show me how to do my hair and then gone home and tried it and it didnt look tight. I'm missing the magic touch or something lol
09-09-2010, 12:27 PM
I'd ask AGAIN... It took me years before I found a guy who showed ME what to do.
09-09-2010, 06:40 PM
There's a difference between being girly and feminine though, and I think a lot of people confuse the two. Also, you don't HAVE to do what all the other girls do, you're your own person and you have your own style.
Love what you've got but if you don't like it, then change it, but because you want to, not because society/your parents/friends say you should. And don't worry if you don't know stuff like nude coloured bras don't show under clothes - that's not a crime.
Anyway, they DO show under white t-shirts, so get a white one. Every girl should have a white, black and nude bra for everyday wear and something fancy to wow their boyfriend.
/end mini underwear advice :p
09-09-2010, 08:38 PM
Lol, I could TEACH Girl 101. Although, I was never taught that kind of thing growing up...I guess I kind of taught myself
09-11-2010, 06:20 AM
I was really un-girly until about mid-through last year. I was ALWAYS in jeans, tee and converse; my hair was blowdried upside down and be done with it, and make-up was mascara.
Then I arrived at uni and realised how un-bothered I looked with my appearance, and not just me but EVERYONE here. The uniform is jeggings with ugg boots (which I hate anyway) and a hoodie with messy hair and no make-up. I realised I wanted to look nice so I started doing research.
Youtube for make-up was INVALUABLE, also had some great tips on hair care. I bought some good straighteners (second-hand from a friend) and products, soemthing I'd never done before. It's amazing what volumising moose and a spritz of straightening spray can do!
Lucky for me as well, last year's trend were flattering for me so I was able to find lots of things I liked in shops. Waist-high skirts (cover up hips and muffin-tops!), skinny jeans with long tops...I also discovered high heels. Walked around in them at home and now I'm a pro and can't imagine going out at night without them. It's worth it, honest, you immediately lose 10lbs!
If you put in the effort, you can do it! It's not hard, but you do have to work at it. No-one just automatically knows these things, all those glamorous people you see, they've all had to learn! :)