General chatter - A dilemma of sorts...
08-24-2010, 04:00 PM
I'm 5'3" (and a half!!!!), I weigh 180 lbs, size 14 and I'm 47 years old.
There's a woman I know who is my height, weighs 247, is about a size 22 and is 59 years old. We've attempted to exercise together, but she always ends up backing out of the exercise time, so I most often go it alone. She eats what I consider to be a lot of junk food (she's at the snack machine at least twice per day - her own admission!) but other than that she does eat fairly healthy (from what I've seen and what she's told me.)
Here's the dilemma: she constantly says things like
I sure wouldn't b**** if I were 180 lbs!
I'd LOVE to be only 180 lbs!
I can't WAIT to be 180 lbs!
I only WISH I were 180 lbs!
Well just imagine if YOU were 247 lbs, like me!
I think a size 14 would be great! My goal is a 14!
How do you think you'd feel if you were MY size?
...and on & on & on. I don't tell her what she "should" or "shouldn't" be doing to lose weight, I don't harp on her junk food habits, I don't berate her for backing out of exercise time - I just try to be supportive of her weight loss efforts & tell her what *I* do for ME (exercise, cutting sugary foods, etc.) but I honestly don't know what to say when she gets on the "your weight isn't as horrible as mine" attitude.
Any suggestions? :?:
08-24-2010, 04:30 PM
Ugh, I have a sister that says stuff like that to me and it is hard to ignore. I don't really have any advice..just some caring, understanding and a :hug:
08-24-2010, 04:34 PM
That's a tough situation. My sister-in-law is like this and it gets annoying at times. PATIENCE is a key role here. Just come out and tell her what you feel, honesty sometimes is the best policy, if she doesn't change her outlook on life how will her outcome change? UGH I feel your frustration!! HUGS!!
08-24-2010, 04:50 PM
I use to be like that, I use to say things like that to my friends all the time and finally they kind of shut me down. They made me realize that just because someone is smaller than you means that they're happy or content and that they might not have goals (like toning up or just having better endurance) of their own that they have to reach. Maybe talking to her and really getting her to realize what's going on with you and that you're there for her but it would be nice if she could stop with the comments? That got me to stop.
08-24-2010, 05:14 PM
That's a tough one. I'm sure someone at 300+ would love to be 247 too. No matter what, there's always someone (many many people!) in life that have things a lot better or a lot worse than you. All you can do is say, "Well, "X" is my goal, and I'm working hard at it". That's it. Her problem is her problem.
I get this a lot at my "featherweight" size, but all I say is that I have goals and I stick to them. That's it. I tune the rest out.
08-24-2010, 05:30 PM
I know how that feels. At my last job I had a friend that was in the 350+ range for weight. I was 225. I felt VERY self-conscious if I said anything about my dissatisfaction with my weight. She didn't make an issue of it, per se, but I could tell she would get offended and maybe think I was judging her or taking for granted I was smaller than she is...I don't know exactly. What I do know is I've gotten very gun-shy of even discussing my weight or my weight loss efforts with very many people. My parents know, and my fiancÚ knows, and you guys know. My other friends do not know.
08-24-2010, 05:41 PM
This is a frustrating situation indeed. Perhaps you could make a deal with her. Tell her you won't complain about your weight if she doesn't compare herself to your weight? Everyone's dissatisfaction is relative to their own situation so let her know that you can imagine her frustration but that it's hard for you when she makes these kinds of comments because it undermines your issues and that's not exactly fair. If she doesn't stop these comments, I would stop making plans with her, as harsh as that sounds.
08-24-2010, 06:54 PM
How tall is she? I'd just remind her that you are shorter than her (if she's taller than you) and 18- on you is different than it would be on her.
I have a friend, 4'11" and 85-90 lbs, when she was 125 she called herself fat- but for her size she was overweight. She lost about 35-40 lbs and looked great but half the time I wanted to say "I wish I were 125!"
I wouldn't say anything to her about your weight anymore.
08-24-2010, 07:11 PM
Um I'm confused...then don't exercise with her or talk to her about weight. If she wants to whine "oh poor me I have more to lose" then whatever. She certainly shouldn't be making you feel bad for wanting to lose weight or making you feel like it's harder for her to lose weight than you. I used to think that losing 100 lbs was harder than losing 10 lbs, it's not. The truth is losing weight is hard period. If she doesn't want to take advantage of your support and wanting to exercise together or be there to support each other then move on. You don't need someone who's not supportive 100% dragging you down.
08-24-2010, 09:07 PM
This thread is so interesting to me because on other areas of these boards I've seen lots of the opposite -- "why do my much skinnier friends sit around and complain about how fat they are when I'm in the room? If they think THEY are fat, what must they think about ME." Maybe she feels like you talking about your plan, etc, that you are harping on YOUR weight when you should consider yourself lucky compared to her. I can tell you are not doing that, but maybe that is her perception.
I think maybe if you really care about this person, you should have a heart to heart with her to explain that it is not a competition on who is more miserably fat, and that you are working toward health and fitness together, regardless of who has farther to go. If you are not particularly close, I would just casually stop making plans to exercise together and try to keep the subject off weight all together when you see each other. You don't need the stress of making HER feel better and worrying about her emotional reactions -- you are working on YOU! ;)